118: Union Theological Seminary—Reflections on My First Month of Grad School

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What's Next? This is a question we're all having to ask and answer more frequently. I'm Jenny Blake, your host of the Pivot podcast and author of Pivot. The only move that matters is your next one.

For show notes from this episode, visit pivotmethod.com podcast. If change is the only constant, then let's get better at it. Here we go.

Hi friends, I'm back with another solo show, this time on updates and learnings from my first month plus at Union Theological Seminary. It has been quite an interesting and totally immersive, fulfilling experience to be back in school. I recorded an episode earlier this year about my Pivot in progress and my decision to go to Union and apply in the first place. Because let me tell you, for most of my life I would have been the very last person that you would have expected to end up at seminary school. But alas, I am going to Union. It's right up near Columbia here in New York City for a two year Masters of the Arts program. And as it stands so far, my concentration will be an inter religious engagement, although I'm also very interested in studying that growing group of people who define themselves as spiritual, not religious. And as I shared on the episode where I talk about putting yourself in the path of Pivot, I really have no clue where this is going to take me. I just know that I'm loving the material and I'm putting myself in a new environment with new people, new reading, new professors, and excited to explore what's within us, what's deeper, what calls us to do the work that we're meant to do. The day that I'm releasing This episode, Tuesday, October 9th, also happens to be my 35th birthday. So in honor of that, I want to invite you and remind you about all of the awesome perks that you can get by joining us on patreon@patreon.com pivot and now for a short four and a half minute plug. If you've heard this before or you're already a member, please feel free to skip it. I'm really inspired by how Sam Harris talks about why patronage is so important for content creators and why he's decided not to take sponsors from for his podcast. I've been feeling wary about it from the beginning, and I've been podcasting for over four years now. 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In episode 109 on my personal Pivot update, I mentioned that I'd be starting at Union Theological Seminary in September. Many of you have reached out to ask how it's going, which I so appreciate. And you've probably noticed that the podcast has been a little choppy in terms of me getting it out on time every week as I had been doing. Where to even begin on how school's going? First, and most importantly, I absolutely love it. One of my new friends that I met at orientation, he called it Holy Hogwarts and it really does feel that way. Union is over 100 years old. In fact, right now the year of Incorporation is escaping me. But one thing I didn't know is that many universities in this country and abroad started as seminaries and then only later added other subject matter Theology, by dictionary definition, is the study of the nature of God. But it tends to be in an academic setting about really a combination of history, anthropology, sociology. Certainly at Union, which is very progressive, there's a social justice element. There's a lot of talk about liberation theology, helping groups who are oppressed, different ways to study and analyze religions, religious thinkers, comparative religion, inter religious engagement. There's a concentration on psychology and religion. At the individual level, church and society. Just fascinating array of topics. I really feel like I'm in heaven. And yeah, maybe that's a theology pun for you, but really I love my teachers, my fellow classmates are so interesting and to study the topics. I'll tell you my classes in a second. It's just all day, every day. I feel like my brain is so engaged and on fire and lit up and I love the material and I love the reading and just. I've never studied religion. I didn't really. I did political science and communications in undergraduate, but I never took a lot of history classes. And I can't say I was very good at philosophy either. But so far at Union, there, there is a lot of talk about ethics and the lens that we read things and reading these thinkers from over 100 years ago, of course, up till today, and some very contemporary stuff, but reading with a lens of generosity, understanding what they were writing, why it was significant at that time, who they were at that time, and then understanding how things have evolved. My classes for my first semester include Systematic Theology, where we're kind of studying the whole oeuvre of this field, including Neo Orthodoxy, Orthodoxy, black theology, queer theology, feminist theology, Womanist theology, Latinx, Third World theology. Just super interesting week after week after week to read thinkers in each of these tracks. I'm also taking American Theological Liberalism, which is awesome. How theology changed once it got to America, and how America, this country founded on freedom and independence. How have those values come into play in religion, church and society? People who broke from, let's say, Calvinism to advocate for a God of love. I find very interesting, that progression. And I'm only halfway through. Not even, not even halfway through the semester. It just every week I find it so engaging. I'm taking theological French to try and pass my language requirement in French. It's probably one step too ambitious because I have zero French knowledge, but I figure why not at least try and scratch the surface and see how far I get? Then I'm taking Bible 101, a great class. I've never read the Bible. It's really fun. And the professor really has us thinking it's just not about any particular denomination but reading it through the lens of this book written by people in exile. So so far we're a month in and the class is about looking for examples of how stories illustrate a people who are wanting to fight for the underdog there. The Jews were in exile under Babylonian rule and so many of the stories are kind of anti Babylonian mythos and turning the tables. The younger is rewarded. The younger the weaker. What does that look like? And so reading through this critical eye or how does Joseph's handling of the famine. What are the economic, political and social consequences of his strategy compared to Moses strategy for handling the famine? What does that say? Very interesting stuff. And then I'm taking Mysticism and Revolutionary Social Change, another favorite I'm just loving. Every week we're assigned one book on a mystic. So I've read about Thomas Merton beautiful autobiography called the Seven Story Mountain. Dorothy Day. I'm giving a presentation on Dorothy Day coming up and she had and still has some houses even though she's no longer with us here in New York City, actually right around the corner from me. Really cool to go see, even browse the library there. It was really something. We read about Rumi Thich Nhat Hanh. And then the last class is a one credit colloquium in the arts and it involves going on three field trips that I think I'm going to a puppet show, a jazz performance and a museum exhibit at the MoMA on Art and conspiracy and we'll discuss and write a short paper on each one. Very fascinating array of topics. I have to say the first month was a complete fire hose of reading assignments. Figuring out the commute for me, it's about an hour each way and so on Tuesday and Thursday are the days that I go to class and I'm out of the house at 7am and then I get home around 10pm so these days are incredibly long. And then I'm trying to fit work in on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, but sometimes I have speaking engagements or I'm traveling and things that or I'm just tired. So it really has been a juggle of trying to figure out okay, how do I add a full time activity onto an existing full time business. It hasn't been easy, but I'm adjusting and so far I love the material so much that it really does feel worth it. A couple people said to me, grad school is an exercise in time management, so if you like organizing things, you're going to be fine. Sure enough, my first week of school, I fell back on a comfort strategy from my undergrad experience at UCLA of making a master spreadsheet. And I put every single, every reading assignment, every homework assignment mapped out week by week by week for the whole semester. And then I just check things off as much as I can. Now that I'm a month in, I'm actually ahead. I'm trying to front load my assignments and really get a jump on things. So I'd say I'm ahead in school and behind in my email inbox, which I was already struggling and kind of behind that before I started school. Now it feels kind of like a Tetris game where all the pieces are stacked at the top of the screen and it's getting faster and faster and there's, like, nowhere to put these pieces anymore. So there's definitely a feeling that I have less margin. It's not as easy to take time off. I have to be more strategic and think ahead. But like I said, it's worth it. And I do feel like I will get used to this after the first semester. And this is also the fall is speaking busy season. But of course, just like with anything, there were moments, even during orientation at the end of August, where I wondered, am I doing the right thing? Should I be here? Do I belong here? Am I crazy to think that I could add all this to my plate and do that for two years and commute? And what if I don't know anything? In my classes, I just had every fear and insecurity that accompanies a big leap like this, a big next step, a big. It's. I can't even say it's a risk because as I said, the material all feels so joyful to me, but it is an investment of time and effort and energy. And sometimes we don't know the outcome up front. That is the whole point of Pivot and the Pivot method and the framework and the mindset is that you don't have to know how it's going to turn out, but there is this leap of faith at a certain point where you say, I'm willing to try, and if it doesn't work out, that's okay, but let's see what we can do. Part of how I felt after orientation, which, by the way, had a theme of justice and joy, which I felt was so beautiful and perfect for certainly all the topics we talk about here on the Pivot podcast. But I remember feeling a familiar feeling that I have felt at moments of change, of being on a roller coaster and where it's ticking upward and hasn't yet reached the peak of the Big Drop. And so it's just that nerve wracking, climbing, like tick, tick, tick, tick, climbing, climbing, climbing. And you know that kind of when you say go, or in my case, once the first week of school happened, whoosh, the car goes down the Big Drop and you're, you have that fun and exhilaration. And yes, the nerves are there, but they're not the same as those nerves of anticipation. So I think you just gotta know that that's gonna come with any new stretch zone experience. I also, by the way, am more shy than you might guess. Maybe you would guess that I'm shy, but orientation, I found I was pretty quiet and I'm giving myself time to get to know people. And it happens naturally in classes. Of course. I've met some really, really wonderful people and, and I look forward to getting to know everybody better. But it is scary, it is nerve wracking to be thrown into, even in this situation of orientation, thrown into rooms with a hundred new faces. And you're all looking around just wondering, okay, let's do this. As far as some strategies that are helping so far, I mentioned my semester spreadsheet and schedule blocking. So again, trying to get school two days of the week so that I can try and work at least maybe two other days and then have a day off. The hard part about that is context switching. It's hard for me during the day. I might have an hour or two in between classes sometimes, but I'm finding that it's a little harder for me to just, oh, let me pound away at email in between classes. So I try to. In my Moleskine notebook, I have a to do list that's divided in three columns. Work, school and personal tasks and errands. And I just, day by day, kind of go with my energy, Go with my energy. And I ask what's crucial that has to get done today. Maybe I have clients that I need to get back to and then. Or homework that's due the following day. And then what feels good right now. And I think it's gonna be a while before I could read a book again for pleasure. That has nothing to do with school because I have so much reading for school. But the good news is that I love reading, I really do. And I love the material that we're studying. So that's a matter of finding the time and just picking, kind of going with my energy to the extent that I can.

The one thing I will say I have not figured out yet actually is the podcast and when to schedule interviews. So you may see a slightly more interrupted schedule.

Just as we get through the fall and first semester. I will no doubt try to stack a bunch of interviews once the semester ends, but for now I'm in such a mode of juggling so many small tasks and the podcast is a big one and it involves preparing for the interviews, reading the person's book, scheduling time with them, conducting the interview. And I'm finding that my plate feels so full right now, at least in the full month, that that's the piece I haven't quite clicked in yet. So I'm saying that out loud and thanking you now and in advance for any schedule disruptions that you see. But know that I'm not going anywhere, as you've heard me say many times. This is one of my favorite things that I do. I just love this podcast so much and I love all of you. You're the reason that I am ending up at Union in the first place, having conversations that I want to bring to you, dialoguing with those of you who write back. And if you read the newsletter. And side note, if you're not on the newsletter, that's where I communicate out every week and share not just the newest episode, but things that I'm reading and thinking about. So if you're not already on that, make sure that you hop on it. Pivotmethod.com pivotlist I'm also still very active in momentum. You heard me mention that in the podcast the Patreon Plug, but momentum is so fun. This is where I'm really sharing the inside scoop on classes, book excerpts, walking people through visualization exercises, answering questions. And I'm just so grateful for momentum because it feels so nice to take risks and exchange ideas in community. I also use a Momentum app which has nothing to do with my program momentum, but it's really helpful for tracking parts of my routine that are important like meditation, exercise, email, sprints. I highly recommend checking out the Momentum app if you haven't already. A big inner game part of going back to school has to do with self compassion and willing to drop perfectionism. And I'll add a third which is deep breaths.

I've been giving myself some encouragement for going back to school and how am I going to get this all done? Really? Like it's. It's a lot. It's just a lot to hold and my brain feels like it's on fire in a good way. And of course sometimes I get Overwhelmed. So first, one of my mantras that I used to have when I was younger, probably to a fault, was if you want something done, give it to a busy person. I didn't make that up, but people used to say it to me and I don't remind myself of that. To go crazy and to burn out. I mean, as you know, that's just not something I advocate for, having been there a million times. But I remind myself, you know what, being busy and having a full plate, it forces you to come up with interesting strategies and you're in a habit of flying through stuff. Like, I don't have time to have writer's block on my school essays because they just have to get done. So it's actually helping me dust off the rust because after I wrote Pivot, there were two years where I didn't want to touch writing in any way. And now Pivot came out September of 2016. So yeah, it's about two years later and I'm writing again. Even though it's not personal writing, it's school assignments. I'm enjoying it and I'm enjoying that feeling of just get er done. Self compassion. And dropping perfectionism comes in because I've tried to remind myself over and over with my business, with my response times. With schoolwork, it doesn't have to be perfect. I've done several podcasts on this topic. I'm the type that if I do something, I want to do it well and I want to read every single page that is assigned. I have FOMO for class reading. Like if I don't read an essay, I wonder what gem, what one sentence nugget I missed out on. And yet I have to remind myself I don't have to get the best grades in every class for two years. This is an optional master's degree. It's a privilege for me to go to school. There's no need to obsess over how I'm doing. That said, I have fun wanting to do a great job. I have fun trying to think of creative ways to deliver presentations that I have to give. And so I just try and remind myself, you know, it's okay and all right. I'm really slow at response times. Even with friends. I feel so bad. I just. I'm pretty wiped out during the week and.

It'S nothing personal to anybody, but there's almost. I'm having a hard time fitting in much social stuff at all just because I don't know when I'm going to want to rest. So the self compassion piece is about saying it's okay, it's okay. And Kristin Neff wrote a great book called Self Compassion that I actually haven't read yet, but this came up during the Heart of Podcasting course and in Momentum, and it's on my list now. As you know, it's bumped down after many, many school assignments, but this whole idea of just how are you speaking to yourself? The book on nonviolent communication. I'm so sorry, the author's name is escaping me and I know you think this is probably weird. I'm recording my own podcast. I should just hit pause and go check, but I will put it in the show notes. I gotta commit his name to memory, but he basically says even shoulds are a form of violence against ourselves in a subtle way. And just trying to drop that as much as I can has been really important.

Trying to stick with daily meditation and at least 20 minutes of exercise. If I can do 20 minutes of yoga, Pilates, and now swimming. Side note, if you haven't checked out the book Total Immersion, I heard about it from Tim Ferriss and listen to the episode he did with Terri Lachlan. Unreal. I'm having so much fun swimming, and I am the swimmer that almost drowned doing a half mini triathlon in 2009. You if you read Life After College, you read my story where we got in the water and everyone started kicking and swimming furiously and I felt like I was going to drown, so I went onto my back and I backstroked all the way around the whole swim portion of the triathlon. I was probably one of the last people, if not dead last, out of the water. But I didn't drown. So I'm the world's worst swimmer. But now with Total Immersion, this technique, it's all about flow and grace and mindfulness and breath and body awareness and ease. And it has been one of the most enjoyable things that I have added to my routine in the last few months. So if you're looking to shake up your exercise setup, definitely try this. It's so worth it. And I swear it's coming from like, the world's least likely swimmer. All right, so wrapping up my swimming tangent, that about covers the first month of school. As I mentioned, a total fire hose, but I couldn't be happier. I feel so engaged all day, every day, and I have no clue where it's taking me, but I'm really enjoying the journey and exploring where I stand and where I fit with all of this. One of the professors at Union who is no longer with us but he was there for 50 years, named James Cohn. Some students did a really nice tribute for him the other week, and one of the things they said that he repeatedly encouraged students to do was find their own unique voice, find what they struggled with and how could that relate to their unique perspective on theology? And what is it that you and only you have to offer and have to say.

With that? I will end with a daily prayer that came to me one day during meditation and this is something that I've been repeating whenever I remember it, and I'll share it here with all of you.

Fill me with love. Shape me like clay. Put me to work.

Fill me with love. Shape me like clay. Put me to work.

Wishing you all a wonderful fall. And again, I encourage you, I invite you and would be delighted to have you join us in Momentum. You can learn more@pivotmethod.com momentum or join us on Patreon.com pivot thank you all so much for being here listening. And that concludes today's episode on an update of my first month at grad school. Thanks for being here listening.

Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Pivot Podcast. Make sure you don't miss an episode or my insider tips and templates by signing up for Pivot List, a curated twice monthly newsletter where I share the inside scoop on what I'm reading, watching, listening to, and the latest tools I'm geeking out on. Sign up@pivotmethod.com pivotlist get show notes from this episode@pivotmethod.com podcast and connect with me on Twitter ennyblake.

Remember, build first, then your courage will follow. Hasn't it always Sam.