In this heartfelt testimonial, Izzy Kiver recounts a life shaped by immigration from Ukraine, chronic feelings of alienation, and the unwavering support of an older brother who later died by suicide. The narrative traces a series of personal setbacks—school suspensions, expulsions, and the trauma of war‑driven displacement—followed by a period of professional success in Silicon Valley software engineering that failed to fill the lingering void. A pivotal prayer ceremony in Ashland, Oregon, catalyzes a profound shift: Izzy experiences a sense of his brother’s spirit, releases guilt, and embraces forgiveness. This epiphany crystallizes a new purpose: to become a guiding light for others. Within a month, Izzy incorporates COE, a nonprofit dedicated to harmonizing humanity through education and loving‑kindness, embodying the mission to spread love, acceptance, and healing.
Chapters
10 years ago, my brother saved my life after he took his own. This is my story.
As a young boy, I always felt like an outsider looking in. Immigrating from Ukraine, I never quite fit. Schoolwork, friendships, it was all a struggle. It was only my older brother who always accepted me the way I was.
I thought, if I can't blend in, I'll stand out for the right reasons. So I trained to be the best. Tutors, extra homework, pushing myself beyond my grade level.
But challenge after challenge kept hitting.
At 15, suspended. At 17, kicked out.
Even when I thought I had found a safe haven, settling back in my homeland in Ukraine, war broke out. Forced to flee again each time. But yet the biggest shock came a decade ago while I was away on conference. My brother had taken his life. His passing brought only more doubt, more struggle, hate, betrayal, suffering. These emotions were my only companions. My mind couldn't stop seeing the world as a place that was there to harm me. Finally, I found stability in software engineering. And so, just like before in my childhood studies, I poured my heart into it. I reached top Silicon Valley companies. Yet my happiness still fell short. Years of searching for healing brought me to Ashland, Oregon, where everything changed during a prayer ceremony. I realized I'd been like a fly at the window, trapped behind the glass, blind to the escape that was right there. All I needed to do was step back and see the opening that had always been there. In that moment of clarity, I found forgiveness. The crushing weight of guilt, of not saving my brother lifted.
And then I felt him.
Feel in that moment my brother's spirit is right there with me.
As if all of the years of pain, anguish, guilt, and just this hate inside me, this pain of why did he go and why didn't he tell me what he was planning on doing, just goes away. In an instant, it's replaced with empathy, love, and understanding.
And I truly felt his spirit in that moment, his presence wrapping around me like a warm embrace. In that breaking open, I found something I'd never had. I realized home wasn't a place, It was a feeling I could carry anywhere. I stopped running from myself and discovered I could choose where my mind focuses. Toward light instead of darkness.
In that moment, I understood my purpose. It was to be a guiding light, a guardian angel to others, just like my brother was to me.
Within a month, I incorporated COE, a nonprofit organization on a mission to harmonize humanity through education and loving kindness. This direction gave me courage, patience, and most of all, understanding.
To build a world of love, acceptance, and healing, we must give a part of who we are to become something more.
