Duolingo for Cursing (Silly Valley Ventures Ep 1)

I'm a little nervous. I mean, I've done a lot of pitches in my life, but nothing this important.

I've done one too many investor pitches while pretty fucked up.

Yeah. Do you think we should sing to him?

One, two.

Duo fucko, duo fucko, learning a language.

Okay. The key is lying. You don't want to tell people the truth because then it doesn't sound nearly as exciting. How much money does this guy have? He's like super rich.

I mean, he's got a two-floor penthouse kind of thing with a sauna and stuff we're on our way to. It's a pretty big place.

Is he looking for like a roommate or anything?

Um, he's got a hot girlfriend. All right, back another week. We are launching a new software. It is called Duofucko, and we are very excited about this. It is Duolingo only for curse words. Jack, you want to share a little bit about what we're building here?

Well, it all started off of a grand vision that Jason Levin here had, and the reality is like kids these days, they don't know many words. You know, you could— they don't have a good vernacular, if you will. But what they do have is the ability to say horrible things on the internet. But what they can't do is say it in Russian, Chinese, Spanish, you know, Hebrew. And we're going to change that.

You know, Duolingo, they really don't stand a chance. They have no moat except for the owl. And I've said this before, I'm going to say it again. Our owl is better. So much better. It's so much cooler. He's holding a Red Bull. He's got a gun.

Yeah, he's giving people wrapped up.

Yeah, yeah, dude. Fuck the cute owl. We want a badass owl. I think we're about to get free Red Bull. Any chance we could snag a Red Bull? That's what we do, bro. Oh, amazing! No way! This is how we do it. This is how we do it. Make our customers happy. So we the best. Let's fucking go!

I am happy now.

I'm so much happier. Fuck yeah. Thank you, thank you, dude. You're the man. Ah, that's what we do, bro. See that? Thank you. Hell yeah, bro. Let's go! So we just got free Red Bull and now we're about to pitch some VCs on probably the most groundbreaking idea of the 21st century. If this doesn't make us money, we're not making money. Let's go! Woo! What are the fucking chances of that, dude?

We on 6 or penthouse?

Jack and I have been sharing Red Bulls, just one Red Bull for years actually. Yeah.

It hasn't been in budget. And with all we're spending on the Ubers, I mean, that was not cheap to get over here. You guys aren't nervous at all?

No, no, dude, we don't get nervous. We're pitching, pitching, pitching.

I mean, I've pitched way worse ideas.

I think that's sea spice? Oh, peach.

Wrong one, wrong one.

I didn't think he added that. Abort, abort, abort!

The reality is we live in a multicultural world, but no one really gives a fuck about learning how to say like, "I love you." You wanna tell your mother-in-law to go fuck herself.

Exactly.

Assert dominance?

Assert dominance. And when people are getting deported, you wanna curse at them, right? Dude, this is—

I'm like not even slightly surprised. There's something about this that makes me think it'll actually become like a real revenue-generating business.

Oh, it will be, it will be.

I mean donkey. That's a good curse word.

Burra.

Have you ever called someone a donkey?

Feels good.

In English?

Yeah, well, now you know how to say it in Spanish.

It feels good, right?

Listen, brother.

Hi. Hi. Are you gonna learn some words? You got the bribes? Yeah, yeah. I just want— Um, good, good.

If you get involved, just know there's more of that.

There's more, right? More of that. Yeah, Lucy.

Whatever you need. Whatever you need. That shit'll fuck you up because you gotta curse a lot, right? Yeah.

When you're on that and, um, We're gonna need a lot of money for all the languages. Um, because we're going against Google Translate too.

How much are you thinking per language?

Per language?

What's the projected cost?

Um, I'm thinking Latina baddies are expensive. They have very expensive taste.

Yeah.

Um, so that's gonna be the most expensive language.

We're gonna need a lot of them to help us market.

French girls are really scary.

For sure.

Is the Stanford hat impressing you?

Yeah, I think like the less logical everything about the pitch is, the more attractive it is.

You're in, right?

Yeah, I'm in.

Alright, cool, cool, cool.

It's good to have you on board, brother.

Yeah, thank you so much. I know you're gonna add a lot of value to this. A lot of, a lot of value. Shareholder value. Yes. Did you know he went to Stanford? We just closed our first all-cash investment. Cheers to Dua Fucko. Let's head over to WAP. We're about to pitch an investor. It's class 2. Gonna pitch Steven over at WAP, and I think we should be able to close at least 20, 30 bucks.

Dude, this round's gonna get hot.

Hot. All right, cool. Fancy, fancy. All right, cool. What's up, doggo? How you doing? What the fuck?

This is who moves into this building?

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I don't know how the water works, bro. Dude, you could add caffeine. I'm so confused.

How the fuck does that work? This is crazy.

So are you feeling nervous? I'm now—

I'm not. Now I'm nervous because people are cool. I was not nervous before. Most feces are This is more people than I've ever been around in my entire life.

Yeah, I try to avoid people. We're gonna have the Davos of meme lords right here. Davos is dead. It's all about the Davos of meme lords, baby. It's where the real elite are, this luxury penthouse, or luxury office building. Pretty sure this is only for meme lords, actually, if I'm correct.

What's your name again?

I'm Mary.

Mary, Jack, nice to meet you.

After we sell DuoFoco, this is going to be some pussy shit.

Like obstructed, but in your office though.

Jack's talking to girls. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I can enjoy this. Gets distracted. All right.

How often are you coming up here?

So Jack, after we— Multiple times a day. After we sell DuoFoco, do you think this is a good enough office for us?

I hope—

well— Probably going to buy Wop. I figured since we're getting all this VC funding, we should get an office first before we have customers or revenue. You need the office to set the vibes. You know, like, this is a good vibe. I could say so many curse words. Sure. Mierda. Mierda. I suck at it. I need an app for this. How many times have you been overseas and you want to curse at people? A lot, right? Because people are annoying, right? But you don't know the word. Introducing Duofucko. You want to learn how to say fuck in any language, right? So currently Currently, we just have Spanish, and that's why we're coming here to ask you for funding. So type in Spanish, and let's put in an email here. We'll do, uh, we'll do Steven. I know, I know, it's huge. This is gonna be big. It's bigger than Duolingo already. And you can see here, Duolingo, their only moat is the owl, and our owl's better because it has red So, press submit. Now. Right? Right? It looks like—

You ever wanna call someone a donkey?

Have you ever wanted to?

Now you can in Spanish, Russian, Korean, North Korean as well, 'cause it's a different dialect.

So like I said, we only have funding for Spanish currently, but we're working on other languages. And Duolingo, their founder's PhD, Carnegie Mellon kinda guy, he invented CAPTCHA. CAPTCHA sucks. How many times does it tell you you're a robot? CAPTCHA does suck. It sucks. I agree. It sucks.

I feel like this also kind of sucks though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it does. But that's why we need the funding to make it better.

Give it to us straight, gentlemen.

Give it to us straight.

You're titans of industry.

Yeah, I think it's a horrible idea. Horrible idea.

Horrible idea?

Yeah, yeah. Maybe the worst idea I've ever been pitched. Okay, all right. We've heard that from a few people. Steven? Steven.

You're a CEO, you're a mogul.

Yeah.

Come on.

I mean— Think about all the WAP users who could learn how to curse in other languages.

How many communities do you currently have on WAP?

A lot, right? Yeah. A WAPful. I could just go on Google. No, no, no, no.

I think what you guys also fail to understand is many different languages that have curse words that are very unique to them. When I was 20, I dropped out of college and moved to Belgrade, Serbia. And one of the best curse words I ever learned was to tell someone to go back into their mother's pussy. There is no good translation for that. Insert.

I think we've had enough. Okay. Yeah, that's probably fair. Dude, I can't believe they kicked us out.

Dude, that was fucking bullshit.

They've got some retarded ideas on WAP. I thought ours fit in, man.

I could have been sure that we were going to get money from them.

Yeah, I thought we were getting acquired, honestly. I know we haven't launched, but I thought we'd get acquired.

I didn't even get that girl's number.

You didn't even get her number.

It's a complete failure.

Aw, man. I'm gonna be— not only am I gonna be broke, but I'm gonna be single forever. Wait. We didn't get the money, but I took some snacks. Have you ever used Duolingo? I've never actually used it.

It's a retarded man's way of learning a language. Well, I still believe enough. It was— even if we spent $5,000 of our own dollars in this company—

Duolingo is a $20 billion company. We're close. We're getting there.