At 180 days sober, Gary Vee documents his actual flaws: lying, manipulation, jealousy, selfishness, arrogance. He says sobriety doesn't make him good, just gives him a chance to work toward it. No guarantee of forgiveness or trust back.
What's one thing the person listening can do today to build self-confidence? Make a video that tells everybody all their shortcomings. What?
Gary Vee says document, don't create. Instead of creating a version of myself that's easy to root for, I'm going to document the guy I actually am. Today I get a 180-day chip. I'm an addict, I'm an alcoholic, and I wasn't strong enough to quit drugs and alcohol before I destroyed the life I cared about most. I created a situation where the woman I love couldn't trust me anymore, where she had to protect herself from me instead of feeling protected by me. 6 months sober doesn't I don't suddenly make all of my character defects past tense. So here they are. I lie. I hide things. I make excuses. I manipulate. I get defensive when I should listen. I blame other people for problems I create. I avoid hard conversations. I break promises. I choose escape over responsibility. I want control. I need validation. I get jealous. I get resentful. I'm selfish. I'm arrogant. My ego gets in the way. I care way too much about what people think of me. I'm a people pleaser. I say what people want to hear. I make promises before I've Earn the right to make them. I confuse being successful with being a good man. I think providing for people can somehow make up for hurting them. I apologize and sometimes expect the apology to fix what my behavior broke. I want forgiveness faster than trust can possibly come back. I confuse good intentions with good behavior. I make loving me exhausting. I make trusting me incredibly hard. And probably the hardest thing for me to admit is this: I can love somebody with everything I have and still treat them in a way that doesn't feel like love. I love my family. I love being a husband.
I love being a dad.
And none of None of that was enough to make me stop. That's addiction. That doesn't excuse a fucking thing. Today I have 180 days sober. I'm proud of that. But I'm starting to understand that sobriety is not the same thing as becoming a good man. Sobriety just gives me the opportunity to become one. I don't get to decide who forgives me. I don't get to decide who trusts me. I don't get to decide whether I get the family I want back. And that's probably the hardest part of recovery for me. Doing the right thing without knowing if it's ever going to give me back what I want. But I gotta keep going. I gotta keep doing it.
Because if I'm only changing Somebody takes me back.
I'm still negotiating. I'm not changing. So today I take the chip. Tomorrow I wake up and do it again.
