PNTV - Why We Do What We Do by Edward Deci

You're listening to Optimize with Brian Johnson. More wisdom in Less time. Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to Philosopher's Notes tv. Today we've got another great book, why we do what we do, why we do what we do by Edward Dece. So Edward Deci is one of the world's leading psychologists studying motivation, research scientist studying human motivation. His book is packed with goodness. We've got a bunch of ideas in the Philosopher's Note, and we've got five of my favorite big ideas we are going to discuss. Now we're going to jump straight in. Big idea number one is really the heart of the book and the heart of what we're going to talk about today. Intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic versus extrinSemitic motivation. Why we do what we do and why it matters. So let's start by defining our terms, shall we? Intrinsic. Extrinsic. Extrinsic motivation includes things like fame, wealth and hotness. Fame, wealth and hotness. Those are extrinsic motivators. If we're going after being super wealthy, super famous and super hot, well, God bless you. But what psychologists tell us, if we're predominantly focused on those things, nothing wrong with them per se, but if we're predominantly focused on them, we will be less psychologically stable, and I quote, less psychologically stable than if we pursue intrinsic motivators. Okay, so what are intrinsic motivators? Well, intrinsic motivation includes things like great relationships, Extrinsic, putting you over there, great relationships, growing as a human being and making a contribution to our families, our communities and our world. So intrinsic motivation, deeper relationships, growing as a human being and making a contribution vis a vis our extrinsic motivators of fame, wealth and hotness. Now, our society is essentially all about, if you haven't noticed, the extrinsic stuff. We're constantly being bombarded by representations of the most famous, the wealthiest, and the hottest people on the planet. So on a conscious and a subconscious level, we're constantly basically being told and believing that that's what's most important. So that's what, unfortunately, most people are going after. But it's the wrong direction. We want to focus on deepening our relationships, becoming a better human and making a contribution, letting this stuff be a byproduct of our pursuit of the intrinsic stuff. That's the secret sauce to creating a life filled with more happiness, meaning, and mojo. People who are looking to make a contribution to the world are unequivocally happier than people who are just trying to get famous or trying to make a ton of money or trying to get that six pack. And what's fascinating is that even if you think you're going to succeed and you're trending towards success on the extrinsic stuff, even if you're moving toward that, you're going to be less stable than people who are focused on intrinsic. So think about that big idea. See what you can do to tweak some motivation if you need to. And again, it's not about being 100% here and zero there. Nothing wrong with that. But we don't want to be predominantly focused is what the researchers tell us. That's the first big idea. The second big idea is authenticity. So did you know the word authenticity comes from the same root word as authority? So to be authentic is, in a sense, literally to be the author of your own story. You want to write your own story. Well, how do you do that? Edward Deci and his colleagues tell us that to be authentic requires us to integrate our truths and to have a coherent sense of self. So you can kind of think of it like this. That's a representation of being in integrity. What you say is important is what you do. You. You have a deep sense of what your values are and you live them. It all coheres. Now. If you think over here, or you think this is the right thing to do, but you actually do that, then you also think this is the right thing, but you do that. That's not an integrity that's disintegrating, which is how you feel when you're not living in integrity. You feel like your life's kind of disintegrating. You don't know quite what's wrong, but it's because there's not coherence between your values and your behaviors. If you want to live an authentic life to create a story worth both writing and reading, we need to integrate our truths and become coherent. It's a big idea. Now leads us to the third big idea. Part of how we do that is looking at how we've internalized stuff, right? So the researchers talk about the fact that there are two ways to internalize truths. One is to kind of swallow ideas whole, which they call introjections, fancy word introjections. But this is like you've internalized it, but it's kind of like your. The shoulds in your life. So your parental voice, your aunt telling you what you should do. You've swallowed it introjected, you've internalized it, but it's not yours. You're not autonomously choosing to do those things. That comes when we integrate certain things. So you can take that same idea and you can digest it. You can swallow it whole and it's just kind of inside you, introjected. Or you can integrate it. You can say, well, you know, I agree with that part of it. I don't agree with that part of it. And you have an integrated sense of what your truth is. Then you don't have a voice in your head that some kind of super ego parent or aunt or society telling you what you should do. You have a deep sense of who you are. You've internalized it in an integrated way. That's another aspect of how to create authenticity that the researchers talk about. He talks about it in the book. Here's another idea that's less abstract, allowing failure. All the researchers say that the paradox is that when you're okay with failure, when you're okay with making a mistake, you're less likely to fail. You're less likely to make a mistake, you're more likely to succeed. Again, we talk about this all the time for a reason. All these great teachers come back to it. We cannot optimize our lives and actualize our potential unless we're willing to make mistakes. Michael Beckwith, the spiritual teacher in la, has such a great way to describe it. He says it's just a mistake is a mistake. You don't film a movie from the first scene, action. All the way through the movie to the end cut. There it is. There's your movie. Perfect. It's not how it works. You try a scene, sometimes it goes perfectly, sometimes it doesn't. If it doesn't go well, no problem. Let's do another take. It was a missed take. Let's do another one. We want to approach our lives the same way. In the micro level with moment to moment things. And then in the macro level, when big things we're really excited about don't go the way we want. Fine. That's just part of the deal. And in fact, research shows that that stuff is actually necessary if we want to actualize our potential, which we just talked about yesterday in our Win Forever session. I think it was yesterday. So we need to embrace failure and when we experience it, we need to reinterpret it. Quit beating ourselves up about it and say it needs work. Okay, we didn't quite succeed there. No problem. We don't need to say we're an idiot. Let's just say we need some work there. And let's imagine, well, if it did go the way we wanted it to go. What would have happened? What could we have done differently? Imprint that on our consciousness, not the horrible language that we often use. So allow failure and paradoxically, you invite success in. That's our fourth big idea, the fifth big idea. Desire and techniques. So Edward Deci says, look, techniques are cool, right? So we're talking about different techniques, different ideas, but at the end of the day, they need to come. At the end of the day, what drives the show is our desire to change. Our motivation isn't going to be best supported by techniques and by things that we can do to improve our lives. It's going to come through deep desire, having a really clear sense of why stuff is important. Why do you want to optimize your life? Why do you want to actualize your potential? Take the time to get clear on that. Get fired up about how you want to serve your family. I want to be a great dad. I want to demonstrate for my son what's possible and to be an embodiment of the values that I hope that he lives. It's amazing motivation for me. I want to be a great husband. I want to inspire you. These are things that fire me up at a deep level. Then when I have that inspiration, that deep, why, the techniques are applications that I can use with that engine of desire. So get clear on your desires. And then when you look at the techniques, go after the ones that inspire you the most. Sonja Liebomirski talks about this in the how of Happiness, Another one of the leading positive psychologists, she says, don't do the things that you think you should do. Those introjections that have come in that you think you should do. Well, everyone meditates, or everyone does this. If that doesn't fire you up, don't start there. You might arrive there. But start with what fires you up. That you look at me like, wow, that'd be fun to do. That's a strong desire. Start there and then you'll evolve from that point. So there you go. Quick look at why we do what we do. Intrinsic versus extrinsic. We did a little inventory. Fame, wealth, hotness, bam. Extrinsic motivators. Intrinsic motivators. Relationships, growth and making a contribution. We want to orient more healthfully here. Again, not 100% zero, but just notice if you're predominantly focused here, trying to impress everybody, trying to be famous and super rich, staring at your vision board with your hot whatever on it and your huge mansions. Okay, fine, again, nothing wrong with that. But make your primary orientation here. Let that be a byproduct. Live authentically. Be the author of your own story. Right? You need to integrate and cohere. So what you say is important is what you actually do. Don't disintegrate by being here sometimes and here other times. That's not coherent. That's not going to work. Internalization, introjections, where you swallow things whole versus integration, where you digest it, you process it, you listen to stuff like this. Like I kind of agree with that. I don't agree with that. You integrate it so it's your truth. Allow failure and you invite success. Desire is the engine for technique. There you go. Hope you enjoyed and I look forward to sharing more with you soon. Have another awesome day. See you. Hi, this is Brian. I hope you enjoyed that Philosopher's Notes TV episode. If so, I think you'll enjoy everything else we offer at BrianJohnson me two basic things. One our free newsletter. It's called the Optimizer. Over 50,000 people start their day with it and they tell us it's pretty awesome. And 2 our optimal living membership program. This is where I put all my best stuff. 10 bucks a month for a ton of wisdom. Two primary things in there philosopher's notes plus optimal living 101 classes. When you sign up, you'll get instant access to 250 philosopher's notes, which are basically six page PDFs and 20 minute MP3s where I capture my favorite big ideas from great books. The PNTV episodes are kind of a mini version of all that goodness. You'll also get instant access to all my Optimal Living classes. 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