Silly Startup Ideas (RIP My Career)

Startup idea here: Joe Rogan impersonator as a service. You're at a bar and some guy is hitting on you. You summon your Joe Rogan impersonator. He shows up and then starts asking the guy about UFOs and like pyramids just to distract him from hitting on you because he's annoying.

What if I want to talk about UFOs and pyramids?

What is that shirt you're wearing?

Oh, I'm so glad you asked. It says I heart creating shareholder value. I know that like most girls are like, ew, shareholder value, but like not me. I actually really love creating shareholder value.

Creating shareholder value is the most important thing there is, way more than family or love or anything.

Yeah, like I'd agree that above all else, like that's probably my priority, um, and I really add to it by tweeting and being really annoying on the internet.

So, yeah, when I am on my deathbed, I'm probably going to think about how I didn't create enough shareholder value.

I think about that every day, actually. So yeah, I assume that's probably what's going to haunt me at the end of my life.

Nice. Nice. Maybe we should start a business for basically therapy for people who haven't created enough shareholder value to help them.

That's so true. Like, why are you not grinding as hard as you could?

Exactly.

I feel like that might already exist. That might already exist. And it comes in the form of like LinkedIn, like online courses.

Ooh, true. I'll give you some certifications for shareholder value creation. That's, ooh, that's good. That's really good. That's like, you know what? Um, all right, here's a startup idea for you. Let me know what you think of this. People buy deeds to stars, right? People buy deeds to stars. Why not buying equity in Mars, right? you know, get equity in different planets, but especially ones that we might actually go to. So people think, all right, there is some chance that it's worth something.

I mean, have you asked Elon Musk about this? I feel like he might love that idea.

Yeah, I, I think so. Isn't SpaceX like, if you invest in SpaceX, you get equity in Mars? I'm pretty sure.

I think so. They give you a plot of land actually, and like a little flat to plant when you get there. That's what I heard.

You get like a, you get one of the good houses, right?

Yeah, I think so. That's a good one.

Nice. Nice. They get good houses. Um, all right. Hit me with some startup ideas. What you got?

Okay. So this all came about because I tweeted, um, that we should make an app for people who are thought leaders on LinkedIn and we should just call it Cringe. Um, so that people like us can find each other and be really annoying on the internet. That was inspired by like, I need to find someone who can like match my freak. And like, I really think that There's like a severe, at least in Denver, there is a severe lack of like eligible bachelor thought leaders. Um, so I think an app would really help me out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's not enough LinkedIn thought leaders. Everybody's too busy, like being outside and stuff.

Yeah. Isn't that so crazy? Or they're all like 45. So like maybe that would help surface like the younger ones for me.

I like it. I like it. Cringe. I, yeah, I responded with that. I think, Grindr would be really good for finding grinders, like people who are grinding. If you grind really hard on work, then you should be on Grindr. That is how you find your love of your life and, and your co-founder. You know what? Screw YC co-founder matching.

You found yours on Grindr?

That's where I found all my co-founders. Yeah. Is on Grindr actually.

I figured.

Okay.

That's awesome. I love that one. I think that. That kind of like goes in hand in hand with like people who wanna create shoeholer values. So like we might be onto something there.

Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah. I like cringe too. It's, it's good. Hinge for people who are cringe, call it cringe. That is perfect. Like it's so nice, you know?

Yeah.

Because you gotta embrace the cringe. That is, that's perfect.

And that's true. That's true. Like if you can't be cringe, you're not for me. So like, there's that. And then like dating app adjacent, I thought that we should create like a Duolingo for like men to practice communicating and processing their feelings and emotions. I think that they could use like daily practice with that.

I like it. So tell me how this would work. I would pay a fee and a little bird would just yell at me and be like, process your emotions, Jason Levin.

Yeah, it's like It's like having a girlfriend without having a girlfriend. And it's like lower stakes because it's like a mean little owl on your phone and not like a human woman yelling at you and threatening to leave you. So it would like really prepare you for when you do get a human woman. I don't know.

So basically, like, so AI girlfriends, right? People hate on AI girlfriends. But what if they are the training wheels for men to get real girlfriends? Maybe that is like where they've been marketed as wrong is like they are just little sex bots, but what if they're actually training machine— training machines for men? Wait, men learning machine learning. It's actually men learning. That is what AI is.

That's what they meant. Um, I love where your head's at, although if I met a man who had to like have a fake AI girlfriend to learn how to be like appealing and decent, like I might not like him as much. So like maybe if it was like a secret training situation.

Yeah. We are, we're already in a lot of cults as men, so I think that'd be fine. I'm pretty sure that's what Andrew Tate does. Like he just, it's all just, that's what his service offers is just training for men who don't have any idea how to get a girl. Like he makes a lot of money. He has so many Lamborghinis, like good for him.

Isn't he like locked up abroad right now?

I don't know. I think they let him out for some reason. He probably just like fucked a guard or something. I'm not really sure.

I mean, he needs to help out the men of America, so I guess that was good that they pardoned him or whatever. All right.

Speaking of this topic, uh, free startup idea here. You can order food on DoorDash, but why can't you order a stripper?

Excellent question. I think you can. I think that's called. Escort service. I'm pretty sure you can like make a special request that they do like a stripper thing. Like it might already exist, but I don't know that there's an app for it. There might be.

Yeah. This might be offensive, but I think Whore Dash would be a great name.

Stop. All right.

DoorDash for strippers. Call it Whore Dash. Incredible.

Unsavory evil behavior. Oh my God. Okay. That one I don't support. You're not getting funding from me.

Okay. All right. That's fine. I will find— there are many VCs who already use a similar app. You know, they're, they're already, they're already, they're, they're doing it without the app. I'm really just going to save them the time at the end of the day. That's true.

I mean, what would they do without you?

Okay. All right. Another startup idea here. Joe Rogan impersonator as a service. So anytime somebody is talking really annoying stuff at you. Like, imagine you're, you're at a bar, right? You're at a bar and some guy is hitting on you. You, you know, uh, you summon your Joe Rogan impersonator. He shows up and then starts asking the guy about UFOs and like pyramids just to distract him from hitting on you because he's annoying. What do you think?

But like, what if I want to talk about UFOs and pyramids? Oh, very nice.

I don't know if that's good for people like me.

You'd have to like come up with something like a different offlandish topic.

I don't know.

I've like— Okay.

What about like a, a Candace Owens impersonator just comes and starts just insulting, just like talking bad about Jews.

Oh my God. Yeah. Um, I like personally don't want to have to revert to antisemitism to get a man away from me, but like, if that's what it's going to take. We might have to invest in that. It could work.

All right.

I would hope that like any man who like approaches me would be turned off by that because if I'm like giving off the opposite vibe, like there's something wrong with me.

That's fair. You know what? Maybe shirts. That's a good startup idea. T-shirts that say, I'm not an anti-Semite.

Mm-hmm.

That could, that could solve your problem. Like since all these Nazis— I don't have a problem.

Nobody thinks I have a problem.

It sounds like you have a problem. It sounds like a lot of white fascist Nazis are hitting on you and now you need shirts that say, I'm not an anti-Semite.

That's true. That's true. I feel like that might also already exist. There's got to be. I mean, in today's political climate, there's a shirt for everything.

Yes, there is. All right. Another startup idea for you here. Airplane cafes, coffee shops set up like airplanes so people could focus like they do on an airplane. They work, No talking, the vibe. There are stewardesses that come walking around bringing you coffee and it's really bad, like terrible, like it is on a plane, but you focus really well. Actually, you know what? The coffee's good. The coffee's good in this case. It is Starbucks cold brew.

Okay. But you have to be like really close to the person next to you. Like you have to have a person on either side of you so like they can like directly look at your screen and you can like pretend you're doing something important. And like, I feel like that's why I'm so productive on planes is because I'm gonna like look at like stuff and people are probably like, wow, she's like so smart. Like, what does she do?

So that's so true. I bring up Excel on planes and I don't know how to use Excel. Like no idea. And just like throwing errors and people are like, oh yeah, I add in formulas that don't make sense. I just add, add stuff to add it. Like I have no idea how Excel works and I just do it on planes the entire ride. Also, also anytime I fly from SF, I just pull up documents, like it's a one-page Word document that just says AI. And I get millions of dollars every time I fly back just from investors.

Yeah. Okay.

Definitely recommend.

I just, I use the inspect element and it looks like I'm coding, right? Brilliant. Brilliant. Is that— that webpage?

That's crazy. That's so smart. I'm going to start doing that. Anytime I want to look like really smart at a coffee shop, just inspect element. Boom. That's really smart there. But let's, let's talk about this real quick. So Airplane Cafés, how would, how would you grow such a thing? I think viral TikToks would be fantastic of stewardesses just like, and talking about that value prop there of, you know what, you're gonna be a lot more productive cuz people are staring at you.

Yeah, I feel that TikTok is unfortunately like the way nowadays. So we would definitely need like a really solid TikTok strategy. Some trending sounds, perhaps a dance.

Not me.

You're gonna have to come up with the dance and perform it. I can do that. Okay. I feel like that would be good. And like, kids are on TikTok, the youth. So like, yes. That was a good time.

Do kids ride airplanes? Is that, ah, we gotta ban kids from this like airplane category though.

No, no, you have to add infants in the coffee shop screaming. So that you work harder so that you can distract yourself from how shitty it is to be around them.

Also, the cafe should have like a first class section, which is like a VIP section essentially, and you get better coffee and like, and it's a bar. Maybe it's a bar too, because you know how they give you like alcohol there? Perfect.

Yeah, it's a paid upgrade.

I'm trying to figure out what to call it. What should I call this business? Coffee Air? I like Coffee Air.

Brilliant.

It's like air coffee.

Look at that.

Air coffee.

It's so unique.

United Coffee. United Coffee Lines. Coffee.

Yeah.

I mean, coffee airlines.

United loyalist. So like, I support that.

And I think United though. Yeah. I'm a United loyalist. 100%. I have so many points.

I love it. Besides when they lost my luggage and it never came back. But like, other than that, love them.

Great startup idea there. Bounty hunters for luggage. They go searching for your luggage all throughout the world. They, they do whatever it takes to find your luggage.

We need that because this is so fucked. My, like, luggage— I was coming back to Denver from Chicago and my suitcase, like, got scanned onto the carousel at DIA, like, made it on there and, like, literally was nowhere to be found. And, like, I think someone stole it. I don't think it was just, like, lost. I think that's an instance where a bounty hunter, like, who could come in with, like, physical threats to find my luggage would be really valuable because it's been like 2 years and I'm not getting it back.

Imagine Chuck Norris searching for luggage all across the world. He kills anybody he needs to to get your luggage. Do you have any valuables in there? How much is this luggage? How much would you pay to get this luggage back?

It was like $3,000 worth of clothes plus a Furbo dog camera. I was so pissed.

Furbo dog camera?

You haven't heard of these? Okay, it's like, it's like a baby camera but for dogs, and you like put it up and you can like check in on your dog and like throw treats to them and like talk to them through the microphone.

And somebody robbed you of that. So Chuck Norris needs to go find it.

Isn't that cute?

All right. You got any more startup ideas?

What you got? Thank you. Let's hear something. I do. Let's see. I wanted to do, this is like more on the LinkedIn side of things, but like some sort of social media, like aggregating app to translate posts for your parents. Like, I don't know if your parents follow you on LinkedIn or Twitter or like anything where you're posting stuff about work, but my dad is a very close follower, an avid fan, and he's always looking at my shit. And he was like, he's like seeing my post and he like kind of gets what's going on. He's like, they're so excited to see you. And I was like, who? He's like, I don't know. You're like your people. I was like doing a promo for a talk. So like, it's just like so funny cuz he's like, He is kind of there, but I feel like it would be really helpful to have something that could like break it down into simple terms and like help him better. And then he can say like, you know, when his friends are like, what does your daughter do for work? He can say something other than just like tech.

Yes. I think this could be a Google Chrome plugin, maybe Boomer, uh, Fluency, Boomerly. That sounds nice. Boomerly, Boomerly. Explain my kid's job. Explain, job explainer, kid job explainer, kid explainer, kid. Kid, kid planer, kid planer, kid, kid planer. I'm just gonna keep spitting until I find it.

We're on a—

yeah, I think that could be really good. So I wrote a book about memes, right? Memes Make Millions, right behind me. My mom does not know what a meme is. She calls it a mem. She still calls it a mem. I'm dead serious. She still calls it a mem. And I wish I had some way of explaining like, oh, mom, this is, this is like, you You know what, at a Jewish deli in Long Island, you know, it's like the sign or it's like the funny guy at a deli. Explain it in her speak. Also, my dad, no idea what I do for a living. Why would people pay you to make content on the internet? Just, he does not get it. He's like, my dad frequently will be like, wait, you have a YouTube? They let you have one of those? Like, how'd you get one? How did you start a YouTube? Like he's just no idea. And he watches a lot of YouTube. He watches so much like motorcycle videos, but he has no idea that they're making money. Like, or how much money a YouTuber could be making. Like just no idea. Like no clue. It's hilarious.

That's amazing. My dad is on TikTok actually, which is like even crazier. And he sends me the most insane shit. And I'm like, who let you on here? Like, there should be an age restriction. You know, you have to be 13 and like under 50. Like that should be a restriction. He's sending me AI shit and he's like, Is this real? Does Taylor Swift really support Donald Trump? I was like, no, it's not real. He's like, are you sure?

And I was like, it's working. The AI propaganda is working very well.

Yeah, it's, it's scary. The floors are—

it's, it's very scary. What other ideas you got? You come strapped.

Speaking of dads. Okay. So I bought a house last year and my parents don't live in Colorado, right? My dad's far away. So I was thinking like, I don't want to use like TaskRabbit. For things like putting together like shelves and like hanging TVs. 'Cause like I don't want like a creepy stranger in my house. So like something like TaskDad where it's like instead of just random men off the street, it's like only dads with daughters who'd like to build and fix things. And it has to be like vetted by the daughter like fully. So it's like less creepy. And then you have like a nice paternal figure that you can tap and be like, hey, can you put me, help me put together like the IKEA thing, you know.

That's so smart. Like a handyman, but it's only girl dads.

Girl dads.

Yes. GirlDadsFixThings.com. GirlDads.com. I love it. I feel that my, I do not want a creepy person in my house. You know, I get it. Who does? I want a certified girl dad to fix things.

Certified girl dad.

Yes. Girl dad certified. Wait, I got, I got a startup idea for you.

Okay. Okay.

All right. Naked personal training. Hear me out. You will be so much more motivated to work out and train if you're naked.

Okay. Like, is everyone else around you naked? Is your trainer naked?

I mean, that would be probably more motivating for both parties, I would imagine.

Okay. Okay. That might be something. I don't know if that would work for me personally. I think I would be a little scared, but it could work. But you might end up on like, you know, the like Joey Swole Instagram where he like takes the videos of people who are like filming in the gym being like hella obnoxious. I think it might be like good fodder to be made fun of like that.

I think so too. I think I need to be made fun of.

Yeah.

I think this is the only way that would work for me. And, or maybe it's just a mirror. Maybe that's all it is, is a mirror that yells at you. That way you're alone, but it's like, it yells at you and tells you you have a tiny dick. I think that is the— I think that's the ultimate final form of AI, actually.

The final form. I feel like it's going to be like something positive, like, size doesn't matter, you're doing great. Like something like that.

That is the ultimate final form of AI, actually, is just a girl that says that. That, that's the entire— I feel like that is what an AI girlfriend does. Like, that is it. That's all it says. It was just that. Um, all right. Hit me with some more startup ideas.

Okay. This one is like another similar concept of like matching, but essentially like Bumble BFF for people with small annoying dogs. Um, so that we can schedule like playdates and stuff because I live in Colorado. So like having a small dog, I'm in the minority. And it's really hard to find other small dogs for him to play with. And like, not every dog park has like a small dog area. Like, there's really not a lot of ways for me to connect with other small dog owners. So I would like, like a Tinder-esque, like matching functionality to find a girlfriend for my dog.

I like it. I hate small dogs. They are rats, basically. So, but I like the idea and I think—

Are you gonna call him a rat?

I don't think he's as cuddly as a big dog who I can't pick up, but he's crying. He's cute. He's cute. He's cute. But I do think he deserves love. And I would invest in this app for sure.

Yeah.

Also, anything I could possibly do to keep the small yappy dogs away from me, like I would pay for that. That should be a service. Paying for the yappy dogs to like Yes. Yes. I would pay for that. 100%.

I don't support that. You're not getting— All right. Me.

Google Chrome plugin that mutes specific memes. So if you're scrolling Twitter—

Please.

Exactly. If you're scrolling Twitter and you see this annoying meme, I see the Rizzler all the time. I didn't know who this kid was and I just see it all the time and I want it muted. So the Google Chrome plugin would work. You just upload the image to the plugin, uses AI, scans it, and then when that meme is there, it just is blank or it fuzzes it out. I don't wanna see specific memes. They annoy me.

No, that's actually really smart. I feel the same way about the like demure and mindful meme. Like that shit showed up on LinkedIn within like 48 hours of me seeing it on Instagram and I was like immediately like, no, no.

What is demure and mindful? I have no idea. I'm the meme guy. I, I just never Googled it.

I like honestly couldn't tell you. Like, because that's not, that's not my vibe. But it's like, it was a funny video originally. It was like a TikTok of some lady. But like, I think it just annoys me because like people who don't usually post memes like started like posting it. Like they got really brave for some reason. I was like seeing all this like unfunny shit and I was just like, yeah, I think it was so like people thought it was very intelligent.

Maybe I'm not really sure because it's a fancy word, but I don't even know what that word means. Like I don't know. I'm an English major and I would say this is dumb. Demure.

It says reserved, modest, and shy. So yeah, like I can't really relate to that. So that might also be why it, it hasn't resonated with me personally.

Fair enough. All right. Free startup idea here. Pet rock daycare. So if you are a kid and you've got a rock and you need a daycare for that rock while you're at daycare, then you put the rock in daycare. And pay with candy.

Pay with candy.

And yes, yes, obviously, cuz kids don't have money.

So that's fair. That's fair. And is the daycare like, you know, like when you go to the gym and there's like childcare facilities within the gym, is the Rock daycare within the daycare daycare?

Obviously that was implied.

Right. Sorry. Okay. Yeah. I think that could, I think that could fly. I don't know any kids, but like, I bet they, There's probably some with Pet Rocks.

I bet there's some with Pet Rocks who are very worried, honestly. They're probably at daycare wondering like, oh, is my Pet Rock okay? And this could solve that problem.

They're probably worried about their fucking iPad. You need a daycare for the iPad while they're at the daycare.

True, true.

I feel like they might not have Pet Rocks anymore. They've got Cocomelon.

Cocomelon. Yeah, they're just playing on iPads all day.

Yeah.

Sad. There's a problem there. There definitely is. And, uh, like a startup. There that needs to be solved is like iPad babies. And I actually just got off the phone with somebody who's like building AI teddy bears. So these are teddy bears that have AI in them that you could talk to and learn from and talk to ChatGPT and everything. It's, it's a brilliant idea when you think about it. It's AI stuffed animals. Obviously it could go very wrong, but if you, if you block certain words and phrases from being talked about or whatever, it could be better and a little more natural than an iPad. Or they could become furries when they grow up. I don't know. You know, but fuck it. We gotta fuck around and find out, you know?

That's so true. So like, what's stopping like a parent from like maybe talking to their kid instead of like the AI? Like, is that like a problem? Like people are like, I don't wanna fucking talk to that kid.

Yeah, I think all the time. I think a lot of parents just don't like their kids or they're at dinner and they want to have like a real discussion, you know? And the kid is just like can't count to 3 because they're an idiot. And so it's annoying, right? And so they just give the kid an iPad, you know?

That's true. That is very true.

I mean, yeah, I think honestly we should just ban iPads. They are so stupid. Have you ever met an adult that uses an iPad? Because I feel like it's really just a baby thing.

No, it's like either you're like a baby or you're elderly and you need like the big screen and you're like typing with like pointer fingers.

Yeah. Or, or you buy one. I've never met somebody who bought an iPad and didn't regret it.

That's fair.

I mean, I've never bought one, so I bought 2 or 3 and I've regretted it every single time, but I keep doing it. I'm an addict. I, I'm an iPad addict. I need therapy for that too. I have problems.

Um, let me see what other ones. This was a good one. So an app that's like, you know, like the like SpotHero or like ParkMobile app that like helps you scope out parking spots. We need to, it's not really a idea, but really just enhancing those to add like a 'is this gonna stress me out' meter to like gauge how stressful it's gonna be. Like, do I have to parallel park? Am I gonna— is it gonna be a one-way and I have to parallel park on like the other side of the street? Like, that'd be crazy. So like something for me to gauge like the vibes, because if it's like extra stressful to park, like I will choose a parking spot like 5 minutes down the road, you know what I mean?

I think that's really smart. Honestly, is like, how stressful is this place I'm about to park? I want to know before I go park there. It's like, how big is this space? Uh, and it should take into account how big your car is too, right?

Yes. Yes. And like when I have my bike rack on the back, it's like so stressful. Hate that. Has to be like a big-ass parallel parking spot.

Speaking of that, I think there's a service there where like, I'm in New York, right? I'm trying to park and I'm trying to parallel park. I don't know how to parallel park 'cause I suck at driving and I shouldn't have a license. So I. Summon Parallel Uber, which is Parallel Uber, basically, which is a guy that comes and parallel parks for me on demand. Basically like a TaskRabbit for a parallel parker.

I think that's a great idea. I think Elon Musk might have solved for that one too, because I'm pretty sure like Teslas can do that on their own. But like, I think it would be better to have like a real person to come in and shame you and be like, you fucking loser, you can't even parallel park. You know what I mean?

That's what I'm saying. I need that. I really desperately need that. Um, all right. Startup idea here, fart filtering underwear. So you fart, it smells bad, right? But if you have, you know, underwear that blocks it, it doesn't smell bad anymore.

I think that has to exist already. It has to, it must. I don't know if it does, but is the market really that demanding of that? I wouldn't know personally.

I think it's quite demanding in certain markets. It's definitely, maybe it's a boys thing. Maybe it's a Chipotle eater's thing, but I think you sell them right outside of Chipotle or Taco Bell.

Any like high fiber, like casual, like fast food restaurant, like Cava or Sweetgreen. But you should pitch them.

I might, you know, they could even say Cava. It could be sponsored. Exactly. Or deliverable. Ooh, what about like, all right, Uber, but for porta potties sponsored by Chipotle. So. You just ate Chipotle, you know, your tummy hurts, and you just call up a porta potty guy who delivers the porta potty wherever you are.

And it's like, you know, like the print on the Chipotle bag. It's like printed like that. Yes.

Yeah. I want, I want a giant brown porta potty that is shaped like a Chipotle bag and has everything on there. I think it could do really well, especially at like a music festival.

Yes. And also Chipotle CEO just left, so like you should step up. Like they need you.

They're desperate for good ideas. They need me. I, I will be the man, you know, I can do this. Okay.

I do like that.

Yeah. I, I'm not the father of the company, but I will be the father that steps up. I got this.

Which is all that matters really.

I'm gonna create shareholder value for Chipotle.

And you are, and it would, and you should do that. They need you.

It will. All right. Any more ideas? What you got?

I know, this is funny. Um, okay. This one is, there's like lowkey something like this that exists, but a dating app where instead of like vetting men, you're vetting their moms first and like you're matching with their moms based on whether or not you vibe because like getting along with a guy's mom is like arguably like almost more important than the man himself. Like the mother-in-law, essential. There is like a really gnarly like reality TV show called like MILF Manor. Have you ever heard of that? Yes. Yes. It's like, it's like The Bachelorette where like the sons are dating the moms and it's like a weird mommy issues, like Freudian sort of thing. But like not weird like that, but really in more of like a, a normal way.

I think that's a great idea. I think that's Absolutely fantastic idea. Jewish mothers would love this.

Yeah, I was gonna say, would your mom, like, how do you, like, what would her profile look like?

My mom's profile, um, be like, my son is the smartest kid in the world. He's gonna solve cancer even though he's a meme lord.

He does memes for a living.

Yeah, yeah, he's, he's gonna solve cancer. He's gonna become a rabbi. Like, my mom thought I was gonna be a rabbi until like maybe last year. Oh yeah.

Like, okay. I mean, yeah, yeah, I can see it. Maybe.

Yeah, definitely, definitely. So yeah, it would definitely be a unique profile, I would say.

Yeah.

I, I, and I also think similar, a similar app could be viewing a girl's dad before you swipe, so you know if, if you do hurt this girl's heart, if you break her heart, are you gonna get murdered, you know?

Oh my God. And for girls without dads, like, there's an alternate service where they can tap in like, you know, a surrogate dad from like the Dadtask app as like, you know, a father figure. Yes. I think that's really great. Like my dad's profile would be really scary, I think. So I think that'd be good.

Yeah.

Yeah. But they'd be like, he's cool. He's pretty cool.

Is your dad scary?

No, he's not really. But I feel like if he were to like go on there and make a profile, he'd like be all tough, you know? Yeah. He's a Harley guy, so he's like a little, he's a little scary.

Oh, he's a little scary. Yeah. I would, I would definitely I could, I could offer my grandpa up to people. He's got like a bunch of guns and a motorcycle. I could have him. Yeah. I think that might be a service there is just like farming him out to people.

It's like rental grandpa. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

That's true.

Yeah.

Like you just need that sometimes.

Okay. What about mood detecting furniture? So if you are on a date and you bring a girl back and you want to know her mood. She sits on the couch. All right. Scenario number 2, you're pitching an investment and these guys are your investors, potential investors are sitting. You want to judge their mood, right? Or also works at a restaurant, right? So your clientele are sitting. You want to know, do they like this food, right? You could tell because the furniture's changing colors.

It's like so smart, but like, what, what is it like taking your temperature? Is it like gauging your like pheromones you're emitting? Like what is it? What's the tech?

Neuralink for sure. Definitely Neuralink. Yeah. I, I think temperature would probably be a good way or heart rate. There's gotta be some way you could, can you, can you test your blood flow from your butt? That's really the question that we need to solve here. Is like how, how fast is your, your butt blood flow beating? Can that determine your heart rate?

I feel like, I feel like the science might be there. Like, yeah.

Or your, or your thighs, like your lower, like your, like the bottom of your thighs. You know what I'm saying?

There's an artery. There's a big artery. Like, mm-hmm.

I think it could work. I think that should be useful.

I don't know if like, I think so too. That'd be great for me personally. Cause like. I feel like I would be giving off like pissed vibes like all the time and people would just be giving me away when I'm like, I don't wanna fucking be here and I have to be. So like there should be an option to like turn it off when you don't wanna know the vibes of the other person.

That's fair. That's fair. All right. Startup idea. Rent a bald eagle. You wanna seem extra patriotic, right?

Mm-hmm.

On July 4th. Or maybe you're trying to impress a girl's dad and you wanna seem like Mr. Americana, right? Mr. Tough guy. Mr. American. You bring a bald eagle, sits on your shoulder like a pirate. Every dad loves you.

My dad would certainly go for that. I would go for that. I think they like, when you have a bald eagle, like you have to, it has to wear a little hood so it doesn't get stressed. So he'd be like blind. But like, other than that, that'd be sick. I see no issues with that.

That's so thug. Wait, bald eagles have to wear hoods cuz they get stressed out?

You know what I'm talking about?

No. No, I don't. I did not research this startup idea.

You've never seen one? Can I like share my screen? Is that a thing?

I don't know. Let me Google it.

Boom. Okay, watch this. Check it out. Eagle with a hood. See? Can you see it?

Oh my God. Wait, bald eagles wearing hoods. That looks terrible. That looks so scary. Why are they wearing those?

It's like kind of scary.

Oh my God.

Um, I think it's because they're like demonic. They do not want to see you.

Okay. Startup idea here.

All right.

You ready for this one?

Mm-hmm.

AR glasses so you could see what charities people donate to. It shows up next to their faces and you see if they donated to specific charities. Are they good people or are they terrible? You find out.

Love that idea. I would love to be able to gauge that. I think that really tells a lot about a person. I mean, I'm on the board of the Boys and Girls Club of Denver Metro Associate Board. So like, you know, you'd see that right here in my face and be like, she's a great person.

I donated to a startup one time and they gave me equity, but I'm pretty sure that's called investing.

So I think so.

I'm not, I'm not sure anymore really at this point. My tax lawyer quit. Dari. Um, all right, we got one more.

Okay.

Personal subway cars. Subway cars are full of just jackasses and drunk people and idiots. Why can't I pay extra to get my own subway car? Like totally rent it out and it's just mine. I want my own subway car.

Okay. I mean. That's such a valid question. I think like Uber is maybe the version of that that already exists.

In a big city though, Uber is actually slower than the subway a lot of the time.

No, that's true. That's true.

Like Uber.

Yeah. Yeah.

Subway's smelly. It's, it's just like drunk people and like homeless people half naked. Like I want my own car. I wanna pay extra. I don't care how much it costs.

I think that makes a lot of sense.

I think so too.

Have you brought it to the mayor of New York?

I really don't think New York would go for it. They tend not to like wealthy white men. They tend to prefer—

I feel like that's what they love.

I think maybe the girls do, but the government sure as hell does not. The government, the government prefers that not, not, definitely not. I think. I'm going to pitch this. I'm going to make it happen. American dynamism. That is what American dynamism is about. I really hope— I really hope the partner at A16z who just followed me is seeing this because she's going to invest for sure.

I'm rooting for you. I hope it goes through.

Thank you. I will own a subway car one day if it's the last thing I do.

The biggest shoes.

Any more ideas? What you got?

Oh, one more. Okay, one more. It's an app for like, are you mad at me? Like when someone's tone's a little bit off and you're like, wanna ask them if they're like mad at you, but like maybe they're not. Like you don't wanna be weird about it. Just like sends them a little notification. They just like swipe yes or no. And then it's like the person on the other end is like, oh no, they're not mad at me. They're just like, they're just busy. It's fine.

And you gotta call it You Mad and it just sends them a notification saying, you mad, bruh? And they just swipe left or no. And you know immediately.

Yes. Yeah. And then if it's a yes, they can like rate how annoying you're being or like what you did wrong. And you can have like stats that you can look at over time and see how much you annoy the people in your life.

I like it. I would, oh, I'd be so bad. I would be terrible. I'm so annoying.

Me too. Yeah.

So gross.

Um, do you do these a lot?

Yeah, I do talk on the internet a lot. Yeah, I, I like that line. It was like, do you come here often? Do you record podcasts often?

It was a good line.

It's a great line. Do you want to show off some of the cool shirts and e-commerce stuff? Do you have any more?

Yeah, I do. Let me see.

Let's see what else we got here.

All right.

I really want to create shareholder value. If I don't create shareholder value before the time that I'm 26, which is right now, I'm going to be so upset.

Okay, I wasn't prepared for show and tell, but basically the origin of the e-com store is like, I've been on Twitter for like a long time and back before Elon Musk bought it, like my shit would blow up much more frequently before all my followers left. And I would always just be saying annoying shit about like the tech industry and people would be like, oh my God, this is so funny. Like you should like put that on a t-shirt. And so I did and it turned out people We're gonna like, they buy it. So for example, like one tweet, this is, this one was inspired by a tweet that said like, men's bias, be like, big thing's coming. And then the big thing is literally just a newsletter.

Nice.

So there's that one.

Um, just hit me so hard.

No, not you. It's like, it's cool when you do it. It's like way different. It's different. Um, for sure. This one is like hot girl in tech because I think that Jesus is a dirty ass hat. They don't come this dirty. That's from me.

I think I'm not sure if I believe you.

We need more hot girl representation in the tech industry. So I think being able to really like call that out is really important. Let's see. And these kind of come on like a variety of different things. There's like shirts and hoodies and this one says no need for data, just vibes. I have like a marketing background. And obviously I hate data because it's like, I just wanna make decisions based on vibes. And I think that there's like so many people who are really obnoxious about like marketing attribution and stuff like that. And like half the time it's just like fake and made up. It, in that—

honestly, it is. Yeah.

Yeah.

Honestly it is. I'm having, wait, that's so funny. I'm having Antonio Garcia Martinez on the podcast in a few weeks who is like the ad attribution guy. And Yeah, I think I'm gonna tell him that. I'm gonna tell him it's just vibes, man. Just vibes. Forget everything you did for the last 20 years in your career. Just vibes.

It's literally just fake. Okay, this is like the best-selling mug.

Marketing attribution is fake. We literally made it up. Oh my God, that's so funny.

I mean, it's true. It's true.

It's very hard to track attribution. It really is surprisingly quite difficult.

It's kind of like a little bit made up. All the models are just like, I worked at companies where they have this crazy Google Sheet and they're just throwing shit in, like open the email, click, like what? It's so dumb. And now I'm in sales. So now I think it's extra fucking stupid. Um, yeah. Now that I like, I make money.

Yeah. And it's also like, did this come from, uh, like an event, but they found me on the event or they came to the event from Twitter, right? So do I market for the event or do I market for Twitter? And that's why the best marketing is just vibes.

That's so true. You just let vibes guide you, you know? Let the vibes guide you. So yeah, like those are the most popular and that's kind of how it came about. So if you need like a gift to give your guest, like just say, I think maybe he would find it funny. Maybe not.

Maybe not.

I like it.

Cool. Um, this was awesome hearing