Micro Class: Wise Parenting (for Fatherhood 101 via Grit by Angela Duckworth)

You're listening to Optimize with Bryan Johnson. More wisdom in less time. Hi, this is Brian. I just sat down to do a little micro class on an idea from Angela Duckworth's new book Grit, which is fantastic. Philosopher's note and TV coming soon. But I wanted to share a particular idea as I share, as I Prepare for Fatherhood 101. Anyway, my alarm goes off every single morning on this very simple, awesome little watch. 6:30 every morning my alarm goes off and I reset my little chronograph here to zero. That was two minutes ago. And I bang out my first set of 10 burpees. I've been meaning to share this process for a while, so I will do a quick little review. So here's my little monthly calendar, right? When I start the month, I basically create all these little blocks of time, right? I've got am1, am2, pm1. I take a nap, digital sunset, et cetera. And then I've got what I'm going to do on a daily basis from a physical movement perspective. I do one sun salutation. It's a little dark in here. Sorry about the fuzziness. I do 10 pull ups, I do 100 burpees, I row a thousand meters and I walk 10,000 steps every single day. And I've done that for I don't.

Know how long now.

It's been a while. Anyway, when I do my first set of burpees, I come up here and I go, bam, little mark. And then I come up here and this says +1550. I do 50 burpees before my AM1 slot is over, which is usually it's by 8am, right? And then I check my little box as I do what I said I was gonna do that morning and go from there. I'll talk about this some more. My monthly kind of planning deal. But it's exciting for me and I get to celebrate progress. One of the big things we know about flourishing is we want to celebrate progress. Every single time I do this, I basically make a little mark and I say, yep, that's like me. I do what I say I'm going to do and I celebrate that progress as I do my creative work, as I do my movement, as I spend time with my son. We get family and dad in here and practicing love, etc. Again, longer conversation for now. With that long aside intro, I am Preparing for Fatherhood 101. So this weekend is Mother's Day. Alexandra sharing her class on Mamahood 101. And I'm kind of, I'M going to film My Fatherhood 101 in 10 days. So I'm preparing all my ideas so we can continue producing these classes. You'll check out. I'm really excited to share Alexandra's class, which I will briefly see if I can find the workbook here. Got 10 classes now. This is hers. Mamahood 101 set. Celebrating the most creative time of your Life. She's got 10 big ideas for her as a new mom of our three and a half year old son. So we're really, really excited to share her class. And then she's doing a series of classes for women within our membership program now, which is cool that Prelude got even longer. Now here we are with the idea that I want to share. So Angela Duckworth is the world's leading researcher on grit, the science of grit, which is basically intense passion for a long term goal combined with intense perseverance. You put those two things together and you have the secret sauce of creating something truly extraordinary. Now, toward the end of her book, which is where I am right now, she talks about, how do you cultivate grit in children? She's got this little chart here which I've recreated down here that we're going to walk through right now. This will be one of the ideas I talk about in Fatherhood 101. She describes it as wise parenting. And here's the model. So you can be either supportive or not supportive, right? Warm, respectful, etc. And you can be either demanding or not demanding. Whether or not you meet those or how you fall in those conditions will determine what type of parent you are, right? So if you're supportive, you're super coddling and you're all supportive and warm and fuzzy and all that stuff, but you're not demanding. You let your kid get away with anything that would fall into permissive parenting. Not so helpful. Now, on the other hand, you may be super demanding, right? Really high standards. You got to do this or else. And you're not supportive at all. You're not warm, you're not loving. What is that? Well, that's authoritarian parenting right? Now, of course, you can have neither of those. You're not supportive and you're not demanding.

Eek.

You're not even there. Neglectful parenting. And Angela says, look, this is how we cultivate. We have the possibility of cultivating grit, right? Wise parenting is where we're simultaneously super loving and supportive and demanding. We have very high standards and we are excited to support our kids in showing us what they've got and what they're capable of. And by the way, the word parent and parenting comes from the Latin to bring forth. Isn't that amazing? A parent literally brings forth the potential within their children. And she makes the important point that coaches and teachers are also bringing forth, whether they're actually parents of the children. That's their role and their opportunity is to bring forth. So we want to be wise in our parenting by being both supportive and demanding. That's wise parenting. Now, you do that, you have a shot at creating grit. But then you need to realize that if you really want a gritty child, you need to be gritty. Right? They need to see you from pursuing a long term goal, something that you're passionate about. And she makes the important point that it's one thing, it's not 20 things. It's something that you are committed to, that you're willing to pursue with passion and with perseverance. You do that. You model that ethic with support and demanding of your child's potential. That's wise parenting. That can lead to grit, which is certainly a quality we all want to cultivate in our lives and for our children, to help them bring forth what is possible within them. So there you go. That's a somewhat meandering look at a bunch of things and wise parenting in particular. How do you show up? Do you need to be more warm and supportive and loving and let your kids know that you're there for them when you need them, or do you need to be a little bit more demanding or you need to be a little bit of both? My hunches. If you're watching this, you are already very close to this quadrant, if not squarely in it. And then the second part of the question in terms of cultivating grit is how's your passion and your perseverance toward a goal that matters for you? It's a long term pursuit. There you go. Hope you have an awesome day. Look forward to sharing more.

See ya. Hi, this is Brian. I hope you enjoyed that micro class. If so, I think you'll enjoy everything else we offer at BrianJohnson. Me. Two basic things. One, our free newsletter. It's called the Optimizer. Over 50,000 people start their day with it and they tell us it's pretty awesome. And two, our Optimal Living membership program. This is where I put all my best stuff. Ten bucks a month for a ton of wisdom. Two primary things in there, philosopher's notes plus optimal living 101 classes. When you sign up, you'll get instant access to 250 philosopher's notes, which are basically six page PDFs and 20 minute MP3s where I capture my favorite big ideas from great books. The PNTV episodes are kind of a mini version of all that goodness. You'll also get instant access to all my optimal living classes. This is where I take all the ideas we cover in the Philosopher's Notes and and boil it down to the most practical stuff you can apply today. Classes include Confidence 101, Getting Stuff Done 101, Relationships 101, Habits 101, etc. You'll also get access to what we call micro classes that I think you'll love. We aim to astonish, and we're blessed to have thousands of members telling us we're helping them change their lives and that this is the best 10 bucks they invest in themselves every month. Go to BrianJohnson ME membership to learn more. Thanks for your support and have an awesome day.