Do You Have A Toxic Gossiper In Your Workplace?

That's really funny. Oh, hello, yes, Gossip, Gossip. It's a typical thing that you'll find in any organization. But today and in this video we're going to try and find out why it is unflattering and why it can be quite damaging to your organization. With me as usual, we have Peter. Natra, welcome back.

Thank you very much.

So let's start identify what is gossip.

Well, that's a very interesting point. So we've probably all had the experience in the, around the coffee station of the mornings when on a Monday morning, let's say, and everybody's coming back and saying, hey, you know, what did you do on the weekend? Oh yeah, yeah, I watched the footy. Really? Did you see that pass? Oh man, he really should have, he really should have caught that ball. Okay, we're already starting to talk about the football player. Goes on for a little bit. And then by the way, do you know about Joe? Have you seen Joe around the stationary cabinet? And we're off into a whole different tangent. And this is the slippery slope of gossip. We can start talking about stories, we feel good about it, we've got something to contribute, and next thing we're looking for another topic and it suddenly becomes gossip.

So the key question then, why do people gossip? Is it just because it's just a normal interaction of the day to day?

I think normal for some people, normal for people who like the. There is actually an emotional payoff if you can deliver something to another person that they go, oh, wow, gee whiz, I didn't know that. Then there is this bubble of, well, I've done something, I've told somebody something that was really they never heard of before. I mean, this is the innocent version, of course, but then that turns into a ping pong match or tennis match if you want to call it because, well, you told me a story, I've got to come up with a story. Did you hear about Fred?

Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. So what is the underlying behavior? So the motivation behind the gossip?

To be better than or to be higher than somebody else in the station? We're more holy than that person. We're more pristine than that person, if you want to use that word.

And it's also attention seeking. So someone who really gossips, well, they sort of attract quite a few followers, you know. Tell me more.

Yes, back in the day it used to be called the gossip gland. We're working the gossip gland.

In what environment does gossip thrive?

In an environment that allows that to happen. I think there's organizations out there that say, okay, look, you know, and part of the interview process is, you know, when you're talking to somebody, do you tend to get roped into conversations? And that's always a very interesting leading question because it's implying that we don't tolerate gossip. We can have normal, yeah, the footy was great, blah, blah, blah, but then move into it. Some organizations, you can spend the whole morning talking about things that have absolutely no meaning or bearing on what you're supposed to be doing.

So this is a question we talked about before, but is it a stage where it sort of crosses the line, where it becomes abusive?

Yes.

I don't know if there's anything that leads before that, but is there a line, like a virtual line where that is.

Yes. And there's actually two lines. The line number one is people can say, oh, it's just very innocent gossip. We're just talking about the weather, we're just talking about the politicians or the royals or whatever it might be. But that's wasting time. You're actually robbing time from your conversation.

Correct.

That's a, that's a soft kind of crossing of the line. The other crossing of the line is now when we are talking about other co workers or we're talking about clients, or we're talking about other significant people to the organization and we start talking. The word salacious comes to mind. We start talking salaciously to trade off on.

Yeah. So that leads me to the next question, which is, you know, why or how does it get from maybe sort of a general gossip that you have on a day to day to something that's quite poisonous, what's the instigation that leads to it and why does it.

Well, let's pick on poor Fred again, Right? Yes. So if I tell you something about Fred and you go, really? That doesn't sound right. Like I won't look at Fred the same way again. Now you need to interact with Fred. What happens? You now are interacting with Fred with that concept in mind that is probably furthest from the truth. So your relationship, your working relationship with Fred is now tainted.

Yeah, yeah.

And that can roll on forward and the other. Yeah, that's probably the most, the most insidious form. And you start treating Fred differently. And Fred's going, what's wrong? Did I not put deodorant on?

Yeah, yeah. But could you, could you get a sort of environment where you could have a number of people that are sort of trying to up the game?

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. So the gossip stakes are competitive. And you get gold medal winners.

Now. So let's reverse it just as a side question. Why or how could it be bad for the actual gossiper?

So I'm telling you about Fred. Yes. Right. And you're going, well, I never knew that about Fred. That's horrible. And in the back of your mind you're thinking, what am I saying about you?

Yeah, yeah. Correct.

So you start treating me with a little bit of kid gloves and distance and. Yeah. And the whole trust environment inside of an organization can become eroded very rapidly that way.

It does indeed. Let me throw some words to you. In sort of respect to having gossip, what does integrity mean as part of that sort of equation?

The assumption is that the person who gossips gossips for the gee whiz value rather than for the factual value.

Yes.

So the integrity of their data, if you want to call it that way, can be suspect. But then that implies the integrity of that person is also.

Yeah.

To be taken with a grain of salt.

Honesty.

Most gossip is not honest. It's overblown.

Yeah, no, no, that's true. That's such a. Respect.

Again, how can you respect somebody that will tell you everybody's nasty little secrets? And how do you now respect the people that you are now without your wanting to knowing something true or false about that affects your view of those people?

Yeah. So how does gossip sort of fuel the dysfunction of the organization?

Doubt, mistrust, misinformation, acting on information that has been heard secondhand, acting in relation to other people in ways that they don't really deserve.

Yeah.

You'll end up actually, the people who will have no bar of it will basically say that's it, I'm out of here.

Yeah. And I'm sure you've come across situations where management or certain organizations actually tolerate gossip. But the question is, if they do tolerate that sort of behavior and rumour mongering, what then happens to the organization if left untreated?

Well, that, that actually raises a whole different scenario. Because if the, if, if upper management tolerates gossip, which means that they're part of the gossip club. I like that. How do you relate to somebody who is your, your manager, your immediate superior or your, your next couple levels up? Superior who you, you know, gossips. How do you trust that person?

Correct. Correct is. Sorry, let me step back. How bad can it actually get for the organization? So what are the risks if left untreated? If nothing gets done?

Well, nothing gets done. That's self evident. But you've got to look at it as well too you're gossiping about clients, clients. You're gossiping about internals. You're gossiping about people that you. Your suppliers. The rot can go all over the place. And now you're suddenly needing to deal with these people. Putting all of that that you heard aside, you're probably saying, I'm taking all of that with a grain of salt, but somehow you still have to sideline that to deal with these people.

Yeah, correct.

And eventually it will show up in the way that you're dealing with these people. And with your.

Is there a useful area or fact for those that do gossip or even for the organization? Is there a positive element to it?

You're talking about the Ministry of Disinformation. Don't think so. I could be proven wrong. You know, I think it's just a nasty rumor, actually.

Yeah. Okay. Comedian today. Yes. Okay, so let's wrap it up. What is the key takeaway from.

From this gossip is something that needs to be kept in check. If it starts going rampant, it'll be. It'll be. It'll infect the whole organization. You'll find that people lose trust in each other. You'll find that people who need to depend on each other probably will at each other a little bit askance. And look, I'm not saying the organization will fall apart, but then again, I'm not saying it won't.

Yeah, okay, excellent. So with that, thank you very much for watching. The next video will be about bullying.

Yes, yes. Very good topic.

Thank you.