220: Grow a Pair, Taking Control of Your Life with Pitbull of Personal Development Larry Winget

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Welcome to the Heroic Investing Show, a podcast for first responders, members of the military, veterans and anyone looking to improve their financial future and gain some freedom with their time. We teach America's heroes how to build passive income, build their startup business and safely grow wealth through real estate and other alternative investments. We help current and prior first responders put protections, systems and a team in place to help them build a life where they can focus on their passion, that service or product that they are uniquely gifted to share with others, making the world a better place for all of us. My name is Gary Pinkerton and I co host this show with Jason Hartman. This is episode 220. Episode 220. And as we do on all 10th episodes here on the Heroic Investing and on creating wealth, we're going to go off topic to something of general life interest. And as you know, typically I'm focusing on things that are personal development, personal growth focused, maybe health focused, but it's something that's going to help you play at a higher level. Because it is my intent that the audience for this podcast is someone who is looking to to share their unique genius with the world. Start that business, start that service. Something where they are better at something than everyone else around them. And I want you to be able to share that and I want you to be able to share it with a lot of people, which means you need to perform at a higher level. And that's why I'm a personal development junkie and someone who tries to put the best of the best in that realm. To all of my awesome followers here on Heroic Investing. So Larry calls himself the pit bull of personal development, taking control of your life. And as he says it, if you are in control of your life, your kids don't talk back to you, you tell the waiter your food is subpar, and you believe in every single word you say. If the aforementioned doesn't ring true for you, then you need to grow a pair, he says, and get your house in order. If you decide not to tell someone they are stealing your time and money at your business, then by default you are Condoning it. Larry believes you are providing people a service by telling them the truth. They need to experience the failure and the pain in order to allow them to learn from their mistakes. Keeping quiet doesn't help anybody. So while maybe the methods are not how I would exactly prescribe it, I think we're going to learn a tremendous amount from Larry. I enjoyed this the first time it came around on the Creating wealth show and as a flashback Friday it a perennial favorite. So please enjoy this interview by Jason of Larry Wingett.

It's my pleasure to welcome Larry Winget to the show. You've probably heard his name. He's known as the pit bull of personal development. He is a six time New York Times and Wall Street Journal best selling author. His latest book is entitled Grow a how to stop being a victim and take back your life, you, business and your sanity. Larry, welcome. How you doing?

I'm always good. As I said earlier, it's good to be Larry Wingett.

I love it. That's awesome. Well, hey, you know, one of the things that we talked about a little bit before that I definitely want to dive into is this concept of polarization and kind of how your whole angle on things is, you know, you definitely have a very strong belief system. And I just, I love that, you know, we've got a whole generation of people, it seems like a couple generations maybe walking around complaining about, you know, why the government won't do something more for me and, you know, feeling entitled to this and that and that old belief system that, that just doesn't serve them, does it?

The reason I wrote Grow up here is because I believe the biggest enemy we have right now of society is the whole idea of entitlement. In terms of my opinions, I do have a, a core belief system that I will never compromise. And that's part of what Grow a Parrot the book is really about. It's about having a set of beliefs that you won't compromise no matter what. You couldn't hold a gun to my head and talk me out of any of the things I believe. If I ask the typical guy on the street, tell me five things you believe in that you will never compromise no matter what. They couldn't come up with one most of the time. I have things that absolutely matter so much to me and my willingness to speak up and for those things and about those things to a lot of.

People makes me sound pigheaded and opinionated. I am those things, yet I am proud of those things. I believe absolutely that people need stronger opinions. They need to stop straddling the fence. They need to pick a side. Find something you believe in, stand up for it, never compromise ever, no matter what. And believe in so much that people look at you and say, I can count on that person to always have a position based on those core values.

Definitely.

If we look throughout history, Larry, history records people like you and like what you're recommending. I mean, it doesn't record these wimpy, wishy washy people. They record leaders, people who are willing to take a risk, put an opinion out there. You know, some will reject it and some will love it.

You know, it's really about being on the edge. And it doesn't matter what side of the middle you're on, as long as you're on the edge. You know, we remember people in history who. We don't remember anybody from the middle. There was nobody in the middle that you can come up with a name. They're not in any history books. But when you look at, I mean, from Jesus to Hitler, it doesn't matter. It's those people on the edge that took a very strong stand and were very vocal about both sides. When you look at music, you got Elvis, you got the Beatles. It's the people who are the edgiest that make the waves that are most remembered. Whether they're remembered of good things or bad things, they're still the people who are remembered.

That's definitely true. So one of the early chapters in the book is, you know, do you have a pair? And how does. How does someone know? I mean, yeah, most people don't, I agree. But how does someone know? Is it just because they have an opinion? I mean, you know, they're. By the same token. I mean, there's lots of idiots out there with just silly opinions. For example, entitlement is an opinion. I'm entitled to free stuff without work. That's an opinion.

It's real easy to know whether you have a pair or not. This is the one that bothers people the most, it seems. Especially if you're old enough to have kids. Do your kids talk back to you? You don't have a pair. When I walk through a mall and I see little kids, little kids even talking back to their mamas and daddies and mom and daddy take it that means that's a parent who's never had enough of a pair to say, you don't get to talk to me that way. Let's learn some respect right now. Listen, if your co workers talk back to you, if you take verbal Abuse from anybody. You don't have a pair. It's very, very simple. If you don't pay your bills, you don't have a pair. Because paying your bills means that you're in control of your life. You're in control of your finances. I don't care if you don't have enough money. But still, you should have a commitment to your commitments. People who pay their bills have enough of a pair to understand that being in control of every area of your life is important. It's easy to find out whether you have a pair or not. Just look at your situation, your circumstances. You let people cut in front of you in line. You don't have a pair. Do you eat cold food in a restaurant?

Why?

You don't have balls enough to speak up and say, I'm taking this, I'm paying for this, and so I want the best of what you have to offer instead of the fact you let it sit back there until it got cold. Do you speak up when you get bad service? Do you ask for a manager? You know, it's easy to find out whether people have a strong belief system. Here's what I think. I think if you put up with.

Something, you're condoning it. And people always say, oh, I don't think that's that extreme.

We get what we tolerate.

Yeah, we absolutely do. Do you condone rudeness? No. Well, then why do you put up with rudeness? Do you condone bad customer service? Then why do you put up with it? It's very simple.

No, absolutely, I agree with you. Interestingly, too, Larry, is by tolerating something, you're actually not serving the person who is the perpetrator of the bad thing. Are you?

Well, you don't do a restaurant, a service by not speaking up when your food's mediocre. When they come by and say, so how was it? 99.99% of people go, it was fine. It was good. When the truth is, it wasn't. If you want to really do that restaurant of service, you'll say, you know, this was really good. It was excellent. However, this over here, it could have been this, this, and this. And then they can learn if you don't speak up, you're not helping them stay in business. And here's my problem. If the guy in front of me doesn't speak up for bad service, then he's done me a disservice.

Right, because you're going to get the same crappy service, too.

That's exactly right. So I'm out to help everybody. I want the company to succeed, so I'll help them be a little better. And some people think that's just criticizing. No, it's actually not just criticizing. It really is. The one, that I care enough about my money to make sure that I get the best. Two, I want people to do well. And the best way to help people do well is to give them the feedback they need in order to do better next time. I read a great quote the other day by Norman Vincent Peale said most of us would rather be ruined by praise, saved by criticism.

Yeah, yeah, that's. That's good. That's good. Ruined by praise. That's. That's kind of like being spoiled, you know, it's like spoiling your kids, for example, or, you know, or spoiling your dog and kind of ruining them.

Well, we have an entire generation right now. Jason has been spoiled.

I know. I know it very well. Talk about it all the time. So, Larry, where is the distinction, though? And you did allude to it, But I'd like you to, you know that on. On the flip side of this, okay, there are those people out there who are just craving attention and they want to draw attention to themselves by being complainers and being rude and being pushy. You know, that's not right. I mean, you're not condoning that kind of idea. In fact, you're saying, don't tolerate that. But, you know, like that restaurant example, we all know that person who's kind of like this ridiculously high maintenance person, usually just an attention seeker. Where's the balance in that?

Well, that's a person that's in love with their drama, and they will create drama wherever they go. I don't play into other people's drama. What you have to do is say, is my opinion grounded in some sort of basis. You know, you want to find out those idiots, where they are and where they show up the most. Look at social media. I mean, that's what I call Facebook balls, where people are willing to say anything in the world to you on social media. And most of those people don't have a picture associated with their profile. And yet they're real tough and they're real strong. You want to find out where the idiots live? You can find out in a minute by just going on social media. So I don't play into any of that. I have a basis. I just ask people, tell me why you believe what you believe. And if you're just saying what you say just to be arrogant or contrarian or Obnoxious or rude or to make the drama about you, then your opinion doesn't have much credibility with me.

If you're saying what you're saying because that's what you believe, and there's a reason you believe it, and the reason you're saying it is so someone along the way will be helped. Listen, every day when I get up, I say what I do to provoke. I give speeches to provoke. I write books to provoke. I go on social media every day to provoke people because I know if I provoke people just by having a strong opinion, that that will make them think. And anytime you think you are better off, you have helped the world. If you can make another person think, even if they want to disagree with me so adamantly that it just makes them feel stronger about what they believe, that's been a good thing.

Yeah, I think that's a very good point. So, you know, when someone grows a pair, so to speak, you know, and I want to talk about business, because it just never ceases to amaze me how many, many cheaters and scallywags and scoundrels there are in business, you know, it reminds me of that great old Winston Churchill quote that you've probably heard and used. You know, it goes, you have enemies.

Good.

That means you have stood up for something sometime in your life. You know, I mean, I remember hearing Dennis Waitley years ago saying, if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

Yeah, that wasn't original with Dennis. He stole it from someone else, too.

Well, that's, you know, that's how it works.

That is the opening quote, to grow a pair. The thing about you've got to be willing to have enemies. I talk to a lot of people who are speakers and want to be speakers and authors because, you know, the level that I've reached. I was doing a social event. I was at a buddy's wedding a few years ago, and I had a speaker come up to me and tap me on the shoulder and interrupt the group of people. I was talking to more speakers who had operated my level. And she said, I'm going to be bigger than you, Larry. I'm going to write more books. I'm going to sell more books. I'm going to make more money. I'm going to give more speeches. I'm going to be more famous than you are. And I thought, well, first of all, what an obnoxious thing to say to me. But I turned and looked at her, and after she had pushed it a couple of times, I looked at her and said, it's never going to happen for you. And she said, why not? Everybody loves me. And I said, and that's why it's never going to happen for you. Your goal every single day is to make everybody love you. And you cannot create rabid fans unless you are willing to have rabid enemies. The people who wake up every day and say, I'm only going to say things that people will on social media like, or, I'm only going to go on stage and have everybody in the audience love me. Well, then that's not taking a stand. Because if you really take a stand, there's going to be somebody who's going to take a stand for loving one another, and they killed him for it. Any strong stand you take will make a certain group of people unhappy. I'm comfortable with that. Look at the studies that are done about Howard Stern. I saw one that said something like, a third of the people who listen to Howard Stern, the fans only listen one third of the way through his program. People who hate Howard Stern will stay tuned for the whole thing.

Yeah, that's interesting. I know. And same with Rush Limbaugh, the haters. You get a lot of your ratings from the haters.

So, absolutely, they're the people who count. And I have people who absolutely hate me, who buy my stuff. I can count on them. Every single time I release a book, I know who. Who they are. They review my books every single time and say, well, I read this one, Larry, and you're stupid as you ever were.

And they go on and on and on.

But the point is they bought the book.

Right?

Right, right.

Yeah, that's the point. Well, but why do you think that is? Like, what is behind that dynamic of how people that hate Howard Stern or Rush Limbaugh, you know, or Larry Wingate, that they're following him? I mean, is it just because they want to feel something? Is that. Has the world. Has it become so easy to survive nowadays that, you know, people are looking for the adrenaline rush of getting angry on purpose, you know, maybe, or finding a reason to be offended?

Well, I think people like to feel. And we have become numbed in so many ways in that way. I believe you're right. Here's what I believe. I just am absolutely convinced. Most people don't pay much attention to you, and most people won't believe what you have to say or even listen to what you have to say. However, they will always pay attention and listen to see if you believe what you have to say. We are surrounded by politicians, business people. We see them on television, listen to them on the radio, who we're not convinced that they believe their position. I believe what attracts people to me, even to Stern, even to Limbaugh. You can go Rachel Maddow, Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, Ed, any of the real polarizing personalities in this world, they absolutely have a following because they have people who want to hear anyone say something they believe in, whether they disagree with it or not. They want to hear somebody say something they believe.

Yeah, right, right. People are just attracted to that. They're attracted to that leadership, if you will.

Right, yeah.

They wouldn't like to call it leadership, but it's somebody who's authentic enough, who's willing to go out on a limb, be opinionated enough that they don't care whether you like it or not. I don't care whether people like what.

I have to say or not.

I really don't care.

I can't pay my bills with other people's opinions of me.

How do you grow a pair in business?

I tell you what, when you stop tolerating goes back to what we said. When you stop tolerating lousy employees, when you realize that 20% of the people who work for you are thieves. They steal your time. They steal from your customers by not giving their very best. They steal from their co workers by doing a half assed job so their coworkers can't count on them. Those thieves in your business you need to fire. That's one way to grow a pair. You need to be smart enough and strong enough and willing enough to say, I'll fight stupid employees on the outside, but I'm not going to let them destroy my own credibility as the leader and the manager within my company. I'm not willing to let that happen. I'm not willing to let them poison their coworkers with their bad attitude. That's the first way you grow up.

Eric, how about in you talked about politics and you know, this whole go along to get along mentality, just, it's just so pervasive in life. But, and certainly in Washington, it's pervasive. And you know, you'll always see people on the opposite side. Oh, you know, John Boehner, he won't cooperate. You know, like sometimes I think, you know, why do we want the government to get anything done in the first place? Because everything they do seems to just restrict our freedoms or tax us more. You know, it sort of seems like the uncooperative people in Washington might be the Best people of all, they might be saving our liberties. What little we have left.

The people who gripe and complain about the government, yet so few vote. And the things that we expect from our government, we don't expect from ourselves. You know, it's easy for us to sit back and say, how dare the government have that level of debt? And yet we have 40% of Americans who spend more money than they earn. And then you're mad at the government for doing just what you do. Your government is a reflection of who you are. If we have a lousy government, it's because we allowed that to happen.

If we have politicians who steal and cheat us, the taxpayers, when you realize the number of people, something like 27% of all people who file IRS claims that IRS tax returns have cheated on those tax returns, the government's no better or no worse than we are as humanity. The problem is, and something I talk about in Grow up pair, you better fix yourself first. Go to the mirror and say, I got to get my own house in order. That's the best way in the world. Anybody can grow a pair. Get your house in order. Start spending less money than you make. Start raising your kids like you mean it, like you really want them to be responsible adults when they grow up. Given the skills necessary in order to do that. Start paying your own bills on time. Be the kind of person who demands the best from yourself and others. It's really pretty simple.

Yeah, right. It definitely is. So a lot of the things you talked about, though, Larry, I mean, I think someone can see this as a public figure, how there'd be a benefit of growing a pair, of having, you know, having an opinion about things, because that would potentially, and I think most of the time, at least, if opinion somewhat sound, increase one's following and interest. You talked a lot about a lot of the disadvantages of growing a pair. I mean, why would someone want to do it? Isn't it easier to just go along and get along and, you know, have a lot of friends and have life be easy and, you know, stay out of court and stay out of disputes.

And, you know, I tell you what, it is easier always to be in the middle. I laugh all the time and say it must be really easy to just be stupid and mediocre. Not much is required of you if stupid and willing to just get along and bump along in the middle, really. You don't have to be very good when you're good. People want a lot from you. They expect a lot from you when you're really lousy. You're always hoping somebody doesn't catch you at being lousy so you lose your job. But when you're in the middle, boy, that's a safe place. It's no fun, though. It's kind of like riding a merry go round. You just go around in circles all the time. The real fun in life comes from the roller coasters with the big ups and the big downs. So I'd rather be a roller coaster guy than a merry go round guy. I will say that you're right, that there are consequences of growing a pair. People will say, you're mean. I had somebody. I was walking at a party, I was walking past someone and someone said, there's Larry Wingate. He's really mean. I heard the motor say that, and I turned around and said, what makes you think I'm mean? I'm really one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. It's just I'm intolerant of stupidity. Like what you just did right now. Calling me mean when you don't know who I am.

Yeah, that's good. I mean, listen, you know what you did just there, Larry, by calling that person out, you saved them from judging. You saved someone else from being judged in that same way. Just like you talked about earlier, you gave the example of the restaurant, et cetera. So, you know, you are doing a service, you know, to the next person in line. It's definitely true.

Well, we've reached the place in society where we've been and I believe one of the biggest enemies right now, maybe the most castrating effect on society right now is political correctness. That we can't speak honestly and openly with good communication skills. We have to couch everything in something that in some way that won't offend someone, possibly hurt their fragile little feelings. So being honest, open, that's going to.

Get you called names.

People will call you mean.

People will say horrible things about you. You better be prepared when you grow up here to take it. However, it's going to come back to just what we started with, core values. When your core values are so strong that you won't compromise them, you won't couch them in pretty words. You'll just stand up for them, believe them and live them. You'll have a lot more true friends. You'll be admired more. You'll be respected more. I didn't come into this world to be liked. It is my goal to be respected. I don't care whether you agree with me or not. I want you to respect the fact that I believe what I have to say, that honesty, that level of integrity, that authenticity is what I believe makes us admirable people.

I get what you're saying. I mean, I totally hear what you're saying. But, you know, the reason I ask if that ever bugs you is because I'm sure it bugs people listening. Okay. And, you know, how does one deal with that?

I do let it get under my skin from time to time sometimes. They can push so hard and just be so blatantly stupid and unwilling to listen. I'm very active on social media. I have one of the most interactive fan pages on Facebook that you'll ever find. I actually talk to people. And I will do my best to make sure that what I said or stood up for, to provoke that day and is understood. And I don't care whether you agree with me or not. I will respect all opinions as long as people are respectful. But when people start being disrespectful, that astounds me. People will say things that they wouldn't think of saying to my face. So when that happens, that bugs me. I ask to be respected. I can think you're an idiot, but I will respect you. I'll respect you enough to call you an idiot.

Interesting point there, by the way.

It is an interesting point. But I will attack, and I'm good at attacking. But I attack behavior and not an individual. And that's what bothers me when people start saying horrible things about me. I have people who have written book reviews on Amazon and called my kids names and my wife names. And you know, that's not fair. That's not right. That stuff bothers me. You can say what you want to about me, but you better say it with respect.

Yeah, yeah, good point. Good point, Larry. Give out your website. Tell people where they can find out more about you.

Oh, I'm easy to find. Look up Larry Winget. W I N G E T LarryWinget.com you can go on YouTube. I do a weekly series called Ask Larry Anything. I've got an online television series called Grow a Pear tv. You can look that up. Just go to my website. I'm everywhere.

Good stuff. And Larry, just in closing here, you know, maybe any. Just general closing thought you want to share or maybe share one of those questions that you got and your answer to it on your Ask Larry Anything. I bet you get some doozies.

I do get a bunch of doozies. Here's what's interesting about the questions. People always want to know how they can change someone else. My mother does this, and I would love for her to do that. My sister spends too much money. My husband. It's always about someone else. This is one of the most beneficial things that I ever came up with for people to understand, in my opinion at least, is that people change when they want to, not when you want them to Stop trying to change other people. They're not going to until it becomes important enough for them to change all on their own. To them. The other thing is stop worrying so much about the results of others. People's results are the consequences of their thoughts, their beliefs, their words, and their actions. The most helpful thing any human being can do is just point out that whatever someone is experiencing, that's their fault. What they are experiencing are the results of their actions, thoughts, words, and beliefs. If you can show them that so they can then take responsibility. What I do is hold up a mirror to people so they can track their results back to the perpetrator. And it's always yourself, always.

You know, Larry, that is such a good point you bring up. And I just want to share one more thought and have you comment on it before we go. And that is that I remember years ago when I was taking, when I was taking sailing lessons and I lived in Newport beach at the time, we would go out on the water. We'd go out at night when it's dark on the ocean and it is choppy and it's. It's kind of weird out there, you know, if you've, if you've done it. And we would do man overboard drills and, you know, we'd throw a life jacket in the water. And the key was you can't lose sight of that life jacket. And the first thing the instructor told us is, do not jump in after them because they will drown you. Panicky people in water drown you, okay? You got to fish them out. You can't jump in. And it's the same thing with people's problems, right? Like, you know, everybody wants to jump in the pool with them and, you know, fix their problems and, you know, help them out of their struggle. But it's kind of good for people to have some struggle in their life, isn't it?

Well, the worst thing we do, and we see this a lot in parenting. I wrote a New York Times best selling parenting book. The worst thing we can do is allow our kids to never experience failure, to never let them get hurt, fall down, scrape their knees, on and on and on. We do them a disservice when we overprotect. And we do our friends a disservice when we go to them and say, oh, poor baby, it's a cold, cruel world out there. I'm so sorry. A true friend will say, listen, you deserve better than this. Stop being an idiot, shake it off and get back to work. So the approach is, if you really want to help people, let them feel the pain of their consequences. Saving someone that pain. Teach them of the lesson. Never cheat someone of the lesson. I've learned more from my mistakes than I ever did from my successes. Every successful person will tell you that. And if somebody had robbed me of that failure pain, I wouldn't have learned how to become successful. Because when you hurt from your consequences, when you feel the pain of your consequences, that's when you go, I don't think I'll repeat that behavior.

That is an awesome point, Larry. And folks, you heard it there. Larry Wingate, the pit bull of personal development. Thank you so much for joining us today.

I had a good time. Thanks for having me on.

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