David Kessler offers two strategies for sorting a deceased loved one's belongings: photograph items to preserve memories, and ask whether each thing was meaningful to you or to them. He shares how his son's algebra book felt less important than a favorite shirt, and urges supporters to offer non-judgmental help when someone is ready.
Here's what I recommend to people in grief when it's time to begin to consider releasing some belongings, and I know it's really hard. I'm David Kessler. I'm a grief and loss specialist and a bereaved person. We want to keep everything, and the truth is you can't keep everything, but you can take pictures of everything. And we get the same psychological response from looking at a picture as we do looking at the object. The other thing that you can do when you're thinking about keeping or releasing something that was your loved one's, you can ask, "Is this object meaningful to me?" But then ask, "Was it meaningful to them?" When my son died, I wanted to keep everything. And I remember going through his old school things and seeing his algebra book and going, "Was this meaningful to me? Absolutely, 'cause it's his." And then I thought, "Is it meaningful to him?" Oh, he didn't wanna see that algebra book when he was alive, much less for me to keep it now, versus his favorite shirt that was meaningful to him and so meaningful to me. So if you're in grief and you think, "I have to keep everything," that's normal. Then in time, it may grow into wanting to keep the things that are just meaningful to both of you. And if you know someone, you have a friend or family member who's in grief that's struggling with belongings, No judgment. Just let them know whenever they're ready to go through things, you will lovingly support them. Let me know your thoughts and follow for more information and support.
