A short spoken clip about the interpersonal practice of "granting legitimacy": intentionally assuming others are acting reasonably and viewing them as whole people to reduce anger and increase curiosity. The speaker offers mantras ("get curious, not furious") and concrete prompts (ask what they might be seeing, consider possible causes like fatigue or stress) to create distance from reactive judgments.
Chapters
One tool that I like to think about is granting legitimacy, and I already mentioned that before, is could I just grant the other person that I'm upset with average intelligence? I'm really upset with them. But how could I get curious, not furious, and assume that the other person is acting responsibly, reasonably so? What did they see through their lenses that I don't see? That's a question to ask. Another mantra of mine, get curious, not furious. Another one is to see the other person as a whole person. Not like that's Joe in finance or the whole. Oh, that's procurement. The whole. We don't even give them a name in. In corporate. Or we see their historical behavior. There they go again. So we're not seeing them in the now and in the present. And just like me, they have personal and professional dreams, distractions, fears, obstacles and potential. If we can have that thinking, we can see them more as a whole person. Also, these are just some of my ideas. What might be the reasons for their behavior? Maybe they're tired, maybe they're burnt out, maybe they have pms, maybe they have caffeine overload or stress in the home. We don't know. But it's granting them some legitimacy about their response. I wanted to offer that as one way to think about them that will help give some distance and it will be less sticky before we put it all together.
