Dr Fuchs! Don't do Drugs😂😂😂😂😂😉 Do THC-O
Jacob Fuchs and friends play a battle-royale game while chatting about life. Kelly talks about her kid's diaper blowout, Harmon mentions a week-long illness, and they joke about attending Idaho Steelheads hockey games with Kevin's friend Steve Anderson, the team's GM.
Chapters
Good, running away now. Okay, we can go to zone. Let's go to zone.
No, wait, you might be running towards us. Yeah, run. Yeah, go to zone. They're shooting at the way towards zone as well.
Nope, to the right of zone.
Oh no, they're shooting me, they're shooting me, they're shooting me!
Yeah, they definitely see us.
Go, Jacob!
Oh, there's someone in here.
I can't—
Yeah, I got shot.
Uh, yeah, you can. He's up on the launch pad.
What the heck? Oh, he has the heist accelerating. I got him, Logan. They're fighting each other.
Get him! No, don't, don't risk him!
There's somebody right there. They're fighting each other. Yeah, 19 kills.
Sorry, guys.
19?
'Cause that's just like the—
Should we kick the random person?
Uh, we have to go back to lobby anyways.
Ready up?
Wait, who's the random person?
You are. Okay.
It's Jacob's other account because he doesn't know what's going on.
Just so we can both hear.
I don't know, I can't get out. I can't, I can't leave. I can't go help.
You can try.
Press plus. Yeah.
Oh, there we go.
There we go.
Return to lobby, Jacob.
How we do that, Jacob? Jacob, how do I return to lobby?
Uh, I'll show you in just a sec. God damn it. Oh gosh darn it. I mean, uh, you go start and then—
Ah, frick, I just got a cramp.
A cramp? In the lobby.
Yeah.
Ow.
Because of all the laps you ran today?
Yeah.
What'd you get, 49?
49 quarters.
41.
Wow.
So technically 50.
That's impressive. How long did it take you?
An hour.
To do what?
That's 5 miles an hour average.
That's pretty good. That's, uh, so he took 5-mile So that's about a 12-minute mile?
Yeah.
12-minute average, that's pretty good. That's about a 12-minute mile.
And I only finished 1 mile behind the kids that do cross-country, which is impressive.
Yeah. Well, how long did it take him to do 1 more mile? Same time?
Yeah, same time.
Yep. That makes sense, because that's about what a half marathon is, or a quarter of a marathon. It's like 6 miles and it's— and you can— you should be able to do it in an hour, pretty sure.
What are we doing?
Um, waiting for Jacob to acknowledge our existence. Dude, he's with Kevin doing stuff, so we'll just wait for him.
I'm fixing it.
Yeah, you know the classic. He's fixing it.
What did he say?
He's fixing it. Jesus, just a quick one.
Won't let me do it because I'm in the party.
I see.
Just a quick one.
Man, I feel like I've been sick for 2 weeks.
You're the head coach.
I know, but being sick as a grown-up is different than being sick as a kid. Um, when you're sick as a kid, you can't get— you can't go to school because A, you don't want to go to school, and B, you don't want to get all your Classmate's sick, but when you're sick as an adult, you have to find somebody to fill in for you, and then it just—it's hard to do that. So you just go to work and chance it. And we're gonna get first because you gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know, you like that saying. It's a good saying.
Like biscuits.
Is your mom talking about being a grandma?
Probably. They're watching a movie.
I was gonna say, that's a little soon, I think.
It's so weird that I can't let me Hello? You're not gonna be able to hear me.
Hey, Lucas.
Yeah?
Never mind.
Yeah, what?
Nothing.
Okay, can you hear him, Jacob?
No.
That's all right. Do you want it?
No.
You got it.
I'll, uh, give me those. I can hear them on this one. Thanks.
It's the end of the, of the, like, master cord. Whatever, and our teacher assigned us homework. All right.
Oh no, why? Which is stupid.
What is it for? Math? Math.
What are you learning about?
What are you learning? What are you learning? Let's go to friend, uh, let's go to that little crescent place you guys love.
All right.
Oh, never mind. Jacob already jumped. I guess we're going in the middle of nothing. Wait, which one are we going to? Let's go here, guys. Guys, which one are we going?
Jacob's asking. They're trying to figure it out.
I'm following Harmon.
Okay, Jacob's going to the yellow.
I have a feeling Kevin's playing.
No, Jacob's playing. I've got the headphones on.
He's talking, we're tag-teaming it.
Jacob's patrolling and I'm talking.
Oh, never mind, Jacob's playing.
I can't hear you.
Because he's following— no, he's— I can't either, but he's following me. He dropped down to my level and followed me, which is something that Jacob would do and Kevin wouldn't. So—
Can you guys not hear us?
We're gonna go here.
Can you guys hear us? I don't think they can hear us. Really?
You spent almost an entire game trying to figure out how to make something work and it's broken.
Can you guys hear us?
Yep, now I can.
Oh yeah, they couldn't hear us, Jacob. I've got the headphones on and Jacob's got the controller.
Oh, that's perfect. That is the perfect balance. What a great compromise. I don't think there could be a better winning formula in, in God's green earth than that.
All right, let's see.
So this Kevin is Jacob's cousin. That's why you can just call him Jacob, because it's basically the same person.
Wait, so—
I'm being shot at.
So this guy's Jacob's cousin?
I'm being shot at without a gun.
Yeah.
Okay.
Something blew up and I don't have a gun. I got a gun. I killed him.
Oh, Jacob almost clotheslined me with the cord.
Nice classic. That'll happen. Uh, Jacob, here you go.
Jacob, apartment's giving you something. Jacob, cracked him for 20. Another kid.
Um, Gunk, at this NPC you can buy a witch's broom. Where the heck did she go?
Where?
You can just buy a witch's broom for 100 gold.
Oh yeah, I'll take it.
You gotta go to the lady. You gotta buy it. Yeah.
Oh, you gotta buy it. Oh nice.
All right, Jacob got a witch's broom. Nice.
I got one too.
Nice. I got a— oh wow, thanks.
I finished it.
Oh yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Appreciate that, Lucas. You're a real pal. Sorry, Gunk. Great teammate you are. I already looted over here. No, I already looted over here.
That's what I'm saying.
But I appreciate you trying to come up with an excuse, because that's what I would have done.
Pumpkin launcher.
As you once said, lying is a life skill.
Did I say that?
Yes, you did.
Sounds about right.
Yeah, I was gonna say I'm not gonna argue with it.
That sounds exactly like something I'd say.
The man's got a point.
You said it right in front of Mom too.
That doesn't surprise me either. You know, I just— sometimes your uncle's got great advice. He just does.
Who just shot a pumpkin? That's Jacob. He's trying to blow up the tree.
That's such a classic, classic thing.
They say that's a classic move for you to do.
Yeah, no, I like to blow up trees.
So true. That's a classic move.
Are we gonna get first?
Yes, we are, Jacob.
I mean, they say yeah, but not with the way you're playing.
Oh, love that.
I'm lagging so bad right now. I'm— I can't—
oh, here comes these monsters.
Jacob's going somewhere.
Where's Jacob going? I don't know.
I got the rope, don't worry.
Oh, oh, oh, follow Jacob at all times. No, I'm coming.
I'm trying to get up to where you guys are. I need meds.
Does anyone have a big pot? Looks like Lucas needs a big pot. I haven't either.
Oh, getting shot! Oh, coming up!
Where is he? Where is he? Where? Okay, here, here. Got you, got you, got you. Right here, get ready.
There was someone down there. They didn't like it.
People up there.
They are cracked. Beam dead.
Watch for his partner. All right, Jake is back on that loot. We're good.
What's the plan, Sam? Jacob's looking for a plan.
Uh, to not die.
To not die. Yeah, they say just stay alive. Hide. They want you to just curl up in a ball.
Yeah, guys, since I haven't found any pizza or stuff— is that a person?
No.
Nice.
Um, if you can't find any shield pots, there's, um, blue mushroom things.
We're good. I got 140 spray, so I'm good for the minute.
Hey guys, we got a DMR and a— can mine be a follow game?
Well, I'm looting.
Oh, what are you saying, Dylanator?
I'll come back to you guys once I'm done looting.
Tell, tell Jacob it's a classic Dylan's wandering off on it by himself and we have to follow him game. Follow Dylan.
Okay, no, don't follow me. I'm at you guys now.
Okay, don't follow us.
I'm jumping off the cliff! Oh, don't do that. I do not have the floating.
Don't, don't do what Lucas is doing.
I'm right here next to you. You're good. Oh, guy, company!
Oh, there's company! Coming up, coming up!
Uh, to the right where they are. Oh no, he got them. Oh no, we got more.
Jacob's getting shot at by the rock.
By the rock, bro.
But wait, oh, he got him.
Nope.
Oh, there's a guy up on the cliff. Jacob's gonna get rocked. Hold on. Oh, he got him.
This is bad. Can you guys still hear me? Yep. The entire game just— yeah. Do I have any shotgun ammo?
I just have 10.
I have 24 and I'm dead. I'll give you some if—
no, you're good. I don't need it.
What is making me lag? Dang.
Let's go. Whoa, I love the witch's broom. So fun.
If at some point I just completely leave the match, like, don't be surprised.
I'm gonna be so surprised.
Just because you said that, we're gonna be surprised.
I'm playing now, guys. You guys can all take a nap.
I'm gonna clean house.
Wait, so what's Jacob doing?
I don't know. Still something with the computer again.
Ah, no, not worth it. Can't go that far.
He's figuring something out.
Yeah.
All you have to do is just real quick. So quick.
Yep, really quick.
Back in the house. It was actually really easy.
Oh, he's back.
Jacob's got it. Oh frick. All right, what's the plan, guys? Oh, I love the ice. Don't die.
There's a dinosaur down there.
Oh, there's a guy.
There's a guy. Yep, another dinosaur. Oh my gosh.
Oh, oh, oh! Is that a motorcycle?
Up there, up there, up there!
He's up.
No, he's down there. I see him. He's down there. There he is.
Oh yeah, right here.
Oh, there's a lot of them. Yep.
Somebody's gliding in. What the heck?
Oh, behind us, behind us, behind us!
Uh, they're behind Jacob as well.
Oh yeah, they're, uh.
Guys up by me, they're coming down, they have the high ground.
Oh, and I have no more room.
Jacob's down.
I'm down. I cracked both of them really hard, Lucas. Got one, the other one's kind of low.
Jacob assumed the fetal position in the bush.
Wait, what? What just happened? There's one kid, there's one kid down here.
To the rescue! Oh, that was pretty good.
I tried warning you guys that I won't— why you chase them?
It actually wasn't me this time.
It was Jacob. It was Jacob.
Are we, uh— I'm gonna try and fix it so we can bolt here.
Unbelievable.
We just readying up.
Party leader, they're waiting on you. We're just fixing it real quick. What do you mean?
I, uh, It says ready up on my screen. It says it's finding match.
Should be ready.
It's input adjust microphone.
That would have been bad.
Who are you taking?
I can't hear anyone now.
Okay, let's do the other one then. All right, well, for some reason— oh, it's just the way it's gonna be.
Sometimes they don't.
Are there any other games?
I think I'm gonna go Bills. Buffalo Bills. Submit. Okay, the only other game was Seahawks versus somebody else.
Oh, I don't ever pick the Seahawks.
Yeah, so I'm gonna go Bills versus somebody bad.
What about the Dolphins? Oh, Dolphins are playing the Dolphins are playing Eagles.
Oh yeah, Eagles. Yeah, can't do that one. And Chiefs are playing the uh somebody good.
Uh Chiefs, who are they playing? Pick whoever versus pick whoever the Broncos are playing.
Oh no, Broncos are playing Packers. Yeah. I don't. I'm not gonna. I bet I'll bet on it, but I'm not putting my survivor pick on it.
Okay, Broncos are awful.
Yeah, Packers are not—
you guys just always have to bet against the, uh, Packers.
Yeah, yeah, but the Panthers are playing the— yeah, Panthers are playing Commanders.
Commanders are gonna win that one.
Yeah, but I'm not gonna put my survivor pick on it. Yeah, Commanders have a rookie quarterback like No, no chance.
Don't the Panthers do too? Exactly.
But they have like the number—
that means anything can happen. They have the number 2.
Do they have CJ Stroud?
Panthers have Bryce Young, number 1.
Number 2 was CJ on, uh, Texans.
Texans.
Oh my God, Killer is so freaking mad.
Yeah, he is. Okay, cool.
Oh, can you grab me that chair?
Can you grab me that chair? Yes, it is. It is a chair. Wow, that's a— no, Mom was like, it's holding babies.
That doesn't seem legal.
I got a broom.
I got a broom as well.
It's a good thing to have.
I got combat SMG and a twin.
I got company, which is not good for them.
Someone's shooting me.
I wonder if that company 2 down.
Who's playing?
Guys, I'm so bad at this game. Someone was shooting me and I didn't even know, and they're shooting me again. Help! They keep picking on me. I'm trapped in a room.
That's alright. Survive.
Just don't die.
You're near us, which means he's on top of you.
Come downstairs.
Right here, right here!
Got him, got him, got him!
Kevin, come downstairs and get this shotgun. The blue thing that's on your screen.
Okay, hold on. I've got a shotgun.
You have a purple shotgun?
No, I have a blue one.
I'll get a purple one and a green AR. Oh shit, that was me. So close.
What's another blue one?
Oh, you have the same one. Okay, you're good. You have an AR?
Uh, I have the combat SMG, tactical DMR.
Perfect. And a shotgun? Yeah, perfect.
You're good. Here. You alive? I love it.
Watch out, Jacob. Oh, my small screech.
I'm riding this fly thing. Do I have to ride this?
Yeah, you have to ride it. It won't go up unless you ride it.
You have to put your legs around it.
This one won't work.
Do I have to run this?
Do we get anything good?
Why did it only put down just a baby bit?
Because he was standing on top and he took all the ammo.
What did I do?
Took every single bit of ammo.
Oh, I did?
He needs it.
He did?
He needs it.
Sorry, guys.
Don't worry about it.
I think I want this thing, right?
Oh, I have Chia— I have Chia Dory's Ice Wall.
Nice. Oh, 100. Damn, held it too long.
Okay, searching chest, guys.
One pizza party or a full minmus?
One pizza party or a what?
Okay, I got 2 business dreads too, bro.
Why the heck am I lagging?
Oh, I got a mist. I don't think that's gonna be very helpful.
Yeah, it'll be fun.
The chances of me—
that's for like if you take fall damage, then you can spray yourself.
There's remote explosives up here.
Yeah, no need for those.
Should we trap the place?
Oh yes, that's a really bad idea. You should do it.
Can you tell that him and Jacob are related?
Yes, totally.
Guys, we could all get in one tower and just have explosives around the way out.
Guys, guys, we should do like in those movies, like when they walk out and it just blows up.
We should do one of those.
Yeah, it's remote detonation, not proxy, so you'd have to watch it.
Oh yeah, we'd watch it because we'd be watching the stairs. People would try and get in. We just blow it up. Yeah, I'm buying a launch pad.
We should do that. No, we shouldn't, Lucas.
That's a horrible idea.
I don't know, it kind of sounds fun.
We're gonna die from the explosives.
No, we'll just have them on the stairs.
Are we actually doing that? Oh.
Let's do it. Just so I can hear.
I kind of want to. I think it'd be fun.
We gotta walk out like the rest of the bridge.
I've got a great vantage point up here.
Yeah, we can survey the place really well.
Yeah, but you can't see like boom, somebody shoots you in the face like that. You can't even see that.
Screw you.
What?
See, Harm? I would have him right where you're standing. Boom!
Oh, now we have to go back to lobby again because Jacob decided to do the same thing he did before.
Come back in? No, no, no, we don't. I, uh, the only way I can hear Is if I, uh, come in. So I can't hear if, if I don't come in like this. If you ready up, it'll go to rumble though. Yeah, not— so we have to go back. Um, I wonder if I back out before—
No, it's already done because even if they join and then leave, you still have to go back.
Yeah, but this is the only way I can actually hear them.
So yeah, it's all good. These guys usually go back to lobby every time anyway, so I don't.
That's a Dylan thing.
No, I do not.
Oh, Dylan, you cannot say you do not do that.
I do want to get enough battle stars for skins.
Where are those gunshots?
That's me shooting the kids that I've been marking.
Yeah, they're just chilling on the launch pad right here.
Shoot, I've been hitting them for a lot.
Are they down in that like, uh, the hole?
Yeah, right there. They're on the purple beam.
It's so much better with the sound. Holy smokes.
Open up! One's right here.
One's coming up. Oh, here, here, here. I still have a gray AR.
Oh, there's a guy right here, solo, solo.
Everyone have a witch broom?
Yeah, guys, they're shooting at me now. You guys shoot them.
Oh, gunshots. Yep, can't see him. You can witch broom down there.
Jacob wants me to witch broom down there.
What do you guys think? That's a really bad idea.
Guys, where's the confidence?
Nowhere. I don't know.
How'd you get on top of that?
Dylan, how'd you come?
I made this one kid so many times and he's not dead.
Dylan, how'd you get on top of it? He's asking.
No, I'm not talking to you.
He's right there. He's about to die. Where is he? Help me!
Finally, you got him.
I took way too many bullets.
Oh, there he's down there somewhere. That's me.
Stop emoting.
How about you right in the circle though?
It works perfectly.
The headphones on, I can hear them closer.
What the heck? I don't like this area. Oh, oh, I think we team killed.
Pizza, pizza! Oh wait, no, I have to do this here. Now I'm Iron Man. I can't believe I forgot to do that.
All right, are we meeting back at the launch pad?
I'm coming.
Yep.
Wait, who's playing?
Jacob.
Yeah, so confusing.
I know.
I take it you guys went back to the headset controller deal?
Yeah, we're back. Actually, Jacob can hear now.
Yep, I can only hear Harmon though since I'm not friends with the Other 2 on the—
That's good enough.
Yeah, good enough. That's kind of what I was thinking. I can kind of hear the sound too, which was annoying. And I'm playing, so— and the people can hear us.
Now they have a green, and it's already killed 4 people. I haven't even touched any of my— I have a purple Maven and I haven't even touched it. That's impressive. Oh, never mind, it's a Shark Tooth.
Oh yep, it seems like a heavy, right? Is that similar? I have no idea.
Yeah, I know Maven and it aims like a heavy.
Wood Stake is Like, uh, the where it like zooms in real close.
Tell, uh, tell Jacob that the wood stick is kind of like a heavy.
Lucas thinks the wood stick is kind of like a heavy. I don't, I don't really agree with that.
It is. I'm with him because it shoots way faster.
Yeah, I can hear everybody now.
Woo!
Uh, uh, I mean, honestly, the island has not been taken yet.
Yeah, we might as well.
Let's go.
Okay, everyone has witch's brooms too, right? So we can just land and then witch's broom on top.
Yep.
Yep, let's go right here. Let's land right here.
There's person.
Yeah, kid, just leave him. Just leave him. Don't shoot him.
I think he's shooting at me.
There's people, not person. My bad, my bad. Oh, they have the Midas drum gun. Okay, we're gonna have company.
Sounds about right.
Coming.
Oh no, guys, get ready to flee.
Get ready to have a duel. Oh, he's coming up the zipline!
Where is he? Where is he? I'm ready!
I'm up!
I cut off his lane of entrance.
Good job. Okay, okay.
Oh, Jacob, where are you? I'm down low.
Jacob, Jacob, what are you doing?
Uh, can you not hear me? Yeah, we can.
Oh, okay, good. I, uh, I'm gonna get in there, right?
Guys, kids over here!
Oh yeah. DMR.
Got him.
Where's Jacob? Uh, right down here.
Somebody's following me. Hey, where are they? Uh, I don't see anybody following you. Okay, go up and get that, uh, legendary.
I picked up the DMR. There's an entire squad right there rocking up. Here, I'll drop it for you.
Oh wow, I'll take it. Oh, right there, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!
So I was saying, it's a whole squad rocking up.
Shoot! Oh wow, why are we shooting?
Wow, yeah, it's kind of like picking off, uh, I, I, I, I have a gray AR.
I can't do much, bro.
This tactical DMR is good in this situation, bro.
Yeah, it is.
Jacob, yours isn't even tactical and you're thinking Really?
What's the difference?
That one's thermal. This one can zoom in closer.
Oh yeah, I like the one that can zoom in.
Sniper, sniper, sniper, sniper!
Hey guys, we're gonna need to go to them for zone.
Hit the sniper, hit the sniper! He's behind that tree. He's the one behind the tree.
He's red dot.
I'm coming back, I'm coming back. Retreat, retreat.
He's hiding.
Jacob, come back, come back, Jacob.
Coming, coming, coming, coming, coming.
Okay, there's one right here for 74. They all have snipers. We have to rotate to them. Okay.
Yeah, ready to go. One of them has a sniper inside the egg.
Guys, launch pad, and then if we need to, uh, launch pad seems like a dumb idea right now.
Um, you just gotta go fast. Where's the sniper at?
I gotta get heavy inside, inside, inside.
He's marked.
Yeah, I'm just spraying to try to make him scared.
Guys, we gotta go. Yeah, no, we need to stay right side. Stay right side.
Wait, but there's people claiming on right.
Guys, right here, right here.
Okay, so you want to land where they are? Yeah, great idea. Oh, at least—
no, right here. Behind, behind, behind. Okay, I didn't see him. That's my bad. They're right there. You shooting them? How do I get sniped always?
Oh, headshot! Dang, Jacob, come down! I am. Oh, we got me. Not ideal.
I'll get your reboot. Guys, we got pizza back here whenever someone needs it.
He got me. He's right in front of me, right in front of me, right there, right there, hiding, coming up to you. Brooming. He's broomed away. Somebody can get me if they want.
Got him, got him, got him! Don't, uh, you distract. I got him.
Oh, Dylan was literally emoting.
I was lagging. Oh nice!
No, one more, one more, one more up here. You get him, Doug! Nice!
Okay, guys are rocking. Uh, another one, another—
there's rockets up there. We got all the loot we would ever need.
Somebody else sees us. I just got shot.
Yep, someone else does.
Yes. Oh, you guys got this!
Cracked him for 43. There's 2, there's 2.
Oh, there's a whole bunch of them. Ah, dang. I have to go.
I'm gonna go, I guess.
Oh yeah, sounds good. Let's go back to lobby. See ya.
You guys out?
Back to lobby? No, I'm good. I'm still playing. Just Dylan is.
Oh nice, so Kevin can hop on now.
May as well.
All right, we're all playing, baby.
Uh, let's get it. I smell a dub coming around.
Yeah, you guys, I got my warm-ups in.
Dude, we got a dub with one of Dylan's friends that is probably as good or worse than Kevin's. Like, I mean, he's not— he wasn't any good.
Wait, what did you say?
We got a dub.
What did you say about Kian?
I said— I was saying that Kevin is not much worse than Kian is.
That is probably very true.
You want my controller?
It's gonna be yours, but hold on, I'm gonna get you the controllers. So you have a little screen, but whatever.
They're gonna try to fix it.
It's just gonna be so you have the headphones.
Yeah, we gotta get it fixed, guys.
No, no, no, don't worry, it'll just take a second.
Look at these.
Oh my God, the controls are all different. I guess I don't know the controls anyway, so...
It's the exact same.
Oh yeah. All right guys, so I play on here?
You're playing on there, yeah. All right, let's fuck some people. Let's have some fun. Let's have some fun.
All right.
You guys there?
All right, what do I do from here? Oh, I think I have to rumble. Oh, I don't know. Are you guys there? Oh, I'm not.
He went to the bathroom.
Oh, I think Lucas left. Is it just gonna be us 3? I don't know.
What do you mean? Oh, did Lucas leave too?
Uh, Lucas either got kicked or dropped out. I couldn't hear him peeing.
I didn't know.
Yeah, I didn't have the headset on. So, and then I put it on and I was trying to talk to him and then he just went out.
So, what do I do, Jingle?
Um, yeah, I don't see either one of them are on, so maybe my sister told him they had to go to bed.
Yeah, that makes sense. Cool.
It's only 9 o'clock, so yeah, I'm surprised.
Little baddies.
Yeah, just, uh, switch it up.
Does that mean I can swear?
Yeah, you get a lot of dubs.
You, uh, you can swear now. Yes.
Oh, you guys were both swearing. I'm just hoping that's not why they had to get off, because usually he goes, okay guys, gotta go, and then Dylan's like, hey, I gotta go, I guess. And then Lucas just left without saying anything. That's kind of weird.
Trouble? No, maybe. You know, it's hard to tell at this point.
The thing is, is they both should have headphones on, so they're both old enough now to not—
to not get in trouble.
Well, like, I don't know, they're definitely gonna get in trouble. Like, they would get in trouble, but they're not gonna rat us out. Like, oh yeah, that's when I was really— when I was worried, it was when Lucas would say stuff like, I heard you swear, or whatever. Like, yeah, he's over that stage. So yeah, he doesn't say any— he doesn't go, what did you say? What, what, what word did you just say? He doesn't say that anymore. So now that he doesn't say that, it's like, it's not as big of a deal to me because it's like, if, if they hear us cussing, that's more on them at this point. You know, it's like, dude, you know how to protect yourself. Like, just yeah.
I think you're party leader, Herman. No, I'm not. Usually is. Oh, oh, oh! This will be good, actually. Dude, I hate the new setup. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, it takes a little bit to get used to, but obviously you've played it a little bit here at 43.
I have.
I am level 43. I'm a level 49, so like one more day than you. That's wild.
But I played way earlier on this season, way before this changed.
Oh, that's probably true. Okay. Yeah, yeah, because I probably only played like 3 days on the new season, or the new since the update.
Yeah, cool. Uh, ready up. I'll be right back. Sweet.
Kevin, you on mic?
Yeah, I'm here.
So you can hear me? Cool. Yeah, yeah, you're good.
Uh, do you want to—
because I can barely hear you. If you can hear me— I can hear you.
Can you hear me? It's probably going through Jacob's mic, honestly.
All I heard is it's probably, and then that's all I could hear.
Going through Jacob's mic. Why does it say I'm not ready?
Maybe turn your— turn the volume back up. Remember I told you to turn the input volume way down? Turn that back up.
Yeah. Oh, it's, it's because Jacob's mic is on a So it's definitely going through Jacob's mic.
It's because Jacob's mic is what?
On the floor because he walked out of the room.
Oh, because I can— I— so you don't have a mic connected? We're just talking through— like, you're just talking through his mic?
Yeah, I don't think the one on my headphones are working.
Got it. Okay, that makes more sense because I was like, I can kind of hear you, but like Kevin, you sound far away.
Now you're ready to go.
It said ready.
This is going to be so much fun.
Oh, my nephew's calling.
What's up? Uh, so it says I have 6-hour updates.
6 hours? Yeah. Wow, that's insane. All right, well, uh, I guess, uh, we'll maybe play tomorrow or something. Yeah, sounds good. Good night, bro.
See ya. He has a 6-hour update.
Yeah, that's— I don't know. I mean, at least that's good. At least he called and said something. So that means he didn't have to get off, which is the best part. He has to because he has a 6-hour update, whatever that means.
Why are we unready now?
It's loading us into the game. Oh, I'm playing on the Switch. Nice.
I'm way behind you guys. You guys are loaded in. I'm not even loaded.
Yeah, the switch is, uh, a lot slower than the PS5's.
Am I gonna lag?
All right.
I'm still connected.
Yeah, it's fine.
Freaking bus leaves. 9 seconds. 3 seconds, Jacob.
Long time. Where are we headed, boys?
You ready?
Yeah.
Yep. Okay.
When are you jumping, Armin?
Jim, you need to jump. Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. Yeah, all right, on my way. All right, what's her plan, boys? Stay alive.
Don't be the first one dead.
Okay, still parachuting in.
And if you are the first one dead, make sure you're not around 3 other people when you are.
Oh, we definitely have company. I see paragliders below me.
It's not any of us, right?
Yeah, it is.
Oh, sorry.
I thought you guys were all a part of it.
No, I, I landed on the spot, on the landing spot.
I'm not rolling.
Yeah, because I have no AR, so I can't shoot that far. So I'm running towards you right now.
I'm coming to you.
Okay, I have a briefcase. Does that do anything?
One down.
Got the other.
Two down. Here's a blue SMG.
I'll take it.
What are they?
Guys, they're planning in.
Over by Jacob. I see guys.
Over by— did you see that? Oh, guys, they're planning in.
Guys, they're planning in. Yep, I see them.
Got her.
Blue Maven.
Nice. Crew, load it. You got it. You take it. What? He found the ramp.
Do you want the rocket launcher? So I have a pump.
Hey, push right on the D-pad. Right on the D-pad.
I guess you can hear him.
Augment.
Anybody got rockets that's not running a rocket?
Not yet.
Which one do I do? I got Soaring Spirits and First Assault.
Soaring Spirits or First Assault. Actually, those are both great ones, so that's easy. Shit, how do I activate this shit?
R2.
Okay, I've got A Havoc, I've got a Twin Mag Assault, and I've got a Pump Shotgun.
Perfect. Sniper.
I think I've seen sniper surplus too. Can't promise, but I feel like I did see it.
I did see it. Yep. Oh, there's a turret here.
Cool.
Yep.
Oh, there's another one. I'll take that blue one.
Yeah, there's ammo.
Thank you. Oh, I would love to get sniper or something else.
Oh, there we go. Best gun in the game. Pistol.
Really?
No, no, it's definitely not, but it's my favorite. Huh. It does low damage, but it's just— you can— its fire rate's so big. It's just like an SMG, but it shoots like a pistol.
So it's just— Isn't it automatic though?
Uh, yeah, basically. I mean, it's not truly automatic, but you can basically hold the trigger and it'll fire. Yeah, so yes, it is automatic, but it doesn't shoot like an automatic. There's another gold rocket launcher.
I'll take that thing. I got a purple one.
Oh really? I marked a gold one earlier.
Nice. I just picked up the purple one from the flag.
Oh, never mind, you're right.
There are treasure chests everywhere.
Yeah, that's right.
You just gotta kind of knock the walls down.
I'm just looking for a DMR if anyone sees one.
Yeah, I haven't found one of those either.
Well, I got 2 keys, so hopefully that'll get me somewhere. Oh, there's a— got a hire somewhere right there. What do you do, sir? Here's a pizza. Royal Bomber. Where? Oh, I got company coming.
Do you like running the pistol first or second, Arma?
First, and then I switch to either the shotgun right before. So if I turn around a corner and somebody comes, I go shotgun, shotgun, then switch back to the pistol. But if somebody's far away, I switch to the AR, and then as they run in, I switch to the pistol. Yeah, that's better.
Got it. Cool. I like that.
So I, I never use it first, but I always am holding it first. And then depending on how close or far away they are, either end with it or start with it.
All right, we gotta go. Oh yeah, let's roll.
Everyone have witches' brooms?
Uh, no. I marked 2 of them. Oh, you did? Hey, yikes.
Oh, we got company in front of us now.
Oh, that's a wall.
Oh, got one.
Nice. Oh, there they are.
One shot.
My grenades do not work.
All right, we gotta stay ahead of the storm if you guys don't have mobility.
Yeah, I'll take it next time I see it. I got a crit. Which will be nice.
Do your augments. Make sure you do your augments. Mud Warrior or Bloodhound?
I love Bloodhound.
Keep going, Kevin.
We'll, we'll catch up to you. Just keep following the line. All right, you got a minute to get to us, Kevin, otherwise you'll start dying.
Yeah, I'm coming.
I would come right here. See this thing that I marked? Come here and jump on this launch pad.
I'm almost to the circle. Oh, I'm getting shot. Oh, you are?
Yeah. Come in here. Come in here. Yeah. Launch pad.
Launch pad.
Launch pad to me. Launch pad to yellow.
Yeah, hi yellow.
Oh, there they are. Purple. Purple.
Fuck.
I'm coming back to you.
Now we're together.
Let's hold up for a second. Let's wait for Jacob. All right, we got guys over there. We're safe. Let's proceed to purple.
What's the big bush bomb?
They're just, uh, yeah, different.
Look at that guess, Jacob. See, I marked that before the circle changed, and I literally marked the exact spot where the inside of the next circle was. Excellent. And I sent my guy up here, so he met us there. He led the way, like essentially covering us too. Yeah, exactly. So if we heard him start shooting, we know we're in trouble.
Oh, you see all those guys over there?
Oh yeah, so many people, but I mean, we— they're in the middle of the circle more than we are, so we don't even want to engage that.
I can shoot them, I got a sniper.
All right, yeah, snipe them out.
I hit one.
I'm gonna watch for anybody's coming up.
Dude, they're like battling. I think we're just gonna get a bunch of headshots.
Yeah, just get them. I'm down below, so just if they start coming up, I'll see them. Here's a witch's broom.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, so it's on purple if it disappears.
Got it.
Oh, someone shot me. Someone has shot me.
I'm dying at the altar.
Here's nice running. Let's go, baby.
Is this your business turret? Yeah, that's my turret. All right, yeah, if you go too far away from it, it'll destroy itself.
Yes, I'm dead.
I'm dead.
Oh, no, they shot me. They killed me.
Oh, I got his card. Do you have a broom?
Yep. Should we go here? Yeah, let's just roll up. I'm following you.
Uh, I didn't make it.
Bounce. Oh, I'm gonna cover us.
No, go to the other side.
Okay, yeah. Oh, left, left.
Kevin, drop over here by me. I'm gonna drop a pizza.
Oh, whoa.
I don't know where I was shot from. Oh, there they are.
Yeah. Oh shit, motherfucker. All my guns were gone, dude.
You might fucking win. Oh, that's such a good spot. He has no idea where you're at. I think he thinks he killed you.
Oh yeah.
Oh, there's three of them, huh?
Can you hear Armin?
Yeah.
You're just not moving.
Yeah, just don't move. Dude, hilarious. Wow, what a baller! Damn, where's Kevin at?
I'm just on the other side of the bus.
You're not close to this, are you?
Yeah, I'm just on the other side.
Oh my God, there he is! Oh no, no, no, no, no! Yeah, I think you just gotta go to a new one. Yeah, you gotta get some health.
Oh shit, they're in front of you.
Oh, there's a bounce pad left to you. Yeah, right there. Oh.
Oh wow.
Nice. Truck it up.
Oh shit.
Shit.
Uh, broom again. You got another broom.
Oh yeah, you got brooms.
I know, it won't let me. They're both charging at the same time. 4, 3, 2, 1.
You were so close.
I thought I could run them both at the same time, but it wouldn't let me.
They were both recharging at the same time. That was pretty fun. Oh, those guys had crowns at least.
That was good.
Oh, look at all those crowns.
5-5-0, Kevin, you better start pulling your weight.
I know.
Yeah, they have katanas too again.
They have katanas, fuck yeah.
I don't know where they're at. I've only seen them on people. I've never seen them in a place. But the brooms I like better than the katanas.
For travel, yeah, definitely.
But like, when, when do you ever do a katana fight and win? Never. So like the only reason, but that's exactly what happens. What he was just doing right there and then got killed. Oh no! Yeah, they got second because of it. Yeah, because the guy he was shooting was pulling out the katana and getting ready to launch him, and he just killed him before it happened. Mm-hmm.
I'm fucking ready.
I'm fucking ready too. Yeah, I was ready like yesterday.
Let's see. Oh, I had to get up to get my Zen, but they're right here. Granny's on.
Oh, invite her.
I've never actually Played with her. Sanch is on.
Yeah, I think Lil Baddie Gigi is on. Lil Baddie Gigi is the one that you should hit up on. She's the hot one. Sanch is like fat. Just kidding.
I thought Sanch was a guy, isn't it? Sanch. Yeah, uh, I don't remember.
I don't remember.
I've actually never seen any of them except for— except for Vanessa, and she's awesome. I think— I think— or Veronica.
Yeah, I think she's reporting to you.
Yeah, I haven't talked to her since that night.
Yeah, I mean, Sam says it's a joinable party, but it is already 3 of 16, so yeah, that's why I was— 3 people. I don't even remember if— is it a guy or a girl?
Sans is a girl.
Okay.
Her name is Destiny.
Oh, that's Destiny?
Yeah, that's who I think.
I don't know who she is either, but she sounds the hottest.
Yeah, I like her voice.
Where are we going?
Where are we going?
Brutal. Jump.
Jump!
Just straight down?
45-degree angle. If you're 1,000 meters away, a 45-degree angle and then level off at the bottom and make it kind of hyperbolic is the best jump.
I think I came in at, uh, 30 degrees.
That's alright, we'll just, you know, you came up a little short. That's what matters.
You see that, right?
Is that you?
Yeah, I killed somebody on accident.
Well, at least it wasn't the other way around because I still don't have a gun and I'm by somebody.
Oh God.
Oh wow, wow. Oh. Got him.
Oh, someone's there. Goddamn it, they shot me. They picked up one of their people too. Hermit's like sneaking around.
Yeah, I have 6 health, bro.
Yeah, I have no health as well.
No, I have 6. That's how much health I have, is 6.
Well, you're good.
It's not that I have no health, it's that I have 6 health.
Oh, well, at least— oh, I just saw some, uh, here's a mini. Oh no! Do you see that guy?
Uh-uh.
I'm gonna go.
Did you see that, Kevin?
No, I was watching my stream. Oh. You guys are going shot for shot.
Ah, he got me. Jacob, your body's right there, right by my— right by everything.
Right by my car.
Okay, right by my car.
I had to fly out of there.
Yeah, no worries.
I need to just go recuperate.
Good news is, is it's one on one. Oh fuck, just dropped my fucking drink. God damn it.
Don't worry, I got you guys. Oh, I gotta go get Kevin too. Kevin's crown over there too. Oh, I gotta crown too. All righty.
Uh-oh, he's rebooting.
Oh no, you're about to get 3 on 1. Hopefully they just give up.
Yeah, that sounds right.
I think they know where I'm at.
Yeah, kind of seems like it. Yeah, I think they do. Have you seen the I Think You Should Leave? Yeah. Oh my God, it's so good. Kevin, have you seen it?
What is it?
I Think You Should Leave. No.
Oh my God, dude, you gotta watch it. Where, where are you at? Oh, there he is.
He can only see what you can see, so you think he knows where he's at?
Yeah.
How do you know where to go, Jacob?
I don't. I'm just getting the hell out of here.
Yeah, exactly. Smart decision. The way he's going is not towards fire. If you're ever wondering where the right way to go is, it's away from the red dots that are firing bullets.
Watch this shit.
Unless you're Jacob in a 3v1, you just want to start taking out people so that you die. But other than that— Yeah, I wonder why that happened.
Jacob stopped to light the fire. Jacob wanted a fire before he died.
The fire gives you health, Kevin.
The amount of things that I've called tonight should open your eyes. I'll be back.
Ready up, Kev.
You know how to do it. I'm freaking ready, dude. Up on the thing.
Kevin, will you please keep this guy in line?
I'm ready, right?
Are you? He's a menace to society.
No, it's this one. There you go. Yes, he's a menace to society.
Calvin, you there?
Yeah.
I can't hear you. I mean, I can, but I just heard that you said a word.
Yes, I'm here.
I'm here. I can't hear you.
You can't hear me? That's all right.
Who can't?
Jacob, put down this thing.
Oh, I put down my mic and, uh, his is probably his mic.
Is that better?
I guess, yeah. The problem is, is that I can hear you both like almost barely. So if I turn up my volume, I can hear you pretty good, but then if You put the headset on, then you're way too loud, and then I can't hear Kevin anymore.
Me?
Yeah, so it's like to balance.
Yeah, tell you what, Joe.
All right, where are we headed?
You pick it.
Let's go to, uh, Shattered Slabs.
Shady silts. Oh, shattered slabs.
I'm at a 45-degree.
Nice.
Hey Google, set a timer for 15 minutes.
Phone's ringing.
Somebody getting in a fight?
Yeah, it's me.
Why don't you say anything?
Because I was winning the fight.
It doesn't matter. Then you end up losing and you go, ah shit, there was two of them.
Okay, guys, I'm fucking stuck. Oh, coming, coming, coming.
I won the fight. See, that's how it works.
Fuck, I had a pizza and I threw it in the water.
You threw the pizza in the water? Is that what you just said? Yeah. Nice, thanks, Summer. Oh, I see the pizza.
I'm just shooting a drone.
Okay.
Grenade launcher. Getting another drone.
How do I move guns?
Like, how do I reorder my guns? Up on the D-pad. Oh, up D-pad, and then you can X. Just pick it up. Oh, sweet.
I got rocket launcher ammo if anyone wants a rocket launcher.
I got a thermal DMR.
All right, I have a tactic.
2 great guns still here if anyone wants them.
I've got a shotty.
Yeah, but do you have purple anything? No, so you should come get something purple.
Where are you? At the purple.
Just run to the purple mark.
Oh, I'm running my little heart out.
Oh, I got company. Don't worry, I'll come. So one's an SMG and one's a rocket launcher. You want the rocket launcher? You know how to shoot one of those? If you see a group of people, launch a rocket in the middle of it. I feel like this is a great beginner gun. You should get it. Which one is it? Did you see that? Not instead of that, instead of something else. Yep, perfect. Now cycle through your guns.
Keep going. Shotty. This guy? Yep. This guy? Yep. This guy?
Okay, you have 2 of the same ammo. Jacob, help him out.
Yeah, no, he's, he's actually good.
Does one of them have a sniper?
No, submachine gun.
Rocket launcher?
Yep, rocket launcher, submachine gun.
AR, shotgun?
Yep.
Perfect. Broom? How many people have brooms?
I think we'll get a broom. What? I don't have a broom. Yeah, find a broom. I got a broom. I saw a couple. Um, where did I see that one? It was by a house. Oh, there's a, there's a pizza over here too.
I'm full health and full shield.
Shit, moved too early.
Yeah, I'm gonna take it.
Is that red mark anything? Oh, guns! Oh, people!
Gunshots! Oh!
It's a robot, Jacob. You just landed right on top of a robot. Why would you do that?
Because there's a guy next to him. Okay.
Got him. We're in the circle.
Yeah, you're gonna need to come towards me eventually.
Yeah.
Does the broom make any sound?
Uh, not audibly, no. Not on the ADS or whatever.
Oh, we got a guy!
Oh yeah, we do. Oh wow, look at that pretty thing. Hey, you want this? No. Here.
He doesn't want that. No, you don't want that. Do you want that or the rocket launcher? Sniper or rockets? Would you rather a big boom or a small Specific fire. Oh my God, on a Switch especially, he's gonna want a rocket launcher. Yeah, it's hard to aim a sniper with a Switch.
He's got the nice controllers, but yeah, it doesn't matter. That's true.
Frame rate. Yeah, frame rate, it's a big difference. All right, come to me. Let's work our way in. Watch for these fools. Let's make me get to the top of this mountain here, and then check out shattered slabs from behind us. And then why those are oyster behind?
Oh boy! Purple sniper with sniper surplus. There we go. I've already got two snipes. Or at least one snipe headshot. Let's go, baby!
What's the sniper surplus mean?
It means that you get 2 of the heavy snipes. You see how there's 2? There's usually only one.
I think we were the only one in Slabs.
I'm gonna go to this key place real quick.
Sure.
Dang.
Yeah, I don't like them.
I'm gonna go. We'll wait for something else. The Accelerant shotgun is the heavy, right?
Uh, yes.
Yes.
Yeah, that aims. Yeah.
All right, I don't see anyone coming in from Slattered Shabs, so should we head in, or do you want to wait? Walk it in.
Uh, yeah, you back? Oh yeah, there you are. Cool. Yeah, I'll follow you. Anybody have sniper ammo?
No worries. How do I slide on this?
Uh, this, you click it in and then that's crash.
I guess we could go get drugs. What do you guys have for meds?
Just a med kit.
Uh, none.
Perfect. Let's just get some— let's get some big guys. Cool. Get some juices.
From this thing?
Yeah, it'll pop out in about 10 seconds. Oh, no slip. Oh, there's one. So there's 3 bags if there's not enough slips for everybody. Here's one.
Oh, there's one. Somebody should carry just two of the slurps, I think. What are the slurps?
Yeah, I'm carrying two. Okay. If somebody's carrying like med kits or something, you should drop those. I've only got a big jug.
Yeah, pick them all up.
I think we're good unless somebody wants the blue Havoc.
That's a good gun. No, I dropped it.
Perfect. Is that a good pickup?
Oh, we're being targeted, Kevin. Oh, what a fucking dick.
Hey, we got somebody, uh, rebooting.
Okay, stop. Oh, there they are.
Why are they coming after me?
The bounty.
Oh.
Oh wow. Oh, below you, below you. Nice. Oh, nice.
Good job. Oh, they snipe me. Harm. Ah, dang. Who the fuck? Oh, they got harm.
Goddamn.
Let me take that girl.
I know she likes it.
Tell me about her. She like hip-hop and rock and roll.
Did you get a kill?
No.
Oh no.
Am I ready? I don't know.
Where's Jacob?
No, you're not ready.
It says A. Watch.
Oh yeah, you're ready now. See how it says ready?
Did it feel good to flex out to all those teenagers that you were streaming?
He's not on.
Oh, where is he?
He— I don't know, he walked out.
He's coming back. He like gets on, he's like, I just want to let everyone know I'm streaming right now. Did he put it streaming now too?
Uh, I don't think so. It might be. Are we streaming, Jacob?
Yeah, we're streaming.
Yeah, we are. Nice. How many people?
How many people?
I don't know.
I'm about—
I'll tell them in a sec. I'm looking for that purple thing I just had. Uh, looks like we have 344.
344. Okay.
Um.
You guys coming over Sunday for football?
Do what?
Are you guys coming over Sunday for football?
What time?
11 to 10.
Where are we going? Frenzy Fields?
No, let's go to— let's go to— oh shit, it's gone. Yeah, I guess so.
Jacob, you need to jump.
Okay.
Just dive straight down. Are we going to Shatter Slabs? Yep.
Okay.
All right. Oh yeah, we got this, boys.
Damn, someone's already shooting me. I haven't even landed.
Goddamn it. They're not great. Oh, there's so many teams.
Whoa, Barbie.
Oh, it's hot in here.
Hey, what's up?
Oh, I was gonna say it's hot in here.
It is so hot. Can you turn that fan on, dolls?
I can't.
Please? I would love to because it's like steamy in here.
Oh, Harvey!
Hi, hi buddy. Did you have a fun boys' night?
Did you have a fun boys' night?
Have they paid any attention to you?
He was up here for a bit.
Oh no. And then were you waiting for me downstairs? Go over there. I'm sorry you're so congested, buddy. All right, Jacob.
Yeah?
I talked to Courtney for a while on my way home.
About?
She's gonna treat my stuff, my little stretchies.
Okay.
She's gonna make them go away.
Cool.
I love having a cosmetologist friend.
Oh, got some people.
Got some people.
Uh-oh, are you guys in trouble?
Nah.
Kevin?
No.
Oh, you're shooting way too close to me. Okay, Jacob, you were fighting somebody. You liar.
Uh, you were fighting the This guy with me, I saw you shooting at him.
Oh, there's a guy.
There's a guy. That guy's just stagnant. He's not moving.
Let me—
We can bum rush him.
Mark, there's a guy to the right too.
Where the fuck did he go? Oh yeah, they relaunched over there, but we gotta go. Does everyone have witch's broom?
Uh, I do not. Oh, you see him over there? I wouldn't engage.
You have 23 seconds. 30 seconds to get to me.
Oh, I gotta get— I gotta get up.
Kevin, go to your right.
Yeah, yeah.
I think my dog is screaming for her head off or something.
Yeah, that'll happen. Got people right there. They see you, Jacob. Are you making noise?
Yeah, I'm coming.
Do you have Soaring Sprints or something?
No.
I—
How Kevin does. Okay, because there's a guy between me and you now, so just kind of keep your head out on a swivel. Somebody right there-ish. All right, let's get out of here. Keep going to the middle. Let's Let's go to like purple. Let's actually go towards purple now. I'm gonna hit this box right here. Here's a broom, it looks like.
Where?
Oh, never mind, it's an ice wall.
Nice.
Oh, behind you shot me.
Uh-oh. Let me just check this. There he is.
Ha! Knew it.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, it was right in your face. I'm so sorry.
Who's the guy? Oh, he's up there with you.
There's a guy coming up hard.
Did you guys get him?
Uh, I just launched him with the ice.
Guy on the bridge?
Uh, getting shot at from somewhere. Oh, way deep. Wow.
Here's a blue DMR.
Ooh, alright. Oh, we got people coming.
Oh, guys, people coming.
Come back to me.
He's on the other side of the tree.
I need meds if anyone else has them.
Oh, I do.
Where are you?
How do I throw it?
Nice.
Throw it like a grenade to me.
Assuming I know how to throw L2 R2 at the same time.
Got him.
Oh, L2.
Gotta get out of here. We got somebody coming in.
Oh no!
Oh, fuck!
Hell yeah, Harmon! Goddamn!
Fuck.
Still have no freaking health.
Wow.
Any health anywhere? Oh, med kit. Hell yeah! Get ready, Kev. Kev, what?
Oh, what?
Hit those 2 things. Hit those 2 things. Hit the blue things.
Okay, you can, uh, yeah, when you're alive, Black, you can hit the blue things. Because the thing is, is it doesn't matter if it's— if they get all 4 other people, 3 other people back. Oh, 600 is more than 200. That was a good one though. We played really good.
I'm in now. I'm ready. I think we're gonna get first.
I'm surprised Kevin's lobby isn't making it so that we're just automatically getting first because we're playing well. So like in a Switch lobby, that's crazy.
Yeah, but these are definitely real people. Yeah, it's true.
Well, here's some good birth control for everyone in this room that doesn't have children.
What?
Sophie had another blowout in the car.
Oh no.
And then we just had to go get in the back.
Ooh, what did you say, Lo?
I said Sophie had another blowout in the car. I was talking to Courtney on the phone and Sophie was screaming and Courtney's like, is she okay? I'm like, yeah, she's probably just hungry, doesn't want to be in her car seat. Nope, she shit everywhere.
Oh boy.
That's, uh, Probably ruined your Halloween jammies. It's fine.
Halloween jammies are washed out.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to do the sanitizing wash. But there's a literal pile of shit in her jammies and I didn't even wash them. I just put them in the washer. Ew, disgusting.
Jacob's gonna wash them.
That's what you're supposed to do. Good job, Kelly. Tell her I said that's the right thing to do.
She's a good pooper.
Is Harmon on? Harmon, when are you gonna come meet Sophie?
When are you gonna come meet Sophie? Kelly just asked when you're gonna come meet Sophie. Harmon.
When I'm not sick anymore.
He said he's been sick.
Okay, well then don't come here.
She said, she said then don't come here.
Bastion.
Bastion.
Yeah, I, I don't know. I think I have COVID because I've literally been sick for a week now and it's still not going away.
Yeah, it's annoying, but it's just a cough.
I only had a fever for the first week, first week, and I got a test and I passed All of them. They all said positive, so I was fine.
Wow, that's like the best grades you've ever gotten.
Yeah, it was like gonorrhea positive, like positively I don't have it. Oh God, I'm dead.
Oh boy, I haven't even found a gun yet. Oh, I just found a machine gun.
Well, you better find one fast because you're about to die. I found the best pickles that you can ever find. They're called Grillo's Pickles.
Uh, Kevin, it's all up to you.
Did you just crawl off a cliff?
I did.
I saw that.
You got this. Oh, pick it up! You got this! Nice! Who is that?
Oh, it's Herman.
Use your broom, get out of there! Jump over the edge. There you go. Now go to Jacob, to the left behind you. The left, right there, straight ahead. Hit the zip line. Pick them up. Stop. All right, now turn around and go back on the zip line the other way. Behind you.
Behind you.
Launch pad and launch out of there. That was Good.
There was a guy up on the launch pad, it looks like.
You see the thought— the thought process though? You go grab it, hit the zipline, go back, hit the launch pad. By the time you hit the launch pad, your broom's ready to go. You hit the broom again, you'd go again.
I don't know how to revive you guys.
Well, I'm watching Legally Blonde right now.
You're watching a movie while playing? Yeah, Kevin, it's pretty impressive.
Of course I am. What do you mean? Are you not watching a movie right now? No.
God, why Why does it keep saying I'm not muted? There we go.
I have 3 TVs. I can't just have one TV on. I'm also watching the highlights from hockey today.
Oh yeah, hockey started.
Yeah, it's electric. We should go to, uh, some Steelheads games.
Yeah, my friend can get us tickets.
Really?
Yeah.
Anytime.
He's the GM.
Your friend's the GM of the Steelheads?
Yeah.
Fuck yeah! Let's do it, dude. I'm open anytime you want.
Look up the GM of the Steelheads. What do you mean? Just look it up online. His name is Steve.
Is it gonna say Kevin Strohschein's friend?
No, it's gonna say Steve Anderson. You probably met Steve at some point.
If it doesn't say anything about Kevin Strohschein, I'm not gonna believe you.
You know Steve.
Yeah, I'm sure you've met Steve at some point.
Steve Anderson.
Yeah.
I don't know who that is.
Somehow I changed my guy.
He's the guy that told me about the cocaine in Pocatello.
Dragon?
Yeah. Steve did it.
Oh, so you've known him for like a long— so how do you guys know him?
Wait, who did? Steve Anderson. How would Steve know about the cocaine?
I think we're talking about different people.
Who was the person that told you, Jacob?
The one that used to be friends with Grandpa. That used to be the DA, used to be the lawyer.
Oh, that's, uh, the other Scott. That's Scott Anderson.
It's not Steve. Not Steve, sorry, that's my bad. Scott Anderson. I retract my former statement.
This is my surprise voice. So how do you know Steve Anderson, Kevin?
From undergrad. We're, we're like good friends.
His undergrad was in being the Steelheads GM, or is like his dad the old Steelheads GM?
No, he, he went to Boise State in like sports management or something. He's worked there since college, and so he's just working.
If I knew that that fucking degree would have gotten me to be the GM of the goddamn Steelheads, I would have done the same thing. So how did he get that job?
He just works his way up.
He has to know somebody.
No, he worked there forever, didn't he?
Yeah. Guys, I'm getting blasted, by the way. Oh, it's 2 of them.
Oh man.
They raped me. They threw me over the edge. Yeah, those guys. You iced them in there. They can't get down the stairs. Jacob iced over the stairwell.
Oh nice, that'll work. That'll do, pig.
Someone swinging? Problem is I'm on the other side of that ice, Jacob. You're Yeah, but you can get my car key.
Yeah, let's go revive him.
I got him. Why don't you do the flag? Oh nice, I'll put it around this pizza. Just come down and eat this pizza and it'll give you full shield.
Where am I going?
All right, I see you.
Havoc suppressed AR. Somebody should get that. Yeah, I'm good. And a sniper. Anyone carrying big pots?
I am not. Okay, I got a pizza.
We got a guy coming in, he's marked. Nice, just one-shotted him.
I tapped him once with an SMG, it was a headshot, but—
I was gonna say, he was— I had him down 200.
Yeah, he was way down. I just walked in and clicked it once and he died. I was like, okay.
I was wondering, I was like, oh shit, I glitched. And then I looked over and I saw you were there. I was like, ah, perfect. Are you— do you have the ice gloves? I see ice things everywhere.
That's gotta be Kevin.
I don't have ice gloves.
You don't? I'm literally there.
Oh, there's a guy right by us! It's a bad guy, it's a bad guy! There's so many.
Many by us, it's ridiculous.
I see footsteps. Oh no, it's it.
Oh yeah, I see footsteps now too. There he is.
I did it again.
That was closer though, that was closer. I only got probably 100 damage on that one, so unless he didn't I have a shield. You guys, let's go! We gotta get out of here. Kevin, you want to come over to your launch pad?
Yeah.
Remember how to get there?
No.
Take this zipline over.
Where you going?
Actually, I should follow somebody.
All right, so let's go. Yeah, maybe purple. Jacob, you have a key. Do you want to— is there a chest anywhere on the way there you want to grab on the way here?
No, there's just at the place though. It looks perfect.
Why do I have a flag?
Because we tagged you as captain, our captain, which means you're carrying the flag to victory.
Victory!
We got this.
I was just looking for a kill.
All right, there's somebody on the other side of this ice. This is where I think we should go next.
Over there?
So you guys make your way there at your leisure, and I will meet you over there.
Okay.
Since I have a broom and you guys do not.
Sounds good.
Oh, would I die if I fell?
Yes. Generally gonna want to not do that.
And I'm watching from above, so I'm making sure you guys are safe. But it looks like there's nobody up there yet.
There's somebody on the other side though. I hear a lot of gunshots though.
Yeah, they're down there. There's lots of gunshots.
Here, here, let me toss this thing down here. Hold on. You're gonna have to watch this, dude.
You're gonna watch this, dude.
Uh, is that called wrecking?
All right, Kevin, you want to head over to him? Head over to Jacob, go loot all that stuff. I'll keep an eye out, make sure there's nobody else coming.
Oh, we got more. We got company.
I don't see them.
Oh, I, uh—
You want to mark them?
Yeah.
They're on the other side of that rock.
I think they're in between us, Hans.
They're on the other side of the rock.
Oh yeah, I see him. He's 45 white. Got him. Got more shots that way. Anyone have a little AR ammo?
Uh, yeah, I got some.
That seemed too close.
Perfect. All right, let's head—
let's go to the circle. Yeah, we're going to there-ish.
Let's go. Oh, getting shot at, getting shot at.
Oh, there's a truck. Is that you, Jacob?
Oh, never mind, there's 2.
Are you in the truck?
I just, uh, headed to purple.
Okay.
Oh, someone hit me on the freaking thing.
No, I was the one hitting them.
Shit, dude, they were knocking me off the vine. They're being bullies.
Hey, I'm down in the bushes. I don't think they actually see me. If you could come get me, that would be great.
How do I heal you?
Dude, how do I heal you?
Oh, press the button that it says. Why? Yeah, why? Good job. That was so close, Kevin. 4 seconds. Let's go! Wow. And I— Where are we going on this?
Okay, they're all over there.
Ah, my fucking controller's broken. My nice controller.
Yeah. That's not good.
All right, let me know when to start heading to purple.
Yeah, I'm following Jacob because he said his controller was glitching, so—
Yeah, it's not just glitching, it's super broken.
Fuck, I missed the vine and I died, guys.
You did what? Oh no.
I missed the vine. I tried to jump on it and I died.
Get him.
Fuck.
