A comedian runs for NYC Rat Czar with a mock campaign speech, declaring rats a silent killer that eat food, spread disease, and scare girlfriends. The plan targets restaurants, parks, Goldman Sachs, and sewers in an absurdly dramatic war on rodents.
22 years ago, we let our city get attacked. I will not let that happen again. That's why I'm running for Rat Czar, to protect New Yorkers from the real silent killer: the millions of rats swarming around New York City. They're eating our food, spreading diseases, and scaring our girlfriends. First, we will attack their front lines: restaurants, parks, and Goldman Sachs.
"Ness, ess!" A rat-free city.
Then we will come for their homes: the sewers, the subways, and Fiddlesticks.
Hasta la vista, stupid rats.
This is war. This is the safety of our children.
