How Toxic Relationships Are Costing You Millions // Jacqueline Elliott

Andy and I always ask this question, would you ever be in a relationship with somebody who lied to you? They're like, no, no way. I would never do that. Right. But you lie to yourself every single day. You've said, hey, I'm going to start doing this. I'm going to start going to the gym. And guess what? You keep making false promises to yourself. One of the reasons why we've scaled and we've grown so much is because Andy and I joined forces and we decided to not just chase money. The reason why we have our culture is because we all work together and we grow.

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Whether your spouse works with you or not, she does not have to. She just has to be a part of that journey. She is your why. Don't bring home leftovers to her. Don't bring home leftovers to your kids. You want that support? You better freaking be as excited as you are with your clients to bring home what you need to in order for her to support you. Thank you for the intro. That was amazing, by the way. Well, for those of you that don't know me, I'm Jacqueline Elliott. I'm going to speak to you today as Andy Elliott's wife, also as a mother, as a business owner, and just a little bit of everything. I'm going to come to you guys a little bit differently today. I'm going to speak to you guys from the heart, and I'm going to give you some invaluable information that has changed our lives as business owners and as people altogether now, I don't know where you are in life. I don't know where you stand. I don't know if you work for somebody. I don't know if you started a business. I don't know how you are financially. But I'm here to talk to you guys about our journey and how we were the least qualified to make it. Okay? So I want you to start by asking yourself this question. Am I qualified to have a good life? Am I qualified to have it all? Some of you guys are probably here and you've achieved some level of success and you're here to find some answers. Maybe you're here and you're married and you're chasing money and you have your business and your family fighting against each other, and you don't know how to balance that. So you feel guilty about one thing or the other. I'm talking to you. Maybe you're the single guy that's just trying to prove himself, that's trying to level up, that's trying to make money that's trying to make a name for themselves. But probably you don't have the best upbringing. Maybe you feel like you're too young and there's other people that are more experienced than you. I'm also talking to you. Maybe you were in a relationship and you failed, and now you feel like you're a failure. You feel like you don't deserve to have a good life because you failed. I'm also talking to you. See, we were the least qualified to start a business. When we had an idea, we went and. And we had to go dark. A lot of people talk about going dark, but what does that really mean, going dark? See, a lot of times we separate family and business, and we're like, you know what? I'm going to have to go and do this, and I'm going to separate my wife and my kids, and I'm just going to bring them home a check, and they should be happy. And then you realize why they tell you when you. When you get home, you're not paying attention to us and they're not happy. Or maybe you were raised and you're the first person in your family to make a name for yourself. Maybe that's you. But I want to tell you right now, if you're looking for the perfect person right here that tells you, hey, I got my shit together. I'm not the right one, okay? Because we don't. We didn't have a blueprint. We didn't have a game plan. We didn't have an experience. We didn't have the guidance. We just went for it. See, a lot of people are looking for the perfect plan, the perfect CRM, the perfect. All of these different things before they go and they take a chance. Well, that wasn't us, okay? There's a lot of failure and a lot of pain that helped us start our business and have the team that we have. You guys look at our team. You're like, man, this is amazing. How did you guys build this? It was a lot of pain. It was working for the wrong people. It was going. It was people letting us down and also us letting other people down. But some people get held back on their dreams because they have that pain. And now you have that handcuff syndrome where you're not allowing yourself to find happiness and you shut down. So we were the least qualified to start a business. We were. We started on mattresses. We were training car salespeople, of all people. Now think about that.

Super important, guys, if you're watching this video, Right now. And you're like, andy, I'm not built like that. Bullshit. Yes, you are. Got to train. That's the way it works. Train or complain. It's your choice. Okay? Every day I train the greatest in the world. You know, I mean, are you ready to kick some ass and build your legacy and make history? If you are in the description box below on this YouTube video, there's going to be a link. You click on it, enter your phone number, email, full name, and I will personally reach out to you in the next 24 hours. If you're serious about kicking some ass, going to the new level, recreating next version of yourself, I'm your guy. Let's kill it.

But I did not go tell my family. I did not go tell my friends, hey, you know what? I have to give up our house and we're going to go sleep on mattresses because we have this great idea. We're going to build this training company and we're going to take over the world. What do you think they would have said? Oh, you're crazy. Like, that's never going to happen. What's wrong with you? Take. See, sometimes we talk about our sacrifices too soon to the wrong people, and then we fail. They don't understand that. But are you qualified to have a good life? What's holding you back of achieving the next level of yourself? Now, failure is failure in your DNA. I can tell you firsthand that failure is a part of my DNA. My parents were the first to get divorced out of 14 of brothers and sisters. My family all felt sorry for me because I had the mother that did not take care of me. She'd rather be out working or finding her next mate. I did not have that motherly figure. Everybody felt sorry for me, and I hated that. How many people love when people feel sorry for them? That was not me. I hated it. I hated it. I wanted to change that in my DNA. My father remarried a younger woman, 15 years younger than him. She was my competition. I did not have that fatherly love because she got jealous. But one thing I did learn from my father was that he was an entrepreneur. But you know, the best, best lesson that I learned from my father was that he was a failed entrepreneur because he failed over and over and over in business. And he always stood back up and started again and again and again. So that made me very ballsy. I could have been the girl. I said, man, I'm never going to change because my parents didn't love me or I'm never going To. I'm never going to have this kind of life because I don't. That's not in the cards for me. I'm never going to. No, screw that. I am going to not let people feel sorry for me that I learned from my mom. I'm going to be the best freaking mom in the whole entire world when I have kids. I'm going to have the badass ass marriage because my family failed. And also, I'm not going to freaking be afraid of failure because I am freaking strong. Hey, my family didn't even know how to speak English. I can freaking speak English, okay? There's no reason for me to fail. Yeah. So in life, we fail for a lot of different reasons. We discovered in the very beginning that there's certain things that we fail because of. Okay? So I call them the three dangerous Cs. The first one is comparing. You compare yourself maybe a little too early with other people that you think have the perfect life. You're watching them on Instagram, you're watching them on social media, you're saying, hey, I want to be like them. I want to have the marriage that they have. And you know how many people ask us, hey, how can I get a marriage like yours and Andy? Well, that's great. We have a great marriage. Don't get me wrong. But you're not willing to go over the sacrifices and things that we did to get this way. We have a great marriage because we had a lot of pain. We like comparing ourselves to other people and we're not willing to put in that work. We just want it. It becomes envy when you want to go where somebody's gone, somebody else is gone. You're going to have to put in that work and that sacrifice as well. So we think about it. Try comparing your children. How is that going to go? That doesn't go very well. Your kids don't like to be compared. Don't do it either. Complaining. You complain about your hardships so early that you talk yourself out of your dreams. Let me give you an example. A lot of you guys are in sales. A lot of you guys are in business. And sometimes we give up our 9 to 5 to go and do this kind of thing. And we have to make certain sacrifices. I told you guys that Andy and I went and slept on mattress, but we didn't share that with our families. We didn't tell them because they wouldn't have understood. Some people have to sell their cars to buy leads or spend money in marketing or something. And they say, hey, you Know what? I had to go do this. And then the family's like, well, why did you give Your up your 9 to 5 to go and have this life? And then what happens is that shit gets hard. It gets really hard sometimes. And then those voices get in your head and you're constantly saying, why did I do this? Why? Because you complain about those things and then they come in when you get weak and then you give up again. Don't complain. One of the things that I told in the very beginning when Andy and I got together is a, I never, ever am going to speak negatively about my husband to my family. Ever. You know why? Because they're never going to forget it. I'm never going to tell my dad, oh, Andy called me a bad name. Why? Because my dad loves me. He's never going to forgive Andy. And then you hear about all of these people. It's like, I can't understand why my family doesn't love my husband. Well, you did that. You told them about your first fight, you told them about what you said, and they don't. Don't forget. You tell your best friend what he did to you, and then you walk with them hand in hand. Look at them. They look all nice and happy, but you don't know what he did to her. You don't know what she did to him. They just pretending like they're never going to forget. You're doing that to yourself. If you're stupid enough to forgive them for doing something, don't talk to somebody about it. You're going to have to figure it out, dish it out on your own and become best friends. And the last danger C is conforming. It's either feeling like you're good enough or not good enough to do something. If you feel like you're not good enough to do something, that's a big, big crutch. But also, if you're settling and if you have your business set up and you realize that you're not scaling to the next level, it took you three years to get to $500,000 a year, right? In the next three years, you're stuck at 500. Why? Because you've settled. You're conforming. You're not willing to put in that same amount of work that you did when you were in your proving stages. That's why. So those are three dangerous Cs that I'm touching very, very briefly because we don't have a lot of time, but we fail because of those things. So what are you doing today to prevent Yourself from falling into that trap. Gotta change. So when you start something new, when you start a new journey, when you start something different, think about why you fail. Think about why everybody fights against you. Think about you tell your wife, babe, this is the. This is it. This is the last thing I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Babe, this is the opportunity that I've been waiting for. And what do you get? Oh, shit, I heard that before. Oh, this is about the 20th time you said that. Why? Why does that happen? Because you make false promises and it's just not only to your families, also to yourself. You've said, hey, I'm going to start doing this. I'm going to start January 1st, I'm going to start going to the gym. And guess what? January 1st comes, January 2nd comes, January 3rd comes, and you quit.

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Or you say, I'm going to start getting up early because I'm going to study. I'm going to start perfecting my craft. I'm going to be. I'm going to make these many calls. I'm going to start working really hard on getting better. I'm going to start self educating. I'm starting investing in myself. I'm going to read more books. And then you fail. You keep making false promises to yourself. Andy and I always ask this question, Would you ever be in a relationship with somebody who lied to you? They're like, no, no way. I would never do that. Right, but you lie to yourself every single day. You lie to yourself and you have to start over and over and over. Now to your wife, to your husband, you say, babe, I need you to trust me blindly. It'll take me three years to get to the point in life where I need to be. You say, hey, I just need you to take care of the kids. I'm going to go and I'm going to work my ass off. And I need you to trust me. Just, just support me. Just be there for me. And she does. And three years later, you have a, you have a three year old son and three years later he's six years old. And you don't remember the next three years because you've left him aside. Three years later, your bank account's still the same. You haven't grown. And your child, you lost three years of their life and they don't see you as a hero anymore. Why? Because they don't bring them along with you on the journey. You didn't share those sacrifices with them. You did it alone. It doesn't have to be that way. One of the reasons why we've scaled and we've grown so much is because Andy and I joined forces and we decided to not just chase money. We brought our family along with us, we brought our team along with us. The reason why we have our culture is because we all work together and we grow. Whether your spouse works with you or not, she does not have to. She has to be a part of that journey. She is your why. Don't bring home leftovers to her. Don't bring home leftovers to your kids. You want that support? You better freaking be as excited as you are with your clients to bring home what you need to in order for her to support you. That's what you need to do. And quit making false promises. When you say you're going to do something, do it. Do it. Start with yourself, then your wife, then your children. And then you'll see how things start changing. You're here to find answers. You're going to take a lot of notes. What are you going to do with them when you leave here? What are you going to do when she tells you, hey, babe, I don't know why you went to this thing. Like, I could have told you this. Like, why did you have to go listen to all these people? Like, I already told you this. You're going to have to prove to her that you made the right choice. And she's going to fight you. She's going to fight you. You're going to have to earn that respect back. Okay? We talked about also in the beginning, just going dark. Going dark? What does that really mean, going dark? I knew that no matter what I told my family, they were not going to understand what I wanted to do. So I had to go dark. My mom, my parents had an idea of what, success, what I should do. They wanted me to work for Telemundo, be a news anchor. That's what they wanted me to do, right? That was success to them. My mom still would like me to do that. I'm never going to be that. Doesn't matter how much money I make. Doesn't matter how happy I look. It doesn't matter what my kids are doing. I'm never going to fill her eyes with pride because that's what she wanted me to do. You understand that you have to learn when you speak to your family or your friends, they're not going to understand your goals and dreams. But a lot of you guys have people on the outside that are constantly nagging at you and not understanding. And I'm not talking about your wife. I'm not talking about your kids. I'm talking about people on the outside. Your wife and your kids. You're going to have to prove yourself for them to be on the same journey. And they're going to grow with you because they're going to love the new you. But how do you know when it's time to cut ties with people? Just take an inventory of the people around you. How much are those relationships costing you? Think about it. When you talk about your wife or when you talk about your husband to your friends, are they saying, man, you don't deserve this, man. Like, I just don't get it. You could have done better. Or are they saying, man, what is it that you need to do to get better? How is it that you can win her back over? How is it that you used to have these love eyes and talk so nice about her, and then all of a sudden it changed? What do you need to do to get better? Somebody that's going to tell you the cold, hard truth. Those are the people that are going to help you grow. That's what Andy and I Did. So think about how much it's costing you. Sleep, health, happiness, money. If they're the right people, even if they're in your family, they will come back once you prove yourself. It's the truth. I had to say goodbye to everybody, but I have my family back. I have my parents back. I have my brothers and sisters back. I have everybody back. But I did not try to mold or conform to society or my family because of them. I had to prove who I was in order for them to accept it. I told them about the sacrifices, about sleeping on those mattresses after I was out of the mattresses. I'm telling you guys about it. But I would have never told you during that time because why? I didn't want you to feel sorry for me. But now I can tell you, hey, there was a way out. I'm out of that now. And you know what? We've all been through something in our lives, something in our lives that we're not so proud of, but sacrifices that we had to make. And you think about now. What are the things that you usually talk about? Some of you guys pray to have it easy. Some just take inventory of your prayers. You ask God, hey, God, give me a break. Why do I have it so hard? You should pray for God to break you of your weaknesses and to be a badass. That's what you should pray for. Those are the things you're talking about every day. Those are the. All the sacrifices you made. Oh, remember when I used to do this? Remember? It's all the bad shit that you didn't want to go through at the time has made you excited. Sell and be a badass today. Why would we get rid of that? I wish I can give you my lenses. I wish I could give you God's lenses to see. Hey, you know what? This is just temporary. For you to be this way and use that pain as your strength to help other people, that's what you need to do. So for those women that are in here, I see it. A lot of women, which is really good. Now, you know, I run our. Our business with Andy, and we have a lot of badass women on our team now, which is amazing. But I want to talk to those women that are leading super important guys.

If you're watching this video right now and you're like, andy, I'm not built like that. Bullshit. Yes, you are. You got to train. That's the way it works. Train or complain. It's your choice. Okay? Every day I train the greatest in the world. You Know what I mean? Are you ready to kick some ass and build your legacy and make history? If you are in the description box below on this YouTube video, there's going to be a link. You click on it, enter your phone number, email, full name, and I will personally reach out to you in the next 24 hours. If you're serious about kicking some ass, going to the new level, recreating next version of yourself, I'm your guy. Let's kill it.

There's misconceptions with a lot of different things. A lot of. A lot of us women that are successful in that, that have to prove ourselves in a lot of different ways. We have to learn to communicate with certain people. So I always talk about how to communicate and then how to being soft versus being a. Okay, we. We confuse that, right? So sometimes we talk to certain people and we're like, man, I'm trying to make sure that they see me and they don't think I'm a certain way. And then other times we're like, man, I'm so direct that I'm looked at as I'm. I'm the biatch. Right? We don't want to do that, but there's a difference. You can be direct and help people grow, or you can be the. See, I am very direct with our team. We cry together, we fight together, we laugh together, we all grow together. But if you can show your team that you care about them and you see a version of themselves, that is great, and you paint that picture for them, they will allow you to be direct. A lot of people ask, hey, you know, I want. Let me know your team. You ask them, hey, do you want me to tell you the truth? They're going to say yes, but if you haven't earned the right to be direct, you're just going to be the bitch. Does that make sense? You can't do that. So we talk about leadership. Unhealthy leaders just want to prove a point. They just want to be the last one to say that. Say, you know, say what they need to, and they're like, hey, you know what? I'm right. Right? They want to prove who's right. And then, you know, other good leaders, they want to help people grow, and they want to understand and show how they're significant to the team, right? So we want to make sure that you show people by being direct, but you also believe in them and empower them to grow so they have to feel significant and not criticized. So we talk about growth. Everybody's always Asking, why are you guys scaling? How are you scaling so much? Why? How are you growing? Because we actually are a company that grows really fast because we hold ourselves to a certain standard and continue trying to prove ourselves every single day. But there's a big thing that we always do, so it's always treat it like it's the first day, right? Just think about it. In your relationship, what did you do to try to prove yourself in the very beginning? You have to keep it new. When you met your girl, what did you do? You told everybody how beautiful she was. You try to get her on the phone. You try to get her on a date. And what? She. She said no. She's like, oh, no, I'm not. I'm not going to go out with you. But you tried so hard to get her, right? You tried so hard to prove that you were worthy of going out with her. And then what happens? You get her. You barely look at her now. You don't look at her with those glove eyes. When you first moved in with her, you were checking her out all the time, weren't you? When you first were talking on the phone with her. No, you hang up. No, no, you hang up. No, I love you. No, I love you more. Oh, yeah, no, you. Did you hang up yet, like you weren't hanging up the phone. Because that was a new thing, right? It was exciting. It's the thrill of the hunt. But the thing is, your relationships are growing old. I call it idolizing, then demonizing. When you talked about her, what did you talk about? Oh, dad, she's so amazing. She's so driven. She pushes me to be better. She's so organized. She's so beautiful. You gotta meet her. She has such a great personality. And then what happens? You got the girl, then she becomes a demon? You demonize her, dad. Oh my gosh, she's such a nag. Nothing I do is ever good enough for her. I mean, she's just a nag all the time, dad. Like she's. Everything just needs to be perfect all the time. Like it's not organizing, man. It's just an obsession. It's just so annoying. Why she always get on to me all the time. I wish she can be as cool as she was in the beginning. We demonize all the things you loved about her, that she was driven, that she pushes you to be better. All of a sudden bother you so much, right? All of a sudden the guy who was so funny in the beginning is so annoying and he doesn't take anything seriously. Right. That's what happens. Idolizing and demonizing. And the thing is. And work too. When you first started, you wanted to prove to everybody that you deserve the position. That you deserve to be there. When you first started your business, you wanted to prove that you were the one that deserved that title. And then guess what? It's not enough. You're not proving yourself anymore. You're not. You take it for granted. You take the opportunity for granted. Because it's not new anymore. You feel like you're too good to be there. You used to try to prove yourself. Used to be the one that did everything around it because you want to make sure you were noticed. It's not happening anymore. Think about it. Marriage isn't a contract. Fun isn't a luxury. You quit going on dates. The kids need you. How much of a better parent would you be if you did go on dates and showed your kids how excited you were about each other? Think about that. We always talk about being one dimensional. I talked in the beginning about having it all. The only reason why we've been able to scale and grow is because we're not chasing money at this point. Because we decided to bring the family along with with us. You have to be where your feet are. Be where your feet are when you're at home. Show your family that you're home. But if you're not giving it your all at work, you're not going to feel like you deserve to be home with your kids. If you have an eight hour day, how much of that day are you really working? Are you running a country club? Or you're really putting in that hard work. So you get home and and you're intentional with your kids. That's the thing. One of the hardest things I've said to Andy is we learned to live without you. He was in the pictures, but he wasn't really there. I broke his heart when I said that. Don't let that happen to you. You can have it all. And self love. Love yourself. Become the one that makes the most impact. What does that mean? You can't give your family everything until you love yourself first. My kids. I had to love myself first before my kids can look up to me and see me as their hero. Does that make sense? You have to love yourself. If you don't show your daughter or your kids or your son that you love yourself, how are they going to look up to you to be their hero? Love yourself first. In the million dollar question. How can I find true happiness? Set a goal and hit it. Don't give up on your goals. Don't give up on your dreams. And also set really difficult goals. And when you reach them, you're going to be following and trying to hit them over and over and over again. Don't settle on your goals. Don't settle on your dreams. So you want to be a person of influence? Become a true leader with your family, with your friends, with your business. Think about it. Who's following you? Who's looking at you? Are you making a difference? You can have it all. Don't chase money. It won't last. It's not real. Give your family the love they deserve. Give your business everything. Because they need you. They need you. Now step up your game. Go back out there, kick some ass, okay? Don't forget that you deserve it. Sa.