CW 960 - Men Chase, Women Choose, The Neuroscience of Meeting, Dating, Losing Your Mind & Finding True Love with Dawn Maslar

Welcome to the Creating wealth show with Jason Hartman. You're about to learn a new slant on investing some exciting techniques and fresh new approaches to the world's most historically proven asset class that will enable you to create more wealth and freedom than you ever thought possible. Jason is a genuine, self made multimillionaire who's actually been there and done it. He's a successful investor, lender, developer and entrepreneur who's owned properties in 11 states, had hundreds of tenants and been involved in thousands of real estate transactions. This program will help you follow in Jason's footsteps on the road to your financial Independence Day. You really can do it. And now here's your host, Jason Hartman with the complete solution for real estate investors.

Welcome to a 10th episode show. This is the 10th episode where we go off topic and we discuss something of general interest. And hey, yesterday was Valentine's Day. So in the spirit of being romantical. Yes, romantical, that is a made up word by the way, but it's a cool word. In the spirit of being romantical, I thought we'd play this episode just freshly recorded last week from Don Massler as we talk about difference between the genders and how court should works and all of that kind of stuff. So whether you are in a relationship or looking for a relationship or if you've given up on relationships, this episode is for you. So, you know, fits for everybody. So we will dive into that here in just a moment as we are here on episode number 96960, 10th episode show. And then tomorrow we'll have a flashback Friday and we got a good one for you. And next week we got a whole bunch more good episodes. We're really well ahead of production schedule here, so I hope you can keep up. We're almost, almost getting to the point where we can just say we will permanently do five episodes per week. But for sure you can always count on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday of course. So we will do that. But hey, don't forget we've got Jason Hartman University, Silicon Valley. Okay. So we will be up north in San Jose, actually technically in Sunnyvale is March 3rd. Go to Jason Hartman university.com Jason Hartmanuniversity.com and then we are looking to greenlight the ice hotel trip. We are very, very close to green lighting that. Join us. It's going to be a once in a lifetime bucket list trip. Jason hartmanicehotel.com Jason hartmanicehotel dot com that will be in early April. A very, very special event. Now the JHU event or Jason Hartman event. Remember, you're going to learn the very practical side of investing at the Creating wealth seminar, which we, we also do that as another one of our many events. That one is more macro, big picture, philosophical, a little bit. This one is practical. So if you are a pragmatist, this is for you. And if you're not a pragmatist, hey, get your head out of the clouds and come to this one because you'll learn about market analysis, property analysis, property acquisition, managing your manager versus self management, and property portfolio planning. A very, very important event. You'll actually be doing the math. You'll be using your pens and pencils and you will be writing and you will be filling in the blanks. This is very much an interactive event. So be sure to come to this March 3rd, Jason hartmanuniversity.com get your tickets today for that. And also, what else did I have to tell you? Well, as we're on this 10th show and we're talking about romance, you know, a few years ago on Valentine's Day, we had a really good guest that was the author of the Five Love Languages. The Five Love Languages. You know, that sums up a lot of it pretty darn well. You know, how we can understand each other better. So if you're interested in hearing that old episode about the five love languages, you can go to Jason hartman.com and you can just search five love languages and you'll find that episode that we did a few years back also as a Valentine's Day special. So I know Valentine's Day was yesterday, but hey, this is a 10th show and we had to wait to publish the 10th show. So here we are. So let's get to our guest, let's talk to dawn, and let's learn more about how men chase and women choose. Here we go. It's my pleasure to welcome Dawn Masler to the show. She is an adjunct biology professor at Kaplan University. She's the author of Men Chase Women choose the Neuroscience of Meeting, Dating, Losing your Mind and Finding true Love. She's also a TEDx speaker coming to us from Fort Lauderdale today. Dawn, welcome. How are you?

Good, thank you. Thank you for having me.

My pleasure. Well, so what subject is on people's mind for such a huge part of their life? Love. Love and, and dating and mating and meeting and how to deal with the whole subject. But there's obviously a lot of science behind this and, you know, what goes on in our brain and the chemicals, the endorphins released into our body, the hormonal issues where do we start on this topic?

You always start at the beginning, which is, of course, attraction.

Yeah.

Attraction is caused by norepinephinephrine. That's that fight or flight response. That's what gives you that sweaty palms, the rapid heartbeat. But the funny thing about attraction is it's meant to be temporary. A lot of people think that that's love, but it's really not. It's basically lust, right? But it's Mother Nature's way of getting you to be close to get you attracted, you get your attention. And then once you get past attraction, then you can build up the neurotransmitters to fall in love. One of the things, one of the main neurotransmitters to fall in love for a woman is oxytocin. So that builds up, tends to build up slowly. And that's why it's important for a guy to. For a woman to trust a guy. Because oxytocin is the neurotransmitter of trust. It's also bonding. So if you, if you read a lot of dating profiles, you'll see things like, she wants a guy that can make her laugh. Well, if you can make her laugh, that means she trusts you.

Why do humor and trust go together? I mean, some of the best con artists in the world are the most personable, funny people, you know, that's, that's, that's their stock and trade, is rapport building and humor, you know, and I gotta tell you, I'm weak on the humor component. I just wish I was better at it. Because, yes, I know every woman says, I want a guy who makes me.

Laugh because it's disarming. That means that she can relax because you have to relax to be able to laugh. If you're uptight, you don't laugh.

But my question is, why are humor and trust intertwined? Like, does anybody ask that question? I don't get it. Why would those be? You know, what do they have to do with each other? Or is that just a misperception, maybe especially by women, that those two should be intertwined?

No, it's biological. It's based on oxytocin or based on. As you get to learn to trust somebody, you build up the oxytocin, which. Which kind of releases, relaxes you, and then you tend to be more willing to laugh. To get to know somebody, you lose your guard, you drop your guard, your defenses. And that's basically what she's saying when she's saying, I want somebody that's gonna make me laugh. Is that I want somebody that's gonna help me drop my defenses.

Okay. All right. Okay. Go ahead with what you're saying.

So that's the big one when it comes to. For a female. So that for a guy, that's his goal is to get her to become comfortable. The other thing that. The other neurotransmitter is dopamine, and that's where you're excited. So you go out on a date, you're excited about being with this person, and if the woman can build up trust and excitement, she's more likely to fall in love.

Okay. And I just want to say something to the listeners before we go in too deep, because I don't want them to, you know, switch off and become distracted. We're going to talk about the entire spectrum here. So if you're already in a relationship or you're married, keep listening. Okay. Go ahead, Don.

Right, right. Yeah. So we're just starting from the beginning, right.

Chronological.

For the guy, it's dopamine. Again, excitement and. But for him, it's vasopressin. Vasopressin increases when he's sexually excited.

Okay.

Unfortunately, it rapidly decreases after orgasm. So if he has a sexual relationship relatively quickly, he may not fall in love.

So this is why the. You know, that you hear the thing of, well, we got together and then he never called. Right, right. Terrible cad image that men have. Right. So the women does want to withhold. It's actually a good strategy for her to withhold. Not just from a safety standpoint, obviously, and a disease standpoint. I'm sorry we even have to talk about this. But, you know, it's just the facts of life and a pregnancy standpoint, it's actually a better strategy to withhold. Right. Because then you let the man's hormones work in your favor. If you're female.

Yes.

Right.

And if she has sex right away, the oxytocin will skyrocket where she's more likely to fall in love. So he's less likely to fall in love with sex. She's more likely to fall in love with sex.

Interesting, interesting.

So now that you fall in love, parts of your brain deactivate, so that can cause some problems. And not only parts of your brains deactivate. You have these hormonal upheaval. And one of the things that happen is that your serotonin, which is the hormone. Hormone of happiness, actually drops. And it can drop to the level of someone with ocd, Obsessive compulsive disorder.

When does this happen?

Once you fall in love.

Okay, but now we're already at love. We just got attraction. We got, you know, the bedroom. Then we got love. There's something between that, though.

Well, the building up of the neurotransmitters is. That's what I was talking about. So when you're first building up, that's where the guy needs to build the trust. And I'm just going kind of quickly. I'm sorry.

No, I understand.

Yes, that building up part I call the dating phase. So hopefully, if everything goes together, you build up the neurotransmitters together and you both fall in love together. That's the ideal situation.

Okay, so how do you do that? Let's just get through that courtship phase, if you will. And by the way, courtship is all but dead. It's terrible, really. But, you know, but that's the cultural world in which we live, unfortunately. Obviously, depends what age you are. But just, just as a general statement, it's just changed so much, it's mind boggling. Folks, your homework is watch old movies and old TV shows. Because how quickly we forget how different the world was just two or three decades or, you know, four decades ago. I mean, it is just a massive shift that has occurred. So feel free to speak to that if you wish. But I want to make sure we got attraction, we got the bedroom. You know, depending on how quickly that all happens, then we got the sort of more dating, and then we've hopefully get to love. Right, right.

So the dating part is where we build up those two neurotransmitters. And then for a man, here's the funny part. It's the right before he falls in love, it appears his testosterone drops. And that tends to occur when he commits to a woman. So if a man commits to a woman before he has a sexual relationship, they're both more likely to fall in love at the same time.

Oh, interesting. So that's a good thing then, abstinence. Yes. You know, there's a lot of philosophers throughout history that said abstinence, sustenance is good. So there you go, there's your case. Yeah, interesting. Okay, can you put any of this into a time context or does it just all depend if it's three weeks, three months, three years? I don't know.

You know, it's going to be a little bit different for each person. The research shows. Here's the funny part, that it also depends on what country you live in, that people in northern countries tend to fall in love quicker. But in the, in the United States, it's usually within two months.

Okay, so in the northern countries, winter is coming. We better, you know, hook up now. So we have someone, you know, to sit by the campfire, you know. Okay, so two months in the US Two months to fall in love. That's all it takes. Real love, legitimate love.

There's the question. Is it really legitimate?

Right, right. That's. Well, I was going to ask you that. How do you know? Right, right.

But what I'm talking about is the brain change that we associate with love. So when you fall in love, you reproduce this brain change where we have this deactivation of certain parts of our brain. So we lose the part of the brain that judges the other person. It's the ventral medial prefrontal cortex which judges the other person. So that's why they say love is blind. So you temporarily lose the ability to see them for who they truly are.

And when does this happen? In two months. Like in the.

When you fall in love. So it's usually like if a woman sleeps with a guy on the first night, she could technically fall in love if she's excited and she produces enough oxytocin. So I can't really tell you the exact timetable. It depends. But what I can say is I can take a functional MRI of your brain and tell you if this has occurred. Okay, so we see parts of your parietal lobe, we see parts of your temporal lobe, and we see a part of your brain called the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that sounds the alarm. And those all deactivate. So even if you notice something wrong with the other person, it wouldn't register because your amygdala wouldn't. Wouldn't go off.

Love is blood.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. So. So the women married a crook or a con artist or, you know, got into a serious relationship with them. And, you know, obviously, at some point, their heart might be broken. Obviously on that. Or a cheater. And. Well, that's why I was going to ask you, actually, when you mentioned that earlier. Why is it? I mean, the old saying is, you know, women like jerks. You know, these guys, they're cads. They're cheaters. I mean, you know, women cheat emotionally. Men cheat more physically, probably. I don't know. Feel free to tell me that. That's just my perception. But, you know, why do women fall for these guys? Guys have been asking that question for eons. You know, he's a jerk, he's a cheater, he's a crook.

Okay, so here's the truth. I'm a female. And I hate to tell you this truth, but here's the truth. The truth is men are simple. Men are logical and they're forthcoming. Women are not. So what happens is they did a study and they asked these women, here's a guy that drives a Porsche, and here's a guy that drives a Honda Civic. Who would you like to marry? And the women are like, well, if the car doesn't really help me any way this the Honda Civic guy seems like he's practical. That's probably the best person to marry. And they're like, great. Now who would you date? Oh, if I'm going to date, I'm going to date the guy with the Porsche. So how do you ever get to the guy with the Honda Civic if you're out dating the guy with the Porsche? Okay, so women don't make any sense.

Yeah, well, that's not a surprise. Tell me something I don't know.

Exactly.

Okay, so what's the strategy for men and for women based on this? The way. Look, the way we are has been developed over eons, right? Millennia. What do we both do? What do the genders do to make things work? And we certainly got to get past the two month stage here and talk, you know, more deeply. I mean, you know, we got to talk about marriage and everything. But go ahead.

Well, I did want to say something. So when we have that brain deactivation, that's when you fall in love. That only lasts for about two years.

Okay.

After about two years, your brain comes back. Now, Dr. Helen Fisher, who did this original research, found that about that time is when the highest amount of divorces occurred in the United States.

Okay. I thought I've heard the evolutionary theory that it's four years because it's like we've got to get the kids to the point where they're somewhat independent, they can walk, they can, you know, get around. Now obviously they can do that at two years also, but they at four years. You know, like, I heard that a lot of marriages fall apart at about four years. There is an evolutionary theory about that.

Well, if you look at her data, she actually talks about four years. But if you look at the data, the highest amount of divorces are actually in the United States are two years. She added in something like Iceland or something that skewed it to four years. But in the United States it's two. What is Mother Nature? I guess it would get the child through that first year is the most difficult. But that makes sense either way. Two to four Years, it gets the child. If the child is produced by that union, it gets them through the most dangerous part of their life, and they're more likely to survive. Then the difficult part comes because critical thinking returns, and that's where a lot of people can get into trouble. And you see a lot of trouble in relationships because all of a sudden they feel like the love is gone.

Does it return unevenly, for example, that two years. Does the man wake up first? Does the woman wake up first? Or is it sort of even?

I think it's sort of even.

Okay, then what do we do to fix it? You know, like. Like, look at. I've never been married. I would like to get married. I would like to have children. Starting to feel a little bit hopeless, honestly. But. But I'll tell you, if I were married, I would try to remember that. You've always got to keep some tension in the relationship. I think women like that. I. In the past, I don't know that I've been very good at that. I think that there needs to be some degree of tension. In other words, another way to say it might not sound good, but you got to kind of game your wife a little bit, you know, and. And date her forever, probably. Right. Is that a fair statement?

Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't call. I don't know if I'd call it tension, but I would call excitement. So we said that dopamine was one of the neurotransmitters that are important in the beginning. It's important all the way through. So people that stay together, one of the main things that they have is that they tend to look at the positive in the other person. They say, maintain positive illusions of the other. In other words, it may not necessarily be true, but they focus on the good. As soon as you focus on the negative, the relationship is heading downward.

Sure, but I mean, I don't know. I don't mean to be skeptical, but isn't that kind of basic? I mean, of course you should focus on the good. Isn't that kind of like. I mean, is there more to that?

Well, no, because what happens is if you. As the stress builds up, the stress is in the middle part of your brain. And when we see later is that love is towards the prefrontal cortex. So your middle part of your brain has the ability to hijack the rest of your brain. So you actually, if you become stressed, you can move away from love quickly. Yeah, it seems like it's easy, but it's not as easy to do because all of A sudden, bills and all this other stuff, you start focusing on the wrong things, and the next thing you know, your relationship is on the rocks. The thing about dopamine is when you do new and novel things together and as you said, kept dating your wife, keeping the tension. I guess if you're doing new, new things together, that keeps the passion alive.

Right.

And passion dying is one of the biggest things that people say is part of the reason that they. The relationship ended.

Okay, so what's the specific advice there? I would say part of it, which is fairly simple. Hopefully, you know, listeners have the money to do it. I think my listeners do. But, you know, change your environment a little bit. You know, travel, experience new things.

Absolutely.

Yeah. Okay. What else?

Take a class together. Learn something new. I mean, it doesn't have to be expensive. It could be a pottery class, you know, or it could be go to a gym together, anything. Or even take a walk in a new part of the town, in a new park or something. Just do something new and novel that you hadn't done before. And that helps jump up that dopamine. And surprises are the really, really jump those up too. That's why everybody loves surprises.

Okay, what else?

Well, Valentine's Day, we were talking about chocolate helps increase dopamine. Strawberries helping. So chocolate covered strawberries really helped me.

Boy, you know, all of our ancestors really figured stuff out for us, didn't they? Yeah, I didn't know. I didn't. I knew that about chocolate, but strawberries, I didn't know that. Yeah. Interesting. Fascinating. Okay.

All those things around Valentine's Day. Actually, the color red associated with Valentine is the most sexually attractive color.

Does that mean you should wear red all the time? I mean, I think red's a pretty good color for clothing.

Yeah, absolutely.

And does it matter which gender's wearing the red? Like, is there. Either way, it works.

Yep. That's why you see, you'll see the politicians with the red tie with the power tie.

Yeah, right.

Not only is it a power tie, but it's also sexually attractive, too. Yeah, but if you're, if you're doing a dating site, you want to think about that. Wear a red shirt or red background and you're going to get more hits.

Interesting. Interesting. Speaking of dating sites, you know, there are so many different permutations nowadays for our single listeners. Do you have any advice or thoughts on all of the different genres of dating sites and methodologies? Or is the online thing even the best thing?

Actually, most relationships are. A larger portion are starting online nowadays. So the old bar scene is pretty much out. So a lot of people are just getting even older. Grandma and grandpa are meeting online. I think it's great. And I don't think anyone. They all have their plus and minuses. I like the ones that have a little bit more writing to it because you can get to know the person. But I think the main thing is don't focus so much online. You need to take it offline as soon as possible. So if you're going to do this, go ahead and meet them. Meet up for coffee, because your senses actually are different. Decide what you like. I've had women that have been dating online without meeting the person for a while. And I'm like, you don't even know if you're gonna like them when you meet them in person. Because we have five senses and only one is in play right now when it comes to your eyes. But one of our major attraction is our nose. We have something called major histocompatibility complex. That's we can sense your genetics.

Is this, Is this a pheromone thing? And by the way, I remember hearing a news story a few years back about like dating DNA or something like that where they literally would match people, but you take a DNA test. This is getting kind of scary here, obviously, but. And they would literally match people up by that. I doubt that this has taken off, but hey, you know, could be in the future. Is the DNA thing. Like, we've all heard about pheromones and, you know, are these concepts of like these pheromone colognes and perfumes, are those legit? Are they just gimmicks, you know?

Well, yes and no.

Okay.

Some are. A lot of them aren't because the pheromones degrade rapidly. So if you have a perfume that's sitting on your countertop, the pheromones not going to work very long if it's in the freezer. It may be. Okay. Oh, so, but interesting.

Okay.

It degrades because it's a volatile organic compound.

When you see these ads for like these colognes and perfumes that are supposedly pheromone based and, you know, they all attract people to you and all this kind of. I mean, that's actually legit if you, I mean, well, you can't get it. You don't buy it frozen. You know, it's not like probiotics come refrigerated. So I, I think all of that.

Probably is what they're using. They're using. No, what they're using is Smells that are associated with sex. So they have, you know, the cavette cat.

No. What's that?

The caveat. You know, that coffee cup loe or something?

No.

There's a cat that lives in the jungle somewhere, and they took their anal glands and they basically use that in perfumes.

Oh, this is really gross.

Okay, well, it's called Chanel number five.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding?

No. Wow. Now they've created synthetic cavette cat anal glands, but those are used in Obsession and all of those really musky smelling ones. That's where that comes from. So there is some science behind that. There's some biological behind that.

Wow.

Now back to the major histocompatibility complex. That's not necessarily a pheromone. It's part of our immune system. And a woman and a man both can sense the immune system in the air with their nose. And we're most attracted to people of opposite immune systems.

So one of us will survive. Isn't that fascinating? Wow, that's amazing. That's a very intentional evolutionary survival program. I guess that.

Right.

So. So if your wife gets sick, you'll live and someone's there to take care of the kids. Right. Or vice versa.

That's not it.

No, that's not it. Okay.

It's. The child that is produced will have a better complement of immune cells.

Oh, okay. I got it. I got it. Okay.

So they'll have a larger range because you have opposite immune systems.

So our noses can sense this stuff. And that's. Wow. It's all subconscious, of course. Right. What else do you want us to know about the smell thing?

What we also are attracted to. We are attracted to pheromones. So women are attracted to a metabolite of testosterone, and men are attracted to women that when they're ovulating, they produce something called copulins, and that's emitted into the air. And he's attracted to that copulins, which as the name implies, is basically saying, hey, let's copulate. I'm ready.

Okay, and what. What do we do about that? There's something. Is there an action step there?

No, it's just going to be that he's more likely to be attracted and probably pursue her. So she's at optimum fertility, and so she's going to be attractive to him. So he's going to be like, oh, okay, hello. You've probably been there before, and I know I have. You're walking down the street. Women have been there walking down the street, and like, everybody's Attracted to you this one week and then the next week you can't even hail a cab. Like nobody's paying attention to you.

Well, is that for women though only, or does that happen with men too?

The women produce the copulins.

Okay.

Men produce a metabolite of testosterone that women find attractive, but they're going to be again, they're going to be attracted to a particular metabolite of testosterone. So it's going to be different for each woman. So if you're closer genetically, you're going to be less attracted to the guy. So like I had a woman say that she can't stand this, her son's smell when she goes in to do his laundry. She's like, oh, he's, I just can't stand the way he smells. His clothes smell. It's like. Yeah, because you're, you're half him. You're too close. Genetic, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you live in, you know, one of these places where people are marrying their cousins, you know, there's a lot of birth defects and stuff.

Right? Yeah. Nature does, doesn't want you to do that.

Sure, yeah.

Those are deterrents.

But does it go as far? I've always had this theory about like I have dark hair and I have brown eyes. Right. And I like women that are both blondes and brunettes. But I think I'm about 10 more attracted to blondes if you just, all things being equal, which they of course never are. But I have a slight blonde preference, you know, and I, I mean, you hear this from a lot of men. Is that true? Like, is that nature's way of diversifying the gene pool that you'll be attracted to your opposite in look?

Yes, we're genetically going to be more attracted to the opposite. But the thing is that you're probably going to be most attracted to somebody on the complete opposite of the world. Unfortunately, you also have to have a couple things in common. So we're attracted to a combination of opposite and familiar. So if you don't have anything in familiar, you might be a momentarily attracted, but it won't be a long term relationship. Now the other theory about a blonde is that I'm a blond. And the theory is that you can tell health better on a blonde. So this is, I mean, this is just one of those theories that are out there, but supposedly because blondes have lighter skin, we can't cover up any illness. Why the darker your skin is, sometimes you can cover up more illness because I got the flushed cheeks.

Oh, okay.

You know, you can see the eyes right away.

Interesting.

That's the theory. So you're. A man is going to be attracted to a woman based on health.

Oh, sure, yeah. That's. That's a hip to waist ratio, the golden ratio.

Abilities. Right. So you're looking for somebody who, even if you're older, you're still going to be looking for somebody who you're going to be naturally attracted to, somebody who's in good reproductive health or potentially.

So women stop criticizing men for that. It's just. It's not their fault. Okay.

No, it's biological.

Right? Yeah. Okay, so that's interesting, but you didn't finish your thought on the certainly, like, opposites attract in terms of look. You did agree with that. So, you know, Taylor Swift, I just still have the hots for her. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Right. Versus my dark hair and brown eyes. What about the in common thing? Like you said, you have to have some things in common, but you didn't expand on that thought.

Okay, so attraction is both different and familiar. So you have to have certain things that are familiar. Unfortunately, familiar doesn't mean in common. Familiar could mean dysfunctional family upbringing.

Ah, okay. Okay, Interesting.

The next thing you know is like, you know, dad's an alcoholic, you're attracted to Mr. Alcoholic. That's the familiar. And that's going to be subconscious. One of the things that you can do is if you notice that you're doing that, if you can become more conscious of it, you can break that pattern. But you're still going to be. You still have to have certain things that are kind of in common. And, you know, you've been there, you've gone into a place, you met somebody, and you're like, hey, oh, you're from the same state. Yeah. You start talking.

But that's just true of everything in human life. I mean, people like people who are like them.

Right, Exactly.

You know, that's not surprising though. Right?

Right. So you have to have a combination for that spark, attraction. When it comes to dating, you have to have certain things in common. But then you also have to have the opposite of immunity, or at least genetically.

Is there a way you can know that other than. I mean, what? A DNA test would tell you that.

It'S actually your immune system. So you would have to do immune cells. But yeah, you can do a test for it.

That's fascinating. Wow.

But just because you're opposite doesn't mean you're necessarily going to be attracted to that person.

Okay. Oh, so that, that is a Requirement to have attraction, I guess. And we're talking about long term attraction, but it's not, it doesn't mean that if you have. That you will be attracted. Right.

It's because it's a mix. Yeah, you got a mix of familiar and opposites. How the mix levels out, you never know. It's really difficult to. When I was doing this work, I was actually looking for the formula, but there's really no formula. You know, as a scientist, you're like, okay, if I do A, B and C, do I get this? It doesn't really work that way.

Makes sense. Makes sense. Don, we got to wrap it up. But I just want to ask you, where is this all going? What will the future look like if you fast forward 10 years, 20 years? It's quite fascinating that we really are figuring out the science of love. What will be down the road? I think we've kind of talked about some of these a little bit. We've alluded to it, but I'm just super curious about it. And of course give out your website and tell people where they can get your books and so forth. And you've got a few books, I think.

Yes. My website is dawnmasler.com D A W N M A S L A R and I think the future is one. The more we get to know about love, the less likely we are to make mistakes. So one of the things I found is that love at first sight is a farce. It's just mother nature's way of getting you in a bed together. And that's a big mistake people make. So I think if people realize that love is more. Love is deeper than that, that they take the time to get to know each other, then they can have a long term loving relationship. And you know, the real love doesn't start until two years down the road. And a lot of people give up on the relationship way before they ever get to, to true love.

And you know what? I would bet that that's a pretty common time frame in life. You know, you date for a year, you get engaged, you get married. And you're right, you're literally taking your wedding vows right about, give or take. That to your point, that's, that's interesting. Very fascinating. So where are we going? Like what will the future look like? Is this going to become some sort of futuristic sci fi movie of scientific dating? You know, like that dating DNA website? And also, you know, what, what else does it mean for people in a relationship, people who are married now? I mean, you know, they're probably guessing like, am I really compatible with my spouse? You know, as they're hearing this. So just any. Any thoughts you have there and we'll wrap it up.

Well, if you're already together, yes, you're compatible. I mean, you're already together.

You got that far. Okay.

Yeah. The real thing is, is really the way you think about it. It. And that's what the research shows, that after the two years, what you think about is really the big. The focus is the critical part. So if you put your time and effort into the relationship, you're going to have a wonderful, loving relationship. But if you're critical or if you are judging, then it's going to decrease the satisfaction of the relationship. So I think once people understand that it's not the other person, it's really your own mind.

Yeah. Yeah.

If you make up your mind to be in a great relationship, you can have one.

Yeah. Well, that's so true of everything in life. You know, we become what we think about, and our thoughts affect our environment. There's no question about that. You know, Earl Nightingale and Napoleon Hill and all these thinkers and, you know, back to scripture, really, you know, thousands of years ago.

Right. They had it right.

They did have it right. They've been telling that forever. So, Don, thank you so much for joining us. This was a fascinating discussion. Thank you.

Thank you, Jason, thank you for having me.

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