A live coaching-session podcast episode from Optimize Coach (recorded Apr 10, 2021) in which Brian Johnson asks Valorie Burton for advice on loneliness, isolation, and depression during the COVID-19 pandemic. Valorie recommends practical, research-based strategies: intentionally reconnecting (Zoom lunch dates, phone calls, reaching out to old contacts), tapping happiness triggers (movement/exercise, connection), practicing service/generosity (sending notes, gifts, helping others), articulating/using a personal mission statement for purpose, and small daily actions to change mood and perspective. She supports suggestions with brief personal anecdotes (birthdays, friends with health scares, home-cooked meals) and concrete claims (e.g., 20 minutes of cardio can boost mood up to 24 hours).
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Covid has contributed to my isolation and the obvious antidote is community. But I find myself isolating even more. I'm disappointed in myself. What advice do you have regarding loneliness, isolation, depression and getting out of one's comfort zone?
Gosh, this is one of the hardest things right now about the pandemic. There are those of us who are trying to manage school age kids and working from home and but we're surrounded by people and then there are so many who live alone, which is actually the biggest growing population over the last 50 years is the single person household with no one else there. So in the midst of COVID that's been really hard. So finding those ways that you can connect safely, even Zoom. I know some people are like, oh, I'm tired of Zoom. But literally just having, I have lunch dates on Zoom. I started doing that a couple of months ago with friends that I don't know when I'm going to see them again and we literally just hang out and chat. My birthday was last month and one of my friends got together five of us just to connect and we're like, gosh, we're in a text group but we never, we don't get on the phone or we don't do this. So finding your way of connecting but also very importantly, tap into some happiness triggers. So when I wrote Happy Women Live better, I identified 13 research based happiness triggers. So for example, one of them is movement. Just 20 minutes of cardio can boost your mood for up to 24 hours. So if you're just sitting isolated and you're not moving, it impacts you. And I mean even if it means that you just take walks inside your apartment or your house, getting moving even for five, ten minutes at a time changes the chemistry of your brain, changes how you feel. Good, old fashioned, simple thing, pick up the phone, make a list of the people you want to stay and to be connected with. Also, who is it that needs to hear from you? Who else needs their mood boosted? Because when we take the time to focus a bit on others, it puts our situation into perspective. My mission statement that I wrote probably in 2000 is to create and enjoy a fulfilling, prosperous and charitable life and to inspire others to do the same. That is my mission statement. Well, the Whole charitable really is about generosity. So I've made it almost into a game. Now I'm thinking, who needs a boost? Who needs to be blessed? This week I had a friend who had a terrible episode. They thought it was a stroke. It turned out to be something else. And another friend that had started a business with these healing candles. So it's like, send her a sweet note and a healing candle. A client who's in a totally different state that's dealing with the resurgence of some health issues. How can I just reach out people I know who've had Covid? My husband loves to cook. I always say I'm about to cook for them before I have a chance. He's already made them whatever he wants to make them and we drop it off. Even texting other people about how they're doing or what it is that they're dealing with gets us out of our own head of ruminating on our challenges and helps us see we can make a difference for someone else. So use what you have to connect as much as you possibly can, but also look for your ways to be of service. Because service is a happiness. It brings us joy. Think about your purpose. If you don't have that mission statement answering how is someone's life better when they cross paths with me and what could I do today that feeds into that and that purpose? So just be more intentional, but most importantly with the people who are already in your life. And some of them may be further outside of your circle of who you normally connect with. Reach out. I've gotten messages lately from people I hadn't heard from in years just out of the blue. Like, hey, Valerie, no, we haven't talked in seven years, but there are people that like, I used to talk to all the time that might take you out of your comfort zone a bit, but why not reconnect? Why not just say, hey, you crossed my mind. I hope life is treating you well. Those little bits of connection, connection being another happiness trigger, can boost your positive emotion.
We hope you enjoyed that. Part of a live coaching session from the Optymyze Coach program. For more info, head to Optimize me coach.
