NO WAY - A Big NO NO in Relationships // The Jacqueline Elliott Show - Ep1 Part 2

We believe in fighting when you fight fair and when you fight, like, not to win, but to actually have some type of resolution and to grow in a way, because then you can grow and resent people, and then you can go. Later on in life, you don't even realize what you're resenting each other about because you didn't have those conversations. Those are conversations. These fights that we're talking about are things that allow each other to grow to voice.

I want to tell you guys something that what Jackie's really good at on a lot of things is really getting me to change my perspective, you know, getting me to shift out of my current state of how I'm thinking. She gets me to see stuff differently. And I think this is super important. If you want to really protect your marriage, you need to know how to use analogies to allow each other to see things the same. And I'm gonna give you an example. So let's say that me and her are getting into it, right? And I'm like, no, dude, like. Like, you. This is stupid, you know? Or maybe somebody call somebody a name or something, right? Like, you know, you're just, like, out of, like, the love state now. Like, we're getting to where we're getting hateful, right? And every couple will get to this at some point in their life in some way. You don't have to yell to do it. You just. You just do it. And you're. You're not being you, right?

Yeah. You're just trying to win.

Yeah, you're just trying to win. You're trying to hurt the other person because you're hurt, right? And Jackie always says, what would you do if someone came and said what you just said to me? If we were at a gas station right now and a guy walked by and he just said what you said to me? What would you do to him? And I'm like, I'd kill him. And she's like, why is it okay for you to hurt me when you love me? I married you. I'm with you, and it's not okay for a stranger to hurt me. Like, you should care about me more than a stranger, right? And I'm like, damn, I don't like that. You know? Like, I don't like when you tell me things that make me understand that what I'm doing to you is not good. And by the way, she's good with words, which really, in our company, that's what we teach is, like, how to be a master communicator. Like, how to Communicate. And, and. But instead of, you know, you saying, hey, don't talk to me that way, she's like, how would you feel if a stranger at a gas station, we were getting gas, they came by and they said that to me. Well, just, just how would you feel if they said that to me? And I'm like, damn, you know, like, I would kill that guy, you know, so.

But you can even. Like not even the gas station. It happens in families. Like, it could be the mother in law that's telling the daughter something, and then the husband gets so pissed off because she's telling them something, and then they're like, they don't want to talk to them anymore. But then you go. And then the husband and the wife are saying the same thing to each other, but they're so pissed that the mother in law said it and they're saying the same exact thing. But here it's okay in there. When it's outside sources, it's not okay. And then they develop a hatred that lasts for the rest of the relationship that they can't get over. Like, it's a double standard. That's what we call it, a double standard. So you have to really think in that sense, you know.

Well, and I think one of the ways that our relationship has also always staying, stayed like, pretty strong, really powerful is, you know, Jackie made a rule early on, which was good. You know, some of you right now it's not too late to adopt this rule, but Jackie made a rule early on where it was like, we're not ever going to speak negatively about each other, okay? To our family or to our friends or to anybody.

To my parents especially, you know, but.

Really, anybody, like, not even your best friend. I mean, like. Because I'm just giving an example. If she had. Jackie had a best friend and me and her got in a fight, and then I said something to her and then she went, told her best friend. Her best friend's never going to forget what I said to her.

Yeah. Or then you're happy later on.

Yeah.

Then you're holding hands and kissing. Like, remember when he did this to her? They're stupid, you know?

Yeah. They're never going to support the relationship.

Anymore, especially your parents, because your parents have a different kind of love for you. So they always, like, think that they're protecting you in the sense, but they never forget. Just think about if you had a daughter and then the boyfriend calls her son a name or does something to her.

Yeah. You're never gonna forget.

You're never gonna Forget the guy because she's your freaking daughter. Like that's the thing.

Well, and that's the deal. Like people, once you tell somebody about something that happened with them that somebody they love, like they'll never forget it, right? And then, you know, time's going to pass, it's always going to get better, right? Because people have fights. That's a part of life. Well, what you say during that time with that fight will determine how those people support your relationship forever. And it's like, you know, we've never told anybody about any of the fights that we've had. So a lot of the people, they just envision that we just have this greatest life ever. When really me and Jackie probably fight more than anyone in the world. But we fight most of the time about how to level up, how to become better people. And by the way, we have five minute fights like, like most people.

I think a lot of people misinterpret fights like fights.

We don't fight a definition of a fight.

Well, fighting is like not agreeing with something and voicing your opinion. We believe in fighting when you fight fair and when you fight, like not to win but to actually have some type of resolution to grow in a way because then you can grow and resent people and, and it can go later on in life. You don't even realize what you're resenting each other about because you didn't have those conversations. Those are conversations. These fights that we're talking about are things that allow each other to grow to voice. A lot of people don't say they don't like something because they just don't want to avoid that. And it always surfaces later. You don't really get to know the person that you're next to. And whether you like it or not, it's always going to be something that's going to come out or be affected it later because it's just digging in. It's digging in and digging in and you have little tiny little paper cuts and then just keep, they just keep adding on and then you don't even know how to identify why. You can't really even stare look at each other anymore because you have all of these like little things that bothered you throughout the time. We speak to so many different couples that have been together for 20, 30, 40 years.

I remember we were in a couple's mastermind, right? Me and you were putting on, we do this couple mastermind every six months about how to become badass power couples, right? And I remember this couple sitting right over here. And they've been together, like, 30 years, right? And, you know, you could tell they were separated. I don't mean, like in life, but they were kind of not sitting next to each other. They were listening. And by the end of the day, they had leaned into each other. They were holding each other's hand, which they really could tell they hadn't done in a long time. But the guy stood up and he goes, I realize what happened. He's like, number one. Like, I never let her be heard. Like, every time she would say something that was maybe bothering her, I would. Not intentionally, but I would shut her up because I thought she was nagging me or doing this or doing that. So one day, she just quit voicing her opinion. She quit talking. And that's what Jackie talks about. Death by a thousand paper cuts. It was like, inside, like, it was this paper cutting your heart that she couldn't speak her mind. She couldn't talk openly because they would fight about it. So she felt like she couldn't be heard. After 30 years of that, they're ready to get a divorce because they. And not for any specific reason. Like, somebody went out, cheated on somebody.

They didn't really know.

They just.

They didn't know why they were resenting each other. They couldn't even identify.

They don't fight about anything. They can't. They can. They can't even talk about it because there's just things that they can't talk about. I mean, how many people right now, they literally can't talk about certain topics because there's always a fight. Well, those fights, like Jackie talks about fighting for resolution, it's like, dude, like, I just need to make sure that she's heard. And then I need to be like, okay, I understand that. And then if she is everything to me, then I need to be like, hey, well, then how can I. We. How can we be better together? It.