You Are Your Brother’s Keeper: The Flip Side of What’s in It for Me? (Heroic +1 #1,421)
17 Dec 2025 · 0 min
Brian Johnson explores everyday heroism through compassion and service, drawing on Vice Admiral James Stockdale's idea that you are your brother's keeper. He argues for asking "How can I help?" instead of "What's in it for me?" and points to Martin Luther King Jr. and Christopher McDougall on embodying love, courage, and self-mastery.
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Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another heroic plus one. In our last plus one we talked about heroes and heroism with Vice Admiral James Stockdale. We threw our self consciousness and embarrassment to the wind as we looked in the mirror, saw our best selves reflected back at us, and committed to being heroic today. Today I want to chat about how to be heroic. Stockdale tells us that in the midst of the eight years of torture he experienced, he distilled one all purpose idea. Plus he says, a few corollaries. It is a simple idea, an idea as old as the scriptures. An idea that is the epitome of, of high mindedness. An idea that naturally and spontaneously comes to men under pressure. He tells us that, and I quote, if the pressure is intense enough or of long enough duration, this idea spreads without even the need for enunciation. It just takes root naturally. It is an idea that in this big easy world of yakety yak, seems to violate the rules of game theory, if not of reason. It violates the idea of Adam Smith's invisible hand, our ideas of human nature, and probably the second law of thermodynamics. That idea, he tells us, is that you are your brother's keeper. He continues by saying, and I quote again, that's the flip side of what's in it for me. If you recognize the first as an expression of virtue and the second as an expression of vice, let Bacon's distinction add relevance to my concentration on adversity on this graduation day of joy. Adversity doth best induce virtue, while luxury doth best induce vice. End quote. Now that's from the first chapter of Thoughts of a Philosophical Fighter Pilot, featuring a commencement address Stockdale gave in 1981 called the Melting Experience Grow or Die, in which he talks about how his eight years in prison shaped his character. The one all purpose idea. You are your brother's keeper. Period. The question is not what's in it for me. The question is, how can I help? As Martin Luther King Jr. Taught us, the first question which the priest and the Levite asked was, if I stop to help this man, what will happen to me? But the Good Samaritan reversed the question, if I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him? And as we've discussed many times, Christopher McDougall tells us that leading with love and compassion is at the root of the ancient Greek word for hero. In natural born heroes he says, and I quote, and what Plutarch taught them is this heroes care. True heroism, as the ancients understood, isn't about strength or boldness or even courage. It's about compassion. When the Greeks created the heroic ideal, they didn't choose a word that means dies trying or massacre's bad guy. They went with heroes protector. Heroes aren't perfect. With a God as one parent and immortal as the other, they're perpetually teetering between two destinies. What tips them toward greatness is a sidekick, a human connection who helps turn the spigot on the power of compassion. Empathy, the Greeks believed, was a source of strength, not softness. The more you recognized yourself and others and connected with their distress, the more endurance, wisdom, cunning and determination you could tap into. I repeat, heroes care. Our secret weapon is love. It's love that gives us the self mastery to do the hard work, to have the strength for two such that we can meet the challenges we face individually and as a society. And that's today's plus one. What little or big thing can you do today to show up with more wisdom and self mastery and courage and love and gratitude and hope and curiosity and zest? Today's the day to move from theory to practice to mastery. Today's the day to be your brothers and sisters keeper day one all in. Let's go hero.
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