280: Supercharged with Simon Alexander Ong

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For me, when I work with my coaching clients, part of it is holding them accountable, but also it's to create a vision that is so compelling and magnetic in nature that they can't help but want to take action. And I find that the deeper the meaning they have emotionally to whatever vision that they are working towards, the more easy productivity becomes because they're energized by this vision and they're energized by what's possible when they take action. And for me, once I first start taking those steps, then that's when clarity and confidence arrives.

What's next? This is a question we're all having to ask and answer more frequently. I'm Jenny Blake, your host of the Pivot Podcast and author of the only move that matters is your next one.

For show notes from this episode, visit pivotmethod.com podcast if Change is the only constant, then let's get better at it. Here we go.

Hello friends. I'm so excited to be here today with Simon Alexander Ong. He is the author of a brand new book called make the Most of Every Moment, which I was very honored to blurb. Simon is also a personal development entrepreneur, coach and public speaker. His work has had him on Sky News, BBC Radio London, LBC Radio Barclays UK featured him in a nationwide campaign asking about families. Simon is a new dad and his insights have also been featured in HuffPost, Forbes, the Guardian. He also has won some big coaching awards. So Simon, welcome to the show.

Jenny, thank you so much for having me.

I am so excited to talk about One of the central themes of your book is that energy is contagious. And you even talk about the saying that energy introduces you before you even speak, asking readers to reflect what impact does your energy have on those around you? So I would love for you to start by just telling us what motivated you to write about energy. And I think we all have a sense that it's contagious. But I'd love to hear in your words why you feel energy is just so vital, so important.

I think one of the main factors for me, writing about energy, Jenny, was based on my own experience. I grew up in the United Kingdom to two Malaysian Chinese parents. And I mistakenly believed growing up as a child, that success was defined by my job title. Be a banker, be a lawyer, be a doctor, or be an accountant. And so I went to university to read economics. And then I accepted a job to start in the financial services sector in 2007, which was probably not the best timing because this was a year before the financial crisis. And I just so happened to have started work with a company called Lehman Brothers, which collapsed into administration 14 months after I joined. So it was a very volatile start. But where the insight about energy started to come to me was the fact that when I moved to my second job in finance, the hours were really long and punishing. I was often into the office around 7 or 8 in the morning and not out very often until 10 or 11 at night. And this started to weigh heavily on my energy, both physically and mentally, to the point that I burnt out a number of times. And I remember it got to such a bad point that I had a deep conversation with my girlfriend at the time, and she said to me, simon, this job is killing you. This job is just sapping you of any energy you have.

And when I look back at those moments, Jenny, and where I am today, I realized that it was when I started to pivot my focus towards my physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional energy, to start addressing that with vigor, that my life really started to change.

Those moments are so powerful where you just realize, like your girlfriend said, this job is killing you, and it's such a journey. Right. You know, we were saying before we hit record that you became a dad and got a book deal during 2020 while a global pandemic was hitting. And I do feel that books, once you're committed to write about something, they will test you on that exact topic. I'm curious to know, what was it like working on this book about energy and staying supercharged while juggling those three things. Pandemic, newborn baby, and a book deal.

I'm not going to lie, Jenny. I think it was probably the greatest challenge I have ever faced. Not that writing a book isn't a challenge. I mean, writing is a challenge for anybody, especially if it's your first book. But I think even more so when you are juggling the role of being a parent in a pandemic in which you can't go out and meet people and you have no family support around, because my wife's family is based in America, and my dad and his partner are based in Australia, so they were due to fly over to help support us in the first few months. But Covid kicked in and they couldn't come over. They had to cancel their travel plans. And so my wife and I really had to adapt in those moments. And so that's why I consider it to be one of my greatest challenge, because it really drew upon my resilience. And I'm very thankful, actually, for the financial crisis of 2008 and losing my job a year later and the volatility in that sector for the time I was working in there, because I think that provided the groundwork for me navigating the COVID pandemic and all the uncertainty that came with it.

When I mentioned that saying that you share in the introduction that energy introduces you before you even speak. And that's true for all of us. We could even say energy introduces us when we enter a room. I would love to hear your take on that. As the guy writing the book called Energize, how do you interpret that of people's energy and it preceding them before they even speak or enter a room?

For me, I think when we think about energy, most of us would know what I'm speaking about, but we may refer to it by different terms. So in Maori culture they call it mana. In my Chinese culture they call it Qi. In Star wars they call it the force. I mean, energy is essentially your life force. And I think that when you are operating at a higher frequency, people can feel it. It's a universal language, if you will, that contains no words, yet you and I feel it and can understand what it is trying to tell us. So when you walk into a room and two people approach you, one may be operating at a lower energy frequency than the other, and so you become naturally attracted to the one with the higher vibration even before they've said a single word. Because there's just something about the presence of that individual that draws you towards them. You can't explain it, but you're just attracted to want to introduce yourself and start a conversation.

I have had a previous conversation on this show with Penny Pierce about frequency. So I love that you're bringing that word into it. She talks about finding your home frequency, where our actions and our energy are in alignment. We're in harmony with ourself. How do you perceive or define high frequency? Like the type of person that does enter the room and what does it mean to have a high frequency or supercharged energy?

Sure. For me, my definition of somebody who is at a high frequency, I would label that individual an energizer. And the reason they are an energizer is they are not only supercharged themselves in every area. So when I say every area, I mean in terms of their spiritual energy. So they are doing something meaningful for them. They're doing something that brings value to the world, that is aligned to their strengths and values. They are operating at a high level with their emotional energy. They've mastered their emotional energy in terms of their response to situations outside of their control. They're in control of their mental energy in terms of the ability to focus. And in terms of their physical energy, they understand the importance of slowing down just as much as the hard work element, which we all know about. So when an energizer comes into room or comes into your field, if you will, you can't help but be infected by it. And that is the power of somebody operating at a high frequency. When they're at that level, they just draw you into that. Now, what we have to be careful about, energy at a broad level is that whatever type of energy you expose yourself to, you become more like that type of energy. So when you surround yourself with energizers, very quickly, your frequency is going to ignite, is going to explode to a high level. But if you spend a lot of time around drainers, then what happens is that you can't help but feel more negativity in your field. And so the way that we start to attract opportunities and relationships into our life is by elevating our own energetic state. And in the process, we discover what our signature is. Because once we discover what our signature energy state is, that's when we are more exposed to the feeling of flow. Flow meaning that you are doing work that excites you, but at the same time, you are grounded in the present moment so that you can flow forward in the path that is right for you.

I love this idea of a signature energy state. And it strikes me that we all have such different ones. Like, somebody's signature energy state might be really vibrant and exciting. Like, I'm thinking of my friend Casey Carter, who facilitated the free time book launch. His energy was off the charts. And I'm in awe of this title of energy. It's the performer and my friend Jonathan sparked parlance. And then other people's signature energy might be really calm and low key. So it's also interesting to consider that energy, it's not just high or low, it's just this. I don't know, I'm curious what different signatures that would be there still at a high frequency, but that they might show up very differently.

Definitely. And I think a great example to illustrate this journey is that if you go to a major city like Tokyo, London or New York, for example, they have a certain energy about them. And that energy is similar to your friends that you mentioned. It's very vibrant, it's very fast paced energy, it's loud energy, if you will. But then when you go to a city like Kyoto in Japan, it's a very soft energy. But when you walk around a city like Kyoto, you can't help but feel mindful because it's a city that has numerous temples all around. This concept of Zen and it's just this calm energy about the city and it's very much in contrast to Tokyo or Osaka. And so I think even physical places emit different types of energy.

Oh, so true. I love that you brought in that example. It reminds me of Bali Ubud in particular has temples. I think every third century structure is a temple or every family home has a temple adjacent. And you're right, there is a signature energy of places. Some people even do location based astrology and it's. Oh, what's it called anyway, I don't have the exact name. It's slipping my mind at the moment. One of the elements that you talk about in terms of keeping one's energy high is establishing energetic shields. And you mentioned this idea that energy is contagious. And whether you're in a big city or at a party or conference, like some people, especially highly sensitive, myself included, let's say you're so open that it's hard not to catch other people's energy or mood. So what does it mean to establish energetic shields?

For me, to establish your own personal energetic shields is really to understand about what drains you of energy and what gives you energy. I think we don't reflect enough on that. So what happens is that we end up saying yes to everything because we feel guilty when we say no. So when we get invited to events or when a friend comes to visit from abroad, we're saying yes to everyone and everything, that before long we are feeling exhausted. And so by setting up energetic shields, it's understanding how we can protect ourself from without giving up our energy through all these various leakages. And so if you have a number of friends that are coming to visit or you're going to visit someone in the city, you could just host one event and say, well, I'm going to be hosting this one event during the week, I'm here if you want to catch up. Why don't you join me for a drink or a bite to eat at this one event? So you reserve the rest of the week to just be or to explore the city that you are traveling to. And so on the back of establishing energetic shields, the exercise I share in the book is putting down a not to do list. You know, a lot of us know about to do lists. We have endless to do lists. But actually very often if we want to make meaningful progress, it's less about adding more and more about eliminating the things that are holding us back.

I love this exercise. In the book you talk about doing a calendar exercise as well for the not to do list. Can you explain how that works?

So with a Not to do list and you don't want it to be too long, so maybe around eight or 10 items with a Not to do list, you write down a series of things that you commit to not doing. Because when you don't do those things, you create the space to focus your energy on what matters most. Otherwise, there's no criteria for you to say no to something. You end up saying yes to everything because everything can sound tempting. So for me, as an example in my not to do list, one of the first things I put in there is I am not going to work every day. And so when I plan my week in advance, I would choose at least one day of my week in which I just don't do anything to do with work. So I can disconnect, I can spend time with my family, I can just be a tourist in my own city. And it just allows me to come back to my study in a very refreshed and rejuvenated state.

We'll be right back just after this.

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I think it's so important and interesting too how you talk about the difference between time management and energy management. I first read about this in a book by Tony Schwartz called the Power of Full Engagement and that book changed my life. Just the idea of energy management and managing your energy was a very popular course at Google while I was there that they licensed from Tony Schwartz and company. And you have this really powerful diagram in the book. How we see energy when we focus on time management is as this linear, unceasing, almost machine like straight line. And then how our energy actually behaves is this circadian rhythm. And it oscillates in a given day from morning to evening. So what is that shift like? Take us to energy management and what it means. You say from energy spender to energy investor. I think people are aware of energy and they want more of it. But perhaps our focus is in the wrong place when we're trying to tackle that via time management strategies.

I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is when we think about being more productive, we automatically jump to being better time managers. But I think the big mistake with this is that if you're only managing your time, you're not taking into account your energy. And so what tends to happen is when people plan their days, they will block out an hour here or an hour there to do different activities without first thinking about what is their energy going to be like at that time. So for a lot of people I know working in the corporate world, they will say, I've got a busy day today, so I'm going to block out an hour to go to do some exercise at the end of the working day. But as we know, the energy that we feel at the end of a working day is a lot lower than the energy we feel first thing in the morning. So we're assuming by scheduling that one hour at the end of the day that our energy is uniform throughout. And in reality what happens is that by the time we get to the end of the day, the motivation to go to the gym or go out to do a run is far more challenging. The motivation is challenging because, well, your energy is at a lower state. And so I think when we understand our energetic rhythms, what happens is that we can better schedule our diary in alignment with our energy. So for some of us, we may be night owls, some of us may be early risers. And so when you start to plan your days and weeks around when your energy is highest for your most important task, that is actually how we can elevate Our productivity.

I have a question for you as it relates to book launching. So we're recording this the day after Freetime launched, and we are exactly one month from your book launching. And I think it's interesting writing a book called Free Time and then a book called Energize, approaching a big project sprint, like a book launch that you've poured so much time and energy and effort and resources into. And I noticed for myself, which is where this question is coming from. Ooh, it's so hard to keep that consistent charge for me when I'm going into a launch, when there's so many different activities and I don't know, it's almost like for me, I'm finding it extra challenging to live the message while launching. And so I'm curious, not just in the writing of the book, but where you find yourself now, one month out, do you notice yourself getting more depleted or trying to do too much? And how are you correcting for that? Like, how are you approaching this, given that it's this kind of big sprint to your launch day as well?

Well, first of all, I can resonate with what you said, Jenny, because I think when you are working towards a launch of any kind, it could be a book, it could be a business or product. Then of course, you're aware that there's going to be a lot more activities and commitments in your diary than there otherwise would normally be. So I have tried to plan as best I can for that, knowing that some of these things will of course be last minute and they may be added to your diary by your press and PR team in the weeks up to launch. But what I've done deliberately is knowing that these events are going to occur, I've done two things in particular. The first is at the end of this month, that is next week. I have just blocked out most of that week to disconnect. So my wife and I are spending a day in a spa at the end of next week. We're going for a meal early in the week while our daughter is in nursery and there's two days where we're going to go outside of the city. And I deliberately put that week in next week because I know April is going to be busier. So by accounting for the fact that I'm going to need that energy in April, I'm using the end of this month to recharge. And also with a lot of my own friends and family saying, simon, let's catch up in the next couple of weeks or why don't we grab A drink and a meal together. I'm deliberately pushing the majority of those unless it is super urgent, I'm pushing the majority of these till after the launch. So I'm saying I would love to catch up, but let's schedule something in for mid May onwards once the book craziness is over.

I wonder sometimes whether to just say no to something versus punt it to the future, like that example you described. I think it's obvious when we have drainers either draining tasks, projects or people. I find that sometimes the number of possible energizers, people, meetings, lunches, coffees, events, et cetera is still more than my capacity. And I worry if I say, oh, let's schedule that in a couple months, that I'm sort of writing a check for my future self that they may or may not want to cash. And I wonder if I'm just hesitating to say no. Do you know what I mean that I'm saying, oh, I'm giving it like a conditional yes into the future. And sometimes I wonder, would it be better for me to just say no? So I'm wondering how you decide what you say yes and no to versus pushing it out.

Well, I think with regards to pushing it out, in most cases they are people I actually do want to catch up with. But I'm also conscious of my own energy. So I know that I'm going to need the space to focus on the launch in the next few weeks. So if it's people I definitely want to spend time in deep conversation with, I would typically schedule those in as a meal or a drink from mid May onwards. However, if it's somebody who I'm not so sure is going to be energizing for me, especially after the launch of the book, then I would probably say, why don't you come along to this group drinks that I'm going to do? It'll be a nice small way for us all to celebrate together. So that way it minimizes my energy exposure to those individuals if I know they're not particularly going to be energizing for me. Now if it is a situation which I can say no, then I will of course say no. But I would do it in a very graceful way. And the way I say no is actually something I learned from one of my mentors who is the co author of a fantastic book called the Go Giver.

Tell us a little bit about the Go Giver. I love that book in concept as well.

It's one of my favorite books, Jenny. It's a book that I reread every single year. And I remember I first reached out to Bob Berg, who's a co author, and he lives and breathes his message of being a go giver. And he has been so helpful to me over the years. I remember one time I interviewed him for an entrepreneur group that I was running, and I asked him the question about saying no because he gets a lot of requests on the back of his work. And the way that he told me to say no to somebody but still make them feel happy and pleased about the situation rather than frustrated and angry that you said no is to integrate gratitude into that no. And so rather than just saying no or no, not now, because if you say not now, they're going to come back later and say, how about now? He said, if you really just want to say no and move on, begin with gratitude, put the no in the middle, and end with more gratitude. So as an example, if somebody asked me to serve on a committee, but I really don't want to, I might respond by saying, thank you so much for your consideration in having me to serve on this board. However, it has to be a no, because I simply can't do this. I have a lot on my plate and there's other priorities that I'm focused on. However, please understand once again how honored I am that you considered and reached out to me for this opportunity.

It must be tricky for someone like Bob Burke, who writes a book called the Go Giver. And then people probably reach out and ask him and think, well, he's so giving and this is his message, and then he has to say no. Like knowing that he is a giver, but that we all have a. A limit. I think it's interesting watching fellow authors who's, let's say their books, like, skyrocket through the stratosphere and they just can't. There comes a point and we all have a different capacity as people for levels of communication. And sometimes there does come a point where there's too many good opportunities even, and we still have to say no. My friend Dorie Clark wrote about this in her book the Long Game, that we have to say no sometimes to really good things, especially the farther along you get in your career.

Definitely. I mean, I love Dori's work. I followed her for years. And just like yourself, Jenny, she gave a fantastic endorsement for my book Energize, and I've read her work and it's so true. You know, we've got to say no to more things as you develop and grow. So that you can save the yes. And for those opportunities that are dreamlike, you know, as you grow, you're going to get more opportunities that you at the beginning would never have imagined. And so you want to keep space for those dream opportunities rather than say yes to lots of medium opportunities and find yourself not having the energy to show up on those bigger stages.

That's what I think is tricky about this, is leaving spaciousness. It's one thing to say no and still keep a crammed calendar, but it's another to create space and margin, as you said, to have abundant time, energy, space, availability for those big opportunities. And it took me years, actually of trying to edit my calendar and more specifically my calendaring habits, to not just cram it full and then not just have it be full, like it was either overly crammed, then full, but then to reach a point of true spaciousness with something else altogether.

Definitely. This is why, Jenny, I think that slowing down is a superpower. And even more important, when you are in a position of leadership or if you're a very ambitious individual, slowing down and creating white space can be a huge challenge. But I would point people to watch an interview. You can find this on YouTube, actually, an interview between Charlie Rose, Bill Gates and Warren Buffett. And in this interview, Charlie asked Bill, what did you learn from the time that you've been friends with Warren? What have been some of the lessons you've learned? And one of them that Bill shared was when he looked at Warren Buffet's diary, he saw that there were many days in which his pages were just blank compared to Bill's diary, in which it was crammed with back to back meetings with stakeholders, with partners, with other businesses, with colleagues. And he was shocked to see how empty Warren's diary was. And he said, it showed me that I wasn't really living. I was just living for the next meeting in my calendar. And when we think about it this way and reflect on what Bill shared in that lesson, it's a nice reminder for us to avoid the tragic scenario of living as if we're never going to die and then dying having never really lived.

Yes, you mentioned Bonnie Ware's work in the book in a few places that she wrote the book on regrets of the dying. And that's such an important, powerful theme. I know you also do a lot of coaching. One thing that fascinates me is the knowing doing gap. Like I think probably a lot of pivot listeners, I told you before, we hit record, are high net growth. And on some level they know what it means to be energized, be healthy, eat well, get enough sleep, but there's usually a knowing doing gap. And so I'm wondering what you find with your coaching clients. The ones who genuinely are, well read, growth oriented, know what to do, what is their biggest struggle or blind spot. Still, when it comes to staying charged.

Up.

I think you're right with what you said there, Jenny, is that a lot of us know what we have to do, but it's simply actioning what we know we have to do. Because we live in our imagination most of the time. We know all the things we want to do, but what stops us is often fear and doubt. We're afraid if things don't work out or we doubt our power so we don't take that first step. We wish we plan, but we never actually create that momentum. And so for me, when I work with my coaching clients, part of it is holding them accountable, but also it's to create a vision that is so compelling and magnetic in nature that they can't help but want to take action. And I find that the deeper the meaning they have emotionally to whatever vision that they are working towards, the more easy productivity becomes because they're energized by this vision and they're energized by what's possible when they take action. And for me, once I first start taking those steps, then that's when clarity and confidence arrives.

Yes, I talk about this in Pivot as well. Like, in fact, I'll link to it in the show notes. I created a new ideal day exercise, but that it's so much more powerful to be pulled by the magnet of an ideal state than it is to just know what's broken or not working. So I'll put that in the show notes. Simon, if you could give listeners one tiny action. Speaking of which, what you just shared, what would be their homework after listening to this conversation?

Well, I think it's a nice segue on the back of the last thing we discussed, Jenny, which is really about having a bias towards action. Really about having a bias towards action. You know, if knowledge is power, the real magic is within the action. And to show you how important action is. When I was 17 years old, I unfortunately lost my mom to a tragic accident. And as you can imagine, when something like that happens to you, it equips you with so many life lessons, one being a reminder of just how fragile life is. But the greatest lesson I took from that moment of seeing my mom pass and then attending her funeral were two words. Don't wait. Now if you embrace those two words, don't wait, it can become your greatest antidote to regret and the very thing that sets you on the path towards fulfillment. Because we have already won the greatest lottery there is going this gift of life. The question is, what are you going to do with that winning ticket of yours?

Thank you for sharing that story and I'm sorry to hear about your mom's passing. What a powerful insight to get at such a young age. Don't wait.

Mm. Thank you Jenny.

Thank you so much Simon everybody. I encourage you to check out his brand new book make the Most of Every Moment. And Simon, is there anywhere else you'd like to send people to learn more and keep in touch?

Yes. So I am most active on Instagram and LinkedIn, so if you're using LinkedIn, simply search Simon Alexander Ong I believe I am the only one on there at the moment, so it shouldn't be too difficult to find me there and on Instagram. My handle is SimonAlexAndero.

Amazing. Thank you so much. We'll put those in the show notes. I really appreciate you being here. Congrats on expanding your family and your first book. It's so exciting. Thank you.

Thank you so much Jenny. And inspired by the great work that you do.

Thank you and thank you everybody for listening.

Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Pivot Podcast. Make sure you don't miss an episode or my insider tips and templates by signing up for Pivot List, a curated twice monthly newsletter where I share the inside scoop on what I'm reading, watching, listening to and the latest tools I'm geeking out on. Sign up@pivotmethod.com pivotlist get show notes from this episode at P pivotmethod.com podcast and connect with me on Twitter Ennyblake.

Remember, build first. Then your courage will follow. Hasn't it always?

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