E35: Want What You Have

What if the key to happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have? Welcome to Invisible Solutions. I'm your host, Steven Shapiro. Each week we tackle your most complex problems using the lenses from my book, Invisible Solutions. If you need the lenses, go to get with that. Let's get started with today's episode. And in today's episode, we're going to take a slightly different perspective on things. What we're really going to do is instead of trying to get more, which is really one of the goals of innovation is how can we change? How can we improve? How can we get more for our business and our life, today we're going to pause and reflect on what we already have and using that as a cornerstone for being able to have greater appreciation in our lives. Before we get to today's episode, I just wanted to mention that I've launched a new program for those of you who are interested in invisible solutions. I've launched something called my Invisible Solutions Mastermind. If you're listening to this program and you are a leader in innovation or strategy or you're an executive position inside of a company, definitely contact me to learn more about the Invisible Solutions Mastermind. And if you go to invisiblesolutionsmastermind.com, you will have an opportunity to actually learn more about this program. If it is something of interest to you and if you fit the bill, please schedule time. I would love to speak with you. So now that that's out of the way, I'd love to get to today's episode. Just the other day here in the United States, it was Thanksgiving. And I just want to say, first of all, I'm thankful for everyone who is listening to right now for taking the time out of your busy days and your busy schedule to take a few moments to listen to this. And what I wanted to share with you today is something from a book of mine from over 15 years ago. It was 2005 when the book came out, and the book was called Goal Free Living. That's a book about how to live a life without goals. And I know this might sound a little strange to a lot of people, and if it's a book you're interested in checking out, excellent. You can find it on Amazon. But I'm not here to try to sell you the book. I'm here to share with you one of the stories from the book that I think is very powerful. And given that we are coming out of Thanksgiving here in the United States, it seemed appropriate. It was in chapter number four of the book which is titled Want what you have. Want what you have. And when I look at most self help books, they talk about how to have what you want. Basically how to get all the things that you want out of your life. But maybe you're already there. So I want to share a little passage from this. It starts off with a story from a book called 11 Minutes by Paulo Coelho, which was published actually the year before my book. And it's a very short passage, but I think it's very powerful. And then I'll read a little bit more of the book just so you can get a sense of why I think it's very powerful to be thankful. So here is the beginning of chapter four from goal free living. In the book 11 minutes by Paulo Coelho, the main character is a prostitute who makes the following observation. Of course everyone spoke ill of her profession, but basically it was all a question of selling her time like everyone else. Doing things she didn't want to do like everyone else. Putting up with horrible people like everyone else. Handing over her precious body and her precious soul in the name of a future that never arrived like everyone else. Saying that she still didn't have enough. Like everyone else, waiting just a little bit longer. Like everyone else. Waiting so that she could earn just a little bit more. Postponing the realization of her dreams. She was too busy right now. She had great opportunities ahead of her loyal clients who were waiting for her. So that's the end of the passage. And I only use the prostitute story as an analogy for a common predicament. Many people are willing to sacrifice today for something better in the future. And while the prostitute may not have had a choice, many of us do. We end up doing things we'd rather not do. We work in jobs we don't like. We surround ourselves with people we would normally not to choose to be with. We are not satisfied with what we have now, thinking that something better will come later. Without action. This longing for more is never satisfied. Rather than appreciate what we have right now, or what we've achieved right now, we bank on the belief that the future will be better. We have convinced ourselves that the achievement of our goal is what will bring us happiness. Yet that better future rarely arrives. Even if a goal is achieved, it often does not feed the soul. Therefore, the longing for more continues. The challenge is to want what you have. Only when you have a deep appreciation for where you are today can you truly begin to dream about what's possible. Your goals are no longer driven by an insatiable desire for more. The future is not a place to get to. It serves as a context for igniting passion. Today, we're usually too busy to dream. We get stuck in a rut driven by ill conceived goals. We are waiting so that we can earn just a little bit more or find the right time, therefore postponing the realization of our dreams Measure life Buy your own yardstick. When I ask people how happy they are on a scale from 1 to 10, most people say about 7 or 8. And although this might sound like a reasonably high level of happiness, when asked to Describe what a 5 out of 10 looks like, it is often compared to deep depression. Therefore, a 7 or 8 is only a small step from a life of misery, regardless of where you are and how you define your scale. What if you could get your Life to a 9 or 10 or a 9.5 instantly? The answer can be found in one simple word, appreciation. We live in a society where we've convinced ourselves we need more. Life won't be complete until we have that plasma screen. I'll be happy when I get a new car. I'll be happy when I can afford a larger house. It's only been in recent times that many of these things even existed. The car wasn't popular until the early 1900s when Henry Ford produced the Model T television didn't become popular until the 1950s. The computer, the Internet, broadband cell phones, these are all relatively new phenomena. Were people unhappy before these items were available? Of course not. Are we happier now that we have these inventions? I think that's doubtful. When we compare ourselves to others, we create dissatisfaction. One of the most powerful elements to keep in your life is appreciation. A wise boss of mine once taught me this lesson. He told me, never concern myself with my colleagues salaries. He said, quote when you get your paycheck, do not compare your salary to that of others. Instead, ask yourself if you're getting reasonable compensation for the work you have done when you compare your situation to that of others and it will only create dissatisfaction for everyone. End quote I later realized this principle holds true for life in general. Look for the great things in your life rather than the negatives. Don't focus on what others have. Focus on what you have. Focus on the wonderful things in your life right now rather than what you think you want to have in the future. One of my rituals is to wake up each morning and take a mental stock of how incredible my life is. I'm always amazed when I do this because I discover that many truly wonderful experiences have happened to me, this sets the stage for the rest of my day. Instead of wanting more, I truly feel as though anything else is icing on the cake. No matter who you are or what has happened to you, you should be able to find pleasure in the simplest experiences. Take a walk along the beach on a sunny day. Savor a meal you're eating, whether it's a great grilled cheese or grilled salmon. By the way, try eating blindfolded without speaking. It does heighten your sense of taste. Be inspired by your friends and family. Take a relaxing bath and reflect on life. Fly a kite, smell a flower. You can be deeply grateful for so many things. Appreciate regardless of the Circumstances People often say to me, hey Steven, it's easy for you to want what you have because you have so much. And yes, look, I am fortunate to not be in debt, to have a loving family, to have a wonderful career, to have good health. And although it might be easier for me than many others, I have met some profound people over the years who are able to appreciate where they are regardless of their circumstances. I remember the summer when I was 19 years old and during my break from college. I worked in a warehouse in the maintenance department. The work was back breaking. We would tear down cinder block walls, put up new offices, move boxes and furniture, bake in the sun while pulling up weeds by hand. I was young and in reasonably good shape, but I was so exhausted every day after work that I had no social life. I would go home, crash on the sofa, watch tv, go to sleep early. I was drained of every last ounce of energy. This experience made me appreciate my college education even more. It became clear that I would not want this life forever. More importantly, I learned that being happy with life is just a state of mind. A man I worked with in the warehouse, Manny was one of the happiest people I ever met. Truly, truly happy. We would talk during our lunch breaks and he would tell me how much he loved his life. I had a hard time believing him at first because Manny not only worked 40 hours a week at this job, but every day at 5pm he went to another job for eight hours on weekends he worked for a landscaping company. I was a strong 19 year old and I could barely muster the energy for 40 hours a week. Manny was in his 30s and worked 100 hours a week. I asked him how could he be so happy given his plight? Plight? He questioned. I feel blessed. My family and I were in Puerto Rico. We moved here many years ago. We love living here in the United States. I have A wonderful life with my three healthy children. What more could I want? When you measure your life by your own yardstick, it's easier to appreciate what you have, regardless of your circumstances. What might seem like an unfortunate circumstance is really an unfortunate state of mind. As long as you appreciate your life, then, well, what you do is not as important as how you do it. Okay, you say, but what about when you're really in a rough spot? What about the times when it seems as though you have nothing, when everything seems to be going wrong? No matter what your external situation is, you always have yourself, your attitude towards life and the value you create in your life and the value you create for others. The ability to appreciate life is directly related to the meaning you attach to your life. A well known example of this is the character George Bailey, which was played by Jimmy Stewart in the movie It's a Wonderful Life. Apparently having lost all, George is suicidal. But when the angel Clarence shows him the impact he's made on others, he realizes the value his life and chooses to live. Another great inventor, Buckminster Fuller, was a real life George Bailey. In 1927, at the age of 32, Bucky stood on the shores of Lake Michigan, prepared to throw himself into the freezing waters. His first child had died. He was bankrupt, discredited and jobless. He had a wife and a newborn daughter and no way to support them. On the verge of suicide and reflecting on his experiences, he discovered that he had been happy, effective and prosperous in direct relationship to the number of people and whose interest he was working at any given moment. Maximum happiness, effectiveness and prosperity, he reasoned, could only be achieved by working for all people everywhere. Like a true scientist, he made the rest of his life an explicitly documented public experiment designed to test this hypothesis. He called it an experiment to discover what the little penniless unknown individual might be able to do effectively on behalf of all humanity. And over the next 54 years, he did very well indeed. During the course of his remarkable experiment, he was awarded 25 US patents, authored 28 books, received 47 honorary doctorates, and has achieved so much more. Another moving example of appreciation in light of adversity is a story that comes From Paula K. P.K. bevel, Ph.D. when I pulled into the driveway in Atlanta, Georgia to meet P.K. and her team from Second Wind Dreams, I was ready for something special. But I didn't know quite what. Second Wind Dreams, it turns out, is a nonprofit organization that grants dreams to people in nursing homes. The dreams are vast and varied from finding long lost friends to swimming with dolphins to a trip to a favorite restaurant, or sometimes as mundane as getting reading glasses. One of PK's first Dream recipients was May Bailey, who wowed CNN and most of the nation as her dream of riding all roller coasters at Six Flags Over Georgia came true. Although blind and in a wheelchair and on dialysis, in her mind there was no reason why she couldn't enjoy a day at the amusement park she visited many years before. With a huge yellow bow in her hair and to the amazement of onlookers, she rode all seven roller coasters in a row. One of the cameramen threw up after the third ride and opted out. Oh my lands, was all she could say as she rode each one. She laughed and couldn't believe she was having so much fun and that her dream really had come true. According to the nursing home staff, May talked about that day for the rest of her life. She's since passed away, but her dream lives on. She taught those around her about having fun in spite of difficulties. By dreaming and being willing to ignore her circumstances, she showed how to bring out the kid and all of us who still dream but feel we're too old and grown up to act on our desires. Instead of focusing on what she didn't have, she focused on the great things in her life. And there's more to this chapter and of course, more to the book, but I just felt like it was appropriate to share this with you today, given that we just had Thanksgiving here in the United States. I wanted to give thanks to you for being with me today, and I hope you take an opportunity to listen to this and have an appreciation for everything you have in your life. I'm grateful that I've been able to do what I do, and I'm grateful that we've had these few minutes to spend together. Have a wonderful holiday season and I look forward to being with you very soon. Sam.