Brian Johnson summarizes and reflects on Laurie Helgoe's book Introvert Power, defining introversion versus extroversion and arguing that many people in the U.S. lean toward introversion despite a culture that prizes extraversion. He promotes "psychological patriotism"—being true to your inner disposition—and offers practical practices (meditation, journaling, quiet retreats), language reframes for deadlines ("birthlines"/"lifelines"), and social alternatives that suit introverts. The episode mixes book ideas with the host's personal anecdotes and closes with a brief membership/promotion segment.
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You're listening to Optimize with Brian Johnson. More wisdom in less time. Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to Philosopher's Nodes tv. Today we've got another great book, Introvert Power by Lori Helgo. Introvert Power, Fantastic book. Read it on a Kindle. We've got a philosopher's note, bunch of big ideas, five of my favorite ones here. We'll jump straight in with a definition. Introversion vis a vis extroversion. So essentially an introvert is one who has an inner orientation feel more comfortable kind of in that internal introverted turning within perspective vis a vis. The extrovert feels more comfortable looking out. The introvert is depleted in social interaction, whereas oftentimes, whereas the extrovert actually gets energy from it and is actually a little depleted when they're just hanging out, not doing anything with anybody else. Whereas the introvert restores and gets energy from that quiet place. Quick definition. Did you know that according to Myers Briggs, there's actually, there are actually more introverts than extroverts in the United States? Wouldn't think so. Because our society is so focused on the extrinsic side of things. The model of the optimal ideal human being we see is the outgoing, socially oriented individual. But the reality is most of us actually lean toward introversion. Fascinating idea. That's important because if we want to be happy, we need to have what Laurie and other psychologists call psychological patriotism. Psychological patriotism. Are you patriotic to your own nature, to who you are? Are you in integrity with who you are or are you ashamed of who you are? I know as an introvert, which is what I am, you may think I'm an extrovert, but I'm not. I totally prefer quiet, mellow times. I never liked going out and going to bars and all, doing all that kind of stuff. Felt alienated in those environments. Always enjoyed one on one conversations. Not a ton of people. And I love reading and quiet time, but I used to be ashamed of that. There's a part of me that thought something was wrong with me. Whole nother conversation. There are plenty of things wrong with me in quotes, but literally I thought because I didn't embody what I thought, society wanted to see from me that something was inherently wrong with me. This wasn't social or whatever, right? Overly shy, whatever. But to integrate the fact that some of us thrive with less talking and more thinking and less socializing and more introspection is a really healthy thing. So if you need to give yourself some permission to experience your inner world a little more often and say no to some of the parties. Here's your permission, so go for it. And this is the very first quote. Another little idea here. The very first quote that I ever memorized was by Shakespeare. I don't even know why I thought this was such a great quote at this time in my life. 14, 15 years old, studying Shakespeare in high school. But his idea that to thine own self be true, and it must follow the day, the night. Thou canst not then be false to any man. To thine own self be true. Look back at that version of me and think, what a cool kid. Awesome. Well done. But to thine own self be true. Be psychologically patriotic. Be in integrity with who you are at your deepest essence. Be the author of your own life. Be authentic in your life. It's a big idea. Now, third big idea is how do you do that? How do you develop the capacity to be in integrity with your introversion tendencies? And again, no one is 100% introverted or 100% extroverted. Daniel Pink, I think it was described it as ambivert or a little bit of both. We want to find the ratio that works for us. At different times, it's going to be different ratios and to honor that. But the fact is, is that we teach kids how to interact with other people. Okay, we'll approach them this way and please and thank you and these different social etiquette ideas. But we aren't taught how to interact with ourselves in silence. Alexander and I joke about the fact that it's really kind of weird that parents our son just turned two and a half use putting kids in a room by themselves as punishment. It's kind of a funny thing. We don't do that and I think about that deliberately. Why would I want to associate being in a room by yourself? Not being allowed to do anything is punishment. That's kind of weird, right? Something to think about. But we aren't trained in how to interact with ourselves in quiet moments. So most people can't. They feel uncomfortable with it. And they probably have a latent association to punishment with it. Right. Big idea. We need to train ourselves and practice. So what are things that you do that help you fill up? Some introversion practices, whether it's meditation or journaling or quiet time by yourself or walks in nature, discipline yourself to make that a more consistent part of your life. And again, we're not talking about moving to the Himalayas. That may be in the cards for you, but for most of us, that's not it. We need to create these quiet retreats throughout our regular days and practice it and recognize that we weren't really taught how to do this. It's a cultivated, it's a learned skill. Fourth big idea. She talks about the fact that when she was submitting her kind of the final draft of the book, there was some pressure, timeline wise, and she couldn't believe that her editor said the drop dead date by which we need the manuscript is whatever date it was. She's like, drop dead date, really? That's how we're operating. We're going to drop dead if we don't have it done by this time. She said, what if we chose? Well, first of all, what if we brought a little more awareness to the language we use around time Deadlines, drop dead dates, killing time, running out of time, all these unpleasant associations with time. What if we said, look, really, it's not a deadline when I submit my book or when we meet a target time to deliver something. That's a birth time. It's a birth line or a birth time. Something is brought into the world. That's cool. That's not a death, that's a birthday. Tall Ben Jahar talks about this as well, and not killing time, but enlivening time. Lifelines, he says, rather than deadlines, it's when something comes to life. So think about that as you look at the language you use. Then the fifth big idea is party time. I found this one rather funny. So an extrovert's idea of a party is obviously what one would expect of a party. Lots of people, lots of noise, lots of celebration, all those things that make a party great. Unless you're an introvert. I look at something like that, no thanks. I'd rather hang out with the people who are going to be there over lunch or over dinner on a hike. And let's just connect. That noise isn't what makes me think I'm going to have a good time. So she jokingly says the party for an introvert is a couple people reading in silence or you meditating or whatever. The version is a quiet dinner with a couple of friends. So again, when we look to become psychologically patriotic, let's own that. Let's say, no, I'm not going to make it to the party tonight for whatever. Don't give me any reason, but I'd love to get together and let's see if we can do lunch or do a hike or whatever. Be willing to follow yourself and follow your highest self and trust yourself. Be patriotically committed to your psychological disposition. That was a long way to say be psychologically patriotic. Train yourself. Remember your language. And remember, more people are introverted in the US than extroverted. Let's own it. Let's have fun with it. There you go. Hope you enjoyed. Look forward to sharing more with you soon. Have another awesome day. See you. Hi, this is Brian. I hope you enjoyed that Philosopher's Notes TV episode. If so, I think you'll enjoy everything else we offer at BrianJohnson me. Two basic things one our free newsletter. It's called the Optimizer. Over 50,000 people start their day with it and they tell us it's pretty awesome. And 2 our optimal living Membership program. This is where I put all my best stuff. 10 bucks a month for a ton of wisdom. Two primary things in there philosopher's notes plus optimal living 101 classes. When you sign up, you'll get instant access to 250 philosopher's notes, which are basically six page PDFs and 20 minute MP3s where I capture my favorite big ideas from great books. The PNTV episodes are kind of a mini version of all that goodness. You'll also get instant access to all my Optimal Living classes. 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