17 Dec 2025 · 10 min
Barry Michels and Kristan Sargeant coach Fawn through her procrastination on writing. She writes easily in groups but freezes alone, and they work through why isolation kills her momentum and what she can do about it.
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The whole process is today. I'm so glad we stayed with the shadow. And I feel her bonding with me as I am speaking right now. And where I. The question that I wrote to get specific is things are moving forward and the one place is in writing my content, for my messaging, in my coaching programs. And it's not that I can't, and it's not that I don't know what to do. What I get in touch with is this sense of, you know, I'm really here to serve. And when I'm serving others, I'm in my flow to go off by myself and write the messages. And it's not. I totally, like, totally stymie in my process. This is what I would love to get more support with.
What is it that happens instead of writing what.
I would say at this point, just about anything to stop myself from just doing the sitting down and writing it. Because when I have great discussions with the people in my world about what I'm going to write, I know the resources I have. And then when it's just. It really is this being by myself, I can tell that's part of it. Right. To do the writing that's supposed to connect with those that I want to serve when I'd rather just be serving, you know? And yet I do know because my shadow has been showing me I really want to be moving forward in this way.
So.
Just let me make sure that I'm characterizing this correctly. What it feels like to me is that when you're in the presence of other people, I mean, we've been in each other's virtual presence before and I've sensed this, that you have an enormous flow of energy, whether it's warmth or specific content or whatever it is when you're speaking. But what you're saying is that when you're alone in a room writing, that flow shuts down.
Yeah. To actually do the writing. Yes. Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, for this specific project. Yes.
Got it.
Yeah. And it is like almost like a freezing almost. I would say a paralyzation. Yeah.
Close your eyes and do you have an image of your shadow?
I do. Yes.
Ask her what. What is the difference for you? Meaning your shadow? What is the difference for you? When I'm in front of others and in a flow state as opposed to when I'm alone in a room just with you. How am I different? How am I treating you different?
How am I. How am I treating her different?
Yeah.
Yeah. Well, I. What she's answering is. I stop the animation. It's very. She really likes the physical mood, feeling her whole body engaged and somehow that's what I stopped. Yeah.
Ask her if there's also an inner equivalent to that behavioral animation. Like are you not as animated inside as well?
No. You know, she's showing me that it's. That we. That it's actually a war of wills. That Fawn, the adult side, is so good at being still and she has no interest in being still. And we literally lock that. That's what it. That's what she's showing me. How. Wow. Because, you know, I do write dialogue daily with her, but she's really showing me that when I'm thinking of writing, Like from my soul, I shut her out. I shut out. I just totally don't let her be her. Yeah. Really good at it. Really have a lot of practice.
I think you answered your question. It's a very common problem, believe it or not. It's, you know, what I had to do, you know, because we wrote two books and it took an enormous amount of time and I spent an enormous amount of time alone is. I had to. For at least the first like 15 or 20 minutes, I had to stand up and speak out what I wanted to say as if there were an audience there. Because I too just become much more animated when I'm in front of people. When I'm by myself, I'm not aware of it. I mean, I'm much more aware of it now than I used to be. But things just get very recessive and I recede into myself. And there was a word you used. I can't remember what it was, but it has a much more fixed quality. Like a non mobile quality.
Yeah. Going very still.
I think it's. It's actually pretty simple. I think number one, you're gonna have to keep your shadow with you when you're writing and check in with her regularly to see, you know, how am I doing and expect to screw it up. It's okay. But. But keep checking in with her, keep taking the temperature, you know, with her. There's. There's the physical movement when you're in front of people, but there's also. It's hard to put into words. But your spirit has to move inside of you. Is probably the way I would say it, and it can't. When it gets stationary, you're. You're going to go bone dry. It's just not going to be. It's going to be a very uncomfortable experience.
So.
I mean, I. I'm not trying to resist you telling me the truth about myself. And yet I have to say, you know, this is coming from somebody that has been meditating for years. Right. And uses that to. Can have my clarity and my, you know, alignment as I move forward in the world. And so it's a very interesting. I can see that there's just like. It is, like. It feels like my will is really locking itself.
Yeah, I think that's right. It's. It's. There's definitely movement, but when you're by yourself, there's a counter movement that's locking things down. And I don't know why. I have a feeling that question will probably have to postpone for a little while. And just as you unlock more and more, you'll be in a better position to find out why you did lock up. When you're alone. Sometimes it has to do with being, needing, needing to have your intensity reflected in other people's eyes. Of course, you can't have that. You can have it in your shadow's eyes, interestingly enough, but you can't have it in other people's eyes. But I don't even want to speculate because I think it's better to actually change it first. Let's get you flowing when you're alone. And then I think you'll have a much better grasp on, oh, that's why I was locked up.
And can I add something, Barry?
Yeah, of course.
Just to, you know, I think it's really interesting that you keep coming back to this, you know, the butting of the heads or the locking of the horns. I think that it's really important for you to demonstrate to that part of yourself that you are taking her seriously. So even in what you said, like, but I'm, you know, a meditator. It's almost like that's. That part of you, like, that's not what she's interested in. That's not working for her. So I would be really direct with her and ask her, how can I demonstrate to you that I'm listening and that I don't want you to feel alone. I don't want you to feel stuck. I don't want you to feel paralyzed. I want you to feel alive and animated and then ask for specific instructions. What is it that I can do, Barry suggested. Like, you know, speaking. I had the image of you taking a walk and dictating in your phone. Or, you know, or maybe she wants you to dance before you get to work. But let it be directed by her and your job, your only job, is to ask the question and listen nothing else. And then do do what she asks for.
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