7 Viral Silly Startup Ideas with Jack Kuveke

You know how Brian Johnson has been measuring his erections at night?

No, but continue. Can we send satellites into orbit that project light down and then they arrange in a superposition that is a QR code?

I'm worried that when me and my wife have kids, we're not going to be able to rent them out at a good price.

And all of our, like, our security guards are literally just mobs. What is everyone doing writing fucking essays on Twitter? Like, You did it, Paul. You're a billionaire. If we're going to be doing essays, it should be more like Unabomber, like, like manifestos.

Planting drugs on your competition's CEO. That should be a service too.

We— I— there's a couple thousand dudes in San Francisco that'll do that for about $20. Let's blow up the internet. From the basement to the higher net. Scrolling, tapping, man, we ain't done yet. Let's blow up the internet.

You have been blowing up LinkedIn lately with some crazy startup posts. So I'm wearing this sweatshirt from my friend in your honor. So let's talk about some silly startups. Number 1 I've got for you. Okay. Awkward silence filler as a service. All right. So you're on a date. There's a little bit of awkward silence and the AI detects that you and the girl are, are talking and then you're no longer talking. And after, you know, a certain amount of time of silence, it just starts playing elevator music, right? I think it could work. And also, you know this as somebody who pitches VCs and works with people like that, right? There's some awkward silence in like VC meetings. You know, it would be nice if there's just some little elevator music.

Yeah, you're a little, a little elevator music. But what if, hear me out, okay? Like if it gets to a certain level of awkwardness, it calls you. And if fake calls you, it's like it has a threshold meter of like, holy shit, like this is going the worst possible. Like you need to get out of here before the police are called. And it's just like your mom calls you on your phone and gets you the fuck out of there.

So like any date with, with me, like a girl. Yeah, it would just happen.

Like when we had lunch the last like 2 weeks ago and you told me that you were going to like you were going to vote for Kamala Harris and Trump at the same time. And I was like, I don't know how that's going to work, Jason Levin Levin, but Yeah, let's get out of here.

Yeah, I think, I think that's a good idea. Also, it'd be nice if it connects to your Apple Watch and tracks your heart rate. So it has the silence, your heart rate, maybe we even— oh, wanna know, be very interesting. You know how Bryan Johnson has been measuring his erections at night?

No, but continue.

He has been so he's, he has this device that goes around. And he's measuring his, you know, nighttime erections.

Sure.

And so, you know, some people— not me, obviously— but they get erections when they feel awkward. So that could be part of the service, you know what I'm saying?

Right. But hear— but hear me out.

Not me. I'm talking about like friends. Like, not me.

Yes, not, not either of us. But what if it also— in like, say, you know, what could potentially just maybe encourage— like, maybe there could be a conversation starter. You're bulge is big enough. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it like takes what could be a bad day to like, maybe this is party time.

Yeah, I guess that's fair.

You know what I mean? So like it could go either way. Maybe you can detect if someone's going to be like pretty— is going to be like really excited by that. Like maybe that'll be a conversation starter.

Yeah, it could make it less awkward. We could save awkwardness, honestly.

I think this is not— not only you said you're bringing bad ideas. This isn't a bad idea. This is a great idea.

Thank you. Thank you. All right. Hit me with one of your ideas. What you got?

Okay. Political trading card game. This is an idea I came up with in the newsletter the other day when I saw that Trump was releasing NFT trading cards. I was like, let's go all the way. Magic: The Gathering, Yu-Gi-Oh-like game, but for politics. All right. Now hear me out. Border wall defense card. Okay. Grants you immunity against liberal propaganda for 2 turns. but the negative effects is Melania doesn't give you handjobs and you're going to have bad press for 48 hours. So every card, and then, but again, we do this like politically by, no, no political swing. We've got cards for both sides. We've got attack cards. We've got defense cards. Biden drops out of the race and we spawn the demigod. Again, this is, I'm not saying this is like morally conscious idea. But what would go harder than a political trading card game? And then fuck it, we make it NFTs. I mean, let's go all the way.

Obviously. Yeah. I love it. And I think, you know, Trump could have different attacks, like different insults, you know, like he creates an alliteration for your name. You know, you're just getting screwed. Like Kooky Kamala, Crooked Hillary. Like you're, that's, that's high level points. That's some like, you know, Blue Eyes White Dragon type shit, bro.

Yeah. Brad Sommer just thrown on the field. Oh.

Brad Summerhill, dude. Yeah. And see, that's a lot of guys.

You get like 20, like pop stars immediately start working or become your minions and they become like attack demons.

So like Kamala is like chief of, you know, she's on the field and then she's got like Cardi B here, like Ben Stiller for some reason. I don't really know why he's, he's on that front, but like those are two powerful people, you know? Yeah.

White guys for Kamala is one card.

VCs for Kamala. That's a whole like, yeah, dude, this election is going to be won by memes. Like, so whoever has the better memes is going to win this election.

So I did drop out of college, hence the poster here, but there was one college class that was worth it, and it was the most perfectly timed college class of all time, which was social media during the elections, taken in the fall of the election. That was the best class I ever took, and then I immediately dropped out after. But point being, that class was amazing, and it, it was just like all Trump's social media meme campaign was like 50 times better than Hillary's. So he like obviously won, but no one knew how to take that into account. Dude, you might get a cabinet position. Have you ever thought about this?

I've thought about it. I've actually been discussing with a certain military. Oh, about, you know, giving some talks around.

You're like, you're like, it's Russia. They have the best meme game.

I mean, I'm defecting. I'm not going to name names, but I have been. Discussing with certain military. How to win the social media war, dude. Memes are the modern propaganda. Every army, every political campaign is posting memes, right? That's why Meme Alerts is powerful. I see, dude, I see Meme Alerts. Like, we're gonna see some.darpa,.cia subscribers. Like, everybody's on that shit.

You'll know you've made it when someone at the State Department is clicking your links in your newsletter every single week. And you have Shout out to Beehive because you're going to see those analytics, dude.

I have a subscriber from DARPA, which is kind of weird. They invented the fucking internet, man.

They did invent the internet.

It's kind of weird.

They might be trying— you might get recruited. You might be like, imagine that the new, like, what was the Manhattan Project? Is it the meme?

The meme project?

Yeah.

Yo, we should make a skit about that. I, I think so. I was actually looking because when I was younger, I wanted to be a spy and then I was like, I can't speak other languages, I can't run fast, it's not happening, you know. But the other day I was just like looking at CIA jobs because, you know, I was bored, why not? Sure. Like, they hire like marketers. That's actually one of their like top listed things was like they hire propagandists and marketers and like PR people.

Well, they got it. When they overthrow a regime, they have to have a PR team that comes in there and is like running the new State Department campaigns for like, yeah, whatever Zellet that they put it in.

I would love to run Congo. I have no idea where it is, but I could run it.

Like, I know I could do a great job.

I, I appreciate that. All right, next business idea. Speaking of patriotic ideas, Bald Eagle Rental. So July 4th, or maybe not even July 4th, maybe you're just a patriotic dude, you know, you got your American flag chubbies on, you know what I'm talking about, the American flag shorts, and you want the ultimate Instagram pic and So you just pay, you know, maybe $500, maybe $100, maybe less for a bald eagle rental. There's also like, there's Uber sharing, there's bald eagle sharing where you and your boys, you all go in. Like, it wouldn't be bad just to spend $20 each on a bald eagle for all of you guys to take a photo in like a 1-hour span. And it'd be like Uber where like the bald eagle driver, like the, the guy who, you know, operates the bald eagle or, you know, owns it, like he drives around bringing the bald eagle. What do you think?

We could have a secondary piece of income where we have bald eagles deliver news to people.

Yes.

So like maybe you're proposing to your, to your soon to be wife on the 4th of July. Yes. Rent a bald eagle. The bald eagle flies in, lands on your wife with a note. And then that's the marriage proposal.

That is so American.

I love it.

That's how I proposed to my wife actually.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How did it go? It went great. It went great. Um, I do think my favorite form of message delivery is pigeons. Um, yes, I, I, I think it's the best form. Second best is probably, you know, when airplanes like write stuff in the sky. I think I should do that more often instead of text messaging.

I bet it's not that expensive.

No, I feel like it's not either because the ROI, like, I can't imagine that's high if you can't track the data. Although if you have a QR code in the sky, dude, we should put a QR code on the moon. That's amazing.

Imagine that, like every nerd with it. And by the way, people looking at the moon through telescopes, they also have to have bread. Who's got money to look at the moon?

Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking about. Dude, if I had an astronomy software, or maybe just Google Earth, I would put a QR code on the moon. Then you get all the nerds signed up.

You're sure. Can we send satellites into orbit that project light down and then they arrange in a superposition that is a QR code? Is this possible?

Well, sort of. Have you seen Reflect Orbital, actually?

No, but please tell me.

So, all right, here, there's this really cool startup. You should watch their video at some point. I'll send it later. It gave me the chills. It's called Reflect Orbital. What it does, it's, they send satellites in the sky and it rearranges it. The light bounces off of it to send light to solar panels during the nighttime. So yeah, that way you could use solar panels all day and night rather than just during the day. So I do think there is a QR code aspect here. We'd probably have to like have them start a different service with it. But this is a total legit, like VC-funded back startup. Like it's dope, 100% legit. So I think QR codes from space could definitely work. I think we've got a good shot. All right. Business idea. What you got? Hit me.

Oh, this one you're going to like because this one's right up our alley. cringe ghostwriting as a service.

Okay. I mean, I'm already doing that, dude.

I know, but I really think that we can expand out. Like what we found from the other week with the guy who posted about his wife getting fucked by his CEO, that shit went hella viral. So if you're like a sociopath and you don't care at all about your branding and you just want views, like we just spin up a service, you and I go in on this together and we just write the most insane, but it can't be like, it's not satire. Like that's, that's our specialty. We don't do any, it's just, it's, it's written like these other psychopath posts, but just with the pure view of getting as viral as humanly possible.

I like that. So not satire, not funny, just purely pathetic.

Yes. Like the guy—

Pathetic writing as a service.

Did you see the guy who posted that? Like, he's like, yeah, I watch porn on LinkedIn.

Yeah.

You saw that guy?

Yeah, I was just ghostwriter, dude. Yeah.

Oh, I knew it. I knew it. It sounded like you. I've read enough of your newsletter to be like, this has to be Jason Levin Levin. But like, we just, we go in, we get, and we don't even have to write them ourselves. We can just build a model based off of his, like, pull together several hundred cringe LinkedIn posts, put in a bunch of topics. There was one that I saw, I made fun of. This was my most controversial newsletter I ever wrote, which was about a guy who posted that his baby that was in the ICU had Startup Blood. And then he put like his merch, his company's merch on his baby in the ICU and took a photo of it. It was—

it wasn't even his baby, was it?

No, he found— because his baby sadly didn't make it, but his baby was fine. I'm kidding. But point being that, again, this is why people were not super big fans of my humor here. But point being that I think that you can aggregate— we have such a large database. We just LinkedIn Lunatics would pull everything off of there.

I made it on there.

Yeah, dude, me too. That was actually my proud accomplishment is making it on.

Yeah, me too. I told my mom, I haven't talked to her in years, but I told her.

Wow. How did she, how did she feel? Was she proud?

She was very proud. She, she was very worried when I dropped out. And so she was very happy that I made it to LinkedIn Lunatics because she did you actually drop out? Yeah, I dropped out. Yeah, of course. Everyone drops out. Of course. Of course. We're meme lords, you know?

Yeah.

What are we doing? I do think there is also a baby as a service thing for creators where similar to renting a bald eagle for the clout, you rent a cute baby just for the Twitter clout and just for like the Instagram posts. Yeah, I think this could probably be even bigger than bald eagles, just slightly. It could appeal to everyone who wants more Instagram likes.

Absolutely. And, and like, we, depending on like what's hot at the time, we price the different like, like ethnicities of babies differently. Of course, because there is like a rank. There's obviously a rank.

Yeah, we don't need to talk about it, but we all know there is.

There's a ranking of cuteness in children.

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

White children are very low on the list.

Very low. Yeah. So I, I'm worried that when we have kids, when me and my wife have kids, we're not going to be able to rent them out at a good price. So this is why you have to start the service. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Every time we're taking a picture, I could just switch it out with a different baby.

Yeah, absolutely. And that'll keep people on their toes too. They're like, what baby is Jason Levin going to post this time? And then you can start a little engagement game with your followers. That's true.

That's true. It's also good because you build the dopamine lottery, right? You never want your content to always be the same. So you need a different race baby every single time. Yeah, it's pretty obvious.

Like, no one expects Kazakhstan coming, coming. Like, they do not expect it.

No, no. Or just like a, you know, an Albanian baby. Ooh, they're not expecting that.

Never.

Never. I mean, maybe some Albanians are expecting it, but like, that's not my primary audience.

There's what, like 8 million of them or whatever? Like what?

I didn't even know it's a real country. I don't know. I thought they were just albinos.

Yeah, me too. For a while. It's far more, you know what's crazy about Albania is they have so much Mediterranean coastline, but they get such a bad rep. I mean, it's probably from like all the drug lords and cartels and like the years and years of like, like really high crime rates. But like, apparently now it's cleaned up. We should go.

Apparently it's the next Croatia.

Dude, we should go in. Do you want to buy a home? And because by the way, it'll be like $80. Yeah, we could just buy a mansion, sort of startup house in Albania. No one's done that yet.

Nobody has done that. I would love a Launch House 2.0 in Albania.

Launch House 2.0. And then all of our, like, our security guards are literally just mobsters. No one's going to be— no one's getting handsy at our house because if they do, they're getting thrown in the Mediterranean Ocean.

Yeah, I love that. All right. I got another business idea for you here. Mormon sales seminars. You know how Mormons are just really good at going up to strangers, right? You live in New York, then Mormons come up to you to sell you their Mormonism, right? They've been taught rejection. They've been taught going up to strangers. They've been taught smiling through the pain. That's what every entrepreneur and every salesperson needs. So you have a seminar taught by Mormons on how to do sales.

I legitimately was once on a subway platform and I hit it off with this Mormon guy who was trying to convert me, obviously, to Mormonism. And at the end of it, I was like, what do you do for— I was— because we were kind of looking for a salesperson at the time. I was like, what do you do for work? Swear to God, I was like, you're really good. Like, do you— like, are you looking for a job right now? Like, I think I might have one for you. And he's like, he's at— he just dropped out. Like, he's 19 or whatever, so you could probably get him for cheap. This guy was a goddamn killer.

I was actually at a, uh, famous startup in our world. I don't want to say. And, um, you know, this guy, like, you know, he says he's from Utah, and I look at, you know, my friend, and we're just like, that's why he's so good at this. Like, of course that makes sense. And he had this look in his eyes of just, I hate my life, but I'm gonna make a lot of money. And that's what you need in a salesperson, really.

Should we convert to Mormonism?

Um, no. No, I think we could just, you know, borrow the Mormons, but I, I, I don't think so. I— it confuses me.

Well, no, that's the whole point. Like, there's nothing like that will get you to work harder than existential confusion about everything.

That's true, that's true. I do think that'd be fun, um, just for the hell of it. I, I think I'd prefer Scientology, honestly, like, just to get inside there.

That would be fun. I would, I would be very down. I've always wanted— like, I'm— I do think that there's something missing. I almost actually thought about writing this is like we just start like a religious cult for tech bros. And I know this is going out of my newsletter tomorrow. Like Paul Graham is already like a religious zealot of the tech world. So we just like plant him as the spiritual leader. He's got the outfit already down. He's got sandals, shorts.

I mean, that's some Jesus outfit.

It really is that he's the Jesus Christ of tech bros.

Yeah, I think founder mode is a religion. 100%. In some circles. I thought that essay was very bad. I don't know about you.

I, you know, I've been— well, there was no substance to it. Like, no, there was—

it was so bad.

It was— the problem with so much of this stuff is like, there's like— it— there's no new ideas. Also, founder mode is not exactly a new concept. Like, we've known that this is a thing for a while. We just didn't call it anything.

Yeah.

But like, the second Paul Graham like coins a term, everyone's like, we needed this. This was what was missing from our lives. Like, nothing is changing with the, like, the new founder mode.

Like, uh, you think Jason Levin is talking about founder mode? I don't think so.

No. Also, I just, like, when people get to a certain level of rich, like, I just don't— like, what I— my dream is to, obviously, if I have billions of dollars, like, I want to charter a vessel into the Amazon rainforest and, like, look at frogs and, like, to like lizards and shit. What is everyone doing writing fucking essays on Twitter? Like, you did it, Paul. You're a billionaire. Like, go do something else. Do something. That's why I like, I'm like fine with Bezos like launching shit into space. I'm like, he's got a hobby, but he's got a hobby that makes sense for his level of wealth. Writing essays is something that no one should be doing after college, quite frankly.

I don't agree. I love writing. Writing's great, dude.

I write every day. I think I think it's fine.

You're not going to write once you're rich?

I think I'll, I'll probably write, but I think the kind of stuff that I write will, will— I want it to be edgier, Jason Levin. Like, you have an obligation to be able to say the most wild shit possible. You have a get-out-of-jail-free card, and we're going middle of the road, like, just founder mode. I think we should— we got to just level it up intensity-wise if we're going to be doing essays. It should be more like Unabomber, like, like manifestos.

Like Unabomber mode. That's it. That's it. I love it. Unabomber mode.

I think Unabomber mode would go tremendously hard.

I think so too. And I think there is something to be said about sabotaging other companies. Nobody talks about that.

Yeah. I wrote about this.

Sending probably bombs or, you know, at least packages. At least don't send bombs to your competition, but send packages that they think are bombs just to like get them out of the, out of the work environment. Yeah. Screw up their day a little bit. I think that should be a service.

Honestly, we should start a service called Hemlock where we send packages that none of it's actually poison, but it's questionable. But all the goods are like really tasty and like look great. But you're like, really? You're scared about like you don't want to be the first one to go in and dive in.

Yeah.

It's like the placebo effect.

I think it'd be just as easy to send like powder or something and it's just sugar, you know?

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

Well, also planting drugs on your competition's CEO, that should be a service too.

I mean, we— there's a couple thousand dudes in San Francisco that'll do that for about $20.

So they'll do it for free, dude.

Yeah.

And plus you can't get arrested for drugs in San Francisco.

No. There's— it's a get out— you have a get out of jail free card. So it's actually kind of perfect.

It is. All right, startup idea here: AR body count glasses. You put on glasses, you could see a girl's body count. And option 2, if it is a scary looking guy, you click on the mode and you can see how many people they've killed. So their body count. So it works both ways. Wow.

You can— you— again, this will corner the— you, you got a lot of people that would use this in Eastern Europe for sure. But body count counter is interesting. You're going to run into some, there's the good, I mean, good and bad. There's going to be a lot of free press. Good. You'll probably sell a lot in like the South and Texas, but that's probably enough. It's like the MyPillow guy or whatever. Like you don't need everyone to be your friend. In fact, it's probably good to make some enemies. If you're just here to make some money, it's not a bad idea.

Well, that's all I'm here for, so it makes sense. I also think similarly, while we're talking about election stuff, but AR glasses and it shows you who they voted for in their entire history would be nice.

That would be fun at Christmas. Like everyone, everyone under the tree gets one. And then like Uncle Mark, who you think is a big Kamala guy, like he's voted for Trump 3 times in a row. Yeah. Yeah.

Just even last election, dude, he voted for RFK, man. Like, yeah, you know. But just totally keeps it on the low. You know, everybody has that uncle that just totally lies about it.

Okay, I got one that I'm really excited to tell you about. I think this is maybe my best yet. Yacht clubs, but for Tesla owners. Hear me out, okay? Social communities, people are dying of loneliness in this country. We know this to be a fact. And so we, but we need, and there's like this lack of like, like elite social club that people can join. Now to the Tesla people, they're going to think that this is like, this is the best thing that God has ever created. They only get to be around other people who are part of this, the Elon supremacy circle. We have a dress code. It's just like black t-shirts and cargo shorts and like, like Allbirds or whatever. But the flip side is that who's really going to encourage everyone to join this is non-Tesla owners because they're like, oh shit. Yeah. Yeah, guys, go join that club. So all the Tesla people think it's great, but then on the other flip side, everyone else is like, we don't have to fucking spend any time with these dorks anymore. And so you appeal to everyone. Everyone's going to be like getting them, buying people memberships. Like if you have a friend that you like, he's on the outs of your friend group, you don't have to just get rid of him. Just buy him your membership to the Tesla club. And then they'll just go there and leave you alone and create their own like ecosystem of incel dorks.

I like it. I like it a lot. I actually had this tweet lined up, which is Twitter is basically anti-social media, where the more you use it, the less people want to hang out with you who aren't on Twitter. Like, the more I use it, the less all the normies relate to me, and it no longer makes sense to them, which is okay.

Yeah, which is fine. It's— Twitter's hard to break into, man.

I'm like, dude, there's a lot of hidden circles and meanings and a lot of, you know, languaging around Twitter. That's really interesting. I was actually talking with, uh, you know, Chris Backe, you've probably seen him around. We were talking yesterday about a dumb startup idea, which is, um, uh, basically like, you know, when you're, you're seeing founders like tweet a lot and then it stops and then they start again and the voice is different. So they're using a ghostwriter, right? Like there should be a service that alerts you when somebody uses a ghostwriter because you have to be like very terminally online to be able to tell. Because you're seeing their content all the time, right? But it'd be nice to know, oh, they just fired their ghostwriter. If I was a ghostwriter, boom, I know who to go to.

Yeah, immediately. You could, all the ghostwriting agencies, like with the Charlies of the world, whatever the guy from Workweek or something, I forget what he's doing now, but we go target them specifically. This could be a huge revenue generator for them. But also the fun thing is that like when you realize that you like, you hated that person, but you love their ghostwriter.

Yeah.

So maybe, maybe we can have a service that also like tell you who the ghostwriter is. So then you can just go follow them instead. Because you're like, I love this founder's tweets. Before I hated him. Now I love him. I really love the man behind the camera. So then this just boosts your follower count, Jason. So it's really just a backdoor to get the ghostwriters fame. So they become the influencers and they probably should be anyway, because they're doing the work and writing cool stuff.

That's, that's the plan. I also have an idea for a book. Or movie while we're on this topic about a ghostwriter who like starts pretending to be his client and, you know, just like very obsessively and like creepily. And he, he, you know, just totally delusionally start thinking he's the client and then eventually obviously like kills the client and just like totally like—

where's he come in?

Yeah, it's like The Ghostwriter, like total creep, like You know what I'm saying? I think it'd be, I think it'd be really good.

This is the modern thriller that we need. It is. It is.

I think, yeah.

Is everyone going to have a ghostwriter within the next 5 years?

I think every big creator and founder for the most part, yes, to some degree. And I think it's, it's not even about writing necessarily. It's about scaling their time. Like my best ghostwriting clients are the ones who have grown to like 3K, 4K, 5K followers and then they just don't have time. Like, they're, they're great writers. They're better writers. Like, they have all the ideas. They just don't have time anymore. Yes. Um, so I think like every CEO already does. Like, every Fortune 500 does. Like, so many startups do. Like, it's how I made a living for the last 3 years. So yeah, I, I definitely think so. And like, um, especially creators as well, like a YouTuber or something. Like, all of them just have, you know, ghostwriters put out their shit for them.

I mean, I hired a guy to do my Instagram for me because I'm like, I can't write the newsletter, consult with my clients, and do LinkedIn. And like, I'm not— I can't—

Does he just post like nudes of you or what? Like, just—

Yeah, I send him a picture of my butthole every morning and then he like Photoshops it into like specific— and then puts like, like, you know, a big X to plug over it or something.

I should try that with my editor. I hope— yeah, Jovian, get ready. I'm about to send you some pics.

I love this. If he's good, let me know because I, I'm, I'm in the market for sure.

All right, startup idea here. Zillow Ghost Detection Service. So basically a Google Chrome extension that shows on Zillow whether a house has been reported to have ghosts in it. So, you know, oh, this house looks really cheap. It's because it was, you know, probably haunted, right?

And we get to distribute it. We find everyone that's got astrology symbols in their Instagram bio and everyone that sells crystals on the side for one of the big crystal companies. And we just slide into their DMs and market the service for them. Yeah, because the good news with them is they actually also have money because they're scamming people. And so they, they're one of the few markets of people that can afford to buy homes because they're selling fake things anyway, which is basically the way you make money in America.

My life got so much better when I stopped dating girls who are into astrology and crystals. Like, my level of happiness just improved drastically.

Well, I'm, I'm a Gemini male, which is apparently like the—

what does that mean, dude?

So that's a— I, I know, but someone— I literally had a girl once send like a list of all of them. And at the very bottom of the list was Gemini.

Did you send her the meme like, I'm not reading all that, happy for you, bro?

No, I did. Because here's the other thing about me is I actually am like not good at me. Like, you're the meme. I need meme alerts because I never was— I never had a social media until like I started all this bullshit, right? Like, I— so I've like never had an Instagram, never had Facebook, like didn't really use like Twitter for other— other than like posting crypto shit when I ran a crypto. And then I had LinkedIn. So I knew nothing about memes and online culture. The only good thing is my identical twin is like literally a dank meme lord and just has like a meme bank. He was the original. He had a meme bank that he sent me before I found yours, which is like modern, updated, and focused on—

dude, it's just getting started, bro. Meme Alerts. I'm— I gotta show you, uh, I'm building a whole software for it. Like, it's about to be cracked. Like, right now it's, it's good and the service is good, but it's about to go next level.

I'm only doing this podcast to get in with you before you're super— like, if you buy a yacht off of Meme Alerts, like, please just like, let me get on that. SS Meme Lord.

SS Meme Lord. I think that'd be nice.

That would go super hard.

I think so too. I was talking to my wife about we should name our kid Elon because like Elon Levin actually sounds kind of fire. Not going to lie.

Yeah. Are you a big Musk fan or what's your—

I mean, yeah, yeah, definitely. I think he's, he's the GOAT. But I do think Elon Levin, just like, pretty good name in general.

Elon Levin's a great name. I've always wanted to name my kid something stupid like Slater or something.

Slater? That's my wife's maiden name.

Really?

Yeah. Yeah. It's a great name.

Why did she— she shouldn't have changed. I know.

I keep changing it. I know.

Slater goes so hard. Like, I just like a deep raspy voice. I'm Slater.

Slater. Yo, Slater would be a good startup name. Like, But I guess it'd have to be like related to selling slates or something.

Something like that. All right.

More startup ideas. What you got for me?

All right.

All right.

This is one that I've—

I've—

me and my buddy Ben drunkenly have yelled about in many New York bars throughout the years. Couches. They paint you a picture. You're out with your friends. It's 2 in the morning. You've been standing all night, about like 11 tequila sodas in. All you want to do is talk about the latest Elon tweet, but you want to do it from a couch. Now you go on Google Maps and you try typing in couches. You go on Yelp. Where's the closest couch? There's nothing. You can't find a single fucking couch. We give you for a premium subscription all the best locations with couches at every point in the day so you never have to stand again. And in fact, our slogan is, we won't stand for this. That's the slogan. And hear me out. Market Tam, 100%. Everyone sits, everyone loves couches. They're all genders of people, like, and dogs, dude.

Animals too, dude.

Animals love couches. And we could— what couches are animal friendly?

Yes, I love it. Couch locator would be so nice, dude. That's even better than bathroom locator because you could go bathroom on a couch and it would just—

for sure, that's what the cushions are for. You just lift them up and hide.

Dude, I think that's a great idea. And there'd also be a secondhand business there where you could find money that gets like lost in the couch and AirPods and stuff, right? Like there'll be a sub-economy of couches of people like, you know, going to these couches. So what we got to do is like build up the couch propaganda. Uh, and we can have JD Vance help out with that. I'm sure he'd be down. Like he loves couches.

He's the official mascot and sponsor of couches. He loves couches.

Yo, we should go metal detecting in Central Park, bro. Did you know it's illegal to go metal detecting in Central Park?

Really?

Is that bullshit? I feel like there's so much hidden treasure there.

The amount of, like, weapons and just like, like rusty, bloody, like nails and hatchets that you'll find there.

I don't know. There might be some valuables too.

Like, oh, there will be valuables. You'll pull up an AP out of that fucking lake.

You know, RFK, he left a bear there, so there's got to be some, like, treasures of some sort.

That's maybe my favorite thing he's ever said.

Like, it's crazy how bad he is at PR. Like, it just gets worse and worse.

But I kind of love him, I gotta be honest. Have you seen the video of him where he's like, these are my ravens? I like— he's got the— have you seen this video?

He has ravens? No, he has—

he's befriended ravens. This was like— this, it's amazing. He's always like catching a snake or something, but this was like He's in a suit on his balcony and he's like, these ravens live over here. It's a husband and wife.

They're a pair.

This is— and he's like, literally he's naming them. He's like, I've been training them every day. It's my favorite video.

Good voice of it.

It's—

I try. I love how his wife is like, you know, was married to Larry David in the show and then actually somehow got a weirder husband than Larry David. Unbelievable consistency there.

Yeah, 100%. It's maybe the weirdest. It is a Kennedy. In fairness, she did, she did nail a He's a good-looking dude.

He's jacked. I mean, he's, he's definitely weird, but he probably fucks, you know.

Dude, if he didn't have the voice, I really think he would have had a better political shot. I mean, obviously.

I think so too, although his, some of his beliefs are a little out there.

Oh, you think? Really? I don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah, just slightly.

I only follow him for animal facts. I'm gonna be honest. That's the only thing I care.

I follow him just for his animal rights beliefs. Like, yes, I want RFK to run PETA, I think would be the next logical step.

Throw him on top of the EPA. I think he might actually— that might be the one place he'd be great at.

Yeah. What do you think of Jehovah's Witness as a service? So you have like an enemy and you send a Jehovah's Witness to their house every day to knock on the door and try to convert them. I, I mean, I love fucking with my enemies, so I think it'd be really good.

I think it's great. The good news is there's a lot of— you can do like, you can get Cutco knife salesmen, you can get— you don't—

you almost became a Cutco knife salesman. I have—

no, I did not know that. I have a couple friends who made bank selling Cutco knives.

I was like very tempted, and then I was like, this is like kind of screwed up, and why am I selling knives? Like, but I think I probably would have made some good money doing it.

Yeah, my buddy made like they were making like $70,000 a year as in high school, right?

Or college summers or whatever.

Yeah, it was literally college summers. And then the best part about it is Cutco is run like a cult. And so they would elevate you. They'd be like, you're in the top 200 of all Cutco salesmen. So they'd bring you into offices, fly you out to conferences, and my friends would just get like fucked up and then hook up with all the other reps because everyone thought they were like cool hotshots or like Yeah, John's coming in here. He's the fucking man.

And John sold 6 knives today.

Yeah, no, like legitimately, they're like $6,000 and you make 50% commission, which is the crazy thing.

Yeah, I kind of regret, you know, it's not too late, honestly.

You could— I mean, in fairness, either one of our careers could just like tank tomorrow with anything that we put on the internet.

I mean, the second this podcast goes out, you never know. Yeah, no, I mean, I mean, I, I've been planning that, you know, for a long time. It's just like Dude, I think this is actually something that I talk and think a lot about, is like, by embracing canceling and like canceling yourself like we do, it makes you cancel-proof, right?

I agree.

Yeah, like the more cancelable I personally am, the more like unhinged I could be, and that's part of my brand the same way it is for you. People hire us for our unhinged cancelable shit. Yeah, so it works out.

Well, you just can't. You have to always double down. Like, that's the, that's the thing I realized very early on is like, I made a rule the second I went viral, which was like, I'm always going to play into it because lots of people are going to hate me. And still to this day, like, I put out one yesterday that was, uh, I put out a post that was announcing that I invested in 5 dudes to build a girls club. And this was like a real headline is these dudes like pivoted their like shitty app. These 2 like Aussie or New Zealand, 5 Aussie or New Zealand white guys pivoted their app to create like a social club for girls in New York City.

That is the horniest Australia shit I've ever heard.

Yeah, and so I did it.

Smart. Honestly smart.

It's a really good idea.

Dude, we should start that. Yo, when I was in college, I really wanted to start a bikini calendar that had like, I could have gotten sponsored by each club, each sorority, right? Yeah. I think I would have made some serious bread and got some head.

And listen, it's sex positive. We're in an era where you're like being an OnlyFans star is important.

There could be guys. There could be guys. Yeah.

Oh, for sure. I think we have it. We got a mix for— absolutely. I mean, this is— at this point, we can have every group of representation.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not, I'm not being like, uh, you know, exclusionary here. I'm— everybody, everybody can be on my calendar. I might not show up for those photo shoots per se, right? Um, but I think they could be on the calendar. I think that's fine.

No, I do think that you have to get super ripped if you want to do this though. I think you gotta get an 8-pack.

Yeah, let's put Chamath, let's put Pavel, the founder of Telegram, shirtless in the desert. I want that on a calendar.

And let's just throw one that's for fun and just Reid Hoffman thrown in the mix. Like he's like October or something.

Exactly. He tells you, you know, don't look like me. It works out. Honestly, you know, it works, works pretty well.

It sure does. I do think we're getting uncancellable though, which is real nice.

That's the goal, brother. That is real.

It is, it is, it is absolutely the goal. And as more time goes on and you just put out more stuff and Your reputation just becomes the person who will say anything. And that's a good place to be.

It is, dude. There's something called jester's privilege, which is, you know, the privilege you have as a jester is people don't take you seriously, which is a good thing. I mean, you could say anything like, you know, I write about this in my book, but like 500 years ago, right? If you were the jester making fun of the king, like you're the only one allowed to make fun of the king. Yeah. Nobody else can. Right. And so when something crazy happens in our world, we can make fun of it. But other people who are known to be serious can't like attack it, right?

I always said that if I was any figure in history, I'd be a jester, but I'd be the jester who's like behind the scenes, like doing like merchant deals and shit and like scheming the political court. Because like, I'm such a schemer by— and this is another lens. I had a podcast with a buddy that was just called Schemology. And it was just, we like looked at the world through the lens of a schemer. He was a college dropout from like Philly who just became a software engineer, worked at the New York Times, like straight out of college. And I was just like, Perfect. Just, we got engineer schemer and we've got like crypto college dropout jabroni schemer and like together join forces. We can just create the best media empire on the planet. But like, there's, it is, the world is completely binary. It's schemer versus non-schemer. You're like, obviously like a mega schemer.

I'm the schemer and dreamer, baby. Schemes and dreams. That's all it is at the end of the day is schemes and dreams. I think more people should be schemers. I really do, do think that Scheme Capital would be pretty nice. Um, happy to be second.

It would be nice. That was the second— that was like legitimately second choice behind Jabroni Capital was Scheme Capital.

I love Jabroni Capital. Jack, we're wrapping up time. Where can people find you, man? Where can people find Jabroni Capital?

JabroniCapital.com to subscribe to our newsletter. It's the most unhinged newsletter in tech. We say the most wild things we can twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays. Next issue is going out tomorrow. And then just Jack Houwek on all social media. That's, that's how you get me.

All right. All right, dude, this was a pleasure. We should chop it up soon.

I would love to. Thanks for having me, my man.