064: The Vulnerability of Launching

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Hello friends. Oh my goodness. This is one of those Truth While it's fresh episodes. I'm calling it the Vulnerability of Launching because there have been so many moments lately where I just feel raw and exposed and oof, just that feeling, that vulnerability hangover of releasing work into the world. I'm really recording this. It's me just speaking from the heart. I'm recording it for any of you who are creating something, who are about to launch something. Maybe you're just coming through launching something, or if you have a friend that's in the middle of this process, maybe you can send this to them. Can't say that I have any answers at all, but I just want to speak to the vulnerability of launching from in the moment because these are the exact types of feelings that we tend to forget. And yet it's so important and such a huge part of the creative process. It is vulnerable to raise your hand and think you have something to say and create anything at all. That alone is vulnerable and it's not easy to do. I don't know about you, but I get in my own way all the time thinking to myself that I'm not qualified or my ideas aren't original enough, or do I really have something to say? Do I really know enough on a certain topic to either just record a podcast episode about it or write an entire book. That vulnerability is part of it and if you can get over that and create the thing, that's amazing. But still there comes a time of releasing that thing into the world, releasing work even when you know that it's not perfect. Part of the vulnerability of Launching is knowing that for me, the book is the best that I could do while still releasing it into the world. In fact, I just got off a podcast interview where I was the guest on the show. I was so nervous and I was kind of fumbling my words. I wasn't very articulate. I didn't think that I was giving very strong examples. And in fact, the very first question that the host asked me before we hit record was, this book is going to go through a few more rounds of edits, right? Oh, and in my head I'm thinking, cringe, oh my gosh, what did I do wrong? Like, it went through a zillion rounds of edits and I caught every single thing I could. In fact, we pulled it back from the printer to correct those hundred things. Maybe you remember if you've been listening for a while, that I caught while reading the audiobook. But right off the jump, this guy asked me, and I really respect him as a podcast host, but it was just like, oh my goodness, what did he catch that I didn't see, even with all those many rounds of edits? So there's that feeling of just for me, it was really kind of a cringe moment. Like, no, in fact, those first 10,000 copies are already at the printer. They're already printed. So whatever's wrong just has to sit there in the book and be part of the book. It's not the end of the world, but it's that experience of somebody reading it and catching those things and then knowing there's nothing that I can do about them. There's also been some early reviews that are coming in from the book and some of them have been great. And then sometimes I feel like the reviewer maybe didn't quite capture the gist of the book. Or maybe it's not for them. If you've been around for a while, you know. One of my favorite 1 star reviews for my first book, Life After College, is as follows. If you've never thought about anything ever, this book is for you.

That's up there. If you've never thought about anything ever, this book is for you. When that came out, when I got that one star review, I remember I wrote a blog post for Life After College was the book and the blog at that time. And I said, the thing about one star reviews is that they don't kill you. They sting, they're hard to hear. Clearly, that one I have committed to memory, but they don't kill you. Still, even with a review like that one, Michael told me that it was like the original troll, before even the word trolling was around. Because that came out in 2011, that I'm still glad that I wrote that book. I still know that that book reached many people and helped many people, helped them navigate adulting and life after college. And that although this reviewer felt that it would only be appropriate, someone who had never thought about anything ever, his review didn't change the fact that I was proud to have written the book, proud to have published it, proud that I had something in the public arena that a reviewer could even comment on. And again, although those reviews sting, I mean, I have feelings. It's not like it doesn't impact me. It doesn't change the fact that it's out in the world. This is why I love those celebrities reading their tweets and tweets about them out loud, because they take these what would be really stinging comments and put some humor around it. And you can see these often radiant notable people reading their tweets. And it's like they've done so much in their career, they've done so much to even be on the receiving end of something like this. One of the reviews that came in for Free Time, there's this one line, and maybe I just picked it out and I misread it. I. Or it's possible the reviewer is not necessarily the target audience for the book, but the line says free Time delivers a concrete structure for taking the most basic advice. For example, learn from your mistakes and diving deeply to identify clear reflection points. Well, this line, it bugged me. Taking the most basic advice, example, learn from your mistakes. And I felt like, did this person read the book? Do they get the book? I mean, I don't know. I think I was just not taking a very generous read of this line. They do say in the second part of that sentence, allowing readers to gain deep understanding and learn from its lessons. But taking the most basic advice, like learn from your mistakes, that's just not at all the gist of the book. Maybe there's one chapter, one section where I say, take full responsibility for everything that happens in your business, but I just felt kind of misread and misunderstood. Not to mention, maybe this is because I have a little bit of a sensitivity around the one star review that I read to you of taking the most basic advice. So maybe this, you know, I say even in that blog post I did for Life After College all those years ago that there's so little a one star reviewer could write that I probably haven't thought or said to myself. And I think sometimes, as with any criticism, the criticism that stings the most is if it touches on something that's already sensitive. So if I have an insecurity, which sometimes I do, that, oh, maybe free time isn't rigorous enough or original enough. And then here's a reviewer saying, taking the most basic advice, I get sensitive and it just triggers that insecurity. And again, this is part of the process. This is the vulnerability of launching, getting these early reviews, having people who are going to read the material and it's not for them or they don't get it. I remember with Life After College, one of the early 1 star reviews was a woman who said she was a grandma. She picked the book up and it didn't look good to her and she put it back down. She was at Target or something and didn't buy the book for her grandson. And I just thought to myself, why on earth does that get a one star review? It's not for you. The way I wrote Life After College was meant to be a portable Life coach for 20 somethings. It was early on and I said, Twitter meets what color is your parachute? It's tips, quotes and questions for every area of someone's life. And here was a person who was a grandmother, picked it up, didn't like the look of it and put it back down, and then still went to the trouble to give it a one star review. So I think part of the vulnerability of Launching is just knowing that of course not everyone's gonna like it, but also people are gonna not like it without even having engaged with it. Maybe they're not gonna like the COVID Or as we know so many Amazon reviewers like the book arrives dented one star, which is just so not the fault of the author. It's also very vulnerable sending the book out for those early blurbs. And I'm deeply grateful for every single author who blurbed for free time is very vulnerable. Because in that case, I'm sending to the people I most admire and respect, the ones whose names I would be most thrilled and honored to attach to early praise for the book and sending them a really raw, unedited, I mean, semi edited version. So all of those peers, those endorsers who I admire the most, are seeing one of the more embarrassing versions of the book before it's printed and bound and beautiful, before it's been edited a gazillion more times before I've worked out all the awkward work, cliche material, or as much of it as I can. So there's that vulnerability of sending something so unfinished to the people that I most Respect in the world. Now let's talk about the vulnerability of preparing for a launch. Oh, I'm in the thick of this right now, of this mode. It's twofold. One kind of asking for help. And I'm trying to balance this out with putting a lot of invitations out there. So, for example, the launch team. I don't want to just create a launch team where it's all about you helping me. I want to create a launch team where I'm giving and I'm hopefully adding a lot of value, answering a lot of questions by doing the five live ask me anything sessions. Then when it comes time to our own version of Brilliant Smarter, let's say you post a review on launch day. I hope that I've given a tremendous amount leading up to that, but it's still vulnerable asking for help. It will be vulnerable when the book is out. Asking for reviews and trying to get early momentum, which I'm very grateful to say. My friend Tony did send me a text that FreeTime was the number one new release in organizational change recently on Amazon. So that made me kind of yelp and leap with joy, as I didn't know that. So asking for help is very vulnerable. And then with the podcast tour, trying to line up podcasts and reach out to friends and podcast hosts I admire, there's also a feeling of pick me energy. I was awkward in middle school. Who wasn't? Well, not everyone was right. Didn't we all know, like the cool kids? I just felt definitely on the side of awkward. And school dances in particular were like some of the most awkward events that could happen. This pick me energy kind of reminds me of this. It's like, oh, it's just so nerve wracking. And as a podcast host, a lot of times I am delighted when I have friends releasing books. I can't wait to check out their book. I can't wait to have them on the show. And that's what I've been trying to keep in mind with Free Time is just imagining and visualizing a mutually exciting moment. Because it's really easy to fall into this trap or this feeling of me kind of vulnerably exposed and just saying, pick me, pick me. Do you want to have me on your show? And it's not going to be for everybody and it's not going to be for every show. There's just something so vulnerable about putting their request out and asking if people want an early copy of the book, knowing that they might be reviewing it, trying to assess if it's a good fit or not. And I know that none of this is personal to me and certainly none of it's personal to the book, but it's still very vulnerable. And it's still vulnerable to have shows or hosts I admire and fall into this trap of pick me, pick me and will they pick me, you know, or oh, their audience is so big and mine isn't. I wish there was something I could offer them in return. Oh, it's nerve wracking. Another vulnerable part of this process is declaring big goals publicly. Whether it's trying to get 100 reviews on launch day or sell 10,000 books in the first year, or I have a big hairy goal somewhere back there of selling a million copies of free time and in doing so freeing 50 million hours. This is my mega mission. And just imagining 50 million hours with wings flying away that have been freed by everyone who reads and engages with the work and who knows what the time frame is on that mega mission. Maybe it's, I mean, a year would mean that it was some kind of viral sensation, maybe it's 10 years. But 50 million hours freed, I know it's possible and I love picturing those hours just soaring with their freedom, soaring away to do more fun things. It's still vulnerable to declare these goals and intentions publicly. And I know that's the whole thing of saying goals out loud is that, oh, you're so much more likely to achieve them, but it's still vulnerable. It's also vulnerable thing to have taken such big business risks. With this new book, I paused so much of my income generating activities. I have spent more money in the last year than I ever have in a single calendar year in my business. It was the first time in 10 years that I was intentionally not profitable in the business. I was in the red, deeply so. But it's also been the first time that I'm going all in on myself and completely spearheading this entire process, completely aligning everything that I'm doing to the creative vision that I have. Working with a big traditional publisher. That's not possible. They're not going to execute every single aspect of a dream book. It's a P and L. It's about the numbers. With this, with Idea Press, an independent publisher, I was able to really create a vision for the book that I'm really proud of. And I wanted to do this at least once in my life and know that I did it. But I don't know how it's all going to pencil out. I don't know if this was the right move. I mean, I kind of felt like I needed to pause a lot of the other activities I was doing. And I still have things that are relatively passive or one off like I do still do virtual keynotes. We still have the pivot, coaches, team, I still have the community. I mean, there's all kinds of things still running in my business, but I was doing a lot less. I mean, no one on one coaching, no launching special programs, didn't do any VIP days. There was a lot that I did scale back while working on this book. And that is nerve wracking too, because the jury is out on whether it will be the right move financially. And it's big numbers we're talking about. So there's a certain questioning that comes with that, am I doing the right thing? And I've said to a few friends that looking back on this time, if it all works, if the book is really successful and it generates a lot of new momentum and opportunities in my business, then it will look like the most brilliant set of strategic risks. It will look brilliant, but it could just as easily go the other way. And if things don't work out and it doesn't sell very well, or, you know, I'm trying to make it not just about the numbers, of course, it's already success in my heart. It's already intrinsically successful because success to me is when I give something everything I've got. And that's why I don't do books every year. It's why I write a book every five years is pretty much my cadence. But of course it's already successful because I've distilled the best of what I can from 10 years of running my own delightfully tiny team and business. And I've put it into something that I will release publicly whether people like it or not, I have no control over. So the intrinsic success is there, but the financial risks and reward is yet to be seen. So it's like if things don't work as planned and I dig myself really into an even bigger financial hole, well, then it could just look like the stupidest thing ever. And that's okay. I don't mind looking stupid to anyone else, but it's just a vulnerable position of not necessarily having the full confidence yet of knowing I did the right thing. I have strong intuition. That's what I always follow in my business. My intuition does not lead me astray. Sometimes it does lead to unpredictable things. But nonetheless, it's nerve wracking to be following that intuition, knowing that there's such big risks behind it. The last piece of this vulnerability of launching is the continual imposter syndrome that creeps up sometimes. I call it the imposter monster. Oh my goodness. Of just even when I'll be going to a podcast interview, all my insecurities kind of come up around, do I know what I'm talking about? Aren't people a lot better at this than me? Am I really the expert that should be speaking on this? Or all the ways that I'm not doing things perfectly in my own business? And this is the whole point of why some of us choose to write books. It's not because we have it all figured out. It's because these are the things that we and I struggle with. Therefore, I've put a lot of energy and resources into trying to solve them and to talking to other people about how they solve them. So it's still vulnerable, going, okay, my team is in a lot of transition right now. People coming, people going, trying to get the right solutions in place. And the book is coming out. And it's just I don't want to create some kind of impression that I have it all figured out across every single area of life and work and delegation and team setup and the balance of time and money and energy and effort. It's a continual work in progress. For more on that, you might enjoy episode 31 on 11th hour, creative gremlins. Because a lot of this imposter syndrome came out super strongly right as I was sending the book to press, as in, couldn't make any more changes. And then to the previous point, episode 28 is when the financial tides recede. I'll put these in the show notes, of course, so I'm not sharing all this with you. This is not about complaining or venting or anything. It's just to say what a vulnerable process it is, getting to the stage of putting a big creative project out into the world. And for all these reasons, whether it's early readers from people you respect, whether it's reviewers who don't get the work and don't even attempt and then will share their opinion, whether it's the pick me vibes or the vulnerability of asking for help, declaring big goals publicly, imposter syndrome that inevitably rears its head, this is all part of the process. And yet it's still worth it to hit publish. It is still more fulfilling to release it into the world with all of this discomfort, all this churning, all of this Ajita. It just comes with the territory. And does it get easier I don't know. I would say it just comes and goes in waves. And I try not to let it hold me back and I try not to ruminate. Reflection is productive and that's how we reflect and we inquire and we can analyze and make improvements. Rumination is, I compared it in pivots, almost like a dog with a chew toy. It's like at some point there's no nutritional value, we're just chewing on something. Although chew toys can be quite comforting for dogs. So maybe some amount is a good thing. But I just try to notice where have I gone into chew toy territory where there's no nutritional value and I'm ruminating, like dwelling on something when my attention could be turned elsewhere. And I think that's one of the things that I'm going to remind myself in this moment while recording this, is that at any given moment, and this is true for life in general, we choose where we put our attention. This is why gratitude practices are so important and why all the research shows that they're so beneficial for our health and our happiness, because we redirect from lack and worry. And analysis and studies show too, that our brains are wired to focus on criticism, that we will in fact remember one negative comment instead of the 99 positive ones. That's a survival mechanism. This is how we made sure that we stayed in the tribe and that we were alert and vigilant to potential threats, psychologically or physically, to our safety. So it makes sense that our brains have this negative bias. But I think that's something that as creatives and people producing things out in the world, we do need to counteract by mentally changing the channel and saying, yes, these things are happening, or yes, these things are vulnerable, or yes, these fears are coming up, or even right now as I'm recording this, I had just been kind of kicking myself. I was so awkward on a podcast interview. I'm not trying to be humble or self deprecating. It's like I really, truly was awkward. I know when I've done a good job, I know when I've been clear, and I know when I'm awkward as hell. And where I kind of want to tell the host, listen, you don't even need to run this at all. And, and this was just one of those. Some days are like that. Some days my mind is not as sharp as it could be and my words don't come to me in the moment the way that I need them to. And it's also early on in the podcast tour, so in some ways that's good. As Cal pointed out. Cal Newport, you don't have all your sound bites locked in and crystallized yet. It is more organic and more flowing. But the flip side is it can also be more awkward. So instead of focusing on those moments and ruminating and dwelling, I am going to make a point to continue shifting my focus and attention to what is good, what is working, what is worth celebrating, the momentum that is generating. And not only is that beneficial to just keep going, to have the will and the courage to keep going, but I also think that it's that self fulfilling prophecy thing, that it's that energy, that positive, grateful, excited energy that's the wave to be riding. The other wave is human. The self critical imposter syndrome. You know, pick me energy. It's normal, it's human. But ultimately that energy is not going to serve me or the project as well as remembering and shifting into just a more open, grateful, receiving energy for the good that is here. We'll be right back just after this does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just speaking into the void? But with LinkedIn ads you can know you're reaching the right decision makers. A network of 130 million of them. In fact, you can even target buyers by job title, industry, company seniority, skills and Did I say job title? See how you can avoid the void and reach the right buyers with LinkedIn ads. 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After I recorded the vulnerability of launching just a couple days later, I went to the book Warehouse in Rochester to see the books for the very first time. So this second part of the episode I hope you enjoy. It's me sharing my initial thoughts and reactions just after seeing the books. And I'll even zoom you over to Rochester with me for for the official unboxing. Here we go.

Oh my goodness. I'm here at the podcast studio just a day after returning from Rochester, which is where the free time books are being stored. After four long months of supply chain issues, trade wars, paper cost spikes, supply chain issues, I am so Delighted that the printer released the first 200 copies of Freetime to the book warehouse in Rochester. So I took a seven and a half hour train ride up from New York City. Who knew that New York was that ginormous? And I went to the warehouse to see the books for the first time, sign them, assemble the first packages of the advance copies that go out to media and podcasters. And it was so exciting. So I wanted to record this. As you know, I love doing Truthworld's fresh episodes and I'm just here to share a little bit of the process. My first two books I did unboxing videos. Before that was an entire category, especially for kids like asmr. Unboxing crinkled paper, the excitement of opening something new. And that dopamine hit. That happens. I did my first unboxing video for Life after college in 2011. My friend Melissa Shanahan was there with me and it was just such an exciting moment. I remember my friend Alyssa Doucet also came right around that time. These are friends that I had known only from the Internet by the way. And then they came in person to I was living in Mountain View, California at the time and were there for these ginormous moments of seeing a book for the first time. There is something truly incredible and somewhat mind boggling about having the faintest idea, a figment of imagination. That is this little whisper that says maybe I'll write a book on this, whatever this is. And then the years of thinking and writing and editing and revising and proofreading and book designing that then follow by the time the books arrive and they are sitting in those first boxes. It is so nerve wracking to contemplate seeing them for the first time. Imagine I definitely got catfished in my dating life before that was even a term or a show on mtv. But imagine that you're dating somebody for three years and you haven't met them in that amount of time and then you meet them for the first time. There's so much pressure. You don't know, is there going to be chemistry? Am I going to be attracted to them? Are they going to be all my hopes and dreams? Spoiler alert, right? Probably not. Everybody's only human and that's the well intentioned ones, but it's just so crazy. So coming back to the book, I give the dating parallel, but imagine you have this figment of your imagination. You and a team of so many other people then work your tails off to make it real. And then this moment comes, this day comes where you get to open the box and see what's inside and just hope and pray that they're gonna be okay. I was so nervous going to sleep the night before I took that train ride up to Rochester. I was so nervous. It felt like this mixture of Christmas and I don't even know what and the whole train ride. I'm just nervous, nervous, nervous. I get to the warehouse the next morning and I asked the lovely person who is managing the whole operation. Her name is Stephanie. I said, listen, I know this is a weird request, especially considering I'm not even on social media anymore, but I said, when we first walk into the room to see the books, would you mind taking a video of me? Because I've done it for the last two and I would just love to have this on record. So I'm going to play that video, at least the audio from it here, just so you could hear those first early moments. I know it's not the same as seeing an unboxing video, but hey, has anyone ever done a book unboxing via podcast before? I don't know. There could be a first for everything. So here are those first early nerve wracking moments of seeing the books for the first time. Quick caveat. I wasn't actually planning to release it to the podcast, so it's not like I had some lavalier mic set up. The audio is distant because we were properly socially distanced, but you'll get the gist of those first early moments.

Okay, we're here for the big free time book reveal.

We're in Rochester. Books arrived yesterday. Oh my gosh.

They'Re gorgeous.

Wow.

Look at that gold oil.

Oh my gosh. It turned out so well.

Nice purple and sheets.

Wow.

It looks so good.

I can't believe it. And. And the famous ribbon that has caused such a ruckus.

There we have it. Oh my goodness. My pride and joy. This ribbon. Wow, it looks so good. Oh, oh, oh. Okay, now me just sit here a moment.

We have the very special feature of the casing. There it is. Wow.

Debossed F wings. So the book can fly. And look at that great foil color.

Wow, wow, wow, wow.

Amazing. I can't believe it. I can't believe. I cannot believe it.

Okay, so I'm gonna sign 200 books today. Can't wait.

As you can hear in my voice, I was so relieved. The books exceeded all my expectations about what they would look like. The printer did an absolute, absolutely phenomenal job. And although there were supply chain delays, and especially everybody in the printing world, has had to deal with so much change and challenge these last two years. I could not be prouder of what we've all created with Idea Press Publishing, with the printer, with the design team behind the book. Oh my goodness, it's so exciting. Even those coral ribbons are hand stitched into the book, into the spine and the binding. There are so many little touches. There's a little secret beneath the book jacket that if you buy the hardcover collector's edition, you'll see. And I even do think this is gonna be the collector's edition because I don't know, it might take five months to print more books. So depending how fast they sell, once the book launches, you may not even be able to get a hardcover for a while. So I feel like I'm doing a fashion drop or something. An NFT drop. There's 10,000. Got to get them while taught. And I have no freaking clue how long it would take to replace this initial first batch because there is so much complex little design additions that, like I said, I was just so thrilled. Every single one feels really special and feels worth doing and having. It just is so rewarding to be able to see a creative vision realized. And I know that you all know this and so many of us have creative projects that we work on and it's just a very, very special moment to see something made manifest. Truly. I can't wait for you to see your copy. Go ahead and pre order if you haven't already. And remember, you'll get instant access to the audiobook if you do that. So you can already start diving in. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here on this journey with me. And it is so nerve wracking. It is so vulnerable. It's so easy to fall into these pits of perfectionism and even despair and doubt during this process. And it's not to make a creative process overly dramatic. There are certainly much more dramatic and traumatic things happening in the world. But I just say this to keep us all encouraged, to keep going, keep hitting, publish, keep going even when it's not perfect. Even with free time, there are so many things that I could have added, could have done differently. That's the thing about book publishing, that the book becomes this fossilized artifact. It's frozen in a moment of time and it will always become out of date in a way. But then the hope is to also create something that is truly timeless and that can be evergreen and that can help and benefit others consistently over time. I hope that's what you'll find with free time. Thank you so much for being here, listening and for getting your copy of the book. If you've listened this far, you get a gold star. Thank you. Word of mouth is the most joyful way we can grow this show and it helps us land interviews with the luminaries and insightful guests that you would most love to hear from. Please send this episode to a friend who might find it helpful, and for show notes and related links from this episode, visit itsfreetime.com while you're there, make sure you're subscribed to the Time well Spent newsletter. You'll get instant access to my Tech Toolkit, a continually updated list of all the software I use, along with the total monthly spend to run my business where no one works full time even me. Visit itsfreetime.com join remember, you are running the show. It's time for radical reimagining and everything is up for grabs. Let it be easy, let it be fun, and build with love.

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