In this video, Jack Kammer examines why men lack a cohesive movement or fan base and explores what makes men feel proud and happy. He begins by citing anthropologist David Gilmore, who found that traditional masculinity includes a strong ethic of selfless generosity—men are expected to give more than they take. Kammer argues that while this generosity is noble, it becomes problematic when men neglect their own basic needs and fail to receive appreciation or respect. He uses the airline oxygen‑mask safety announcement as a metaphor: you must secure your own mask before helping others, illustrating that self‑care is a prerequisite for effective altruism. The video then critiques a U.S. senator’s admonition that men should “shut up and step up,” interpreting it as a demand that men surrender their needs to women. Kammer likens this to WWII rationing propaganda, suggesting that men are being asked to give everything away while receiving nothing in return. He concludes that men need fairness, respect, and acknowledgment of their own needs to build a genuine, balanced men’s movement.
Chapters
Why do men not even really have a team on the field in the game between the sexes? And why do we have no fans rooting for us? There are lots of reasons. In this video, we'll talk about one of them and what we can do about it. What makes men proud and happy to be men? In 1990, anthropologist David Gilmore wrote, "This observation may surprise and perhaps outrage some of the more radical feminists, but I think the data show it to be true. When I started my research, I was prepared to rediscover the old saw that conventional femininity is nurturing and passive, and that masculinity is self-serving, egotistical, and uncaring. But I did not find this. One of my findings here is that manhood ideologies always include a criterion of selfless generosity, even to the point of sacrifice. Again and again, we find that real men are those who give more than they take. They serve others. Men give more than they take. That's a good thing, a noble thing, a nurturing thing, a loving thing. But too much of any good thing can become a bad thing. We want to give more than we take, but we don't want to be taken. We don't want to be taken, as the saying goes, to the cleaners. We don't want to be taken for chumps. Giving keeps us happy. It gives us purpose, a purpose larger than ourselves. We're glad to do it, but we don't want our gifts dismissed as if they are nothing, and we don't want our gifts taken without gratitude as an entitlement. You have to think at least a little about yourself if you're going to have what you need to be selfless. Here's an example that we're all familiar with.
It's unlikely, but if cabin pressure changes, the panels above your seat will open, revealing oxygen masks. If this happens, reach up and pull a mask toward you until the tube is fully extended. Place the mask over your nose and mouth, slip the elastic strap over your head, and adjust the mask if necessary. This one? Be sure to adjust your own mask before helping others.
That man was not being selfish by putting the oxygen mask on himself first. He was taking what he needed to make sure he could take care of his son and be prepared to keep him safe in an emergency. We all need oxygen. We all need to breathe. We all need to have our basic needs met. We all need to feel appreciated and respected. So what are we to make of this woman?
Of course it helps that there are women on that committee, but you know what? I expect the men in this country and the men in this committee, and many of them believe me because we all signed on to this letter, to demand an FBI investigation. But really, guess who's perpetuating all of these kinds of actions? It's the men in this country. And I just want to say to the men of this country, just shut up and step up.
That woman is a United States senator. She is telling us to take nothing, get nothing, expect nothing. She is sucking all the oxygen out of the room and telling us we have to give it all to women. Is it selfless to let her do that, or is it cowardly? Is it selfless to let her do that, or is it because we are ashamed? Is it selfless to let her do that, or is it because we don't believe in our own value, our own point of view, our own concerns, our own needs? Take a look at this government film about rationing. In World War II. Nylon was needed for parachutes, so patriotic women turned in their worn-out stockings and their old girdles. President Roosevelt said the rubber shortage was no joke. Imagine if our soldiers had said, "Oh, we don't want to be selfish. The ladies are demanding their nylons and their girdles. It will make them unhappy if we say we need parachutes for our paratroopers and tires for our Jeeps and trucks. Let's get over the idea that we are undeserving. We want to give more than we take, but we can't allow ourselves to take nothing. We can't allow the other team to take as much as they want of everything they can get. We all need fairness and respect and some oxygen in our lives. We aren't doing anyone any favors when we think we can hold our breath forever.
Be sure to adjust your own mask before helping others.
