2170: From Real Estate Mogul to Happiness Coach: How Self-Love Increased Profits & Improved Relationships with Brad Chandler

Welcome to the show. This is Jason Hartman, your host. And every 10th episode we do something kind of special, kind of different. What we do is we go off topic. So regardless of which show it is on the Hartman Media Network, whether it be one of the financial shows, economics.

Real estate, investing, travel, longevity, all of the other topics that we have, every.

10Th episode we go off topic and we explore something of general interest, something of general life, success, value. And so many of our listeners around the world in 164 countries have absolutely loved our 10th episode shows. So that's what we're going to do today and let's go ahead and get to our guest with a special 10th episode show. And of course on the next episode.

We'Ll, we'll be back to our regular programming.

Here we go.

This show is produced by the Hartman Media Company. For more information and links to all our great podcasts, visit hartmanmedia.com.

Hey Jason, it's Johnny.

I just wanted to let you know I re listened to an old episode you did on guided visualizations and boy was that awesome. There's not enough people out there like you who are espousing truth and espousing time tested principles that have created wealth and human freedom. Just want to let you know that was great.

Keep it up man.

Welcome to the Creating wealth show with Jason Hartman. You're about to learn a new slant on investing some exciting techniques and fresh new approaches to the world's most historically proven asset class that will enable you to create more wealth and freedom than you ever thought possible. Jason is a genuine self made multimillionaire who's actually been there and done it. He's a successful investor, lender, developer and entrepreneur who's owned properties in 11 states, had hundreds of tenants and been involved in thousands of real estate transactions. This program will help you follow in Jason's footsteps on the road to your Financial Independence Day. You really can do it. And now here's your host, Jason Hartman with the complete solution for real estate investors.

Welcome to episode 2170 as we do a 10th episode show and we discuss a non financial topic today, but an important one. Our guest today will be talking about self love. Before we get into that though, I am obviously on a cruise ship. I am here at the Real Estate Guys cruise. I've been extremely busy. Yesterday I gave two presentations and spoke on two panels and one of them was with none other than Peter Schiff. You heard him on the show many years ago. I'll probably ask him if he wants to come back on the show. Maybe we'll record something from the cruise. Who knows. As you know, Peter and I definitely agree about the future being very much inflationary, even though we do have our disagreements on some other issues for sure. But it's been interesting hanging out with him and all of the other great speakers here. It's a very busy time on this cruise and and I just was hanging out with Tom Wheelwright was in his presentation and gosh, just too much to do. But we'll record some good content for you here and I've got some good videos coming to you from this cruise and from some of my presentations here. One of the things I have been talking about here, which I think is very important for all of you listening and watching and that is the uptick in housing inventory. Well, it's still historically low, about half of what it should be to be what was considered normal back in 2015. And of course the population has gone up since then. So the new normal is a higher number than it was back then. But let's just go with that for simplicity's sake. We are at about half of normal numbers in terms of the housing market, although that is more than double the lowest point during the COVID era. So what does that mean to you? Well, it means that we are still in a stuck resale market with a lock in effect where people just don't want to give up their incredible deals on their incredible mortgages. They basically went back in time by a decade and got mortgage payments in the COVID era that were literally cheaper than the mortgages you could get 10 years earlier. Not the mortgages, I mean the mortgage payment on the house even though the house price had almost doubled during that time. So really, really an amazing strange situation we've got with the markets now. The only people that are really selling homes are home builders, new homes, because they don't have the lock in effect, they don't have these incredible mortgages. They have short term money. So their dynamic is very different for their homes. And we have got some fantastic deals on new homes that we have worked out with home developers for your benefit. Special financing rate, buy downs, all kinds of special stuff. And we are noticing that these builders are just a little more flexible and a little more reasonable. Of course they're still selling homes really well. Their earnings are doing quite well overall in the macro picture. But we are able to work out some great deals. So if you're interested in taking advantage of those builds, go to jason hartman.com make sure you are talking with your investment counselor if you have one with our company because things change. And you know, what we told you to do two years ago is different than what we're going to advise you to do today. We have different teams, different providers. Some of those old relationships ain't what they used to be, as they say. Well, Yogi Bearer said the future ain't what it used to be. And definitely everything is dynamic, everything is moving, everything is always changing. So be sure you talk with our team members on a regular basis so your investment counselor can guide you and make sure you're doing the right thing. Because remember, the right thing a couple of years ago is not necessarily the right thing today. Things are changing. All right, so when I talk about this lock, in effect, as we've talked about ad nauseam on prior episodes, and we talk about the people who basically benefited by going back in time 10 years during the COVID era, their mortgage payment was literally cheaper than it was 10 years earlier. But wait, there's more. Because when you adjust that for inflation, it is dramatically cheaper. The example was, and I gave it to you before, $18 cheaper 10 years later for the median mortgage payment in the United States of America. But when you adjust that median mortgage payment for the official inflation rate, which is understated, very much understated, the cpi, otherwise known by me as this CP lie. Okay, it is a lie. The CP lie, understating inflation through weighting, substitution and hedonic indexing. Don't believe it. But for simplicity, we're just going with the official numbers according to the CPI. So during that time we had 27% inflation making that mortgage payment not $18 cheaper, but almost $300 cheaper. Yes, amazing, amazing, amazing situation. But what did it also do? Well, it effectively, when adjusted for inflation, made the home price cheaper. Because during that 10 year period that I talk about, that home price went from 225,000 median price to $397,000. But then you have to adjust it for inflation. And it was still higher. It was dramatically higher, but not as high as we think. The real value of that house according to the inflation adjustment was 290,000. So what does that mean? That means in 10 years, in a one decade span, in 10 years, the mortgage payment went down in nominal dollars, meaning in name only. And in real dollars it went down almost $300. But the house price still went up from 225,000 nominal dollars, or real dollars at the time 10 years earlier, I guess you could say to $290,000 adjusted for inflation. Now, the unadjusted price was $397,000. So you see the difference there. Over $100,000 difference depending on whether or not you adjust for inflation. Very important to always adjust for inflation in your thinking. But what about inflation induced debt destruction? Yes, I dd because I know it's a mouthful. Inflation induced debt destruction, the thing I've been teaching you for 21 years now. Well, what we have to do there is we have to not only look at the mortgage payment which went down by almost $300, we not only have to look at the house price, which went up by almost $70,000 in inflation adjusted terms, but now we have to look at the debt on the house. Inflation induced debt destruction. And here is how you, you really, you know, I call it the double inflation arbitrage, but it's really so much more than that. It's really better than everything I tell you with the double inflation arbitrage because the value of the property goes up, it hedges inflation very nicely. The value of the debt goes down where inflation pays off your debt. So what did that look like? I haven't shared this component with you in the past. This is new information because I just shared it the other day when I was giving a presentation here on the cruise. And that is this. Let's take that example. In 2011, the median house price is $225,000. Assume you get an 80% loan, meaning you put 20% down. So your loan to value ratio is 80, 20. So that means you've got a loan amount of $180,000. Well, during that time, according to the official understated inflation numbers. Remember, it's better than this in real life. We're just using official numbers which understate inflation, meaning they understate your benefit of the inflation induced debt destruction. Your benefit in real life is much higher than this. Okay, so we're going with the official numbers of 27% inflation. That means inflation according to the official understated numbers paid off, literally gave you money. It gave you $48,000 extra. Wow, do I love income property. Because think about it. If you go to your favorite website, Jason hartman.com, your favorite website, you go there and you click on the properties page and you look at the performance of the properties and they'll show you projected returns on pretty much every property of well over 20% annually. Because income property is this beautiful multi dimensional asset class. So you earn your return in many different ways. Well, we all know that by now, right? You've learned that. But then you add to that return on investment, the inflation induced debt destruction and then you consider the understated benefit of that which is in real life much higher and you got another 50 grand, $48,000 during that 10 year period. Incredible. No other asset class performs like income property. That's why it is the most historically proven asset class in the entire world. It's the most tax favored asset class in America and it has so many multidimensional benefits. So go to jasonarpen.com, check that out. Make sure you are working with one of our investment counselors. All of that is free to you. There's no cost, right? We, you know how we work, we just get a referral fee from the provider through our network. So use your investment counselor. Their advice can be very, very helpful to you. Just reach out through Jason Harbin.com and remember, if you're already working with one of our investment counselors, make sure you stay in touch with them because they will update you on the dynamic nature of the different provider relationships, the marketplaces, etc.

Etc.

So be in touch with them. Okay, without further ado, let's get to our 10th episode topic today as we talk about self love.

It is my.

Pleasure to welcome my old, old friend Brad Chandler. I've known him for many, many years. He was a very successful real estate entrepreneur. But that's not what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about what inspired his big shift in life and how by getting your mindset together and working on self love and all of these very important things that a lot of us tend to miss in the busy, hectic lives that we live, you can actually make more money as a byproduct of that, but also be much happier. Brad, it's good to have you. Welcome.

Oh, thank you. And if you heard that word self love, don't tune out. Do yourself a favor because this is going to change someone's life today who takes that next step.

So when you say self love, that is not some woo woo concept, right?

No, I mean a lot of people might think it's woo woo, but it's changed my life and it's changed, you know, probably millions of people who, who've actually taken the, the step in the journey from going through, you know, extreme or lack of self love or mild self love to extreme self love.

And by the way, during the episode today, Brad is going to give out a free resource for a little self love quiz. You might think you love yourself or you might think you don't love yourself. And you might be surprised by the answer. But Brad, let's go ahead and dive in. Just give us a little bit of your real estate background first, maybe since so many of our listeners love income, property and real estate. And then talk about your life change, if you would.

Yeah, it starts back in ninth grade when I read a book by Robert Allen, one of our buddies, on how to buy real estate with no money down. And I knew at that time I wanted to do real estate because it made a lot of money and I thought, thought money would bring me happiness and worth. So start a company in 2002 and now we do about 250 fix, fix and flips and wholesale single family residential across the United States. And about three years ago, trying to get my son help for anxiety, I was on a zoom call like this and the performance coach said, you have a tick? And I was like, what are you talking about? She said, you blink like crazy when you talk about your childhood. You may have some unresolved childhood trauma that's actually affecting your son's anxiety. I'm like, me, no way. Like I've been a single dad. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm there for every sporting event. I, I'm nice to, I love him, but sure, I'll come out and work with you if whatever it's going to take because I tried everything at that point in time. And so I flew out and Jason, over the course of a week and over three, a three hour session in an Airbnb bedroom, my life forever changed. I came back and I looked around at all the people who were suffering. I was like, oh my gosh, they're suffering for the same reason that I was. And after three decades of therapy that didn't work, I found a solution in three hours. I've got to give this gift back to other people. So for the last three years, that's what I've been doing.

So that three hour session was there sort of an aha moment, if you will, or a few of them.

You could say that. So every single negative behavior in your life that you want to change and you can't change is because your brain is doing that, because it thinks it's actually providing a solution to a problem that it perceives as even worse. And that problem that it thinks it's worse was something that was 99% of the time created in childhood to get you through a stressful time. And 100% of the time it's untrue. So what we did is we found the untruth. We went back to my, the scenes in my childhood and figured out that because of what was happening to me, I said, these bad things are happening to me because I'm bad and I'm not enough. They were really great. As a six year old to help me get through the stress and trauma. As a 47 year old, they were destroying me. They cost two marriages. I use weed and alcohol on a frequent basis. I lost $9 million making five business mistakes. My kids had anxiety. So every single problem begins as a, usually as a child. And once you figure out that untruth and you train your brain, you show it that no, this isn't true, then the negative behavior that you've tried so hard to stop your entire life vanishes and goes away.

So hopefully all of us realize that there are some beliefs that we acquire through our lives and the traumas that we experience. And listen, we've all experienced them to one extent or another. And we create a belief system, system around this because it helps us at the time. But then it becomes a hindrance, right? It becomes something that we really need to throw in the trash. Why is it that that worked for one thing, but it doesn't keep working? Maybe is, is the right, I don't know if that's the right question.

But no, I mean, it's a really, it's a really good question. Because your childlike brain doesn't have logic. It's all based on emotion. So you can't say at 6 years old, Jason, well, my father's never here. He doesn't show up for any of my birthdays or my, my sporting events. But it's o. Because he's working hard to provide for the family. All you do as a child is you internalize everything. Because if it's dad's fault, we're really screwed. If it's my fault, if dad's not here because I'm bad, all I've got to do is be good and I can be loved and I can get the love from my dad. So it's just your childlike brain is just trying to make sense of bad stuff and it actually gives you hope for better tomorrow. At 46 years old, when you're buying a 42 foot boat and you've never owned a boat and you're trying to sail it to the Bahamas when you can't even read a chart, this guy right here, it doesn't serve you well. My subconscious mind was saying, go get that boat. Go take a bunch of fancy pictures with a bunch of girls on your boat, get to the Bahamas, and people might think you're worthy. That. That wasn't serving me.

Okay. I make the connection with those. Do you want to share any other examples of maybe, you know, people you've counseled that would be applicable to that?

Well, here's the thing, Jason. So some people know the limiting beliefs, but most of the people don't even know they're limiting beliefs. So when they go to a job they hate, they're fighting people in traffic. They're, you know, giving each other the finger, yelling out the window. They come home, they drink three glasses of wine or 12 pack of beer. They're yelling at the wife. They don't know why this is happening. So what I do with my clients through hypnosis, which is nothing more than like, a deeply relaxed, meditative state, is we focus on the subconscious mind, because your subconscious mind drives 95% of your behavior. So all of those activities were driven by your subconscious mind. So I had a client that came to me last year that was like, I just lack joy. Like, I'm always upset. And I talked about, how was your childhood? Oh, it wasn't that bad. I don't remember much of it before age 5. And sure enough, when we went into Hypnosis at age 2 or 3, he had this terribly, terribly impactful scene where his mother was just very, very, very hurt and doing some things that she shouldn't, should never have done. And that was driving his behavior for 40 years, and he didn't even know about it.

Yeah. Okay. So we keep letting these old patterns drive us. I remember many years ago, and you're reminding me of it now. I haven't thought about this in a long time, but I remember many years ago, I did some inner child work, and I think the main author I was following at the time, I want to say it was John Bradshaw. Is that.

Oh, it doesn't ring a bell.

People on that. Yeah. From a long time ago. You know, it was very interesting how we carry these same beliefs with us for. For so long. It's amazing how kind of durable these belief systems are, if you will. What can or should we do to change it? Or. I guess the first part is awareness. Right. Like, how do we know if something serves us or it doesn't? You know, how do we become introspective enough to look at that? Sure.

So all change begins with awareness. And there's a reason that they're so durable. It's because of evolution. So they're called learned implicit behaviors. When you shake the bush as a 10 year old and the lion bites your arm, or you see a bush shaking and you go by and the line bites, runs out and bites your arm, you never want to forget that because you've got to survive. So your subconscious brain doesn't know the difference between yesterday when you were six years old, so many of us and Jason, you've been in some of these rooms with some high caliber people. They're really. If you look around the room and just see them as six year olds dressed up as adults, that's all they are really because most of them are operating as six year olds because they've never made the break, they've never brought that six year old into today and saying, you know what? I no longer need to prove anything to my dad. I no longer need my mom's love. So how do you do it? This is where the, the self love quiz comes in. You look at your life, you ask yourself, are you in a relationship? Have you not been in a relationship for years? Every relationship are you in, is it rocky? Does it end, end? Or are you a people pleaser? Are you in the relationships? Do you become codependent where it's just like I'll do anything? Do you have an addiction to something? Are you always upset? Do you always have to be right? Do you judge other people? Do you judge yourself? Do you have negative self talk? All of those things are signs that you lack self love. And you've got this underlying story that your brain thinks is actually helping you. And it was helping you at a certain point in your life, but it's not helping you now. And that's what's causing your obesity, your shitty marriage, the fact that you drink so much, the fact that you have depression, anxiety, it's all the same exact thing. It's the same exact thing. So how do you fix it? You do exactly what I did and what I do with my clients. Every day you go back to the scenes and you figure out what was the meaning that you placed on those. And then you tell your brain a different story through neuroplasticity. It's really that simple. Western medicine though has a different protocol. How many times have you been to a doctor where they asked you what are you thinking? What's your stress level? How is your childhood? It's never happened to me and most people, it hasn't. What they love to do, because they don't know any better, is they like to diagnose you, label you, and then give you a drug. 72.

Western medicine generally covers things up, puts a band aid on things rather than fixes them. It's very reactive.

Yeah, and it's the same thing on the psychology. It's the same thing on the medical and the psychological standpoint is because most therapists, and again, I don't think they know better. They should, but they don't. So you've got anxiety, Jason, and you're talking to me and I'm a traditional therapist. Let's talk about some breathing techniques you can do. No, that's never going to solve it. Let me put you on Prozac. No, that's never going to solve it. You are not.

Pharmaceutical stuff is the most dangerous, scary.

You were not born with anxiety. It was learned behavior. So let's go figure out when you learned it so we can unlearn it. It's that simple. 33% of Americans, Jason, are on an antidepressant or anti anxiety drug right now. Do you know how. What percentage really need to be on one? Probably one. 100th of 1%.

Oh, I know it's, it's absolutely scary the way big pharma has taken over this country and attempting to take over the world. It's, it's really, really, really scary. There are a very small number of people who really need big Pharma. You know, look at, these are businesses. They just want to gain market share and they, they create a new diagnosis from time to time at their, at their conferences because they just want to figure out, hey, look, there's this new thing. We can provide a new drug for it. You know, it's just like anything, you know, so it's, imagine the need and fill it, right?

Jason, 70% of illness has a basis of inflammation. Most inflammation is caused by stress. It's your body releasing cortisol. So if you do the work that we're talking about today, do you know why our hospitals are full? Do you know why there's a hundred different autoimmune diseases? Do you know why doctors love to, to diagnose you with autoimmune or idiopathic? Idiopathic means no known reason. Yes, there's a known reason. Your body is in dis ease because you're beating yourself up about something that happened 30 years ago. So all you have to do is do this inner work and you're going to lose weight, your marriage is going to improve, your skin is going to clear up like it affects everything.

Yeah, yeah, no, I completely agree, by the way. Just to tie it back in I did look it up. It was John Bradshaw, the author. I read his book Homecoming, many, many years ago, and it really was very enlightening. It's got 2700 reviews and 4 and a half stars on Amazon. But, you know, Brad, I want to go back to something you were saying, because one of the things he talked about is how in relationships. And look, I don't mean an intimate relationship necessarily. I mean any relationship. Right. We all are humans, and humans are relational beings. One of the things that sets us apart from animals is that we have a much greater ability to cooperate with each other than animals do. And they do it, too, but not to the extent that humans do. Humans just excel at that. And when we are in a relationship of any kind, we have two major fears. One is that we're going to be smothered, that we're going to be just enveloped by the relationship and we're going to lose ourselves. Right. That's one fear. And the other one is that we'll be abandoned. Those are kind of these two opposite fears. And when you were talking about that a few minutes ago, I just wanted to bring that into the discussion, those two fears, because I think you were almost alluding to it, although you didn't say it that way.

Yeah, I mean, it's so incredible that you said this because I've been saying this just using two different words under this doctor, Dr. Galbor mate, that I've studied forever. He says the primary needs, which is so interesting because now you're saying those are the fears in relationship. The two primary needs you have as a kid is attachment and authenticity. So attachment is if. If you're not attached to your parent, you're going to be dead in a week without food and water. Right? So that's the most important. Authenticity is your ability to be yourself, share your emotions, and also follow your gut instincts. So if you're. If you're. If a lion is 100 yards away from you and you're like, ah, it's okay, you're going to be dead. So what often happens, Jason, is when your mother doesn't give you the cookie when you're five years old and you tell her, I hate you, and she cries for two hours because she cannot emotionally handle it, you say to yourself, hol, crap, I just made my mom mad. If I do that again, she's going to lose attachment from me and I'm going to die. So what do we do? We give up our authentic selves. So it's so interesting that that guy said that. Because that's pretty much what we do in relationships. Those two things, abandonment and then the mothering, changing who you are, that's the authentic self. So fascinating.

And I remember, boy, this is all coming back to me like decades ago. I was having a discussion about this with my girlfriend, my then girlfriend at the time, and she said, you know, she kind of got interested in this topic too. And she said that she had read a story about a little girl who I think was having trouble tying her shoes or something like that or, you know, and they were going somewhere and her father was waiting for her and then he left and like this created this whole story about abandonment and into her adult life. Just because of that one tiny incident of her father leaving when she was tying her shoes and not waiting for her. She created this like abandonment complex out of it. Now that might be an extreme example.

But I don't think it is. Because that little girl, remember, she didn't have logic. She was going on emotion. And she was fearful that she had just lost her dad. So she had to come up with a story. And it always goes back to the child because again then they have control. I. There's a mentor of mine, had a client that at 35 years old had major problems because the parents would put him in timeout as a kid, shut the door. And it was probably only for five or ten minutes, but again, no logical brain. So a kid doesn't know time. So the kid sat there and thought, am I going to die? Are my parents ever going to return?

Yeah. Wow. It's pretty, pretty amazing the way we're messing up our kids sometimes, isn't it? Okay, so Brad, talk to us about self love, if you will. I mean, I know you've been weaving that into the discussion, but more specifically.

Yeah, so. So a lot of people get confused and they think about like when you. Because I'm always. I've got shirts printed up like extreme self love, Love yourself. And people I think often can get that confused with being conce or being a narcissist. It's not that at all. I have extreme self love. But I don't think there's anyone in the universe that I'm better than or on the flip side, worse than. Right. Self love is just we were all born with self love and the ability to love ourselves. The stories that I'm telling that we've been talking about for the last 15 minutes that drive our negative behavior. Those stories are usually around lack of. We're lacking something. So that's why this Bad thing happened to us. So if you carry that story like I did for 47 years of I'm not enough, you lack self love. So when you can learn to get rid of that story and stop the negative self talk and stop the negative, the judgment, you have self love. That changes everything. So in relationships and in my two prior marriages, Jason, when, when one of my ex wives would come to me and tell me something that they didn't like, that I did because I didn't have self love and I thought I wasn't enough, I went into fight or flight. I made it their problem. I fought with them and I was like, well, you did this, this and this. And then, boy, would I shut down. And for three days I would go into my shell, I'd have this anxiety. I didn't like it, but I couldn't control it and I didn't know what it was from because I didn't have self love. Now in my relationship, I've been a relationship for almost 19 months. When Yvonne comes to me and tells me something, we talk about it because I don't need to run or prove anything anymore. And now conflict actually becomes a way for us to become better connected than what it did in my previous relationships of going further apart. So self love is everything.

Yeah. Yeah. So self love gives one the confidence to be able to take criticism, Right. It's a fair statement.

That's one of like a thousand things, but sure. Absolutely.

Sure. Sure. Yeah. Okay. So how do we practice this?

Yeah, so I mean there's.

How do we develop it maybe is a better question than practice it. First we got to develop it, right?

Yeah. So if you really want to do the work, you've got to figure out where in your life did you start telling yourself the story and why did you tell yourself those stories? And then go back and ask yourself, was it true? And you can do this. You can, you can work with me. You can go into a deeply relaxed, meditative state where you're just thinking about what are all the really tough things I went through as a child and what did I make of them? What did what I went through mean about the people around me, my family, me and the world. And then ask yourself, is that the meaning that you really want to have? Is that the true meaning? And it's always going to be no, because again, it's all around lack. If your parents fought all the time, if they didn't have money, kids usually take that on themselves because again, they can control that. So start to be aware of the Negative self talk. Go back and look at patterns. Look at your patterns in your, in your life. Take the self love quiz. Start with there. Start with that awareness.

Okay, so you start with the awareness, and then what? Awareness certainly is key because if you don't know you have a problem or an issue here, you can't address it, then what do you do?

Yeah, so you get the awareness by taking the self love quiz and seeing where you stand. Then you've got to ask yourself, am I ready to make the change? Look at your life, look in the mirror and ask yourself, is this what you expected? Or do you think things should have been different by now? And if you say yes, and if you answer yes, I'm willing to take that step, then the next step is working with someone like myself. Going to talk to a therapist, but find the right one, or doing the deeply meditative work where you're going back and exploring. What were those meanings from early childhood that are still controlling me today in a negative way and I can't stop them?

Okay, so say they get the awareness, they realize it. Can they just change? Is it just a decision or is there more to it?

You know, I think some people can. And given, given enough time through meditation, yoga, you know, some of the spiritual practices, you can. I think it's really helpful to work with someone because when you work with someone, that person can also can often give you an empathetic view that you didn't get as a child and be able to spot things for you and be able to be a reflection and, and give you the truth. So yes, someone can do it on their own. It's very, very difficult. So I would go look for someone that you, that you trust that. It's just like when I hire a coach, whether it's business coach or training, I want to hire someone who is where I am or where I want to go. So look at that. You know, most therapists, 83% of Americans identify as not being very happy. You know, whether it's therapists or doctors, attorneys, whatever, they all fall in that group. So go find someone, interview them, say, have you done the work? What's your life like? What's your relationships like? Are you the person that I want to become? And if it is, then, then go talk with them.

Yeah. Okay, so you are not a therapist, right? You're, you're not, you don't hold a license or anything, right?

I do not. I'm a certified hypnotherapist, but other than that, I do not hold any, any medical Licenses.

So tell us, you know, what is the difference between someone like you who's acting as a coach? Basically, correct me if I'm wrong. Is that how you.

Yeah, I'm a happiness coach. Yep.

Okay, happiness coach. And you know, someone who's a traditionally, like licensed therapist, if you will.

Yeah, I mean a licensed therapist. I mean, if you're a psychiatrist, you get to prescribe drugs. If you're, if you're not, if you're, you know, a psychologist or a family therapist, you can't prescribe drugs. But you just, you have, you know, a certain amount of training. The problem is the training. Twenty years ago, through neuroscience, through science, they figured out that those learned behaviors that we've talked about for the last 15 minutes, they thought from Freud through a hundred years after Freud, they thought that those learned memories that you had as a kid during those emotional times were forever stuck in your memory. So 20 years ago, they just realized something. Two things. Memory reconsolidation and neuroplasticity, which you can literally go in and rewrite neural pathways in your brain. So if the average age of a therapist is 40, 50, whatever it is, most of them weren't trained in this. So you're probably like, well, Brad, they're probably training this in school now. No, they're still not training this. Most therapy is cognitive behavioral therapy. Most therapy is let's look at your symptoms and try to control your symptoms. What I do is you go to the source. That's the only way that you solve a mental or a physical pain is you've got to go to the source of what originally created it. So that's the big difference in what coach, at least I can't say all coaches. That's, that's the difference between me and a therapist. Another difference is I don't want you to come back and sit on my couch for 30 years on and off on Tuesday mornings at 11 like I did. I'm going to give you the tools that after five weeks, no matter what you face in life, you know how to handle it. I don't want you being dependent on me. I want to give you the tools so that you can go live an amazing free life.

Is it all centered around this self love concept or are there some other sort of major pillars to your system?

Everything is centered around figuring out what the underlying thing is that's driving the negative behavior. Right? That's everything. Once you figure out that you, you gain self love. Because that thing that you're running from is the thing that's Causing the dis. So the opposite of self love is self contempt. Self contempt. My buddy Mark Minkola, he's. He's. He's helped a thousand people over the last 40 years. He says self contempt leads to dis ease and dis ease leads to disease. So once you figure out that underlying thing, then you get self love. And through that process, everything in your life changes. Your health, your relationships, even your business and your finances will change.

Yeah, okay. Okay, good. What else do you want people to know? Just talk generally. Questions I didn't ask you, obviously, but just what else do you want people?

Yeah, I think it's really important to know that no matter what you're struggling with, you drink too much, you eat too much, you've got anxiety, depression, you know, your wife tells you you're a shitty father, shitty husband, your kids have behavioral problems. It's not your fault. Your brain is just doing what it thinks it should do to protect you. Because our mind's purpose is to keep us. Move us from pain to pleasure.

Right?

So it's just trying to keep you out of that pain. Now, after hearing this, if you have all these issues and you don't do anything about it, I'm not going to say it's your fault. But you have a greater responsibility knowing that there is a better way. You don't have to suffer. You don't have to be in a shitty marriage or have a business that's all over the place, or drink too much, eat too much. Whatever it is that you do, there's a better way. That's what I want you to know. It's not your fault. And you don't have to do what I did and go through three decades of therapy and 50 different marriage counseling sessions to get to where you deserve it. Like you are a miracle in itself just for that sperm and that egg coming together. And the universe put you here for a major mission. You have a purpose here. And most people I work with don't have a purpose. And why don't they have a purpose, Jason? They don't have a purpose because when you are being driven by this negative thought, you spend most of your time in a fight or flight state. How in the world, if you've got the proverbial line chasing you, can you ever figure out what you were put here to do? So once you. Once you again, that's another byproduct of creating self love and getting rid of this underlying story is you start to be able to look around, take some deep breaths and say, oh, my gosh, this is what I really love to do, but I haven't done it all my life because I was trying to prove something to someone. When you find purpose in your life and you can wake up every morning saying, oh, my gosh, I love what I do and it means so much, that's a huge part of happiness.

So I couldn't agree with you more. And one of the keys, if people are asking, well, I don't know my purpose or I can't find my purpose, how do I find my purpose? One of the for sure things you need is what you just alluded to, which is breathing room. You need some margin that allows you to step back enough to see the big picture. Like, you know, if you're in a museum and you're three inches from the painting and you're looking at the brush strokes, hey, that's great. You know, the masters had all these brush stroke techniques, but you got to back up and see the big picture. Right. And so developing a little breathing room and a little margin so you can do that, that's when that will more likely come to you. Not necessarily. I probably Right.

But absolutely, yeah. And if you, if you guys like this type of material, I have a podcast called how to be Happier for Entrepreneurs. So feel free to listen to that.

Yeah, good, good stuff. Tell us about your self love quiz.

Yeah. Unlock Limitless you. So we just rebranded from, from Brad Chandler coaching to Limitless you. Super excited about that because we believe everyone's limitless as soon as they get rid of these limiting beliefs. So if you go to Unlock Limitless, you. The quiz is at the top of the page. It will take you all of 2 minutes and 45 seconds. It's only 12 questions, multiple choice. You just select it and yeah, you're going to get either a score of extreme self love, mild self love, or lack of self love. If you score one of the bottom two ones, don't think, oh, woe is me. Think just the opposite. Think, oh my gosh, my life can improve so drastically. And as you take that quiz, do yourself a favor. Don't just go fire through it. Read the questions. Like, one of the first questions is, do you have trouble experiencing a deeply connected, intimate relationship? So just think about that. Think about in your life if you've gone from one relationship to the next or you're not even. You're like, I'm done with that. Think about what life would be like if you had a partner that you couldn't wait to get off work to go Home and touch and, and kiss and share your day with. Another question is negative self talk? Do you talk negative to negative to yourself a lot? Do you know that when you negative self talk your brain doesn't know the difference between if you're doing it or complete stranger, you still go into fight or flight and you release cortisol. So just ask yourself what would life be like if I never talk negative to myself? It would be amazing, right? I used to beat myself up all the time. It has literally been probably 14 months since I caught myself. I was getting ready to, I made a mistake and I was getting ready to say idiot. I never like I treat myself as my best friend. You should treat yourself like your best friend. If you wouldn't say it to them, don't say it to yourself. So take the quiz. It's going to give you a lot of great feedback. It'll send you some emails and it could be the first step that literally changes your life, your relationships, your kids for generations to come.

And Brad, you gave out that website, right?

UnlockLimitless you.com yet for slash quiz.

Excellent. Well Brad Chandler, thank you so much for joining us today. And folks go out and love the most important person in your life and that is yourself. That is not narcissistic. It is necessary for survival and fulfillment and making the world a better place. You know I, I remember years ago I used to listen to on the radio, good old fashioned AM radio. Dennis Prager's regular segment he had every Friday which was about happiness and how happy people make the world a better place. You're not doing the world a service by being unhappy. So you gotta manage yourself. Yeah, you gotta manage yourself in a way that's gonna allow you to be happy so you can contribute more. And you know, I don't want to leave without letting you comment on that, Brad.

Yeah, no, absolutely. You, you make more money, right? People think happiness brings money. I did for 47 years. They've done countless studies.

You meant to say money brings happiness.

Money brings happiness. For 47 years I thought money brought happiness. Happiness actually brings money. The more happy you are and the more fulfilled, the more purpose that you're doing and the bigger impact you're going to make money. So yeah, just start today would take one step, you know, towards this journey. Every, every journey begins with one step, right? Take that self love quiz and then hopefully you'll decide, hey, I'm ready, I'm ready for this work.

Brad Chandler, thanks for joining us. Thanks, thank you so much for listening. Please be sure to subscribe so that you don't miss any episodes. Be sure to check out the show's specific website and our general website, hartmanmedia.com for appropriate disclaimers and terms of service. Remember that guest opinions are their own, and if you require specific legal or tax advice or advice in any other specialized area, please consult an appropriate professional. And we also very much appreciate you reviewing the show. Please go to iTunes or Stitcher Radio or whatever platform you're using and write a review for the show. We would very much appreciate that, and be sure to make it official and subscribe so you do not miss any episodes. We look forward to seeing you on the next episode.