A comedian pitches himself for NYC's rat czar job, claiming his Jewish mother upbringing and Hebrew skills make him perfect for the role. He boasts he can kill 2,000 rats a day and has studied genocide since age 13, mixing dark absurdist humor with self-deprecating jabs at his own qualifications.
New York City's rat population is out of control, so the city is looking to elect a rat czar. We need the toughest man in the city to do this, and while I'm no fireman or cop, I am much tougher. Because I was raised by a Jewish mother from Long Island. I can't do any physical labor, but I can withstand deep levels of guilt, which will be helpful when killing 2,000 rats per day. I'm extremely cost-efficient. I know Hebrew, which is what rats sound like when they talk to each other. They'll think I'm one of them, and I will blend in. Hello, fellow rats. I've studied genocide since I was 13, and I am well-versed on how to cause a rat genocide. I'm a natural accountant, so I'll be able to count how many rats I've killed.
