Michelle Segar Joins Heroic Coach

I created that because I thought that was a really interesting dichotomy. And so the way I use it, I think it's the perfect diagnostic when you're coming into thinking about a behavior that you want to adopt. And so when I'm working with someone, I ask them and oftentimes it's written down so they can see it. A five point scale. And maybe, who knows, maybe the scale's too short, but that's what I've been using. You know, you've got two points on the end that one and two. That is definitely in the chore range. And then four and five is in the gift range and then the three is in the middle and it can just mean ambivalence. So when you use it, you ask someone or you ask yourself about a behavior, does this feel like a chore or a gift? Now it's set as a dichotomy, but really there's this scale and sometimes it's really interesting because I'm working with a new client right now with eating, and when I first asked her this question, she from a chore. Actually that's not true. When she was talking about why she doesn't exercise. And yeah, okay, so this is a different person than the client I was thinking about. And she said, exercise is fun, so why don't I do it? So here's what happens. Exercise is fun, this activity is fun, why don't I do it? And so what I asked her after that response was, does it feel. I gave her the scale and I didn't even have to show it to her. This was actually during a virtual presentation I did yesterday. And, and I just said what I said to you, which is chore to gift. And she said a one, a chore. So I see, do you see the conflict here, the contradiction? You're talking about being fun, but it feels like a chore. And so this is something people do a lot. And it's partly because it goes back to socialization. We only have a certain language or set of words to help us understand, to help us understand and perceive things. And so once you give someone a new framework for thinking about something, they're able to see it that way. And so once she said it was a chore, you go, I'll tell you what that is the entry point to. You could say, why does it feel like a chore? That's a really great question to ask. But you could also, it's a diagnostic tool. So you could also immediately go to. Which is what I did. Well, what's your primary reason for wanting to exercise. And she said, to be healthy. And she had just heard my presentation and the concerns with using better health as a motivator. And as soon as that came out of her mouth, she was like, oh. And then. So with the chore to gift scale, you really have two primary questions to ask. What's your why? And then helping people understand whether that is really an effective, a powerful, a potent why or not. And then you want to really get down and dirty with, well, what are you doing for that behavior? Because. And this gets back to the embodiment of behaviors. We can't ignore that. And so if someone is moving in a way that just is punishing, it's going to be a chore. So what we want to do is help people change the why and the actual activity that they're doing.

Perfect. So we use this chore to gift diagnostic scale to get a sense of where someone is, then get clarity on the why. So why is that? And help them find the right way. I know you mentioned, well, I want to be healthy. These long term whys versus the short term. I feel good now. Which brought us to the second part of that, which was helping the embodiment piece of it. How do you actually feel when you're doing this? And if it feels like a chore, if like, oh, I hate the movement that I'm doing, it literally feels like this, this terrible thing that I'm forcing myself to go through versus I feel great when I'm doing it. To simultaneously find a why that is it makes me feel great in the short term and then find the right activity that actually creates that feeling while doing it.

That's exactly right. So the activity should help you realize your why. And the other thing, this absolutely comes full circle to the conversation on socialization because the reason people have the whys that they have and are exercising in these ways is because we've been socialized that that's the right why in the right way. Although that's going to be confusing because I call the right why the feel good.

So.

But that's really how it works. And I can't overemphasize how important it is to help people understand the role that socialization has played in their whole perspective on this and to help them not feel like failures. You know, people have done it again and again and again. And, you know, that's why I have the exorcising exercise and that's specific to exercising. But I felt like we really need to create a ritual an awareness to help people let go of these things that are just getting in their way.

Hi, this is Michael, the head coach at Optymyze, and I hope that you enjoyed that wisdom from one of our brilliant luminary guest faculty members. For more on Optimize Coach, head to www.Optimize.me. coach, it is time. Let's master ourselves, serve heroically, and empower others to do the same. Closing the gap between who are capable of being and who are actually being more and more consistently expressing the best versions of ourself. That is how we change the world, one person at a time, together, starting with you and with us today. And that, of course, is what Optimize Coach is all about. Head to this site for more information and to join us. Class three starts soon.