Pilar Gerasimo on being a healthy deviant without judgment. Start with self-compassion when you're learning something new. Notice when you want to lecture others, that's your own judgment talking. Wait until people ask or show interest before offering advice.
Chapters
I think, you know, the first thing is to begin with compassion for ourselves. A lot of times when we learn something new, the first thing we do is we feel stupid for not having learned it before and we get down on ourselves and that just brings up our judge or energy. And then we direct it toward other people who have not yet gained this recently acquired knowledge. And I mean, for most of us, even those of us who've been living this for 20 or 30 or 40 years, it's challenging not to be in reaction to the society that we're living in. It can trigger a lot of frustration and judgment and anger. I think the best thing to do is notice when that feeling comes up that you want to be either lecturing someone or holding yourself above or, you know, not that anyone in this group would ever personally purposefully shame someone, but you know, feeling that someone should be someplace other than where they are right now is really usually an indication for me that I'm a bit out of balance and that I've lost some of this wonderful healthy deviant mojo that I like to credit myself for carrying around. So mostly notice that it comes up and that it's a really natural feeling to have. And typically what I tell people is that if someone is ready to receive this gift of wisdom you're about to drop on them, they will typically indicate it by asking. They will typically indicate it by expressing some interest or observing that there's something about you that they like and admire and wish that they had. And sometimes that can come out as self deprecating or self judging comments that they have about themselves like, oh, you're so this way. I wish I could be that way way. It's a little bit different than asking you how did you do it? So I would say first notice the instinct that you have to like try to bring someone where you are and remember that you were not always there yourself. Notice that if you are having that instinct, it's probably because you are a little bit like either frantically over trying or because you still are carrying the judgment yourself and seeing some earlier part of you reflected. And then just ask yourself the question, did these people ask? Did this person want to know? And if they do take it little step by step, don't hit them with your PhD treatment all at once.
That was brilliant. So I love the initial frame and I've not heard that frame before of like if I'm learning something and feeling like I need to go teach it right away, there's some degree of, I'm judging myself for not having Known it already and all the time that I spent living in this different kind of way. So to recognize that first and to recognize that that's the energy that's going outwards actually self judgment and heading out in form of like, oh, learn this, learn this, learn this. That's huge. And just coming back to self first and then this. If people are ready to receive it, that's such beautiful word choices. If they are ready to receive it, they will ask or they will notice it in you and either give it to you in a positive way, a compliment, et cetera, or potentially this self deprivating way of oh, you're so this. And I wish I was this. And that's an opportunity to get even deeper down to compassion and then gently offer, oh, I, you know, it's actually really hard for me. I've been doing this, like I'm happy to chat about it or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, that's a lovely way. That's a beautiful. And I think that's always nice to just really inhabit the place of being in a learning mode yourself. And you know, I think right now, societally we're all in a position of being humbled by how much we don't know. And things are changing so fast in our structures and our society. A lot of us that like to think of us as experts in one area are going, oh my gosh, I'm completely clueless in another. And it is like, it's a good reminder that whatever place you are in your journey, you're at a beginning place somewhere. And it's nice to just try to inhabit that. And I say this as someone who is like kind of a terrible know it all. I mean, I know that about myself. I love to be right. I love knowing things people don't know. I'm a constant student, but I get smacked down constantly for like overstepping that too. So that's part of my learning path, you know.
Hi, it's Michael, head coach at Optymyze. And I hope that you enjoyed that wisdom from our brilliant luminary guest faculty member of Optymyze Coach, it's time. It's time to master yourself, to serve heroically and to empower others to do the same. Our world needs virtuous, heroic leadership. And you at your absolute best. Of course, helping you do that is what Optimize Coach is all about. You can find all the information and sign up to join Class 3, which starts soon at www.Optimize.me/coach. Let's be the change and change the world, one person at a time together, starting with you and us today.
