Peter and the host break down guilt tripping at work, where people shift blame to avoid accountability. A team leader blaming their staff instead of owning mistakes is a common example. Managers can spot the pattern and fix it by demanding ownership and integrity.
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Welcome to episode nine of Mind Games that people play within the workforce. Today's video is about the guilty game. Now, guilt can be looked at in two different forms. Peter is going to tell us something else. Guilt could be from a form, in a way where you haven't measured yourself up to a certain performance. Let's say you forgot something that you were promised to give to a colleague so you feel guilty about. But guilty can be also, maybe you've done some wrong, you've committed a crime, could be also some form of guilt. But what we want to do is we want to discuss with Peter what do we mean by the guilty game.
The guilty game is essentially a way of saying guilt tripping. By the way, did you forget that it's a guilt trip? So essentially what you do is you play what I call hot potato or what some people call the spiny anteater, and you try and pass on the guilt to whoever is silly enough to take it. So guilt can be also. Guilt is a manipulative tool in some people's arsenal. So it can be a very toxic thing inside of an organization.
It can be a very powerful weapon.
Yeah.
And what's the purpose is to make someone feel bad?
Correct.
I suppose, as a Christian, is whether that person wants to accept it. But they're not actually thinking about it, are they?
No. And look, if you're suddenly put into the spot like I just did with you, yes, you go, did I? Didn't I? Didn't I? So there is a certain amount of doubt. And it's that doubt which is the chink in the armor which allows that guilt to slip in. A robust personality will basically go, hang on, wait a minute, that doesn't make sense. But it's played all the time.
Is there some confusion when we talk about expectation, communication, expectations and feeling guilty? So if I said, peter, I want this project done by tomorrow and you.
Don'T do it, then I would have an ability, then I would have justification inside of myself to say, yeah, that's true, I didn't do that. So the communication is, you've passed on a responsibility to me. And by me accepting that responsibility, I literally make a decision, I make a choice. So then that becomes, I take ownership over that. Now, I can do one or two things. I can deliver or not deliver. If I don't deliver, then there's justifiable for me to say, okay, there's a guilt. I'm guilty of that.
What do we mean by guilt tripping?
To send somebody into a feeling of guilt that probably more than likely is not warranted.
Yeah. And why would someone do that? What's the underlying issue here?
Yeah, again, it's like the hot potato. Who owns the hot potato? The hot potato is going to burn whoever it lands with. If I can pass that hot potato on to somebody regardless of whether they're responsible for it or not, I don't have to take the heat. They can take the heat. I'm out of that equation.
Yeah, but what's in it for that person? Or are they even aware that they've passed a hot potato?
Probably underlying. Yes, because there's a sense of relief. Oh, thank goodness I don't have to wear this one. And so there is an abdication of responsibility that if you pass on a guilt that shouldn't by right be either shared or part of what you've done or not done, then to pass that on to somebody else, you can actually get a. What's the monopoly? Get out of jail.
I get you exactly. What are some examples of that sort of guilty manipulation that you've seen around within organizations?
So teams are really great. One particular team leader used to do this in spectacular fashion and it became a standing joke after about. So a project fell over, didn't come in time, whatever the failing is, and the team leader would then stand in front and say, you guys did this, you guys didn't do this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the whole team suddenly was sitting there flat on their backsides going, what's our story here? Whereas the team leader basically abdicated his responsibility onto the team after about the third time, the guys turned around and said, you know what, we're not wearing this. However, until that communication, which is something you said before, got resolved, that team was going nowhere. It was probably the most under functioning team inside of the organisation.
Yeah, interesting. Is it a big deal?
Yes, absolutely.
Why is that?
So every organization, every project, everything is going to have something that needs to be nutted out. Somebody needs to take responsibility. Maybe that responsibility is shared, maybe that responsibility is solely on one person. But that responsibility needs to be owned and acted on. And if it's constantly passed around, nobody owns it, nobody acts on it and you're still sitting in the same. You're still sitting in the same seat.
Is it toxic?
Yes, it's toxic because nobody wants to be in a situation where they're constantly accused of something they didn't do.
Oh, that's true, that's true. So how can it actually backfire?
It can backfire in that the individual creates enough dissent in Their circle of people that they keep trying to pass the buck to, that those people will leave. Stagnation is probably the least out of all of them. But stagnation out of all of the toxicities. But stagnation has a higher impact. It has a higher ripple in that things won't go anywhere.
Correct.
And you can see that there are some teams that just completely perform or there's some individuals that completely perform. Then you have the individual say, oh, the dog ate my homework always.
Yes, Correct. And so I suppose one of the key questions is how do management recognize this game is being played within the organization?
Most savvy managers will actually pick up on that. A certain individual or group of individuals consistently duck the bullet.
Yes.
And a lot of managers respect and value when somebody says, hey, I stuffed up, here I go. Yeah, this is what I've done. This is what I'm going to do about it, and it won't happen again. That's the three simple, you know, I did this. Take ownership, and it's not going to happen again. Yeah, that's the, you know, if you want to take how to get out of that situation, that's the best way to do it. But it takes a certain. Certain amount of integrity.
It certainly does. So finishing this session, what is then the key takeaway message?
The key takeaway is for people. It's an individual responsibility to look at whether somebody's guilt tripping you or whether you're seeing somebody guilt tripping other people. Just to step in and say, hey, let's just divvy up the responsibility here where it belongs, and then move forward from there. And one or two things will happen. People will actually depart from that environment or they'll line up and you'll have a really good functioning crowd crew.
Excellent. Well, with that, thanks again, Peter.
Thank you.
Much appreciated. And the next interesting video is the manipulation game. Yes, exactly. So stay tuned and we'll see you next time.
