How Can I Get Unstuck When Making Life Decisions? - with Valorie Burton on Optimize Coach.

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My question that I had presented in advance I think had to do with feeling stuck and trying to discern a little bit of what I feel God's timing is for me and my work and my personal life versus my own time frame, really wanting things to move forward. But every time I give it to God and I pray and I have been a Christian basically my whole life.

And.

So this is not something new. I feel I can understand God's will for me, but I truly feel that something is off and it's very hard for me to figure out do I push forward or do I just sit patiently for the right timing? And this has to do again with my personal life and with my professional life.

So where specifically are you stuck?

My husband and I told our children that we were getting a divorce in 2014 and we still are married. We are separated. So there is the personal side. I have been owner of a business for 15 years and I enjoy my work, but I feel drawn to expand my mindset coaching and health coaching more than running a business. My business is a gymnastics gym and we have competitive athletes, boys and girls. So I can use my health coaching and my mindset coaching. There's but I feel that the way I live my life with running my business is not good for my health. I tend to work 60 hours a week, 80 hours a week and I give and I give and I give to my 30 employees, my clients, my customers, my competitive team athletes. And when I am doing my mindset coaching and my health coaching, I seem to be better able to handle stress and time management and healthy boundaries.

Okay, so what do you think the message is that God is sending you through that fact?

I feel that I need to make a shift and sell my business and get the divorce so that I am better a better version of myself where then I can better serve others. And that's what I've been pushing for. It just seems to something always comes up. For example last February, pushing forward everything looked like it was moving forward for me to sell my business, get the divorce. Covid hit quarantine came and I dropped everything to save the business. So started spending all my time and energy in that. It just seems like there's always something big that stops me in my tracks and that's very confusing for me.

So, Laura, one of the things you brought to this very much your faith in a very strong way that you're stuck because basically you're trying to figure out what God's will is. Am I reading that right?

Yes.

And you also have this, that when we are doing mindset coaching, it just feels. It doesn't feel burdensome. Your energy level is able to really flourish in that. So when you began to move down that road, pandemic hit. So obviously, priorities change now that we're a year in, and hopefully this time next year, we're on the other side of it. What is the confusion about God's will for you? I mean, I'm hearing that you sense you already know what it is you need to do, and it's just a matter that the timing isn't lining up with your timing. But I don't have confusion about what is needing to happen.

I do like my job, and I know I'm productive and good at the gym, at the gymnastics gym, and I am helping a lot of people in that way. It just doesn't serve me. And so going back to the guilt it feels when I entertain my feelings, then that's what I think. Where it gets confusing is more of the feelings. But when I look at my identity and let my behaviors go from my identity of who I am, who I want to become, and let that dictate my behaviors, then my feelings become much more happy. Peace.

That's really good. So if you're coming from this place of your identity, then what is it that you need to do right now?

I need to push forward regardless of how I feel. And I need to move forward and let go of the guilt. I need your book.

So here's the thing. We often wait until we feel like doing something in order to do it. And it's this expectation that I have to feel whatever I think supposed to feel, and that gives me permission to move forward. But the truth is, our feelings often follow action.

Correct?

So if you know that it's time to move forward with how you're going to sell the business, for example, even though you're feeling guilty, because that sounds like false guilt to me, you can do the work and say, is it true? I'm doing something wrong here. And if it's true, then deal with that. But if it's not true, then this is a pesky emotion that's trying to get in the driver's seat and make decisions for you. And what you have to do is say, to that guilt. All right, you're here. I don't want you here. You're all wrapped up in my fears. I can't really control that you're here. Just get in the backseat. Unfortunately, you're going to have to come along for this ride, but I get to make the decisions. I'm the driver.

I love that. Thank you. That is super helpful.

So move forward. Feeling all these other feelings because you know, you know here what the right thing is for you to do in terms of moving forward. But if you keep expecting that somehow you're not going to feel guilty, then you're never going to move forward, that you're not going to feel whatever fears are coming up, you're never going to move forward. Just expect that. Fear is a part of being outside of your comfort zone. You're just uncomfortable because it's. You've been doing this for so long, and it's something new. And the longer you're out of that comfort zone, the bigger the comfort zone is going to get. And soon it's not going to be getting in the way.

Thank you. That's very, very helpful. I appreciate you.

You're welcome. And I just wish you the best with all of it. And I want to leave you with the scripture.

Wonderful.

One of my favorites. It's from the book of Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. It says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In other words, you don't have to figure everything out. Right? In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will direct your path. That's the first thing you did, was you acknowledged God's role in your life, and he's giving you guidance, and your job is simply to follow it.

We hope you enjoyed that. Part of a live coaching session from the optimize Coach program. For more info, head to Optimize Me Coach.