A comedian jokes that being Jewish is a life hack for dodging obligations. He claims you can cite any Jewish holiday to skip plans since the calendar is confusing enough that nobody will push back, and suggests keeping latkes in your pocket as proof.
Here's a secret about being Jewish: we like to blame things on our Judaism. If we don't want to go to a party, we just say it's a Jewish holiday. The calendar is so complicated that you'll never know. So if you ever want to get out of a school or work function, just say you're Jewish. If somebody asks what holiday it is, I just say something really phlegmy like "Shalom Chabad," and they'll never ask. Most people do know, though, that Hanukkah changes every year. That's why I carry latkes in my pockets at all times.
