In this Heroic Plus One episode, Brian Johnson shares a personal story about his son Emerson becoming unusually nervous during a chess match, which sparked a deeper conversation about managing fear and pressure. Johnson emphasizes that the goal should be fun, not winning, and introduces his "flip the switch" method—a three‑part technique he teaches elite performers (e.g., Luke Donald, Marcus Freeman, Special Forces commanders) and now applies to parenting. The method consists of (1) adopting a heroic physical posture (chest up, chin down, inspired by Captain America), (2) controlled breathing (slow, nasal, low), and (3) empowering self‑talk (talking to yourself rather than listening to negative thoughts). He links the approach to concepts from Brandon Geyer’s work on fun in youth sports and Darren Donnelly’s ideas on self‑talk. Johnson urges parents to teach this practice to their children, framing it as a way to instantly reconnect with their best, heroic selves.
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Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another Heroic Plus One. In our last several Plus Ones, we've been using my parenting glitch poop as antifragile fuel to get better. Insert poop emoji and fuel emoji. Let's continue. So on Friday night, I failed to practice my philosophy particularly well. Emerson won his first game on Saturday the next day, then drew his second game that night after having a strong lead. During that game, he was uncharacteristically fidgety. I could feel his fear. I have never felt fear from him at the chessboard before, literally ever. It was one of the things that blows me away about him. I once had a fellow chess parent ask me if Emerson gets nervous before he plays grandmasters, and I'm like, Emerson doesn't really even know what that emotion is in chess. He's just excited to have a chance to play a GM. So to see him so visibly nervous was a new experience for both of us. And to make the connection between his fear of losing and my lame behavior the night before was super humbling. So after the match, we had the start of those great chats. After doing all the high-level repair stuff I talked about, we got into the nitty-gritty of his physical demeanor at the board and what you need to do to maintain your calm confidence in pressure. Situations. The fact is, he so naturally has confidence that we've never really needed to make it explicit until now. And that's what we did. To get to the point, I told him that first of all, we need to quit worrying about winning any given game. Who cares? The point is to have fun doing what he loves. Remember Brandon Geyer's number one reason kids do anything? Fun. Check out the notes on that book. Raise the player, not the pressure. Then you continue striving to do your best move by move as we strive to win, but not be so attached to the outcome that we fear losing. Then let our minds run wild and create the very thing we're afraid of. Practically speaking, I taught him how to flip the switch. And this is precisely what I've taught all of the elite performers I've been blessed to serve and coach. It's what I taught Luke Donald and his Ryder Cup-winning European team. That's what I taught Marcus Freeman. in his national championship contending Notre Dame football team. And it's what I've taught some of the most elite Special Forces commanders and their teams. We should all know how to flip the switch and in an instant reconnect to the best, most heroic version of ourselves. Here's how. 3 parts. I realize this is a plus 11, not a plus 1. Number 1, it all always starts with your physical posture. Fear has a physical imprint. It makes you fidget nervously. It makes you shrink. It makes you collapse into yourself. The moment we feel fear, we must flip the switch and assume the posture of us at our best. Chest up, chin down, stand and walk like a matador. Note, to help Emerson get this, I asked him who his favorite superhero is. Captain America was his answer. Perfect. I grabbed my phone, Googled Captain America, then zoomed in on images. Yeah, go check out those images. That's how a hero holds himself. Chest up, chin down, strong. That's step one in flipping the switch. Step two is our breathing. Fear shortens our breath. Our focus in through the nose, low and slow. We've practiced that countless times. So step one, posture. Step 2, breath. Step 3 is self-talk. During the match, Emerson was fidgeting nervously. His breathing wasn't as deep, and I knew his self-talk wasn't strong. And I was right. After establishing a big lead, the extraordinarily talented girl was playing near-perfect chess. He was afraid he was going to give up a big lead and lose. I told him our minds will constantly tell us stupid things if we let it. As Darren Donnelly tells us in one of his great books, we don't want to listen to ourselves; we want to talk to ourselves. I've got this is the positive self-talk Emerson loves and will be practicing. Now this is so long; let's wrap it up before it becomes a plus one on one. Flipping the switch is at least tied for first as the most powerful practice I know. Are you practicing it? If not. Get on that and give your kids the gift of showing them how to master it as well. Let's go, hero. Flip the switch.
