Lava-Mātra: A Moment with Jayapatākā Swami: HG Yugala Līlā Devī dāsī #JayapatakaSwamiArchives

My name is Yugala Lila Devidasi and I'm from Japan. And I came to Krishna Consciousness in the uk. I was in my last year of university and I was supposed to apply for jobs. I didn't know what I wanted to do. So I was praying for some guidance, I was praying for some signs to really actually know the purpose of my life, what I'm supposed to be pursuing. And just at that time, my friend had shared with me her spiritual practice with me that she was doing at the time, which was listening to different bhajans. I didn't know what bhajans were, nothing at that time. But she had sent me a playlist of her favorite songs at the time. And one of them was a kirtan of Om Namor. No, it was of O Namoshi Vayana Maha. And at the time I didn't know, but I listened to it and I just started singing with it because it was so repetitive. And I asked her, what is this? What did you send me? This is weird, but nice and I like it. And she said, wow, it's called kirtan. I do it with my guru, with 500 other people in the same room. You have to come one day to India with me to do it. So a desire to go to India to experience kirtan in person was born. And that was like, yeah, a wish that, okay, one day I'm gonna go to India and try it out in person. And then after that, two months went by and I was every day listening to this Shiva mantra. And then I just happened to go to a yoga class and it was a bhakti yoga class. I didn't know what that yoga was or anything before, but I just went having an open mind. And then they said, we're going to do kirtan. And I was like, wow, I didn't need to go to India to do kirtan. Kirtan came to me. And so I sat upright and there's started chanting. And it was the mahamantra. And that's how I met the devotees. And I said, I have to make friends with these people that are sharing this because I was also looking for some like minded people that didn't need to go, you know, drinking and partying to have fun. And I found exactly that with kirtan. We had so much fun in kirtan festivals and festivals in general at the temple. So eventually they saw how committed I was to go to these kirtan events that they were holding every week at the university and invited me to the temple or the preaching center nearby. And that's how I met more devotees and first time experienced a festival. It was Nithyananda Jayadasi festival. And, yeah, that's where it all began. How you met Guru Maharaj. How I met Guru Maharaj was in Mayapur. My first time in Mayapur, I met one devotee, and I made friends with her to go on the parikram for the Gorapuneen festival, the Navadip parikram. And we started talking. For the whole day we were talking and it was time to depart. Because on the day that was the last day of kirtan mela. And I said, I want to go drop off all my things, like the buckets and, you know, clotheslines that you gotta buy for a parikam. I wanted to go drop that off at the place I was staying and come back to the temple for the final kirtan. But we couldn't separate because we just kept talking about spiritual life and her journey and my journey and all this kind of stuff. And then so finally when we separated, she said, okay, I'm going to go and take darshan of my guru. And I said, okay, and I'm going to go home and drop my thing off. But we kept talking and talking and talking, and it was till too late to do that. And I said, you know what? I'm not going to go back. I'm just gonna go with my buckets to the tent pole, put it in a corner, and just enjoy kirtan. And she said, okay. So we walked together. And then I can't remember exactly what happened, but she. She said, oh, my. Oh. She said, oh, my groom art is coming down. I'm gonna go take darshan of him now. And she said, do you want to come? And I said, who is your guru? I don't know. Like. And I didn't know much about Guru Maharaj at that time. I just knew one girl that I knew wanted to take initiation with him, but that was all that I knew of Guru Maharaj. So I was like, even if I meet him, what am I going to say? Like, I don't know what to do in a darshan. I've not really taken darshan of gurus before, but she was very encouraging for me to take darshan of with her. So I said, okay. And we went to the Chetan exhibition where he came down from the elevator and she was taking blessings. And I had never seen that scene before, either to get blessings from maharajas or gurus or sannyasis so I didn't know what to do. So I just stood back with folded hands and just saw what was happening. So that was my first meeting with Gurmarsh. But then I went on the paragraph and then I got invited to come up to the rooftop classes in the evening. And yeah, that's how it all started. And how was your first introduction with Guru Maharaj? First time talking with him? How was. Yeah, first time what I. The first thing he said to me because I got introduced to him by devotee. And then he said, so how can I serve you? And it was like someone going to see a spiritual master or someone so elevated like him. That's a question we should ask to him. But that was his first question to me, like, how can I serve you? And I was just shocked. Like, he's asking me how he can serve me. Like, wow. But every interaction with him is so sweet and so personalized is what you hear from everybody. But I also know how much also each devotee means to him. And I'm just remembering one time in 2016 when he was in Delhi at the hospital. He got airlifted from Calcutta to Delhi, and then he was in the ICU for months. And finally he came out and I was helping report the different emails that he had received. So while he was taking prasadam and stuff, I had the opportunity to read the emails to Guru Maharaj. And I didn't know all these names. For me, they were devotees, but some were devotees name, they spelled out their devotee's name or some, either their, I don't know, they had their karmi email address and that was it. Or, you know, and so I would just read out whatever was written and thinking that, you know, in my small mind, like so many people that's written to him, I wonder how, you know, he knows who they are, you know, and you know, when I was thinking that Gurumaj would correct me and how to pronounce their names, and then he would tell me, like, oh, this devotee did this for me, or they have this program or they have this wonderful reception for him when he went to visit that particular country, Yatra, at that time. And he would tell me detailed, personal, you know, very personal things about these devotees. So it was like, you know, I was shown that, yes, he knows everybody. He remembers everybody, and he cares so much about each of us. Yeah. Anyone any other memory before your initiation? Oh, I have many memories, but they're. And they're very small memories, but they're like just every interaction I had with Him I have with him is very personalized. Like, he makes sure that you're taken care of and shows in his way that he really cares about you. Like, he would stop the wheelchair, you know, even when they're in a rush, he would stop the stopper for the wheelchair and make sure that he gets to speak to you a little bit or make sure that you're okay. And. Yeah, very personal. How was your interview for initiation? Do you remember any questions or something in Guru Mahesh? I didn't have a personal interview with Guru Maharsh for my initiation. I think mainly because he was in a critical health stage himself and it was by. It was online in initiation. And so I didn't have a personal interview with him. Yeah, I haven't had, like, really intimate, individual, like, interactions with him. But so I haven't received a specific instruction. But what I understand his mood and things is that keep it simple. I've heard many times when questions and answers, like devotees will ask, how can I please you? And his answer is quite simple. Just if you're initiated, follow your initiation vows, chant 16 rounds minimum and keep your four regulative principles. And I'll be happy, like, kind of like that, you know. So I think we tend to over complicate things, but from that I understand that Ka consciousness is actually very simple when we let it be. We just have to. Yeah. Chant our rounds sincerely and keep our four regulative principles that we bow at initiation. And just by doing those, Guru Maharaj is pleased. So that's one. That's something that I try to. Yeah, that's something that I try to kind of remember when I start feeling like I'm okay doing enough or like I have to be some superstar, you know? Yeah. How do you see Guru Maharaj following Jla Prabhupada's instructions? He's the best Prabhupada Nira. Everything he does in every moment is for. For Prabhupada and to please him. And you can tell that his meditation is always like, how can I serve to the best of my capacity following the instructions he's been given from his guru. And he's the best example of a perfect disciple in that way. Always, always, constantly thinking, how can I please my guru? How can I please my guru? So that's how I see. And actually he's even more merciful because he's involving all of us to help him to serve Prabhupada. So, yeah. One thing I also heard about guru disciple relationships is that everybody has a specific relationship with their guru. But also it's kind of in our hands to make that effort to. It's like any other relationship, like a marriage or a friendship, like, you have to put effort in that relationship. So at the moment, I'm personally trying to see, yes, as a female body, maybe we can't do so much direct personal service, but it's also in our hands to cultivate that relationship with Guru Maharaj or your own spiritual master, and to deepen that relationship is also up to us. Guru Maharaj is so personal that sometimes you just receive. But I'm just coming to this point where I also can put a lot more effort and cultivate that relationship. So. Yeah, and I just know hearing so many other devotees, senior devotees, experiences and relationship that they have with Guru Maharaj, I know that it's also possible for everybody to have that kind of relationship with a guru. So that's what I'm looking forward to now. Yeah. So after the 2016, I think it was 2016, health crisis that Gurumerj had, and I was with him in Delhi, and then we went to Vrindavan for like a very short period of time and then came back to Delhi. And then the first trip abroad after that incident, health crisis was to Malaysia to open the Penang temple. And so I got to travel with him a little bit. And after all this movement moving about, traveling, and we came back to finally Mayapur, and I had darshan with him. And he just said, I mean, I accompanied Ekanapavu for Darshan. And at the end, Guru Maharaj looked at me and said, so, what's your realization? And I was just like, nothing came out of me. And I was just like, really, nothing came out of me. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is the moment I can share something at least nice or whatever, or I could even ask a question to him, but I didn't have anything, you know, And I just felt so, like, terrible and bad that, like, I can't even think of one realization to share with him after being with him for so long. And. And then, you know, as I just stood there with my mouth open, looking like a, I don't know, lost child, the servants started to do or ask questions or something, and he had to leave. And so the conversation stopped. But that always, like, is at the back of my mind, like, Guru Maharaj wants to hear how we're doing. And just like I mentioned before, so personal. No, I don't know why I'm crying, because there's nothing like, so deep but that was a lesson for me, to take time for myself to reflect, because I'm a type of person that needs my own time to just cool down and what is it, like, process everything and then come to conclusions or find realizations? And I took it as a lesson that that's important in spiritual life. Yes, you can be busy serving this, that, but at the end of the day, if you don't have any realization like, how you're gonna progress after that. So that was one lesson that I got from Guru Maharaj. And to this day, I'm thinking, oh, what was my realization? This event or this happening or this, I don't know, amount of traveling or whatever that I get to be part of? So, yeah, that's one thing that comes to mind. And another incident I wanted to share was how. I don't know how. What is this even called his phenomenon or this quality that he has. It's just so inconceivable. But he came to London for a layover once, and I went to see him at the airport. He had, like, a couple of hours layover, and their devotees had arranged him to go and rest in the airport hotel that's attached to the terminal. And so I got the opportunity to go into the elevator with him to share whatever was happening in my life at the time relates to my parents and things like that. And so because he's always surrounded by loads of devotees, and there's so many things going on all the time that, like, really, I don't know, 20 seconds that we were in the elevator was the only time that. Well, only first time that I felt like, okay, I can speak to him in a quiet environment. So I was telling him what was happening, and he was listening. And then when we arrived to the ground floor or whatever floor that he had to do his check in for the hotel, the elevator opened and there were so many devotees waiting for him. And as soon as he's pushed out, everybody's, I don't know, giving him garlands or paying obeisances or asking for blessings and so many things going on. So the conversation naturally just, like, ended. And then he went to his room, took a shot, got showered or I don't know what he was doing, like, taking rest for, like, a good couple of hours. And then finally he came out and we accompanied him to check in and to catch his next flight. But when he came down through the lobby, he saw me. And I was just, you know, thinking, oh, this is, you know, he's going soon now, and kind of feeling Some separation already, but also happy to be there with him, you know, and. And he just looked at me and then he just said. And then your father said and like, continued the like conversation. And I was like my father, I hadn't even forgotten what I had where the conversation finished, you know, but he just said so. And then your father replied, what? And I was just so taken aback that after all that thing happened in between where the conversation stopped and now he still remembered exactly where the conversation had finished and what my father said or didn't say or how he reacted. And so I got to talk. I got to accompany him again in the elevator, back up the 20 seconds to share whatever else I wanted to share with him, but I was just astonished of his, his memory. And again, once again, like his attention to detail and compassion that he has for his devotees, his disciples, to make sure that we feel heard and we also be able to give us some instructions of how to deal with difficult situations. And yeah, it was very special and just blew my mind of how attentive he is to each detail, each person. Yeah. And what else can I share? I'm sure there's so much more, but that's what I have for now. Anything that he had advice for personal life or in relationship with your parents or marriage or anything. So regarding instructions of how to deal with parents who are not so favorable of you being a devotee or having a strong spiritual life, his advice was don't try to preach to them. That's not your duty kind of as a child, because it's difficult for parents to accept being taught by their children. And it's easier for them if someone similar age to them is sharing these kind of informations. But when it comes from the children, it's difficult, so don't try. That was my instruction in my particular case, but I think it's quite not universal because some parents are obviously open to receiving some kind of guidance or teachings from their children. But yeah, I guess maybe in a more Asian culture, maybe that's more of a common advice maybe for parents or how to deal with parents who are not so favorable. Just don't think it's your job, you know, to try to not convert them, but try to share this message. And what I understood from that also is that, oh, and he also said, actually I think if I remember correctly, that if I get liberated as a devotee, then automatically seven generations before me and after me are going to be taken care of. So what I have to do, rather than preach to my parents so that they become a devotee, that I should just focus on my spiritual life and become a devotee, an actual devoting myself. And in that way then I can help them become liberated too. So yeah, that was the instruction I received in that time. Any letters sending to him? No, I feel so I've written them in my heart. But something I do know is that he receives millions of letters everyday, emails every day. And I understand for even anybody, you know, even a common person or it's difficult to go through them all. But what I do know is he really likes hearing from you, how are you doing? And yeah, what are your realizations or how things are going in your service? Because I also imagine he gets a lot of management related emails as well. So once in a while it's nice to receive some just hi, Guru March, how am I doing? Or how are you doing? You know, this is how I'm doing. Kind of like lighthearted messages. Yeah, but I haven't said, I haven't said for myself for different reasons. Yeah, but he always, when he writes to Eka, he includes me like, you know, like I hope your good wife is well as well or something about me he always includes, which is very special. Okay, anything to say? This is the grimage, right? Oh, wait, I can't do this on camera. It's like writing a letter to him. This is his idea because you know, this like it will be there, like moving things. O okay. Dear Grumaraj, thank you so much for everything. You've given me a whole family of wonderful devotees that helps me in my devotional life under your guidance. And I feel so protected, I feel so safe and I have some hope. You've given me so much hope in my own life and saved me really from the nasty world that we're living in, Kali Yuga. And everything that you do for us doesn't go notice even though we're so ignorant or I'm so ignorant of it. But as the years go by, I'm able to buy your blessings, understand a little bit more of the mercy that you're really showering upon us. So thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. And I hope to become a better disciple of yours and to be able to follow in your great example of how to serve your spiritual master. So thank you, Hare Krishna. It was his first visit to the UK after Vyasa Puja. So we did Vyasa Puja ceremony for him and you know, bathing of the lotus feet and everything. And for that ceremony they said that Brahmin initiated Devotees can come up and bathe his feet. So I'm not initiated at that time, but I was sitting right on the front seat, and I was watching everything going on. And everybody knew me because Eka had introduced me to all our God brothers and sisters, and they were taking very nice care of me. But they were also. I mean, I had that fortune to be invited up to bathe Gurumar's feet. And at that time, Echo was leading the kirtan. So if I was to go up, I had to go back up by myself. But I was very shy because they mentioned, you know, you have to be bam and initiated, and then you can go up. And I'm not even initiated. So I'm thinking, like, I can't go up because I'm nobody and I don't even have the. I mean, how can I have this privilege of bathing Guru Maharaj's lotus feet? Even when if you're only first initiated, you don't have that privilege. So I was feeling like, no, I shouldn't, like, go up. But then another thought came. Like, when would be the next time that I have this opportunity? And somewhere in me, I still had this doubt, like, maybe Guru Maharaj doesn't know because he has so many disciples and everybody's covering their heads. He may not know who is who or who's actually taken second or not. And all these things came, and I was like, what if I just take the chance? And I just went up and I poured water on lotus feet, and I just quickly came back to my seat. And then the program went on. Guru Puja and some offerings and all. All these other things. And at the end, they did the aspiring ceremony and shelter taking shelter ceremony. And at the time, I had not had that many interactions with spiritual masters or gurus. And even if I had, like, they weren't necessarily following that or had that structure, so I didn't know that even existed. And so at the back of my mind, I'm thinking, oh, this is like a new thing. Like, what is this? And actually, it's quite nice to have kind of like a formal, you know, I guess like a ceremony to mark that commitment that you will have with. In this relationship with your spiritual master. And I just thought, maybe next time that this, you know, I'll have the opportunity to take this ceremony. I'll take aspiring or something. I didn't even know what is aspiring, what is the difference between taking shelter and all this. But I was thinking like this inside. And of course, you know, these devotees that are coming up in big groups to take aspiring or shelter. And I had this desire in my heart, but in my. When I take a sparring, I was so selfish and still am, but I just had this desire that I wanted to be very private, intimate and just for me. And because I think a part of me was like wondering like, you know, in these ceremony, in these situations, I mean, at that time I don't remember them saying each of their names even to Gurmarj because we had so a packed schedule. And so there were, you know, I was wondering if Gurumaj even knows like who's taken espying or who's taken shelter like that. So I just had the desire that I wanted to be very private. And then. So that's what I was thinking and feeling. And then the program ended. And at the very end, Guru Maharaj was, everybody's packing up and Guru Maharaj was, you know, going to his car soon and devotees are going up to him, taking blessings and sharing some whatever they wanted to share with him. And I got the opportunity to also go and see him. And then he asked me a little bit about my relationship with the Ekhenate and is how serious or how am I ready or how am I feeling like this? He was very attentive in that aspect as a father figure. And then he goes to me, you bathe my feet. And then I go completely blank because first I kind of forgot that happening almost. And second, I thought maybe he wouldn't have noticed me, you know, but he was so aware of everything that was happening and he, he mentioned that and I honestly thought I was going to be chastised because it wasn't something that I should be doing as a non disciple at that point. Right? So I became so embarrassed and also like bad. And I was feeling terrible and I said, I'm so sorry, Guru Maharaj. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I was just like, so sorry, it will never happen again. And then he looked at me and he said, and I thought you were going to take aspiring. I said to him, guruj, I didn't even know this is the process or that it was even going to happen. But I would like to, I would like to take aspiring from you when there is the next opportunity, when the next opportunity comes. And then he goes, do you have some flowers? And I'm like, flowers? And I have no idea what's happening at the time. But everybody around who was kind of around surrounding understood what was happening and they managed to get some flowers for me. He got me to recite their mantra and offer the flowers to his lotus feet. And that was it. That was my desire, my thoughts completely fulfilled. I had my personal, a very intimate aspiring ceremony in the next opportunity that he graciously and so mercifully gave me. And yeah, like you think Gurmarsh might not know what's happening or especially at the time I was so ignorant of his transcendental, I don't know, abilities to see through everything or understand everything that's going on. Even though he might not look like he's seeing, he's watching, he's got everything under his control. That was just an amazing kind of wake up call or an introduction in one sense to his transcendental nature. But a similar thing happened during my initiation ceremony. I took it online because, yeah, his health was declining and it was. I didn't really know when was the next opportunity I would be able to go to wherever he was to take initiation. And he was not in a state to travel to where I was living at the time in Argentina. So it took place online. And again, I was hoping to take my initiation in Mayapur amongst hundreds of devotees. And I know that in that situation it's like sharing your fire yagya with hundreds or multiple fire Yagyas in a situation, same room. Right. So again, I had this selfish desire to have something very personal and like that. And it happened to be that I took my initiation online in Brazil in a nice ISKCON community. But I was the only person at that time to take initiation. And so the fire Yagya was just for me right in front of the Mahama Gorni Thais, huge Gorni Thais, they have their beautiful marble carving material. But yeah, like that grimage for all my desires. So yeah, like that. He's very personal. He knows what's going in your heart and very much be able to fulfill it for you. Yeah, so that's a very, how to say, a special kind of experience. And also, yeah, special experience for me that Gurumaj really understands what's going in my heart. Even though I try so hard to like hide it or not voice it or what. But yeah, he knows everything. Any chastisement. Oh, chastisement. He's expert in engaging you in service. If he knows that you're good or you like doing something, he would engage you right there on the spot. One time I had the good fortune to do some service in the kitchen in the US with Kalasuddha Mataji and someone had told me that Guru Maharaj Wanted Sandesh, but he wanted the Sandesh made in a specific way. And only these two sisters in India, I think in Mumbai, knows how to make these Sandesh. So I should ask them the recipe and learn from them so that I can make it for Gurmarj. So I got in touch with the sisters and they kindly sent me videos of how they make each part of the Sandesh. But I had no. I had never made any kind of recipe of Sandesh before, so I was very scared to just go ahead and do it. And then the devotees told me, you know, Kalasudha Mataji is excellent in her cooking and expert in her cooking, so she will definitely, at least understand what's going on in the video and be able to help you. So I asked her to help me, and she mercifully agreed. And she showed me each step how I should make the Sandesh. So we made on that day together and we presented to Guru Marge. And then that was in Atlanta. And then after Atlanta, we had to go to London. So when we went to London, Guru Maharaj saw me and he said, where's my Sandesh? Because I was thinking maybe someone else in London was going to prepare for him. And, you know, maybe I don't need to, or maybe he doesn't want anymore, but he really wanted the Sandesh. And so pretty much every day he would ask for his Sandesh and. Yeah, engage me in service like that. It was so wonderful. And then he would ask me, how did I make it? And one time I asked him, what flavor is your favorite? Because every day I wanted to make something different to offer him or at least know what he prefers. His preference in the flavors of the. So I could make for his preference. But he said, I like them all. He didn't give away his preference. So I was baffling every day, like, what is available and what I made yet that I could make that day. So it was a wonderful time to be able to. Yeah. Go to any kitchen and try to make his sand dish for him was very nice. And, yeah, now I think he has some restrictions in the amount of. I mean, even at that time, he has the restrictions of how much milk or how much paneer he can take. But it was so, so nice to be able to. Yeah. Something for you. Sure. Yeah. Mercy. Totally merciful. I didn't know. I didn't have anything else to do then. So you have to make sure that you are engaged. Yes, completely. So I don't waste my time doing nonsense any other time. You cook another things for him. Ricky asked Reka if I can make sushi, but I was so scared, especially with this diet, that it's not going to come out right. So, no, I think I missed that opportunity to even try. Sometimes you gotta just jump and. Yeah, surrender to brother Ronnie's mercy that something will come out. But, yeah, I haven't. I mean, I. After that, I've made some sandish offerings. On was gopani once and then on his vyasa puja another time. But the vyasa puja one was during COVID so I didn't get to personally. No, it wasn't. It was just before that Covid time, so it was so busy, you know, so Eka went and gave it. And so I don't know, I haven't heard feedback or anything like that. So I don't know how it went. But, yeah, I remember making, like, using like a chocolate box. And then in each little part there would be a different type of sun dish. And I had like four, five devotees, wonderful girls helping me in the kitchen. They're tiny because of his, you know, restrictions, but we made them and they have made him like. We made them in different shapes and, you know, it was really beautiful. Yeah. I hope he had them and enjoyed them. I don't know. Oh, yeah.