BUILT for Impact Ep. 32: Detachment: The Stress Relief Practice Nobody Talks About

Here's something I want you to sit with for a second. Think about something you're working on right now. Could be a goal, a launch, conversation you've been putting off, a decision that you're waiting on. I want you to notice how does it feel in your body when you think about it? Is there tightness? Do you feel anxiety, stress? Is there like pressure? Maybe this constant background noise of I need this to work. I need this to happen. This has to go right. That feeling, that is not drive or ambition. That is your nervous system treating the outcome like it's a threat. And here's the thing that no one talks about. When you're gripping onto the thing that hard, you're not actually moving faster. You're just tightening your body. You're like, you're moving tighter. And tight does not mean effective. It just means you're gonna be tense in what you do. Today we're gonna talk about one of the most misunderstood ideas in personal development: detachment. And no, it doesn't mean that you stop caring. Doesn't mean that you're just completely passive. It means something entirely different. And once you get it, it's going to change everything for you. Welcome back to Built for Impact. I am Jake Burhans, and this is the podcast where inner peace meets high performance. And where building your dream life starts from the inside out. Inside the Built Framework, we talk a lot about what's happening underneath your actions, the beliefs, the nervous system patterns, the identity you're building from. One of the biggest patterns I see in driven people is this: they have unconsciously— and I did this myself as well— but they have unconsciously tied their internal state to external results. My gosh, is that a big issue. I did it for the longest time and I still tend to do it here and there. It's something I'm working on deeply. Right? And then your inner peace is always just one outcome away, one negative outcome away to just collapsing the entire house of cards. So today's episode is about breaking that pattern. We're gonna talk about detachment, what it actually is, why it reduces stress and anxiety in a real way, and how to start practicing it without losing your edge or your drive. Cause I think that's what a lot of people fear. If I detach, I'm not gonna care. So the first thing here is that what outcome attachment really looks like. So most people don't even like realize that they're attached. You know, they just feel like this kind of chronic low-grade stress that comes with pursuing their goals is just how it is. But this is really your nervous system treating the result like survival, right? Because the attachment isn't really about the goal. It's about what you've told yourself the goal means about you, your worth, your safety, your identity, all those things. So what we have inherently done is it's not just about a sales call. It's not about building the business. It's not about the social media posts not getting enough likes. It's about you not being inherently worthy because those things don't happen. And it creates all this stress and this pressure and this tension because you are basically trying to control something that you have zero control over. You can't control how many likes your social media posts get. You can't control if someone decides to buy from you or not in sales. You can't control if everyone's happy on the team in your company. Or if your spouses are happy, your kids are happy, or whatever it is. Trying to control things that we can't control is going to create stress and pressure and anxiety because what can we even do about it? All we can do is worry about it. And again, a lot of times we're not just chasing these goals. And I talk about this in the third pillar of Built, Imagine Your Future. We treat goals like this destination. We gotta get there. Right. And that creates a lot of attachment to the goals. And oftentimes we're chasing these goals. Because of the feeling we believe it's gonna give us, right? It's gonna make us feel more worthy, more safe. It's gonna build us up. But really, we need to look at all of these things that we're doing, all the outcomes, as really just like North Stars. So whether you're trying to grow your social media, you're trying to be a better salesperson, or you wanna build a business, it's not about getting to the end, right? Because that's just gonna create so much pressure and stress because what you're telling your system is, right now I'm not enough and I have to race to get over this thing. It's like using a whip to just whip yourself to get there. Instead of treating it like that North Star that you can just walk towards. When I was building up the real estate business, I was always so focused on the result, especially on my sales calls and stuff. And I still got deals, but it just made so much stress and pressure and anxiety getting onto the sales call because I was like, oh my God, I gotta get the deal. I gotta get the deal. Instead of just getting onto the sales call and be like, I don't care what happens with the deal. I'm gonna get on, focus on what I can control, focus on the conversation. How can I deeply understand this per— this person's situation? And see if I can help. And if it ends up being a deal, great. It's just gonna naturally work itself out that way. When I shifted that approach in that, in my paradigm there, it became so much easier and I started to get better results in all areas of my life because all that energy I'd spent on anxiety and stress and worry and doubt, I took all that and just funneled into what I was doing in the present moment. So learning to let go of that stuff. And a common thing here is that like, what does detachment actually mean? Right? We think that it means, oh, we don't care. It's not that you don't care, it's just that you're okay either way. Right? And I'm still gonna give this everything. So attachment is, I need this to go right to be okay. Feel that one. Okay? 'Cause I know that that resonates with you. Attachment is, I need this to go right to be okay. I need this post to blow up. I need this sale to go through. I need this meeting to go well, this presentation to be okay. 'Cause if I'm not, I'm a failure as a human being. Detachment is, I'm okay either way, and I'm still gonna give this everything that I have. Part of detachment is just accepting that both outcomes are possible. Just accept it. And that it, it releases so much pressure when you, when you accept that, okay, worst case scenario, this could happen. I'm okay with that happening. I'll figure out what to do. Just accept that. And then, hey, it could, it could go really well as well. But I think a lot of the stress comes from, we're so afraid of the bad thing happening, the thing that we don't want happening that we're like, oh my gosh, that creates so much pressure., but when you can accept the worst case scenario and just accept it, hey, this could happen. If it does, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna do X, Y, Z. I'm gonna figure it out. And when you can just let that go, you show up as a, just a different version of yourself. And it's almost never the worst case scenario because when you release that, you show up in such a better state that it's a lot easier for you to execute and you end up doing way better anyways. So that's the difference. Detachment isn't not caring. It's just caring without all that white knuckling and that gripping. Think about all the best work that you've ever done where you relaxed your tension. Tense, probably usually relaxed. That's what detachment is unlocking for you. You stop playing not to lose and you just start playing to play. From the Bhagavad Gita, you have the right to perform your actions, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. And I love this. You gotta focus on the process. You have the right to the actions, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. You're entitled to the actions. So fall in love with the process and let the outcome be what it is. I think a lot of driven people resist this because they believe the pressure's what makes them perform. They've been rewarded by being really tight and gripping harder and staying stressed. So your nervous system kind of learned that tension equals results. The fear is, you know, if I let go, I'll, I'll be soft, I'll stop caring, I'll stop trying, right? That fear is the attachment talking. The actual data behind this is that a regulated nervous system is going to produce tangible results, better decisions, more creativity, better execution. So it's not passive, it's really like precision mode. I call it survival versus precision mode. So how do we actually practice attachment? It starts with noticing that you're gripping, that you're being tight. Not trying to eliminate it, just seeing it. Like, where in your body are you tight? Are your shoulders tense? Your jaw, your chest, your biceps, whatever it is. And then practice the phrase internally, I'm going to give this everything and I'm okay either way. And say it slow enough that your nervous system can actually hear it. Hey, I'm going to give this everything and I'm okay either way. This isn't really a mental exercise. It's more of a nervous system practice, right? You're literally telling your body it's safe. It doesn't matter if it's the worst case scenario. So for integration this week, I want you to practice that line. I think that's, that's really good to notice in your days. Where are you tightening up and where are you getting nervous about the outcome? Understanding you're nervous because you're afraid of, you know, the downside. But if you say, hey, I'm gonna give this everything and I'm okay either way, and you gotta truly be okay either way, understand that you've always figured it out and you'll figure it out this time. You'll be able to make it. So the core of what we talked about here is that the stress and anxiety you feel isn't a about how much you care. It's about how tightly you're gripping to what the outcome means to you. Detachment isn't letting go of your goals. It's letting go of the idea that you need them to go a specific way to be okay. If this episode landed for you, you can share it with someone in your life who's been carrying a lot of pressure right now. Someone who's grinding hard, but feels like they cannot catch their breath. We know those people are out there. This might be exactly what they need to hear. If you're not in the school community, get in there. We are growing. We're getting more people in there. It's amazing. More people who are dedicated to doing the internal work, high performers, entrepreneurs, beginning to learn the BILT operating system. Built for Impact is literally the inner operating system for all entrepreneurs and high performers who wanna learn how to build from peace instead of pressure, right? If you're burnt out, high performer, even in corporate entrepreneurs, BILT is like the blueprint for your inner operating system. And I've yet to see one out there that combines awareness, nervous system regulation, identity reconditioning, emotional regulation and trauma release, and the stabilization of that new identity. So super powerful stuff. Free to get in there, start doing that, that internal work. Till next time, all the peace, all the power.