196: 🍩 What Do Donuts, Coffee, Conversation, and Energy Cliffs Have in Common? (My Mini Daily Audio Diary from Attending TED 2023)

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast Smart move. Being financially savvy Smart move. Another smart move. Having State Farm help you create a competitive price when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling. Just another way to save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. I don't want plans when I'm at something like this. I don't need them. Cool things happen if they're meant to. You know, I don't get FOMO if I don't have a week full of plans already made. I'm just in the moment and then that makes me available to say yes to something in the moment, which I find are usually the coolest things. Anyway.

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Welcome back Free Timers. Jenny Blake here with a brand new episode format that I have yet to try in nearly a decade of podcasting. Probably because I'm already embarrassed about it or nerve sighted as my friend Alex Fransen would say. But I decided to release it on the pod anyway because why not? Gotta try new things every now and then. This is a daily audio diary from recently attending the TED conference. The reason I felt it was interesting to capture at all, and you might disagree with me, is that this felt like a high stakes conference for me. Sometimes I can make serendipitous magic out of. Conferences, travel and conferences in general tend to be situations that I thrive in. I don't know why. Something about the randomness of it and being out of my daily routine. And yet with ted, I had only attended once before, the year prior in 2022. I registered in 2019 and that was a really big deal for me. It was a big deal to apply, it was an even bigger deal to get in, and it was an even bigger deal still to fork over 10k for the conference ticket. We're talking about the Big Kahuna ted, the main event that's in Vancouver every year. For some reason I just felt in 2019 that it was worth me trying. Now when I get in the room with all these fancy people at a conference like this, for whom 10k is nothing. I often feel like I snuck in the side door. My imposter monster definitely pipes up saying, what the hell are you doing here? Like nobody wants to talk to you. And I get really insecure and it's really nerve wracking and yet I don't want to count myself out before I even get there. And so 2019, I get up the courage to register, I get in, I pay the money to attend. And by the way, all in, it's probably more of a 15k event because the hotels are pretty expensive near the conference center. You're paying for flights, you're paying for meals once you're there. So let's say it's a 15k investment, or do we call it a 15k lottery ticket? You know, is this going to be worth it? Is this going to be important for me, for my life, my business, my relationships? And ideally not just going into a situation like this saying, what can I get but what can I give? What do I have to offer? How do I show up in a room even when I am surrounded by all these fancy accomplished people? You never know who you're gonna see walking around. The conference center is shaped, I call it the Donut because it's this huge oval. You can definitely get your steps in every day walking in circles. And you can also go into the sessions where sometimes there's 10 back to back Ted talks within one session and then there's multiple sessions per day. And the conference itself stretches over five days in a week. As usual with these types of things, there's all kinds of side lunches and private dinners and parties. And after part, I don't really get involved in all the after after stuff. For one thing, I'm not invited because I don't know that many people here yet. I know some, but it changes from year to year. And then I'm also not a night owl. It's just not where I thrive. As you'll hear in this Daily Diary experimental podcast. I highly encourage you to listen to the Pivot episode that just released 3:25 on conference networking strategies with Alyssa Cohn. Put it in the show notes. Today's episode is more behind the scenes. I recorded these in my hotel room every morning of the day. In the life of a conference, it has nothing to do with advice or how to or me coaching you how to better attend a conference. That's not really the vibe here. It's really one person's take on how does it feel to be there and how I was approaching every day. I actually lost steam toward the end. I didn't even record a daily diary on the last morning because I was so tired. So you're getting the end of the story now up front, but you might find the rest of the day to day somewhat interesting. If not, I think you'll find 3:25 a little more practical, tactical, hands on. Last thing I'll say is that this is the perspective of somebody who tends to be kind of introverted most of the time, but I really do bust out all the people skills I have when I get in an environment like this, and the serendipity of it energizes me. And then you also hear me talking about needing my time to recharge and selectively choosing what to go for and then what to deliberately have Jomo about or the joy of missing out. If you resonate with anything I'm sharing in this little daily diary, I also encourage you to check out Rose Cox's wonderful podcast. It's called the Sensitive CEO. You can find that wherever you're listening to this. Rose is a former bff, longtime friend of the pod. I was just on her show talking about podcasting as a sensitive soul and sensitive CEO, and she just covers a lot of great similar themes and topics. So that's the Sensitive CEO with Rose Cox. Without further ado, here's a little snippet of my time at ted, and if you're looking for more where this came from, go check out episode 325 on Pivot. Let's dive in.

Good morning. I got into Vancouver last night. Long day of travel from New York City. I already left my headphone charger in the Delta Lounge in jfk. Finally I arrived. As I was checking in, I felt so schlubby in basically a sweatsuit jumper and messy hair, no makeup, dragging my big bags behind me. And I see everybody in the lounge looks like a movie. It's just warm and there's this din of everybody talking and music playing and everybody seems so excited, like the first day of summer camp or something. I went straight up to the room and unpacked and just have that nervous energy of getting here, you know, not really planning to come with anybody, which is how I like to travel when I can, to be purely open to serendipity and whatever strikes me at any given moment. I'm not coordinating with any one person while I'm here and I have all those nerves of how's it going to go and can I get the courage to start conversations and talk to people and who am I going to meet? I brought 10 copies of free Time just like I did last year for some serendipity popcorn and to give to people that I connect with. You know, I never want to foist my book on anybody, but I'm usually glad that I have it. And I feel like there's no such thing as a bad way to leave a book behind. You know, one time at south by Southwest, I put a stack of Free Time copies on the table and I propped up a little card that said free take me and then I hid behind the corner. And it was so fascinating to just see when did it catch people's eye and then when it did, would they kind of turn back around and then they'd pick it up and they'd examine it and they would flip it over, maybe read the flap copy. It was so fascinating because I had never seen somebody interact with one of my books in the wild like that when deciding whether to take one even though it's free. Then it was so gratifying when they would examine it maybe a little skeptically and then decide to take it. It was like every single time. Woohoo. It worked. It worked. Oh, so here I am just having my morning coffee. I usually have way too many cups of coffee, especially when I have these great little Nespresso machines and I don't know, I don't know what to do with myself yet. As I said in the episode of crashing into quiet time, there's usually some transition needed of going from just day to day life and even the chaos of preparing for a big trip, packing and trying to get work done, putting up an autoresponder to arriving. I will try to do a try. See, I should just be committing. I should say I am going to do yoga or Pilates every day through peloton and tonal. I have the tonal machine at home, but I do their on the go workouts to keep my street. That would be good for me, although in this moment I don't feel like it. So I'm recording the first installment of a daily diary of my time at TED 2023. All right, let's see what happens next.

Good morning. It is official day one Monday morning. I've been up for a few hours and I'm cracking up right now because my hotel room is closed. So it's not like I can go out on a terrace or balcony. But there are two seagulls that started Squawking and talking and they landed right at the glass. And they've been just looking into my room. It is hilarious. One of them's now getting sleepy. Oh, he's so cute. He just closed his eyes. He's sleeping while standing. Oh, my goodness. Anyway, they're cracking me up, they're so loud, making noises, looking in the room. I started taking video of them. I always love when stuff like this happens with animals in nature, where there's an interaction you don't expect. And then I always go look up. What does it mean? What is the spirit animal of a seagull? And what energy can I embrace today? Or, you know, what are they trying to tell me or themes to look out for? I think my voice is only going to degrade further and farther as the week goes on. I mentioned I'm taking a new medication that has really helped with my asthma, but it must be very strong. It's already stressing my throat. And then being at a place like this, it gets so loud at lunches and dinners and in the hotel lobby. And something about my voice is room tone, so people cannot hear me. Somebody said last night, you gotta talk from your belly. You can't talk from your throat. And they're probably right. In any case, my pre arrival day one was a success, I would say. I was waiting at the bar for my friend Alyssa to come down. And when she came down, we were talking about our tips. How do we approach people at a conference and how do you avoid fangirling? How do you talk to somebody like a peer? And then the two, these two other people at the bar kind of got involved and we all had this really funny conversation. One of them is running a skincare startup for men. The other one runs Julia Child's foundation. So that's one of the cool things of sitting at the bar or being at a conference like this. It's worth making conversation or it's worth making people laugh or getting people involved or even asking a simple question. I saw that one of them had his conference badge already. And the most simple, basic question. Oh, it's open. We're able to register. Breaks the ice, kicks it off, starts a conversation. It's sometimes hard to tell if someone wants to talk or maybe they have work to do, or you never know, but it's just worth a shot. Even with little tiny openers like that, I always love being able to connect. I had another cool moment last night. My friend John Levy, who sadly can't be here this year. I joked that last Year I was his barnacle because he knows everybody. I had him on the Pivot podcast talking about his influencer dinners that he's been hosting for 13 years. And so if I just walk around with John, a.k.a. like his barnacle, everybody says hi, Everybody walks up. He's so generous with introductions. It was 5:30pm last night and we're on the West Coast. It's Vancouver. So I was getting ready to go to bed. I was trying to make a graceful exit and just go upstairs. And I was just about to go up and go to bed and he texted from New York, are you free for dinner right now? There is one spot open. I didn't know whose dinner, I didn't know where, I didn't know who was hosting. And then I just say yes, because when John Levy texts you, say yes if you can possibly can make it happen. And then he said, oh, it's Cameron Herald's dinner to kind of kick off the conference. And so he made a mutual intro. And at 5:40, Cameron texted Jenny, Join us 6pm sharp. So I'm scrambling. I didn't even see that message until six minutes, until 6pm I didn't even have time to change. I just ran back out of my room. This was me trying to rally as well, because I was tired. You know me, I'm a grandma. I go to bed at 8pm Whenever I can, New York time. And I try to stay on east coast time to a certain extent when I'm traveling. Although this week I think that's going to go right out the window. And I went, I got to the restaurant, I was just a minute or two late and was part of this lovely dinner with 18 other interesting people, creatives and entrepreneurs. So that was really cool. And it's just amazing how something like that can happen. It's just very last minute. There's one spot open. It's in 20 minutes. Be there or be square, even coordinated by a friend who's not even here. And so I just love when things like that happen, those unexpected moments. And I've been telling to friends or people I meet that I don't want plans when I'm at something like this. I don't need them. Cool things happen if they're meant to. You know, I don't get FOMO if I don't have a week full of plans already made. I'm just in the moment and then that makes me available to say yes to something in the moment, which I find are usually the coolest things. Anyway, came home after dinner completely crashed out and you know I always get self conscious. Did I introduce myself? Well I don't know, just the usual self talk. My low of the day yesterday was I ate a lot all day. For some reason I was really hungry but then I just felt uncomfortable in my jeans, felt uncomfortable in what I was wearing. It was all so delicious. There's this Michelin star restaurant called Nightingale a block from the hotel. I mean no regrets but I also just felt kind of uncomfortable and I had a few drinks. I don't ever drink really back in New York, very, very rarely. Mostly because I don't really go out but it's not like Michael and I don't have alcohol in our house or anything because it just disrupts my sleep and it might feel fun in the moment but yesterday I think I had three drinks starting in the afternoon and I realized my lowest I gotta pace myself food and alcohol and just stay healthy so I feel clear and strong and good and healthy. My hi, was that dinner probably just last minute invite. Getting myself to ramp up and say yes to it and then being around really wonderful people. Cameron Harold is somebody that I've long admired and followed his work. He's the COO whisperer, so you can imagine why he's amazing and he has something called vivid vision that he encourages entrepreneurs to create and he's just really well known in the business space. So it's one of those joyful moments of here I am now setting across from him at dinner from somebody whose books I've read or podcasts I've subscribed to and just would never expect that or know how that would come about and it's very cool that it did. All right, that's it for this entry. Talk to you soon.

We'll be right back just after this. Hi, this is Deechen Laichman and I am here to tell you Toyotathon is on. So stop by your local Toyota dealer for incredible year end deals on the cars, trucks and SUVs known for their legendary reliability like the stylish and efficient Camry, the Ready for anything RAV4 or check out a rough and rugged Tacoma or Tundra, all with great financing and lease options available to qualified customers. Visit buyatoyota.com to find out more. Toyota. Let's go places. Cuando entras a Burlington Encuentras precios increibles irregalos geniales Jesus energia del protagonista Por que in Burlington los ahoros festivos nos un lo uni co que Llama la tension.

Good morning. It's the start of day two and we had such a fun first day. We first thing in the morning I ran into Gina Bianchini who we connected when she was a guest on the free time podcast. That's after years of me listening to her on other shows, being so articulate, teaching about community design and everything that she's built with mighty networks. And so I said gina, we waved hello, I introduced her to Alyssa, who I was standing with and proceeded to spend the three of us the rest of the day well into the night. 10:00pm that's well into the night for me with my grandma bedtime running around together. We joked that we had the throuple was our conference approach and between the three of us we all knew different people. It was really fun to just make loops around the donut and sit down, see who walked by. It was just so fun that by the end of the night it felt like we'd known each other 10 years when really we had just connected that morning for the first time. Irl. That's what I love about things like this. Oh, I have to say I got carried away with Prosecco. First of all, I was eating snacks all day just because they're around and I was curious and I wanted to try everything. And then at night there was this after the welcome party dinner event, it was arthroppel just sitting on a bench chatting with a few other people and they kept refilling the Prosecco and I shouldn't have done that. It was so fun in the moment to have some bubbles and feel so free just out of my day to day life and responsibilities at home. But then I woke up today feeling sad. That is always what alcohol will do. If I wake up as a default feeling sad, usually I know I can connect it to having had alcohol in the days prior. So I gotta be mindful of that today and try to lift my spirits. It probably doesn't help that it's rainy out. I mean there's no need to lift my spirits. Yesterday I remember saying just to be here is such an incredible privilege, something that I had dreamed about for years and years and years. And so I really, really just want to be in a frequency of gratitude and appreciation all day, every day. Like there is no downside here to any of it. Even the privilege of getting to be away from home. Like having my husband Michael taking care of things on the home front. We were both laughing this morning when we talked on the phone because he said, I wish you were here and I'm very happy without you. And I had been feeling the same thing last night and I laughed, I said, oh, you said the quiet part out loud. And yet I was feeling the same way, like I miss you, I love you, I cherish you, I'm sharing such wonderful stories about you and I'm so glad I'm here and I'm so glad I'm by myself, feeling free again. I said to Michael this morning, I feel young again. I feel like all the day to day responsibility and the years of the pandemic and having a dog now and taking care, being a breadwinner for the household and even extended family, I just being here feel kind of reminded of my 20 something self who was free and embracing serendipity and didn't have responsibility in those ways a little bit, but not as much pressure as I have felt in the recent years. And so that's a really beautiful feeling. No matter what happens at the conference, no matter who I meet, no matter what I learn, no matter what unfolds, it's already such a gift just to be here and have that sense of freedom and possibility, which incidentally is the theme of TED 2023. Possibility. I'm looking forward to getting over there this morning, getting some coffee.

I swear, starting around seven the night prior, I start to get FOMO for my morning. There's a coffee pun in there somewhere with foam fomo. I start to get FOMO for the morning and I just don't want things to cut into my morning. Even last night I stayed out later than anticipated till 10pm and sure enough, I woke up today and I didn't feel like doing yoga or my tonal workout. It's so bad because I know my body would feel really good if I would stretch and do that. I gotta just keep these things in mind. It's so hard not to get carried away sometimes. It's hard to peel away from a great conversation because there's another part of me that says this is what it's all about. This is why you're here. Like, it's good to double down and concentrate on it and embrace it while it's here, while we can all be in person.

Good morning friends. It is a Wednesday of the TED conference. I guess officially that's day three. Just going to share my high and low. It's something I learned from yesterday. My low was I got really tired in the middle of the day. It's a marathon, not a sprint at these things. And yet, as I said in the morning I had alcohol the night prior. It just didn't help my mood. I didn't work out in the morning. I kept eating all these sugary snacks around. So I really had an energy and a mood dip in the afternoon. And I didn't have any wine or champagne or anything at dinner and could just try to bounce back. I also had a moment where I was on the shuttle back from roller skating, which was my discovery session breakout activity, and I put in headphones. I was sitting in the front row because I tend to get pretty car sick. I was sitting in the front row, I put in my headphones and I put on a podcast. And it was the first time in three days that I wasn't surrounded by people engaging with people. I could just be in my own space and my own mind and be quiet and not trying to be an active listener or a good conversationalist or have my own interesting things to say. I could just relax and I needed that so badly. Speaking of roller skating, it was really fun. I got to hang out with Amy Cuddy, who is an avid roller skater. She even packs roller skates in her carry on luggage everywhere she travels. That's how much she loves it. So I was on the shuttle with sitting next to Amy and then a friend Stacy, who I met last year. And the three of us were talking about books and blurbs and saying no. And it was just a great conversation. And then we get to the roller rink and Amy is just a gorgeous image of grace and ease on her skates and just totally into it. It was so fun to see her in a bliss state with something she loves. And then I too was really grateful to be moving. And they turned out the lights at one point and just have it's kind of slow music, like slow disco. But just to be getting into a vibe again. Nice to have a physical way to just get some of the energy out from all the sitting and talking. Then when I got back to the convention center, there was this group that had turned the music way up and was practically ecstatic dancing. And so I just jump into this group and start going buck wild. Like we were all dancing just to the Hilts, like 10 out of 10 level energy with a bunch of strangers. It was so fun. We were sweating, we're dancing. It was really fun. I loved just having that release. So that was another highlight. Walking around the donut, I bumped into Dan Harris and I got to say thank you for his work. I went to a very early book signing for 10% happier and it was just Nice to say thanks for your work. Love what you do to get to connect with him. I gave him a pin. I gave him one of my book nerd pins. And then I also ran into Scott Belsky, which is cool. He and I keynoted a 20 something blogger conference together back in 2010. That was one of my very first keynotes. And I don't ever expect someone like this to remember me, but it's nice to be able to say, hey, over a decade ago, you and I were at this same event in the early days of the Internet and blogging and to just chat. We talked about ChatGPT and AI and took a picture of my brother who happened to be reading his book the Messy Middle as we speak. And so that was really delightful. It's super fun to bump into people that I've engaged with their work, I love their work. Or we have mutual friends, or to just be in a setting where it's okay to approach these people. And it's not like really weird at the airport or even at some New York City restaurant. It's just walking the donut. They're engaging, we're engaging. And we met the head of Pushkin, the podcast network, and he gets to surround himself By Michael Lewis. Malcolm Gladwell. Just super fun. Very interesting crowd. There's about 1800 people registered. I don't even think there's that many that are here. And there certainly wouldn't be the full attendees walking the donut at any given time. So maybe conservatively, we could say 1,000 to 1,500 people, but it's manageable. And it's so fun to just see the serendipity of who you bump into at any given time. Alyssa said, you always claim to be so introverted, but then you're so engaging and you're a great conversationalist. What is this about? And, and I basically said that most of the year, 95% of the time, I'm just like a squirrel collecting information, acorns. I'm reading, I'm listening to podcasts, I'm alone, I'm in my head. And then in a burst, one week a year, I can come and do this. And as my squirrel, I've collected all these interesting little tidbits. So it is not that hard for me to kind of dive into a conversation with someone, of course, when I have the energy, but to meet them where they are, what they think is interesting. Oh, I even was talking to Maria Popova, who writes formerly Brain Pickings, now the marginalian about notion. She's still on Evernote. She's been using it like, oh my gosh, almost 20 years, 18 or something. But I probably overwhelmed her with my passion for notion. So that's the thing about this. It's like you gotta take risks to go up to people to talk to them. Sometimes the risk is that they're not interested or you accidentally talk their ear off or you fangirl or. But then every now and then you can connect as a peer and make a nice connection. And I always send people a note through the app. We have this TED Connect app where I try to say great to meet you and I try to say one thing about our interaction, but I also try to make it funny. So lately I just send people emoji stories, try to make them laugh or smile a little bit. In my nice to meet you note. That's been helpful for me so far. My other learning is, oh my goodness, pace it with the food and the sugar and the alcohol on day one because it's not going to serve the rest of the week at an event like this. It's now almost 8am that's late for me to go get my morning coffee. It's killing me, this time zone thing. But also I'm staying out later because I'm engaged in great conversation. But it makes me wake up late and start my morning late. Okay, off to the convention center. Off to go hunt down some coffee and serendipity. See you soon.

I forgot to do my audio check in from the room. So let's do it now. I'm walking through this underground tunnel to the convention center. It is going to be a long one. There's four different sessions of two hour blocks of TED talks. Sometimes I stay outside of the auditorium just so I can chat with friends and have more serendipity popcorn. I've actually been outside of the session more than in this year. Sometimes when I'm inside, I get antsy. You gotta be so quiet. No phones. It's nice to be able to move around outside, get up, walk, get some energy out. Pardon the out of breath. I'm walking upstairs. I was in line yesterday morning to get coffee and I heard somebody singing so beautifully with the music. And it was 8am I'm thinking, who can sing this while totally on key with music at 8am before even we've had coffee? It's probably earlier even than that. I look over and it's Zach Braff. It was so funny. I'm like, oh, okay, that makes sense. That tracks. I didn't say That I knew who he was or anything. I just made a comment like, wow, great singing for so early in the morning. And he kind of gave me a look like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you could tell somebody's energy of like, let's not talk now. Okay, no problem.

Well, I'm excited for this day and.

So much is going on it's almost hard to synthesize. But I will say that last night I hit the wall where I could no longer engage in small talk or big talk. And so I didn't even wait for the last session to get out at 7pm I just went back to my room. I was in bed and asleep by 8pm no FOMO whatsoever. Slept 10 hours and really needed it. I feel like a new person today. That's all for now. More soon.

Good morning my friends. I'm recording on the go again. Walking over through the secret tunnel to the convention center, I've realized I'm at my best with morning coffee. I might have said this yesterday. Last night was the closing party and there's this big fabulous cavernous space in the convention center with lights and food trucks and library speakeasy themed areas and food buffets and it was so utterly fabulous and so overwhelming. I made two laps by myself and then just could not break out of the introvert shell. In fact, I knew it was time to go home when I ate dinner by myself at a tall table and I was just praying that nobody would come talk to me. And that's how I knew okay, it's time to go home. So two nights in a row I've gone to bed by 8 or 9pm which is sort of shocking since most people are out at dinners until at least 11:30. One guy we know was out until 3am and on the one hand there's so many people to meet and get to know that it's kind of a miss to go to bed early. But on the other hand it allows me to wake up really rested and really fresh and in a good mood and being my best self the next morning. So I just don't have too much guilt or FOMO about it because I know that I want this good energy for the next day. So here I go to the last day. It's a half day and I'm looking forward to it. I'm actually going to be sad when it ends. It's been such a nice break away from day to day work and life. So we have one more round of sessions this morning and then a farewell picnic. It's gray and rainy in Vancouver, but I am just so incredibly grateful to be here.

We'll be right back just after this.

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That was the last recording that I did in the morning that week of attending the conference and I remember thinking the following morning I should be recording right now. I should put an entry into my audio diary. And I just didn't have it in me anymore. The juice was gone, my two friends had gone home. I got completely overwhelmed at the closing party that was on a Thursday night and my energy was starting to wane. Not just my energy in terms of getting enough sleep and drinking my daily athletic greens vitamins to try to stay healthy and robust through a big week like this, but I was also just people tired. I got so overwhelmed that I made two laps, I got some food for dinner from the buffet and I was praying that nobody would come talk to me at the table that I was standing at alone, eating. That's when I realized maybe I better go home. Maybe it's time I put myself to bed if I'm praying that nobody comes over to talk to me because I just couldn't stand to make any more small talk if that's where the conversation went. My voice was tired. It's this loud, dark party environment almost like prom on steroids and I just felt like I just cannot yell over this music and try to get to know somebody right now. So sure enough, put myself to bed and then I got similarly overwhelmed on the Friday there was this big closing picnic with tables as far as the eye could see, even stretching outside. Beautiful scene of Vancouver and the waterfront. I felt like I was at A big school cafeteria and I had my tray and I didn't know who to go sit with. It's so hard sometimes to bust in and try to make new friends in that situation. And I never want to overly rely on any one person having to be my buddy or be next to me. I actually often prefer to show up places or traveling alone because I feel like I am more open to meeting new people. However, when my energy is tired or my people energy has been sapped, even though it's very energizing to be in an environment like this toward the end of the week, I could tell that that energy for just breaking into a conversation or asking can I sit here? Or trying to make a new friend had kind of been tapped already. There just wasn't as much left in my bank account. I gave myself permission to go back to my hotel room early. And yes, I did have some FOMO because I knew that everybody was still there having lunch. And I didn't record anything after that. I just decided, you know what? It's okay to leave it. It's okay to walk away. It's okay to put it all down, go back to my room, recharge. I got a stack of magazine articles that I had curated from back home that had piled up over the weeks that I was preparing and not reading much. And I went and sat in the lobby of the hotel. So I was staying at the Fairmont Pacific Rim. There's this nice fireplace in the lobby. And I parked myself on a couch with my reading materials. And I just thought, this is the best I can do right now. On this last day, I happened to meet a really nice guy sitting next to me on the couch who's starting a fashion company in la. And I had two extra copies of Free Time that I hadn't given away yet. So I gave him one. He said, oh, my goodness, this is perfect. This is exactly what I need right now. I'm building a business, I have multiple businesses, and I really need to get organized. So that felt like kismet. And then I happened to see sitting on the next couch over a guy named Eric that we had met on day one pre. Day one, sitting at the bar when I was waiting for Alyssa to come down. That first day, I was so nervous. Eric was sitting there doing some work. Turns out Eric runs the Julia Child foundation. And he was on his way out. He was sitting with a friend. And so I gave him the other copy of Free Time. I said, it just seems perfect. It's like bookends to the conference. He was one of the very first people I saw upon arriving in the hotel and that energy of getting going and then he was the last person I saw heading out. Another good thing I did was schedule dinner with a dear friend, Susan Bialy, whom I adore. She was on the Pivot podcast. I'll put that link in the show Notes it was so nice to debrief that entire intense week with a friend, even a friend who wasn't there. Not that she would want me to talk her ear off about it or anything, but it was cool because I could catch up on her life and what she had been up to and I felt that comfort of being with a close friend, somebody I've known for a decade plus. And to just tie up the week and to just close the week in such a comforting, wonderful way with a close friend was really nice. And I feel like if I could do it again, that's how I would plan it. To have some closing event to look forward to that doesn't have to be conference related, but that helps recap everything and even reflect on everything. My friends left early, but they remarked that I really do live the free time principles in the sense that I create a lot of buffer coming into a conference like this and a lot of buffer going out. I will often arrive a day early, not even the day early where everyone is arriving. Oh, we're arriving the day before the conference starts. I like to arrive a day before that. So I get in, it's less crowded. I have time to myself to decompress. If you listen to the crashing into quiet time episode, you know that I appreciate that because sometimes I do need a little transition time to either wrap up some work loose ends, or just get myself out of New York City family mode into this new mode that I'm going to be in of making new friends and kind of being free from day to day responsibilities for a week. And then when a conference like this ends, I don't rush home. I don't want to leave early. I stay. I soak it up. Even if I don't make the most of the final events as I did not in this week as I kind of phoned it in to the final two big all hands events. I still like to have extra buffer to read, recover from the week that just happened, reflect on the week that just happened. And so I will often stay an extra night. So not only do I not leave early, I'll stay an extra night and fly home. In this case, I was going to visit family, but I'LL stay an extra night so that I have that, and I especially cherish that next morning when I wake up, there's nowhere to be. I don't book an early flight out. I usually try to leave midday so that I'm not rushing to the airport, I can get that last chunk of quiet hotel time to myself to journal and get ready to transition back into regular life. So those are my mental, emotional, spiritual buffer strategies when I do come into an event like this and come out of it. Especially because while yes, it does cost a little more to pay for those extra hotel nights, and of course you need to have that coverage at home, like Michael taking care of Ryder, for example. But I'm doing so much less traveling these days with fewer speaking events and fewer conferences in general, that if I am going to attend something, I really want to make the most of it and I want to prime my energy coming in and I want to prep my energy on the way out. This episode was less about having specific strategies and takeaways, but if I had to summarize this week of audio diaries into three takeaways that I'll take with me into the next thing that I do, like this. Here they are. Number one Know when you're at your conversation sparking best, both the time of the day and the format throughout the week, I realized that I am at my best. When I get to the conference center early for morning coffee. I make friends in line. I myself feel happy because I was on east coast time. I get to have all my morning routines. Even if I wasn't, I would strive to wake up several hours prior to the start of the day, the official start time of an event like this. And so I've already done my rituals, my routines. I'm ready for the day. I love coffee and I love other people who love coffee. So that was when I was at my conversation sparking best. I had my coffee in hand after I met whoever I was gonna meet at the coffee station, and then I would start making laps around the conference center and I felt more courageous in the morning for making new friends. The format also matters. Part of what I enjoyed about the morning coffee time was that it wasn't an official activity. I didn't feel stuck or tied down, like sitting in a session where you can't leave. You can't be on your phone, of course, because you want to be respectful to the person who's speaking. But I realized by the end of the week I also did not do very well when it was the all hands Everybody all in big group events. So the final evening party or the final picnic. I just wasn't at my best. I kind of froze. I freaked out a little bit. I did my best when the format was loose, when it was casual again, when we were in line around a shared interest, like getting coffee. And sure, you start with a little small talk, but who doesn't? It's an easy way to be in proximity to other people. So those were the formats and the time of day that I did best at. By the end of the week, just realized what I was worst at and gave myself permission that that's okay. I don't have to be energized by all of it, nor do I have to fake it. The second takeaway Trust that less can be more. Over and over through the conference, I needed to remind myself that sometimes fewer, deeper connections and conversations can be just as powerful, if not even longer lasting. I've often said about conferences that if I just make one new friend, that's a win. And sometimes at things like this, there's this pressure to maximize. Go to all the events, all the things. Don't miss a single thing. Make the most of it. We're only here for a week, but I found myself often trying to remember that less is more. Pace myself. It's okay. I don't need to go for quantity of hands shaken. You know, it's more about finding those really deep, resonant conversations that we're going to remember when we go home. The third and final is put yourself in the path of people. This is a twist on a phrase I often say on the Pivot podcast, which is put yourself in the path of Pivot. We could say that attending a conference at all or just traveling to a new city alone, that's putting yourself in the path of Pivot because you don't know what's going to happen. You're putting yourself in a new environment with people or a place that you have some ideas about. I talk in the book Pivot about travel pilots, and sometimes it's shaking up your actual physical environment. If you work for a company, asking to work from a different office for a month or even a week can be so good for your spirit. And at a conference like this, going into the session and sitting in the auditorium, you're putting yourself in the path of whoever you're sitting next to on your left or your right, so you can make friends that way. I spent a lot of time walking around the donut, as you hear in episode 325, with Alyssa on our 10 + conference networking strategies. She didn't want to go to any sessions at all because you could sit on the couch outside of the auditorium and still listen to what the TED speakers were saying, but be more available in the path of pivot. And often that was the case that when I was sitting on the outside of the auditorium, maybe Alyssa knew somebody or Gina knew somebody. We were always kind of flagging people over, flagging people down, or feeling a little stuck and stagnant and needing to get up and walk and make laps. Even if we didn't make a lap together, sometimes I would say, I need to move. I'm gonna go make a lap. I'll be back. And just get that energy out. And in doing so, you're putting yourself in the path of people on day one. Sitting at the bar, that's the path of people. Sitting in the lobby, that's a great way to just be in the path of people. Where's the cross traffic of people coming and going? And maybe you spot somebody, you know, that way. That also helped me stave off feelings of fomo if I didn't get an official invitation to a party or a dinner, because there is a lot of that. And sometimes my friends would get an invite and they'd say, I'm sure it's fine if you come, or we'll sneak you in, or we'll ask if we can bring you as a plus one. But even when they didn't, I just didn't care that much. I felt like, of course, those rooms can be interesting rooms to be in. And also, even if I sit in the lobby alone and have my dinner, I'm putting myself in the path of people, and that's okay, too. And you just never know. So much of this is being open to surprise, having faith that you'll meet the right people at the right time in the right moments, and that if I was meant to be at one of those private events, I would be. But who knows what's going to happen, because I wasn't. So I find it just as interesting no matter where I am, when I'm in these kinds of situations. You hereby have permission to embrace your Jomo when you go to a conference or an event like this, knowing that you will be at your best if you say no to situations that tend to bring out your worst. Of course, getting out of our comfort zone is important, too. But I do think there's a point of diminishing returns. At some point, you gotta know yourself, know what you want to say no to so that you can have complete joy in missing out on something. In my case, activities that go late into the night, that often involve alcohol, and instead wake up the next day feeling so much more like myself. Me at my best. I hope you got something out of this very random, nerve wracking, ish vulnerable episode. I don't know, maybe it's just completely pointless the way that we shouldn't release our journals to the world. Maybe an audio diary is the same way. But I'd love your feedback. If you're listening on Spotify or you just pop over there, you can actually let me know in the comments now. They've enabled this feature where you can comment on an episode or shoot me an audio note itsfreetime.com ask or you can email a voice note to hi'sfreetime.com I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you so much for listening. Have a beautiful rest of your day.

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