The hosts of Silly Valley Ventures pitch a fake product that scores CEOs on fraud risk, ranks them publicly, and blackmails high scorers into paying. They joke about needing an off-grid engineer, an auto-blackmail Slack button, and selling founder data to VCs.
Jack, what are we working on this week?
Dude, I already built a product that went viral.
What is it?
It's called Is My CEO a Fraud? It will tell you with definitive accuracy how likely someone is to commit fraud from a scale of 0 to 10 SBFs and then make fun of them.
So you're like a 10 or what?
I'm going to be— I'm only like a 6.9.
Good for you, man.
So how are we going to make money off this thing?
Blackmail.
What do you mean?
Okay, so we have a database of tens of thousands of founders and any founder above 6 or 7, we can send their information to VCs unless they pay us a monthly subscription.
The SaaS model. That sounds complex. How are we going to do that?
So I've got a guy.
Yeah, an engineer.
Oh, yeah.
Where do we find him?
He's kind of off the grid.
Yo, where the fuck is this guy?
Dude, I have no idea. He can be impossible to track down sometimes. Like, he's— you're on call with him for 3 hours on Discord and then he's ghosting you for hours.
You talk to your engineer on Discord?
Yeah, he doesn't have a phone number.
That's their home, right? He doesn't have to meet them there. Yeah, he doesn't have a phone number.
He doesn't want to be tracked, bro. I know.
Oh, so it's all encryption and shit.
It's all encrypted.
Wow.
So where is he?
I don't know, dude. I don't pay him enough to refer to me.
At least one person here is an engineer that we could hire as an intern.
All right, does anyone know how to code?
Anybody? Anybody know how to code?
Can someone code for us?
I think she knows how to code.
I would prefer if they didn't actually know how to code.
I mean, where the fuck is this guy?
I don't know. It's been 3 hours and he hasn't showed up.
Fuck. Dude, I could be making so many memes right now.
I— this is— wait, wait a second. Dude, there he is. Jared, where the fuck have you been?
Doing important work right now.
What are you doing? Alright Jared, so we need new features in the product, okay? We need a leaderboard, and then after we have the built-in leaderboard that shows you all the different frauds in the product, we're gonna go get ourselves published in the media, go out to like New York Times, New York Post, we're thinking all the big boys. But we need to have these features ready in order to get that done.
Okay, cool, uh, tell me more about the features.
Well, so it's gonna be a leaderboard that shows every single fraud on the platform with the highest ranks, That way we can find the ones that have the highest score and then blackmail them into paying us a monthly subscription.
And there needs to be like an auto blackmail button that connects it, you know, syncs maybe with their Slack so it notifies the entire team so the CEO knows. Gotcha. You know, everybody knows.
That sounds like a lot of work.
How much is it gonna cost?
How much do you have?
After the last episode, not a ton.
Okay, so let me get this clear, you're not They're not paying me.
Have you heard of equity? We're like, what, $10K in the hole?
Something like that.
$10K in the hole.
Got you.
So, great talking to you guys.
All right, well, good thing I got us a sponsor. I mean—
That's why today's episode is brought to you by Fondo. They're a premium accounting software backed by Y Combinator that will help your startup file taxes and get out of fraud. If you're doing business and you need to get your books balanced, file in time for April 15th, Fondo has everything you need to get the job done.
And they sponsored our podcast.
How much, how much are they paying us? Dude, what the fuck are we doing? If we're making that much money, why are we building these products?
Because it's fun, dude.
Okay, Jared, I'm sorry, you're fired. Let's get sexy headshots and let's just get sponsorship.
Don't you know it's a beautiful new day? Hey! Ah, ah, that's a Dutch angle. You know what a fucking Dutch angle is? You know what I do? I went to film school. 2 weeks, dropped out. Let's go! Ah, childlike wonder—
childlike wonderment.
Shh, you're a child? You're at Dave Buster's.
No one wants faceless code and binary bullshit. They want windows to the soul. This software shit is a waste of time, bro. Like, so much more fun just taking pics, modeling. I think it's what I was meant to do. Like, yeah.
Do you think we have the opportunity? Do you think we could do OnlyFans next, Dave? Do you have experience with that?
There's a huge demand for 5'8 Jewish dudes with micropenises on OnlyFans.
