Episode #4: The BLAME GAME

Imagine you're heading an important project. Deadline is looming, but it's been delayed and you want to know why. So you assemble the team in a boardroom, and before you know it, everyone is blaming someone else. Peter, what is going on? What is the mind game, which we call the blame game?

The dog ate my homework.

The dog ate my homework. Yes, indeed. Why do people blame?

Because they need to feel that they haven't lost their prestige, power, position and are looking for a reason, which is another metaphor or a flag word or something to blame to explain what's been going on, why that hasn't happened.

So what was that Bart Simpson that you were going to mention?

The Bart Simpson?

Yes.

I didn't do it. You didn't see me, and you cannot prove it anyway.

Okay, so now you have it. So what are the signs of blame game, apart from finger pointing?

The signs of the blame game are. Okay, previous to that meeting, previous to that moment where everybody has to front up and say, this is where we're at. Part of the blame game also works around where are we at? Along the lines. Because if we. If we get to that point without actually testing where our milestones are at, project leader, we actually set ourselves up for that. So there is a certain amount of responsibility. One of the signs is, yeah, I've got that. I'll have that for you by tomorrow. Yeah, no, that's fine. Moving along.

Yes. Yeah.

And that is a red flag for a manager to say, maybe, yes, we treat this person as an adult. But that's not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear, I'm 40% through the milestone. I'm 50% through to the milestone, whatever the story might be. Correct. That's more of the. That's more of the answer that needs to happen.

I was going to put a side question because the mind game is very related to time.

Correct.

Where it routed to something about a different behavior or a different context.

It is, yes. And it's also down to ability as well, too. Or.

It'S the promise. So sort of part of it is promising to others the results. You know, I've been employed with these skills and I've got to produce a certain outcome.

Yeah.

What's going on here? So they're trying to save face.

Yes. Or paper. Over the fact that they were just plain lazy.

So what is the underlying issue in.

Terms of their behavior not taking responsibility? It's very, very simple. And look, let's go back two weeks before the deadline is due. If an individual is saying, I'm not going to be able to meet that deadline, whatever the reason might be. That's the time to stick your hand up and say, hey, you know, I'm only 40% through. I should be 60% through. Might need some help here. And then all. And that's taking responsibility.

Okay, so what is the, what is the impact to the organization or even blaming others? What is the sort of surrounding impact or negative effect that when you allow blaming to take place?

So imagine that you're part of the team and you have been absolutely spot on. You've broken all land speed records to get your project, you're part of the project in on time and Billy Bloggs over there suddenly says, oh, well, you know, the dog ate my breakfast, my homework. How does that make that individual feel? Well, what did I do all of that work for? Was that in vain? So that's one thing. The other thing is to, even if that, even if that project does come across the line, it's limping across the line. It implies that, that that element of the project, somebody else has picked up the slack on that.

Correct.

Somebody else has had to take the weight of that responsibility and make it happen.

Let me pose you this question. If the blame is taken by the manager, the executive, and it basically filters down, are we setting a precedence for a blame culture?

Yes, absolutely. Because people will line up with the way that their manager handles things. And if the manager does it well, it must be right.

Correct. So how dangerous is that?

Oh, totally dangerous. Totally dangerous. And it's not just that some projects, and you're probably aware of some of these projects, you can fudge it.

Yes.

The details only come out when the rubber hits the road from that project by which side the team has long gone on to another project and that falls over. So there are so many variations on that. Not good.

So what happens if the organization is allowed or allowing that person to continue blaming? So that's.

Well, you're literally taking one wheel out of the cog mechanism, putting strain on the rest of the organization. Because one would imagine that you still need to perform as an organization or as a team or as a project. So who's going to fill in for that gap? And if that person wasn't there not fulfilling that role, would the team function actually better?

Correct. Yeah, that's, that's a good question to Christian. So what is the difference between sort of blaming others and then from an accountability perspective or responsibility perspective?

Yeah, so I like to, I know this is wordplay. I like to take the word responsibility and break it down into the ability to respond. A lot of people have come across that. But if you take responsibility for something and things are not going the way that they should be going, you still have the ability to respond. That could be by saying, hey, manager, I need to have an extra pair of hands here, or I need to have extra computing power or I need to have a new laptop. I don't know what the story might be. And if that's done in a timely manner, then the ability to respond is made much more. If that is going to throw the timeline out, at least you know about it when the deadline is due. And perhaps the manager has been able to get an extension, manage expectations at the receiving end, whatever. But it is the ability to respond without taking responsibility, you lose the ability to respond.

Do they actually feel that they've got that ability to respond? Do you think that when they start.

Blaming others, if you're in an environment.

Or is there just an excuse?

Actually, and this is from experience, because we're all human, we all stuff up, right? What is it when you turn around and say, hey, I stuffed up. This is how, this is what I did, this is what I should have done and it's not going to happen again, all of a sudden you just take the heat out of all of the imagined consequences that you terrify yourself with by saying, I'm not going to say anything. Maybe I can get away with it by just saying, hey, I stuffed up, this is what I did, this is what I'm going to do about it and it's not going to happen again. And in nine times out of 10, that's your esteem will rise. Probably about the third time when you do that, people start wondering. So it's not a habit that you can form and that is taking responsibility.

And that is a good point. What is the key message around here?

But blame game, it doesn't serve anyone. The moment that you start blaming, you're essentially making excuses. And it doesn't feel good to be blaming or pushing responsibility to somebody else because you're going to be working with these people and assuming that they're picking up your slack, then you've got a rocky road to travel to get these people to look at you and regard you again in some form of respect.

Good point. So with that, we finished the blame game. The next one should be oh no, Molly Mater game.

Yes.

That should be interesting.

Yes.

So with that look, thank you. And if you like this video, check out my new book, the Human side of Power. The human side of Power. The human side of silence. I'm getting it wrong all the time. And I wrote the book ignore at your own peril so you can get your own free copy of the book. The link will be down below with that. Thank you and see you next time.

Thank you.