Episode #6: The CONTROLLER GAME

Welcome to episode six, the mind games that people play within an organization. Today's topic is the controller game. I have Peter Nadra with me again to provide you with all the intricacies and overviews of what the controller game is all about. So let's start with that. What is it?

A controller is somebody who seeks to control your actions or your day to day movements if you like, with no real authority, I suppose, to do that.

Okay, so why would they behave that way?

Because they want to be boss.

Let's call it a spade.

A spade.

Okay, so what is the sort of root cause? I mean, why do they want to be the boss? What's driving them that way?

It's a fear. It's a fear that if they don't have control over certain things or people, that their worldview or their world will fall apart. So they're extremely pedantic about how things should happen, how the world around them should be, and if it doesn't suit what their worldview looks like, then they try to control that.

Correct. And so what happens is that if they have a feeling of certainty. Correct. And then outside of it, if something happens like a crisis or an incident, they have no way of coping.

Correct. They have no way of coping. There's no ability to bounce back, think inside, take internal responsibility and then change the way that the game is played. It's like, you know, today is Monday we wear the red tie, tomorrow is Tuesday we wear the blue tie. Or put these shoes on and today's high heels if you're a lady. And tomorrow is flatties.

Yes.

It's that kind of control that people need to take. Yeah. We all have certain systems, but the moment we start imposing those systems external to us, often for a game for gain is the game is the gain, then we run the risk of becoming a controller.

Correct. So how do colleagues feel about it when they're sort of in the presence of someone who's trying to either control them or someone else?

Well, it depends on whether they're. They're an independent or an enabler.

Okay.

So I'm not sure, but I think we've all, you know, many of us will have seen the Police Academy movies and the obvious controller in that is the character Mouser and his enabler is Proctor.

Yes.

And they bounce off each other and they internally agree that this is the way things must be. Yes. And then they proceed to roll that out or attempt to roll that out to everybody around them who in the series. That can lead to some very common consequences. In real Life. It can lead to some very dramatic consequences. But a controller is looking for enablers, people that are essentially saying, yes, I will go along with that. But there's absolutely no control. There's no hierarchy that says these people are in control.

Yeah. Let's look at, from a slightly different perspective. What is the difference between, for example, someone who's a boss.

Yep.

To someone who's trying to control.

So the boss is in control.

Correct.

And look, there's a whole different game there as well, too, where bosses abdicate control. But if you are looking at your supervisor, your team leader, these are the people that are the conductor of the orchestra.

Correct.

You look to them for the way the music is flowing, the way that the work is supposed to be going, what sequence we're doing it in, what your job is, and that then dovetails with somebody else's job. This is all part of the supervisor boss situation. It's when you have somebody who's parallel to you in that organizational ranking or even below you, who suddenly starts taking, Making you feel accountable to them about what you're doing. And look, sometimes you need to know, when's this project going to be finished? Because my project is dependent on that one. That's fair enough. But if it becomes arbitrary and if it becomes. What's another word, maybe haughty, then you're dealing with the controller.

Talk to me about, and we've seen this in quite a few organizations, those people who micromanage.

Micromanage is another fear. It's literally, there is only one way to do this, and this is the way it is. This is the sequence of ants, or this is the tick boxes in this order that need to be ticked off.

Correct. But it's also not a form of control.

It is another form of control. And this can happen from the top down, or it can happen from people that you're working with. No, I'm not going to do that now. Because you need to do this first.

Correct.

And maybe there's an operational need for that to happen, but oftentimes, if they're being micromanaged, it really doesn't matter as long as that particular bit of work is done and you can pass that on to the next person. So micromanagement can be rather. Well, it's inflexible, but the inflexibility means that there is no evolved evolution of things that people can say, wow, that was a really good way of doing. Maybe we can roll that out across the team.

Yep.

Yep.

What. What are the typical signs that we, in the Presence of someone who's a sort of a controller. I mean, I would have thought it was pretty easy to realize from the behavior, but I just thought, okay, you.

Know, look, if, if, if, if you're having an interaction with somebody, because you can have a covert controller as well too. If you're in the. If you're having an interaction with somebody, you walk away thinking, now why are they asking me to do that? And who are they to ask me?

Yes, correct.

You're probably in the presence of a controller.

Y. Let me throw some words to you like last time. Yes. Fear. So they use fear as a means of controlling.

Yes. So from the controller's perspective, their fear is that if things aren't running the way that they see them to be run, that's something that they've got a vested interest in. Will run, counter, will fall apart. What they're trying to do is engender a fear into the person who is. Who they hope to become the enabler by turning them into saying, well, look, you know, there are unspecified dire circumstances or consequences. If this, if you don't answer my question, which, which a lot of people get, and this is an element of bullying, a lot of people get subtly bullied into where they go, okay, right, well, no problems, and then automatically you fall into the enabler. Cor. Now if you do that consciously and you say, okay, I choose to do this, it's fine. But if you get railroaded and knee jerked into it, then you're in a controller enabler situation.

Do you dominate meetings?

They do.

They do, yeah. Look, let's leave it at that. And I like this quote. It's their way or the highway. Yes, exactly. They tend not to be active listeners. Would you agree on that?

Sorry, what did you say?

They tend not to. I fell for that one.

Absolutely. And active listening means not just hearing the words, it means actually understanding what the implication of the words means. So a lot of controllers go, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and.

And then they proceed to lay out the world according to their view. So that is actually a really big sign.

Well, they could say but as well.

Yes.

Which negates everything what happened spoken before.

And if they're really sophisticated, they won't say, but they'll say and.

Oh, alrighty. Okay, okay, let's take it to another higher level. Could they be vindictive?

Yes, yes. Again, let's go back to the police academy example. You know, when Proctor doesn't get his ways, he plans his revenge.

Yes.

So, yeah, there's that capability quite, quite definitely.

Yep. I wanted to tie off the idea you just mentioned of the maybe the difference between controlling bullying. Because bullying also could be some form of control. Correct?

It is, it's a very, it's a, it's a very rough form of control.

Yeah, it is a rough form.

You can get subtle controllers and then you can get the rough end of the stick.

Okay, what do you think are the risks to the organization by someone who's somewhat or quite a bit plays this type of game, a controlling game in.

An organization you actually, you actually hire people for their individual talents and their individual insights. Everybody comes to an organization and brings something to the table. By trying to shuts down that capability, your organization as a whole tends to lose out on the incredible talent and creativity and innovation. That's a really good word, innovation that the diverse opinions can bring to a situation.

Oh that. I totally agree. I mean they're very much in terms of shutting down other point of view because again it's the. It's not their views, it's not their comfort and it's breaching their certainty.

So yeah, so you know, it gets back to that statement you said before. It's my way or the highway. Well, that is such an. It may work, it may work now, but will it work in six months, six years, whatever time everybody needs to be in an evolving community, especially in this day and age where we just have to dance on the crests of the waves.

Basically a side question that was just maybe as an opinion because we've seen a lot of views of for example, Steve Jobs being the CEO of Apple, being somewhat controlling or very controlling. Is that the sort of consensus that a lot of people would.

Would. I agree with that, yes. And I think everybody will also agree that Steve Jobs was the boss.

Yes, correct. Correct. So let's wrap it up. What is the key takeaway from a person that behaves in a controlling manner or the game that they play?

So controlling can be overt or covert. Overt controllers are pretty much self identifying. If you are in a, in a controller environment, especially if somebody who does it in a very nice, polite, politically correct fashion feel inside, it is a self internal assessment. Am I actually feeling like I'm doing something that I'm in alignment with or am I just doing it to, you know, to get along? If you do it to get along, then do it consciously so that you're not in an enablement situation because the next time around you're not going to automatically go into that yes set that yes pattern.

Yes, correct.

Which is the quickest way to fall into an enabling pattern, but you'll go, hang on, I'm looking at this and standing it on its own merits.

Yep. Correct. Great, so is that. We thank you for listening and watching us. The next episode, which is episode seven, is the Underminer game, which is going to be a really interesting topic.

Better get my arm hat on.

Exactly. So stay tuned and see you next time.

Thank you.