Ari and Jack pitch a couch-rating app for New York City, claim it's already built on Bolt.new, and plan viral growth through a group chat. They hit thousands of sign-ups but face chargebacks they plan to outsource to ChargeFlow, all while the app quietly fails.
So Jack, what are we gonna build today?
Couches, a premium app that shows you all the best couches in New York City. Let me paint you a picture. You're out on a Saturday night, you're standing in a crowded Brooklyn bar like a goddamn peasant. All you wanna do is sit down with your boys and yell about inappropriate things on a comfortable couch. Enter Couches. Wherever you go, we'll show you, if you pay $50 a month, all the best couches in New York City.
I put you in charge of this episode and that's what you came up with?
Ari, do you have any better ideas? I say we do it. I already built it. I used Bolt.new. We have a website. We have an app. It's ready to go.
All right. And Alex is away, our video guy. Are we going to just like film this ourselves? Like—
I already found us a guy.
Please.
You know him and love him.
No, no.
Please tell me it's not Kimono Dave.
It's Dave.
What's up, bitches? Two Jews in a VC walk. Into the bar. Time to meet God.
Uh, I don't drink, dude.
Good, I'm not religious either. Let's go, buddy.
Wait, dude, you don't drink?
No, I got sober back in Vietnam.
So I have to have both of these by myself?
Yeah.
Okay.
So what do you think about a couch rating system for the couch app?
So mid-tier, low-tier, S-tier couches. I would say this is a solid like A-tier couch. You can fit a lot of people on it. I'm— dude, Dave was 100% right. I'll give Komodo Dave some credit right now. There are some premium couches in New York City. If we could duct tape them together, we could make one large couch.
This is not that comfortable.
You know, all this couch talk has reminded me of the time that when I was little, I was in my parents' living room, and I was going through the couch cushions looking for extra change, and I found a whole wad of $100 bills. And it turns out that my parents hadn't been paying our cleaning lady, Juanita, for over 3 and a half months. She ended up becoming homeless, and I met her on the streets years later in New York, just homeless, destitute, on the streets. And it all started because she couldn't pay rent. It was all because I took that money and never gave it to her and spent it on a Nintendo DS.
Where the hell is Jack?
Where's Jack?
This place is big. Dude, I've been looking for you, man. What are you doing here?
Dude, this place is gigantic.
What do you think of this couch?
This is a nice couch.
I'm actually thinking about stealing this pillow. So how are we going to get people on couches?
I've got 10,000 kids in a group chat ready to clip our content. We're going to go viral, dude. Absolutely viral. Wait, wait, wait.
What do you mean? How does this work?
Well, I've got a group chat on Wop, w-h-o-p.com, not WAP. We're going to send the videos to these kids all around the world. They're going to clip our content. We only pay for views. It's going to pop off, dude. It's called content rewards, man. It's the future of the internet.
All right, so listen to me right now. I have this idea for a couch-themed business idea. We just call it Place. Just Place. It's kind of like a Starbucks, but there's no coffee. It's just a warehouse with couches. People go there to work and do things. Is there like food or beverages or anything? I don't like that because you'd have to get a license.
Okay.
And then like the alcohol license is BYOB, BYOC, BYOP, BYOW, you know what I'm saying?
Wait, so it would be like this place we're in right now except worse because there would be no alcohol.
No, but we'd be in Brooklyn.
We're in Brooklyn. You made us come to Bushwick.
Bushwick. This isn't Brooklyn, this is Manhattan adjacent. Let's go to Bushwick tonight.
I— dude, I don't, I don't know if we can do that. We got to promote this product.
We got to get people to Bushwick tonight.
Yeah, I do not want to go to Bushwick with Dave. Every time I'm there, bad things happen.
I'm telling you, it's a bad vibe.
I'm telling you, he's filming right now. I see. No, he's on us. Oh fuck, he knows. We need to go. It's a nice couch. It's pretty good. Not the best.
I give it like a fucking B.
Yeah, we should add that to the site. Add some data, you know, the filter.
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
I fucking miss you, Alex. I've already had 14 vodka cranberries. I'm fucked up right now. Dave, Kimono Dave, just keeps making me do shit I don't want to do. I want you back, man. You're a good producer. You don't make me get so fucked up and do inappropriate things in the bathroom with you.
Please come back.
I am deeply unwell. Did we even make any progress on couches?
Dude, we went viral, got thousands of signups, bro. The WAP community, Couch Lovers Anonymous, we killed it.
Dude, I miss Alex. Kimono Dave, he fucked me up, man.
Yeah, Kimono Dave's a demon, but I mean, we went viral, thousands of signups, we're all good, man. There is One slight problem. The app doesn't exactly work, so thousands of those people are now filing chargebacks. Fortunately, we have ChargeFlow. So the good thing about ChargeFlow is they fight the chargebacks for you. We don't even have to pay a dollar. They just fight it, then they get a percentage of the money. It's all good, man. We're fine. We're all good. Go back to sleep, Jack.
All right.
Good night.
Ah, Kimono Dave. It's always Kimono Dave's fault.
Hey bitch, ready for round 2?
Oh God, no.
Going back to Bushwick.
