PNTV: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D. (#231)

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Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to Philosopher's Notes. TV Today, another great book, what to say when we talk to ourselves. What to say when you talk to yourself. Shad Helmstetter, PhD. This book was recommended by Lanny Basham, who wrote with winning in mind. Lanny's a gold medal winning Olympian and he's all about self image. And a big part of self image is the dialogue you're having with yourself and the imprints you're making on your subconscious mind. So he recommended this book, picked it up. I'm glad I did. It's awesome. Philosopher's Note, bunch of big ideas, five of them here. Let's jump straight in. First big idea is the fact that the quality of our lives is going to be determined by the quality of our programming. So how we talk to ourselves is largely determined by the underlying programming we have. Most of us are unconscious. We're running old, bad programs, right? And Shad talks about the fact this is 1982. He says, think of a computer. Computers are very cool and new in 1982. He says, you have a monitor, which is kind of how you show up in the life. You have your keyboard, which is kind of how you control the inputs, right? The behaviors, etc. And then you have a floppy disk. A floppy disk, for those of you who recall floppy disks, high five is where the program is. It's where the software is, right? So you need to use the keyboard and your thoughts and behaviors to program your software properly. Because if you've got bad programming, it's going to go through everything and your life or the computer, in this metaphor, your life is not going to be what you want it to be. So to upgrade that metaphor, our operating system, imagine that you're trying to run your life on an operating system that was designed in 1982. You're going to have a tough time.

Doing a whole heck of a lot.

With a modern computer software and operating system that was created 30 years ago, right? But most of us live our lives that way. We have hand me down program. And we've been conditioned from a very young age to relate to the world in certain ways. And we need to go in and replace that operating system, that program. We need to upgrade it. He says the programming drives your beliefs, which drives your attitudes, which drives your emotions, which drives your behaviors. So if you want to change all that, you get to start with your programming. And the best way to do that is via your self Talk, Self talk, Capital S, capital T, Self talk. It's basically what the book is all about. He says there are five levels of self talk. Roughly. The first level of self talk is negative. It's things like, God, I'm an idiot, or I'm so tired, or I just can't do that, or I used to be able to do that, I can't now. Negative. He says, unfortunately, most people operate predominantly at a level one of self talk. Negative, not good. Your life is going to be suboptimal. If that's the programming, those are the thoughts, and that's the program that's running the show. He says you need to identify that, then move up. The second level is a little bit better, but it's still negative, which is, I should not do that.

I shouldn't smoke.

Okay, well, that's better than I'm an idiot, I'm a smoker. You're at least making a little bit of progress there. Right? But you identified the problem, but you didn't identify a solution. The third level is a little better than the second, which is I'm never going to smoke again. Right? I'm not going to procrastinate anymore. Okay, well, you're making a declaration in a more positive direction than thinking you're just procrastinator and totally negative or seeing that you should do something, you've made a declaration you're going to do it. That's the third level. The fourth level is a positive declaration of who you aspire to be. I am the type of person who does what I say I'm going to do. That's like me, to get things done. You can imagine your litany of things. I'm a healthy, energized, vital person, and I'm excited about life. That's a level four level of self talk. Now, level five is more mystical and spiritual and you're connected to the universe, etc. Shad says focus on level four. Let level five be a byproduct, because if you don't have a good relationship with yourself, you don't have the basic fundamentals down, you're kind of going a little ahead of the game to try to connect to the ultimate source. The way to do that is to get healthy on the most basic mundane level, which is what he says and which I agree with, that's self talk. And one of the things he does from a practical perspective is to identify the top 10 things you say to yourself that are most negative. So for 48 hours, listen to what you say to Yourself. When you are talking to yourself, what do you say? He says, look, if you can't come up with 10 things, you're not trying hard enough. All of us have issues. Make an inventory and then get to work. And basically he goes through it in the book and I talk about it a little bit in the notes and. But identify your negative self talk and then replace it with positive, affirmative, present tense self talk. Not just one phrase, but a bunch of phrases. If you feel afraid and worried, etc. Write down a ton of positive affirmations about who you aspire to be. Read that three times a day. That's the basic idea of self talk. Now the next big idea is the two U's. Why should you even care about this stuff, whether it's self talk or all the other optimal living ideas we talk about? Well, he says, imagine two versions of you. One version runs on the old programming. You just keep on doing what you've been doing. Imagine that version of you fast forward into the future. Then imagine the version of you that's dialed in the self talk, that's dialed in all the other habits that we talk about, even a fraction of the ones we talk about now. Fast forward that version of you vis a vis this version of you. Who do you want to bet on? Well, which one do you think is going to create more happiness, meaning and mojo and purpose and all that good stuff in their lives? Of course, the one that's learned to talk to yourself as powerfully as you can. So get a deep sense of the why and realize there's so much opportunity to grow if we're willing to make the courageous decision and do the work to change our lives. That's the third big idea. Fourth big idea, shower talk. This is pretty funny. So self talk is basically these affirmative statements from the fourth level of self talk, right? I am this type of person that we read or we can listen to a recording of ourselves or someone else reading these things, right? That's self talk and the things we repeatedly say to ourselves. Then he says there's self conversation, of which shower talk is one example. Self conversation where you actually engage in a dialogue with yourself. And the reality is you already have all the wisdom you need. I'm passionate about studying and learning because I see different nuances that basically affirms or unpacks things I already know. But if you and I never read another book or watched another video or did whatever, we pretty much already have the wisdom in us to live an extraordinary life. The question is, are we tapping into that as frequently as we can. And one way to do that is via self conversation. I'll talk about that more in a moment. But for now, let's imagine this little experiment. Tal Ben Chahar in his great book Happier says, imagine that you jump into a time machine. This is today. And this version of you can go hang out with the 110-year-old version of you. Right today, Hop in a time machine, you travel forward and you get to hang out with the 110-year-old version of you for 15 minutes. What would that version of you say to this version of you? It's a powerful conversation. You may want to actually do that, spend 15 minutes with your journal or with whatever thinking about what that version of you. What wisdom would they impart to you? And Tall Ben Shahar's point is that a lot of people who get a life threatening diagnosis suddenly change their lives. It's not because they consumed more information. It's because it's because they finally tapped into the wisdom that was already there and they decided to live it. To move from theory to practice with that catalyzing event. So a little micro way we can do that day in and day out is to have a conversation with yourself. You're having a challenging time. Literally say, hey Brian. Yes, Brian, go back and forth. I'm having a challenging day today. Other Brian. Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. What can you do right now that would help you have a better day? You got it. You just need to change your focus a little bit. Maybe you need to change your behavior. What is it? What's the one thing you could do right now that make you feel great? And then this Brian would say, oh, great question, huh? You know what I need to do? I need to stand up, I need to stretch, I need to take a deep breath. I'm going to go for a hike, I'm going to hang out with my family or I'm going to do that thing I said I was going to do that I've been putting off that's been draining me. Whatever it is, that opportunity to have a conversation with yourself self conversation is a really cool way to tap into your wisdom. And then he's got a super funny way shower talk where you actually get into the shower and you just kind of have this awesome conversation with yourself. Hey. He says, hey Shad, how you doing? I'm doing great. I feel terrific, better than ever. And he goes back and forth a bit awesomely wacky. Yet he says that's an amazing way to start Your day versus the normal dialogue you have of oh man, I feel so tired. I got to do all this stuff. What we say to ourselves matters. Choose wisely in these two U's. That's the fourth big idea. The fifth one is Shad tells us the greatest challenge we're ever going to have in our lives is to dial in our minds. It's driving the whole show. As we discussed via the programming, that's the greatest challenge you have, is to master your mind. And it's also the greatest gift you can ever give yourself. Give anyone is the gift of mastering your own mind. It's the greatest gift you're going to give, the greatest gift you're going to receive. So imagine these two versions of you and have compassion, have love for the future version of you and enough of it to discipline yourself now to create a life that the future you is going to look back and go, thank you. Wow, you made my life awesome when you decided to change and you recommitted and recommitted and recommitted and I wouldn't be here today without you making those decisions then. So this is your biggest challenge. Get your mind right. This is why this is principle number one in optimal living 101. Optimism, mental strength. We've got to discipline ourselves and do the work to get control of that little monkey swinging in your mind. So self conversations, shower talks are one way to do it. The two U's self talk different levels, right? We want to be affirmative. I am this type of person. Repeat that to yourself throughout the day. Change your programming, upgrade from those floppy disks and tap into the wisdom of the 110 year old version of you. Hope you enjoyed. I look forward to sharing more with you soon. See you.

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Hi, this is Brian.

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