Top 5 Ways to Avoid a Divorce // Jacqueline Elliott

Whether you're single or you're married, you're made for communion. So you're going to have to learn this shit now or later. But you're going to get slapped in the face if you're not paying attention. I'm just telling you right now. Fighting. We believe fighting is healthy. A lot of people are like, why would you say that fighting is healthy? Nobody wants to walk on eggshells. You see a lot of people that go and they live their lives, and then all of a sudden they get divorced. You're like, what happened? You look like you were happy. It's all those times they didn't fight. Death by a thousand paper cuts. They can't even identify why they're getting a divorce. They resent each other now. They didn't fight. They didn't really know each other. They didn't know what pushed each other's buttons. They didn't understand each other. They were trying to avoid a problem, and it escalated and they got disconnected. Now they can't even look at each other. They get disgusted. So we believe that healthy couples fight for resolution. Fight, fight, but don't fight to win. Unhealthy couples fight for personal victory. They want to have that last word. You say what you need to say, and at the end, you feel like that's not the right way to fight. You fight for what you believe in. You're going to fight in business. You're going to fight for your marriage. You're going to fight for everything that's worth fighting for. But there's one rule that we had to come up with. If someone wins, no one wins. You're in this together, okay? Whether you're single or you're married, you're made for communion, so you're going to have to learn this shit now or later. But you're going to get slapped in the face if you're not paying attention. I'm just telling you right now, comfort kills the next thing. A lot of times we're looking for in our marriage or in our relationship, for the other one to make us feel good. Nice and fuzzy. One of the things I can tell you the reason why Andy Elliot has grown is because I don't let him get comfortable. And he knows that I care. I can either be the bitch, right? Or I can push him to grow and show him how much I believe in him, right? Motivate and empower each other to know you're capable of more. But don't let your spouse complain when he comes home and complains about the boss and complains about it being a bad day. Remind him of why he loves doing what he does. Don't let him complain. Don't let him kick his feet up. Don't let him get comfortable. Make that commitment that you're going to grow together and empower him to grow. What do the patterns look like when he comes? Does he complain about something and then he kicks his feet up and you're like, oh, honey, tomorrow's going to be a better day. No, change that. Make him make that extra phone call at the end, and that way he can end with a win. But empower each other to be better. Make your wife feel beautiful. Just had a baby. Whatever it was. Do not disconnect women. We are so good at saying no when it's a yes. I'm telling you, it's the truth. Who understands us? We're freaking crazy as shit. But you know what? We go through different stages. We work together in things, you know, and that's. That's the way it is. I went through when I was younger, I went through my cold stage, and then I went through being married and learning how to build stuff together and learning how to share a bank account. And then being married and then feeling like I was incapable of certain things. And then having her first kid and falling in love with that, and then going to being married and remembering, oh, gosh, I got to stay close to my husband again. And then feeling like I was empty because I was giving every everything to my kids. And then going back to rediscovering myself. There's a lot of stuff that we go through. You need to understand that. But empower each other. Make yourself feel special. Keeping it new. Why is this so important in everything that you do in business? Remember when you first started your business? Remember what you said you were going to do in the beginning? You're going to prove yourself. I'm going to out care and outdo the competition. You did anything to try to prove yourself for that promotion, and then you got it. Are you still trying to prove yourself every single day as a business owner? Guess what? A lot of people are meant to be micromanaging. You don't want to hear that. You don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. Because why? Because you don't know how to keep it new and keep proving and reinventing yourself. The reason why we had that video show is because we're constantly growing and blowing up because we're reinventing ourselves every single day. So why is scaling so tough he's like, oh, my gosh, it took me so long. I went and I made. I didn't make any money. Then I went and I made $500,000 a year, and then it took me this long to get there. And I've been stuck at $500,000 a year for two years, and I can't scale from that. Well, think of the things that you did to get to that first 500,000. Are you still doing that? You have to play like you have nothing to lose and give it your all every single day. Keep it new in your relationship. You let the fire burn out. It's not the same. You don't look at her with those love eyes. How many times do you look at each other anymore? I love it that you guys are getting closer and closer as I'm speaking. I'm watching you. But that's what happens. Marriage isn't a contract. Fun isn't a lecture. You quit going out on dates. The kids are always going to have something to do. You don't have that anymore. You ask her, babe, what do you want to do for your birthday? She's like, oh, I'm good. And then you don't do anything. Screw that, babe, it's your freaking birthday. I'm taking you out. You deserve it. I don't care. The kids will be fine. This is your day. Let's go. What happened in the very beginning? I call this. First we idolize, then we demonize. When you were talking about the girl, hey, dad, you've got to meet Barbara. She's so amazing. You. You just see her. She's so driven, she's so motivated. She's so organized. She pushes me to be better. I have so much stuff to talk to her about. She's so awesome. She's going to be. You just have to meet her. You're going to love her. She's so great. Then what happens? Get the girl, Barbara. Oh, dad. Barbara. She's such a nag. All she does is she complains. Nothing's ever good. Good enough for her. She doesn't let me be me. She doesn't. She doesn't support me. Like, all she does is nag at me. She just wants me to be perfect all the time. I just don't get it, dad. She's such a nag. What happened? You demonized her. All the qualities that you loved about her in the very beginning just went to shit because you didn't keep it new.