Do You Have A Toxic Passive-Agressive In Your Workforce?

Dealing with co workers conflict can be somewhat uncomfortable no matter what the situation is. But it gets tricky when you're dealing with someone who has a personality of a passive aggressive. You don't know where you stand. So in this video we're going to take a deep dive in what this personality is all about and understand what the root cause. And there's no better person for me to ask than, than Peter Matra. Peter, what is a passive aggressive? What, what's the behavior here?

It's a very confusing behavior because I tell you what, I'm angry that you're confused. You're never going to find out because I'm never going to show you that I'm angry. So I'm just going to be very, very quiet about it. But you'll find out.

You'll find out. Exactly. Keep going.

And by the way, don't think that I'm going to forget this because in two years time I'm still going to remember this.

It's a video to watch too. Yes. So what is passive aggressive? And you laid a perfect example of such behavior.

So passive aggressive is a person who wants to be essentially having their way, but is too wanting to stay inside of the social norms so that they will never engage in behaviour that crosses a line, that goes across a line. So they will do, they will express their displeasure, they will express their disagreement, not in direct terms and they will find polite ways.

Yeah. So can you just sort of explain in sort of what do you mean by crossing the line?

So we talked earlier about bullying. Passive aggressive is essentially a borderline bullying. In fact, you could almost call it a bullying if you're on the receiving end of it and for a long time. But there are certain social awarenesses of a bully who is overtly a bully that would be crossing the line. If you are engaging in overt bullying tactics, then you can say that's a bully. But for a passive aggressive they will be always within the social norms, but they will certainly make life uncomfortable for you. But they won't cross the line into overt bullying.

Okay, great. Thanks for the clarification. So let me, let me ask you some questions more around the disruptive behavior and I'll just call out some words and I want to see how you react and your take on it. So let's start off with temporary compliance. How does that.

Yes, part of a passive aggressive. You'll find that if a passive aggressive doesn't agree with what it is that you're proposing, let's say you're a manager and you're proposing this to someone, you'll find that there is a very lukewarm agreement with unspecified timelines, with unspecified actions. But yes, of course. Yes, of course, you're right.

Intent. Intentional inefficiencies.

Yes, that is, especially if you can justify the intentional inefficiencies. Oh, look, the photocopy broke down. No, the stapler. I think Fred had the stapler. Poor Freddie's copying it. Those kinds of inefficiencies that frustrate and the frustration is borderline bullying. So.

And it could lead to sort of deliberately undermining either projects or tasks.

Absolutely, absolutely. We touched before a little bit. On gossiping, you can, you can kind of. Again, this is. This is covert gossiping. It's like, do you really think this project is worthwhile?

Yes.

Do you think we're actually going to make all that money that everybody says we're going to make out of this?

Good point.

I don't know whether we should be doing this. What do you think?

What do you think? Sabotaging either the manager, the boss, colleague.

If you can recruit a number of people to what you can present as a reasonable argument in your passiveness, that creates a justification and it keeps the status, it keeps your status as being a very proper and correct person because just look at all of these other people that agree with me.

Yeah, exactly.

So it's this recruitment process that can happen and something to be aware of, actually, if you are inadvertently being recruited on board with something.

Good point. Engaging in immature behavior.

Yes. A petulant attitude, although that can become too overt. It's more likely that the person who is passive aggressive will have a blank face, no emotion. And it's really hard to motivate somebody who is passively, aggressively resisting you because you're giving your best pep talk, your best coaches speech, and this person is sitting there going, mm, mm. And that is so frustrating.

Yeah. When you get no feedback. Last but not least, let's say talk about chronic tardiness or even absent.

Yeah. And again, this can be. This can be to chip away at what it is that the individual, again, going back to the beginning, this person might not like you. So there are a million ways of annoying you to the point of getting you quite frustrated and quite enraged always. And the trick here is, if they can get you enraged, then they don't have to become aggressive.

Ah, yes, that is so true. Why do they behave the way they do?

Essentially, they are a bully in disguise. So they are. They are wanting to have their way. Some would Call them bulldozers, but bulldozers are just totally open and above board.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they are. They are covertly driving the agenda in spite of the directions that are being given to them, especially from a managerial perspective. Can be really, really frustrating and counterproductive.

What are some of the sort of common traits that you, you think you can think of? And I'll chip in a few as well.

The common traits? Yeah, generally a very controlled demeanor, a very precise way of being.

Yeah.

And always, always to be looking at as somebody above reproach.

Would you consider that, for example, gossip as part of their weapons?

Yes, but control, gossip. You would not expect them to get viscerally involved. They would not get emotionally agitated about the exploits of the manager or whatever it might be. They, they're very calm and very precise and almost surgical in the area there.

Yeah. And it'll be also similar if they want to, for example, intentionally make a joke or, or you know, subvert a corporate policy or procrastinate or, you know, something like that. One thing I wanted to ask you is school keeping.

Yes. Score keeping. The little black book. So back in 1995. Look, and the thing is that the schoolkeeping is a lever that can be trotted out at any particular point in time to quietly reassert control at any given time.

But it's also an excuse, isn't it? Because this happened at that date.

Correct.

I am seeking my, my, my turn.

Yes, yes. And you know, because you did this back then, I, I'm now totally justified in doing it this way. So what's your story?

Yes, correct. Now, this sort of an unusual question. Can it become the norm, per se. So. Well, maybe I should step backwards because it's very hard to identify someone who's passive aggressive from an external person. They, they might just see a person who's maybe sabotage a meeting or something like that. But they probably won't understand that here's a person that is acting or is a person with this type of personality. So when they see a person acting that way, could they say, well, if that person was allowed to abuse a corporate policy or be absent in a key meeting, yeah, why can I do it?

Well, that is true. And it's kind of like a me too factor. Well, you know, if everybody's doing it, why shouldn't I do it? Which is, I guess, a human thing. But it also comes down to strength of character. One of the interesting things about passive aggressive is it doesn't show itself until you go contrary to their intentions to the way they see the world happening, and that's when problems start. So the passive aggressive can be nicely hidden until something happens that goes against their way that they perceive the world should be. So it's a bit of a sleeper.

Okay, so that leads me to the next question, which is would you expect to find it in most organizations or is it quite a rare.

Yeah, it's in a lot of organizations.

Lots of organizations.

And it doesn't show until the rubber hits the road.

Okay. Okay. So the question then is if it does show itself in many organizations, how would. What would be the consequence for an organization? What would be the impact of having people like that.

As an organisational leader? You've got to ask yourself, who's driving the show? You have people around you that you need to enact your policies, your directions. And we all know that sometimes as an employee, they're tough to do, you know?

Yes.

You need to ring Joe Blow because he owes us.

Correct.

Buckets of money. I don't want to do that. But you have to.

Yes.

So in a passive aggressive way, that can become an issue if unpopular directions that are necessary. No doubt.

Yeah.

Are softballed, are sidelined, are made sandbagged. That's the word.

Yes.

I put into. Put into the. Into the holding bin.

Yeah. Yeah. So how bad can it actually get for an organization if they just don't treat it? Well, I suppose it's going to be pretty hard to treat if they don't know what's going on. But if you allow a person to have their way, how bad could it actually get?

Assuming you recognize it, you still need to be very, very careful about what you get these people to be engaged with. Potentially. There are many things that they are quite on board with, they can quite line up behind, and that's fine to get them to go along with that, but not something that you would like to have as somebody who you have to make an unpopular request of. Hmm.

Let me throw out a word to you. Accountability. What does that mean when you're talking to a person like that?

All good. Unless it affects their worldview.

Okay, so let's wrap it up. What is the key takeaway with this?

So a passive aggressive person is somebody who looks beautiful on the outside, and I'm talking both male and female. They're a perfect employee until they're not. If you're not aware that this is a potentiality, then that can be a pothole that you can step into. And the first time you do, it can be quite a surprise. So I think the key takeaway is to understand the people that are around you.

That's such a key takeaway with that. Thank you very much for watching. And stay tuned to the next video. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, Peter.