A satirical monologue from the founder of goonmaps.com, who sold user data to Chinese interests for minimal money and now faces FBI interrogation. The speaker treats the illegal transaction as a casual business decision, using dark comedy to skewer data privacy and corporate malfeasance.
You ever been on your way to court in a suit in a big black car because you sold goon data to the Chinese? Yeah, it happens to the best of us, all right? It happens to the best of us. The Chinese need our gooning data, and I'm the founder of popular social media app goonmaps.com, where people log their goons. And you know, when the Chinese came knocking, really they didn't come knocking, they came with chopsticks banging on the door, and they were asking for the goon data. I was like, yeah, of course I'm gonna sell you the goon data. I'll just take it for a few General Tso's chicken. And it turns out that that's not exactly legal, and that's why I'm on my way to court right now to explain that to the FBI. But yeah, you know, you live and you learn, and at least I look good Mussoum.
