How Can I Pursue Self-Development From a Place of Being Enough? - with Brian Johnson on Optimize Coach

The content you're about to hear was captured during a live coaching session in the Optimize Coach program. Multiple times every month. Coaches connect live with Brian, Michael, Alexandra and members of our world class luminary guest faculty for wisdom, guidance and encouragement. For more head to Optimize me coach.

Like I have been on this self development journey. Like I actually got introduced from back in the day with your Optimal Living 101 class. And just to provide some context, like when I got into it I was actually, you know, the four orientations is like a negative present and a negative future. So I was like stuck in that nihilism phase and this is what actually got me out of that. To cast a vision for the future. Begin optimizing. And yeah, as the new year has started, you know, installing these algorithms and staying consistent with this stuff and capturing my data and assessing, you know, Okay, I was 82% on point with operationalizing my virtue and noticing these oscillations that okay, you know, maybe I experience energized tranquility where in the moment I feel good and I'm also excited about the future. But then there's this tendency that has been observed as I have measured my data that there tends to be self sabotage, there tends to be hedonistic tendencies, engaging in destructive behaviors and then oscillating back to the rat racing mentality, like thinking that you know, I need to go and make this future otherwise I can't feel good right now. So the challenge that I'm experiencing is really this wrestling with the intention behind the self improvement. Like even when I'm meditating, for example, there is these thoughts that bubble up. Like I'm so grateful that I have this awareness but these thoughts that you know, if I don't do this practice then I won't be good enough. If I don't optimize my deep work, I'm not going to be good enough. So it's like there's this drive that I observe that is from a feeling of not being enough and that tendency is driving towards doing all these habits and these self improvement practices and over time that just becomes self sabotage and then it goes back, then it oscillates it back. So again I like I think that Jen was talking about that trauma. So I'm not sure if these emotional. But like what are your thoughts on that so far?

You dude, my thoughts are you're amazing and you need to. And I get tears from as I say that, like you need to. And if I could like again tears, my eyes just like just inject you with the non negotiable, unequivocal, done. Dude, you've already won. That is not up for debate. It's not up for debate whether or not you're amazing. Like, that's like full stop. And again, that would frankly apply to any human being. But hearing you and your story of not knowing the details but where you were a nihilist and whatever, as my. As I was listening to you, my playful inner dialogue was, oh, okay, so you think you should already be perfect, so you're not perfect yet, therefore you haven't done anything. And I'm sitting here listening to you like, dude, you're amazing. The wisdom with which you communicate the gap that you've already closed from a nihilist perspective of F this and F that and future and present, who cares? I would encourage you to consider waking up every morning, dude, and being like, boom, I won. Anything I do today is going to be a plus one to a baseline of congratulations, Mo. You went from there to here. And you're never going to get, by the way, where you think you need to get. You need to really internalize that, that you are never a guy like you and me with the standards we have for ourselves. It has to be a guiding star. It cannot be a distant chore. If you think you are ever going to get there, then you're never going to enjoy now. So the beautiful paradox here is that you are already there and there is no there there. And I guess paradoxically, knowing that there is no there, there is arriving. Then you just show up. Then you do your best, however imperfectly, some days better than others. And it's a really interesting dance here because we want to hold your high standards. And again, Tal, who gave us the archetype, is an amazingly wise guide on this, right? That the perfectionist is the one who thinks they're somehow going to do every single thing they put on their list every single day perfectly. And those people are like, I was in the past and like, we all are tall says you never get completely rid of that. But you just want to notice when that guy is showing up, because that guy is the guy that kind of rains on the parade all day long. We never actually feel good. And that's where all the depression, the anxiety, the perfectionism and. And the God, really, I'm doing all this work and I just don't feel joy. It's when that guy is running the show or a gal. So the way that you alchemize it is you bring your wisdom to the party. And you somehow, this is not easy. You somehow hold high standards where you're committed to seeing what you got. And it's a fun game for you to hold yourself to high standards. And sure, part of it is you don't feel like you're enough. Perfect. Me too, everyone. There's no great performer, you, that isn't motivated to some degree by an insecurity or a past trauma or whatever. Perfect. You don't need to get rid of that. It's not going anywhere. We don't want it to be 98% of you, but it can be 9.8%. Maybe it's a healthy little drive, you know, Perfect. But the wise optimalist is working within the constraints of reality, knowing we're never going to get there. Appreciates, radically, accepts who we are, where we've been and how far we've come. Right? And then we see how we can have fun doing those things. And frankly, sometimes they'll feel a bit like chores, but then we Michelle Segeret and alchemize it. This is a gift to my future self and even me. I was telling the team, like, I meditated. I've missed one day in 14 years. But frankly, I never really enjoyed it as much as I'm enjoying it now. It's weird. Now I'm like, oh, wow, this is actually. It's like a. I don't. I'm not a hedonic, you know, sensual, I like to eat fine meals and stuff kind of guy. But I almost feel like my meditation practice has an element of that now. It's after 14 years, you know, like, oh, cool. This is what it feels like. Enjoy this now. I enjoyed the fact that I was doing it and I knew that it was helping me. But anyway, saying a lot. Perfectionist, optimalist and dude, full stop, like, you're amazing. Allow yourself the freedom to be you and to be imperfectly perfect. And I bet you we can bring a bunch of people on right now so you don't just have my voice in. You've got our whole community telling you're amazing, but we want to have that radical acceptance, gratitude, and then get to that celebration moment again. I said a ton. Tell me what you think and where we can go on that. Yeah.

So totally resonate with that. Right. Coming from the spot that I'm in of.

And.

And like I mentioned, there has been moments where I experienced that energized tranquility, where I knew I was enough, where I was in that blissful dissatisfaction where I felt good and I knew I was moving somewhere. But again, there's like intellectually understand that. But there are moments where emotionally, even though I understand that I'll still go and do something that I know is not serving me and you know, done. Like there's I have awareness on what if this is some childhood wound? Like, I'm not sure. Maybe I was. I felt like I was in love for my mom or something that is driving that insecurity. And after doing, for example, breath work, after going to and doing like ayahuasca, for example, and having awareness, okay, I am enough, like, I am good intellectually understanding that. But then like I said, the oscillation comes where that, you know, where I'm okay, I'm on point with everything. I'm loving it. And then there's like something that causes this. And like you said, you know, like the most creative act in the universe is to catch those turnarounds. And I definitely look at the improvement that I've made in terms of catching those turnarounds and getting shorter.

Yeah. So I'm going to ping pong this with you briefly. Really get that. Because the story you have in your head is you should no longer have to turn it around. The ultimate underlying story is if I really got this stuff and I was really capable, I would no longer have to turn it around. And it's that that story that you have and that I have, that everyone has goosebumps, that you want to be exonerated, you want to get to a point where you no longer have that. And I'm telling you, you're never going to get there now. You're going to get more graceful, you're going to be less of a pickle eater on that particular thing and whatever, just keep on turning it around. But if you think you're ever going to get there, I tell you right now, you will never actually enjoy life as consistently as you could. But if you can be a true master and say, for every mile I move toward my destination, I hope it gets two miles further away, then I tell you, you'll have joy in the process and you'll move from intellectual to experiential. But guess what? Even that won't be perfect. You will forget that. And perfect then when you forget that, you remind yourself of that and you laugh and you turn it around again a little bit more quickly than you did in the past. And you literally laugh at this whole thing. You laugh at the version of you that's telling you the things it's currently telling you. And then it's weird because then all those things that are so hard. Right. Is that childhood trauma? I don't know. Good luck solving it that way. But if we can look at it and just chip away a little bit golden Buddha style. You're perfect, dude. You're pure gold. Got a little mud on you. So do I. So does everybody here. Have a little fun. And you're going to go from sledgehammer removing big pieces of granite from the golden Buddha to scalpel to tiny little polishes. Perfect. Different areas of your life will require different sculpting tools, but, dude, it's all good. And laughter. Laughter is a very, very good tonic to the perfectionist in all of us.

Exactly. And that's what I literally. When you said that, you're like, you think it's going to be over.

That's true.

That's exactly what I needed here. Like, oh, wait, there are. You're never going to be exonerated. So I think you hit the nail on the head over there. And I literally, like, I kind of have tears. You can't see that in my UV blocking glasses, but I think that's exactly what it was. Like. It's. You're never going to be exonerated. And I suppose that's what I needed to hear.

Dude, when. When you were 30 seconds into your kind of description, I didn't say that to myself, but what came to my. My consciousness was, you think you should already be there. That was very clear to me. The source of your discontent. And it's the source of all of our discontent. I mean, again, talk to Alexander. Talk. It's just, we should be somewhere other than where we are. Good luck with that. Like, again, this is the power of now. This is it right here. And again, it's so fun when we can actually see that. And then. True mistake owners high. I want you to literally get high with the joy of making a mistake because it's unbelievably powerful data. But the reason you don't as consistently as you could is because you have a fixed mindset and you still have a binary approach. You're either perfect or you're completely flawed. And the growth mindset is. Dude, I know I'm both pretty good and pretty not perfect. I'm human and I know I can get better. And that pickle left me with indigestion. And I did it again. But you know what? I actually did it a little less bad than I used to. And I'm going to celebrate that and I'm going to recommit for the 172nd time, and I'm prepared to do it as many times as I need to. And even if I just get half a percent better next time, I know that if I aggregate and compound that over an extended period of time, I'm not going to recognize myself in 2, 5, 10 years. So I'm going to quit stressing myself out, thinking I should be anywhere other than where I am, and perfect. And then I'm excited. I just failed again. Nice work. Thank you for the data. Boom. And then it's win or learn. And in our app, we're going to. I'm absolutely, fiercely committed to figuring out how to do this because it will be one of the secret sauces to it when you inevitably fail. We're somehow going to figure out how to coach you to get fired up about it. And we're going to say exactly what I just said. Win or learn. You don't win or lose, right? It's win or learn. And then learning is winning. Congratulations. You won. I don't care if you hit your target or you missed your target. With the right mindset, there's no other thing you could experience than winning in this moment. And again, that's how you bring in the joy. But congratulations for not being there yet, Mo.

Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing.

Yeah.

Because, you know, even before this call, I was in a conundrum. I was like, if I don't go to sleep, if I don't hit my digital sunset, then I'm not gonna be this. And then I was like, no, somehow, maybe this is exactly what is gonna.

You know?

But, yeah, just so super, feeling grateful and blessed for this opportunity to share this moment with you and to be here with all the optimizing heroes and. Yeah.

All right, Mo, my only request is next time you show up, please be perfect. Just come and tell us that everything has just been perfect. All these perfect days. You got 100 days of perfection in a row.

Come on.

That's the standard. You're awesome, dude. I always love seeing you, and I'm proud of you. I'm genuinely. I'm proud of you. I mean, it's beautiful to see you and your growth and, you know, you're still so young and how far you've come. And I know I'm reflecting everyone here and their joy in seeing you share what we all experience. So thank you and keep up the great work.

We hope you enjoyed that. Part of a live coaching session from the Optimize Coach program. For more info, head to optimize me, Coach.