303: What is Your Soul Path for 2023? Follow What’s Most Alive — With Adrian Klaphaak

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I am not going to try to do it all this year. I'm going to discern, like, okay, I think, you know, this year really feels like it's about family, and so let's make it about that. And it's okay to let go of some of those other things for now. And then when I acknowledge that I'm going to have time, many years again, hopefully, to fulfill all these things, it lessens that process. And I feel like I can really focus on that which is most important and be fully, fully present for that.

What's next? This is a question we're all having to ask and answer more frequently. I'm Jenny Blake, your host of the Pivot podcast and author of the only move that matters is your next one.

For show notes from this episode, visit pivotmethod.com podcast. If change is the only constant, then let's get better at it. Here we go.

Hello. Hello, Pivoters. I am back with Adrienne Clapack. Adrian is a coach, purpose guide, entrepreneur, therapist, and founder of a path that fits career and life coaching. His coaching approach is holistic, a constant balance between getting results and a quest for meaning and fulfillment.

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He describes himself as a deep seeker with a constant itch to make things happen. So you can see why he's the perfect guest to kick off 2023 with us. Adrian, happy New Year. Welcome back.

Happy New Year, Jenny. Great to be back. Thank you.

Listeners have heard me say that you are my very first coach. And so when I thought about what can we bring people, how can we help people kick off this new year with intention, but also some permission slips of what they don't have to do. There's no one better than you because you always help me connect to what really matters. So there's a lot of frenzy. I mean, probably even on the day this podcast goes live, there's going to be a quadrillion episodes on how to get things done this year, you know, or how to, like, make a game plan. So before we dive into some things that we've tried that have worked for us. What would you offer to listeners on this day or this week?

Yeah, I would say that there's more pressure than ever or than any time of year. I think when the new year rolls around to achieve, accomplish, make something happen. So it's good to have a nudge in working with my clients. I always appreciate the new year because it does provide this sort of collective cultural moment to take stock of what do we want and how do we go about achieving that. And I'm all about that as coach. And I would want to say, take a breath. Let's not just race off to do the first thing maybe that pops into our mind or what we see other people doing. Like, let's take a breath and take a pause to really tune in and ask ourselves, like, what's most alive, exciting? What do I really deeply want for myself in this year? So I'd start there.

I'm so glad you brought that up because I feel like we're supposed to have this really hopeful energy. Like it's a new page, it's a new book, it's a new year. And yet, let's just consider we're coming out of the holidays, at least in the United States. There's a lot of weird pressure around gifting and spending a lot of money or spending a lot of money to travel. Then it reminds me of the saying, you know how people say traveling with kids, it's not a vacation. Like, yes, you went on a trip, but you did not go on a vacation. There's this great article that went viral. We'll try to find it and put it in the show notes. So I feel like the last few weeks of the year, if you are fortunate enough to even spend it with family, that's family time. It's not a vacation. Let's be clear, unless you're someone that you actually ditched all the, you know, what seemed like end of year obligations and traditions and you just went and actually did go to Hawaii by yourself or something. I've done that in the past. Not on the holidays themselves, but I find that we're sort of coming out of a kind of chaotic and often.

Triggering in different ways or just there's different demands on our energy when we're surrounded by people and family and even end of year events. And then I wonder if some people are experiencing a little bit of a case of the Mondays, but times365, like almost a tinge of sadness, like, oh, no, I have to start the new year. You know, maybe they were just getting into a sense of R and R post holidays and before going back to work. And so what people also call the Sunday scaries. I wonder if there's some of that setting in of I'm not ready to go back to normal yet. Maybe that's how people felt emerging when companies started asking people to go back into offices. So I feel like I have such a jumble of emotions this day, this week, that I need extra buffer time. Like I have to actually give myself a lot of permission not to do what you said, jump right in, right away. I need an extra week just to recover from everything.

Me too. So you have permission, Jenny. I'm giving you permission. You're giving yourself permission. I'll take you too. Maybe we can extend that to anybody and everybody who's listening and resonates with that feeling you're so perfectly describing of being a bit triggered, agitated, exhausted and not quite ready to make a bunch of declarations about how productive we're all going to be in the new year. So the first order of business might be taking some time to rest, recharge, relax. That could be a week or two or a month. It's a long year. Year's a lot of time. So I really appreciate what you're saying, that we don't have to push ourselves, try to force something too quickly. We can take a little bit of rest and reconnect to ourselves and then revisit the question of, like, what do I want this year to be? What's most important to me?

It reminds me a little bit of rapidly changing elevation. I know you now live in somewhere that's more elevated, or if you, let's say an athletic team goes and plays in Colorado or somewhere that has just a different altitude, it feels like that sometimes going from the energy of family or the frequency of being with family, or the frequency of downtime at the end of a really long full year. And then there's this sharp altitude change and almost like a friction of trying to switch into the go getter new year mode frequency right away. And the thing is, like you said, there is a lot of pressure because it's like everyone in the world goes back to work at the exact same time. And so the influx, it feels like an avalanche of communications. As I mentioned, probably everyone plans a New Year's Day podcast episode. Everyone's going to send a newsletter, everyone's going to start getting back to their goals and their projects. And so the volume just goes from quiet to so noisy so quickly.

Yeah, I think Also, as you're saying all that, I'm realizing, I think, a lot of that pressure, it's cultural. It's not necessarily coming from my body, let's say. Or I hear you saying the same thing. It's like I'm not ready to go and make a bunch of goals and start trying to put things into motion. I'm still a bit tired, so why wouldn't I listen to that and give myself a couple weeks? Well, the reason I wouldn't listen to it and I don't always, right now in this moment, I'm speaking about it. So hopefully I will really listen this time around. But why wouldn't I? Is because I'm listening to the external world or I'm listening to the parts of myself that are scared that I'm going to be left behind, or I'll miss that New Year's deal, or I won't be as productive, or I won't have as good of a year if I don't start it right now. And so I think it can be really helpful to ask ourselves, what am I listening to and who am I listening to and who do I really want to be listening to about what this new year looks like and when I start creating what I want?

You mentioned the G word, goals.

I was like, what's the G word? Right.

What's your relationship to goals and goal setting? Is that a word that energizes you? Do you have a goal setting practice? And if not, what do you prefer to do instead?

G word. Yeah, I'm mixed on goals. I think there's a lot of benefit to goals, for sure. And I also think they can box us in to something that may not serve our highest good and well being if it isn't really coming from that rested, grounded place where we can listen to what's most alive, where we can listen to our deepest truth, our deepest self, our soul, our purpose, and set a goal from that place. So that's one layer of it for me. I also think with goals, what can be really fun to do is once I have a goal, to exaggerate it, to crank the volume way up on it so that if I want to run five miles and that's my goal instead of five miles, I say, what if I set a goal of running 25 miles, what if I make that my goal? Because when I crank the volume on the goal up and again, this is a goal that's really aligned with me and what I want and what I feel moved and called and excited to do. But when I crank that goal way up, then my consciousness kind of has to transform and shift in order to imagine and start to conceive of how in the world am I going to run 25 miles if I already thought my goal was 5 miles? It's like the ways that I would approach it just have to change. And there's all this creativity and transformation that then comes into trying to achieve that bigger goal. And in the end, it's like I don't really care that much if I've achieved the goal or not. I care. Did I enjoy the process? Did I grow? Did I transform? Like, who did I become along the way there? So those are some initial thoughts on goals. I'm curious, Jenny, what touches you? What resonates with you? What you want to pick up from all that?

Well, you even mentioned before we hit record that you like to dig with your clients. What's the goal for? And I do. I find that so interesting. So, okay. I find goals kind of arbitrary. I have to say they don't motivate me very much because so often when I even do set stretch goals, they feel so arbitrary whether I hit them or not. And there came a point where, adhering to Tosha Silver's philosophy of outrageous openness, I just started to live my life that I'm open and whatever results I get are perfect. Like, I just found so much more peace when I just surrendered the process and surrendered the outcomes. And so I love the question you're asking of who am I becoming and what is a goal for? Of course, yes. Whether it's metrics based or how much you want to earn or something you want to do. I mean, I love thinking about projects. I love thinking about whether it's for the quarter or for the whole year. A project I would be really proud of. And even when I worked at Google, when I look back on my five and a half years there, it's the projects that I completed, start to finish, or that made an impact in the company that I carry with me that I'm the most proud of. I mean, did okay in the meetings and the, whatever, you know, some of this stuff around the projects, but it's the project themselves. So I love this question of when you set a goal, it's so that you stretch and expand the way that I've done it. I like to pick a theme for the year. So in 2022 I cheated because I normally pick a word. Whether one year it was abundance, one year it was miracles. And Pro Tip, I rename any device that I get that year, I will kind of engrave that word somewhere or I'll name it in my Bluetooth settings if it's a pair of headphones. So now in my Bluetooth, all my little devices, whether it's headphones or whatever, they're all named things. Like I have a pair of headphones named Abundance. I have a peloton tray that sits over the bike that has miracles carved into it. So those are really fun visual reminders of a theme. In 2022, it was healthy, wealthy, wise and grateful. I had almost a compass. I just wanted this compass to guide how I was feeling every day and how I was living every day, kind of keeping in mind those themes. And then I've also done mind maps where I put that theme, that word in the middle of a piece of paper and then I just free write about what would that look like to be fully expressed for every area of my life.

So you're talking about instead of goals, you source these themes and then move from there and a project may come out of it and whatever else flows from there. So I'm curious, where do these themes come from? Like how do those show up? How do you connect to those themes?

Those start coming in at the end of the previous year because I am opening myself up to it. They really do tend to come in as a download. The other thing is I have found there's this numerologist, Penny Pierce, who's been on the podcast many times, the Penny and Jenny Show. We'll put a link in the show notes. Penny does individual numerology readings. And I also find it so helpful to calculate my personal year. And then there's a specific person that I read. Her name is Christine delaure and it's free. I'll link to in the show notes once you calculate what personal year you're going to be in. She has this write up that I can't explain it, but for 10 years now it's been uncannily accurate. Like, oh, I'm in a two year. Two is about partnership. That was the year I got married. And coincidentally my husband Michael is in the same personal year because it's based on your birth date and the current year. In fact, I'll tell you listeners exactly how to calculate it. Some people are already rolling their eyes and you hate this stuff. But for the rest of the, you get your birthday, your birth month and the year. So for example, your personal year would be like my birthday is October 9th and then 2023. So you add 1 plus 0 plus 0 plus 9 plus 2 plus 0 plus 2 plus 3 and was in a seven year, I'm going to be in an eight year. When you read this person's write ups or you have a session with someone like Penny, it's so fascinating to hear what the themes are and to look back on the previous year and go, oh yeah, that's exactly what I was dealing with. Or looking ahead and you could say that it's self fulfilling prophecy or we're sort of biased or maybe hearing reading a write up like this changes how you're thinking. But then I would just say, well that's your intuition also picking up on the themes. Like while reading, your intuition is pulling out what's salient or what resonates or what is starting to emerge. So I find personal urine numerology to be very helpful in helping me sort out what themes I might be dealing with. And then I also just stay really open. One year, my word was delight. I try to pick a word that would infuse something I need into my life. So the year that it was Delight, I had a really hard year. The year prior I was hustling. I mean I was really working hard. I think it was a year of working on book stuff and my business was really tough. And so when I chose Delight, it was kind of the opposite feeling that I had the year prior. And I thought, what if I cultivate delight this year or what if I cultivate serendipity? The year that it was miracles, ironically was 2020. And I didn't know, I said it at the start of 2020. And so I had that in my heart. And then the following year I chose Lucky and peace. I wanted peace, you know. So I think part of choosing a theme is also giving myself some medicine. Like what's missing, what's lacking, not what's going to help me achieve more for my goals. I'm less concerned with that. It's more what does my soul need.

Beautiful. Yeah. And I hear you also talking about this concept of reflecting on the prior year and that building some continuity into and informing the goals, the themes that show up in the following year. And that's something I also do. I do this with my clients. I take the opportunity at the end of the year to reflect on what that year has been. What am I most proud of? What was most meaningful to me? Or same question for my clients in this past year. I think we so quickly miss the opportunities to celebrate and acknowledge what worked, what we did well, what we feel good about what was meaningful to us and are constantly charging off into the next thing without taking that moment to integrate and appreciate what has been. And then also I think it's like, who have I become? How have I grown in this last year? Client how have you grown in this last year? And celebrating that as well and then also looking at the challenges and what were the challenges and how did I navigate those and what did I learn from all of this and that doing that kind of inventory and Jenny seeking out additional insight and perspectives on what's been and what's becoming. But taking that moment to reflect, I think can really inform a more continuous and integrated sort of next step in our development. When we then look ahead and ask ourselves, okay, and after having sort of brought some completion to the year that's been, what's most alive now, what's there for me when I look ahead?

We'll be right back just after this.

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How do you facilitate that for yourself? Because sometimes I we're turning the corner into this new year and I'll go, yeah, that was hard. You know, I'll kind of like brush off either how far I've come or what I've been working on or I still am aware of the gap that exists. As with any pivot in progress, there's a gap where you are and where you want to end up. What do you do to make that process kind of tangible for yourself or for your clients? Of really reviewing and seeing what was successful, what was challenging, asking and answering.

Questions, I think can do that quite well. So Maybe we can even together come up.

Oh, yeah, I was going to say recording this podcast.

Yeah.

Yes.

So, I mean, where I immediately go is to start with, you know, what has been meaningful, what's worked, what are the areas of growth or success that we want to celebrate and what can we learn from those things. That's one place. And I always want people to incorporate, not just the external thing, like, not just celebrating what was accomplished. Yes, that's significant. This matters. I don't want to undercut that at all. But also, what about you? What about the inner journey? You know, how did you grow? Who are you becoming? Who did you become? And how can you celebrate and acknowledge that as well? And when we acknowledge what has worked, then it's integrated, it sticks. It's more likely to be continued forward. So those are some initial questions. Jenny, what else comes to mind for you?

Well, inevitably, I want to ask you, I'm tempted to ask you, what are you becoming? What do you feel that this last year, what journey did it take you on?

Hmm. I'm now revealing that I haven't done my reflection exercise just yet. I appreciate the question.

Yeah. We can either edit it out or everybody listening can take their moment with you.

Yeah.

And I will. I'll pose that to you. To you who were in your earbuds, which is what journey were you on? And one way that I would like to walk clients through this is, as we shared in the previous conversation, the A and J was, you're the main character of a movie, and let's say it's this epic, Lord of the Rings esque saga. What part of the journey were you on this last year? What were your triumphs? What was the peak moment or two? What was the arc of your challenges like? If the challenges were designed for the movie that is your life, was there a rhyme or reason to them that you could discern in hindsight? And then as with any movie, as with any adventure flick, where are you being drawn? And by the way, I've been thinking so much. I had Luke Burgess or I interviewed Luke Burgess. I don't know if it will go live yet, but two books, Reading the Books Wanting and the Status Game. Sometimes I notice myself. The journey I'm on is also reminding myself what's important and what isn't. And not to carry with the Lord of the Rings metaphor. Not chasing the ring or certain rings of power or rings of metrics or accomplishments that are really what somebody else has valued, not me. So I would ask that to all of you listening too what is drawing you forward in a really positive way? And then is there something that's pulling you, that is actually draining your energy slowly but surely? And so I love that exercise, too, of just noticing at a baseline level what is energizing you, what gives you energy, what feeds your spirit, what lifts you up, what projects, what people, what skills are you learning? And then which are the ones that drain you? Even if there's not a good logical explanation, Sometimes I feel I'm not justified in saying this thing drains me. I'm like, well, that shouldn't drain you. Okay? But it does, you know? So just dealing with the reality of that.

Those are such great questions. And it's such a great point about being honest. You're talking about the reality of what is. And we have to be deeply honest with ourselves when it comes to reflecting like this on our life and our journey. And also when it comes to imagining and envisioning what's next. It's got to be honest and aligned with who we really are and how we really feel. Not who we think we should be or who we're expected to be, or who our parents or partner or whoever wants us to be, but the truth of who we are. So I'll answer your question. I've had a moment to think. Thank you. Love it. I'm going to ask you the same one back.

I know. I'm already nervous.

That was coming. So when I reflect on this past year, I turned 40, and for me that was almost like a new year. I guess it is a new year, maybe the truest new year. But it was another big moment of reflection. And you were asking, who am I becoming? And what I felt around that transition is I'm becoming more accepting and comfortable and loving with myself, with who I am. I feel less pressure to have to be a certain way. I feel that when I do feel the pressure, like I should be further along in this area of my life or in this place, I can more quickly say, wait a second. Actually, like, I'm good. I appreciate myself. I'm okay with who I am. I don't need that thing in order to feel like some level of goodness and love and warmth and acceptance and appreciation of who I am. And I'm grateful to be in that place, to be becoming, I think, more and more me. It's like as a result of sort of this shift in this acknowledgement, I feel even more permission to express more myself more and more freely with less and less filtering, more authenticity, more spontaneity, more play and that all feels really good.

I just wanted to say, oh, I wish that for all of us. And I hear so many people say that that is the big learning of their 40s, or that by the time they turn 40, that emerges really strongly. Why do you think that is? Like, what is it about turning 40? I'm a year behind you. But what is it that just flip that switches, do you think?

Personally, I spent a lot of time sort of wrestling with trying to create what I wanted to create in my life through my 20s and 30s. And some of it unfolded beautifully as planned, a lot of it didn't. And I think there's some combination of humility, exhaustion and wisdom with trying to make things go the way that I want or the way that I think they should go. And when I let go of that, I realize, oh, like, I don't think I really need all of those things to happen in order to feel good about myself in my life. I'm still tempted into those traps. And I think for weeks on end, I could still be operating, you know, like, I'm going to try to do this thing, do this thing, do this thing until I realize, oh, wait a minute, you know, I'm forcing it, I'm pushing it. Like, I don't really need that to happen. And so I think it's this humility, exhaustion. Yeah, Some combination of those things that help me let go of the will. And when I do, I realize, like, oh, it's actually like, what I really appreciate, what's really brought meaning to me, isn't what I've done as much as it really is this feeling of, like, who I am and who I've become and the relationships that I have and the love between relationships and experiences along the way. So some combination of that, I'd say for me at least, that's awesome.

I interrupted you. You were saying a part two, if you still remember it.

Part two, yeah. The other thing is I think there's some more patience and wisdom that I'm growing, becoming so. Becoming more patient, more wise. And a lot of that is seeing that hopefully life is long, that there are still decades ahead of me. I don't have to do everything in this next year, let's say. And so when I sit with what's alive for me at the beginning of 2023, so much is alive. There's so much that's alive. My family is so alive. My work is alive. I want to do more purpose, soul work with people and have ways of bringing breath, work and other things into that that I'm excited about. And I want to continue to be in deep care for my own well being, my physical health, be playing and adventuring in the mountains and surfing and doing all the things that I love. Spending tons of time with my children and my wife and friends. And it's like there's so much there. I can't possibly do it all in this next year and in previous years I would try, and I am not going to try to do it all this year. I'm going to discern, like, okay, I think this year really feels like it's about family and so let's make it about that. And it's okay to let go of some of those other things for now. And then when I acknowledge that I'm going to have time, many years again, hopefully to fulfill all these things, it lessens that pressure. And I feel like I can really focus on that which is most important and be fully, fully present for that. So that's the other piece of reflection for me.

When we were first dating, Michael would always tell me, life is long because I was like, I don't know, I was like anxious or kind of wondering what this was going to be. I had a lot of shifts that emerged as a result of this relationship, obviously, because we're married now. But in the beginning, he would always say, life is long. Life is long. Which was such a contrast to life is short. Gotta do it all right now. So I just love what you're saying.

Yeah. What about you? When you reflect on the questions that you were posing in this past year, who are you becoming or what's giving you energy or draining you? Anything that you want to share from your own journey at this point in time?

Yeah. Well, I think part of it was giving myself permission. And this started to come in toward the end of 2022 when I got hired for my first paid in person speaking gig since February 2020, and the sense of relief that I could just pay my bills the way I used to, and this is even new since we last recorded that washed over me, that relief. I was like, oh, the last two years have been hard. And I never ever wanted to say they were hard because so many people had it so much harder. But there was a moment of me acknowledging this has not been easy. Like I was running a small business in an industry where I'm the first to get cut when there's a global pandemic. And I'm not trying to complain or be a victim about it, but I just had a moment where I go oh, I've been carrying a lot business wise and I was too stubborn to do things just to earn money as we talked about in the previous conversations. So it was a time of having a lot of faith and also carrying a lot as the breadwinner and as the earner and trying to find money in every random pocket of my life without cutting into every single investment account and last, last, last resort resource. Just the creativity necessary to kind of thread the needle of these few years and into what's next that I think I became like just strengthened in a way. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if I'm prepared for the next pandemic or not, but I think it was a time of having a lot of faith. And I think the who I was becoming was also more confident because it's kind of similar to what you're saying, but more confident to just keep putting one foot in front of the other of what I really feel called to do and trusting that even if it doesn't happen overnight, that will be what's best. It's hard to keep that faith sometimes when the financial return isn't there right away. Yeah, it's just been a period of a lot of faith as we've talked about. So I would say that's what I'm becoming. And then more on the negative side, but like I don't fit the clothes in my closet anymore. There was part of me, I think looking back, I also realized it was hard and I was stressed and I probably ate more and worked out less while I was dealing with it. I still do peloton every day, not always the bike. Usually it's a yoga class. I was still moving, but I also realized it's time. Especially as I turn the corner, I'd like to feel really healthy again. And I think the last few years I just kind of felt a sense of heaviness, like literally and metaphorically. And I prefer to feel agile and strong and look at pictures of myself and see. I mean, it's hard because getting married changes it. Having a dog changes it. I don't just like go to yoga and Pilates every day because I live by myself and I can do all these workouts, but I like to feel strong. I don't like to feel heavy in my body. So it's not judging anyone else, it's just how I personally feel, good or not. And so now I think that was a sort of less positive becoming that I now just am on a slow journey of turning it back around.

I appreciate you speaking to the reflection on challenges as well. I think that's an important part. Where did we struggle? What was hard? What was difficult, painful, challenging? I think that's an important part of life. It's the light in the dark, you know, the light and the shadow. It's all there, it's all real, it's always all happening. And so it's important to include that in the reflection. So thanks for speaking to that. What about shifting into the new year now? Having done these reflections and offered some questions to your listeners, I'm curious if we can shift into how we then look at goals or look at what's most alive or look at the themes for the new year and start to plan a year that really is in deep alignment with what we want.

I love it. Yes. And what I was going to ask you, which we may want to do first, and then we set the year ahead. What was your core challenge, would you say, of 2022?

In hindsight for me, I think it was about time. Good thing you wrote a book on it. That was helpful.

I got you.

That was helpful. Yeah, it was a very apt book. Time. Yeah. I have a three and a half year old daughter. My wife and I got pregnant this year and spent a lot of the year preparing for our second child. And I also came back into work in a bigger way. I took most of the first three years of my daughter's life off to be with her and still was running the business in the background, but I wasn't actively seeing many clients at all. And that was an amazing experience and privilege and I wouldn't change that at all. It was great. I made a lot less money and that's fine. It was incredible. So I came back to client work this year and also into the business and making some moves and hiring some additional coaches and things like that. And it was really, really difficult to manage, growing the business, seeing clients still being present with my daughter and my wife. My wife was really nauseous in the beginning, first and second trimester of her pregnancy and so was like incapacitated for a lot of the day. So I was doing a lot more of the cooking and household administration, which is a massive, massive effort, as we all know. So I was stretched. It was a lot. And then in the midst of that was trying to take care of myself. And so I was tired and I'm still tired and I don't have that one figured out. You know, one of the most helpful things from your book free time was was focusing on what really brings me joy and I was able to refine and be more discerning about where I put my attention and prune some of the activities that were less joyful. So that did go a long way. And then I think I'm just at a stage of life with two young kids and a business and a lot of energy and excitement for for experiencing the beauty of life where I'm gonna be a bit tired. So I don't know. That's unresolved. I have a feeling I'll be challenged with having not enough time in 2023 as well.

Well, I appreciate you sharing that, just the tiredness. And I know so many parents of young kids, it's almost like it is the nature of the beast in a way for those years when they're young. And so I appreciate you sharing that.

We'll be right back just after this.

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I can imagine that it's challenging and you have so much freedom as a business owner to design your schedule. And that means that it's not necessarily clear cut either. So you're making really tough choices often about where to allocate your time, energy and attention.

I will say one thing I have learned in addition to your amazing insight about focusing on what really brings joy, the other thing that I've learned is less. It's really, really helpful to just do less. And often for me as a small business owner, that means making less money. There's usually a pretty clear trade off there, at least for me. Maybe I haven't figured something out, but if I work less, I make less money and I'm an advocate for that trade off. I really am. I really think that there are a lot of times in life when making less money brings a Lot more well being and fulfillment and generates a lot more good in the world. Like, I was really able to be deeply, deeply connected and in full joy and appreciation with my daughter and my wife for the first several years. And I did have the privilege and ability to cut back on work. And I think a lot of people have that privilege and ability and maybe don't take it. I know you have, Jenny. You've shared about this in previous episodes and so I just want to share that because I really believe in the good that comes from looking holistically at life and what matters to us and aligning with those things even when it means, you know, less money or a step back in our career.

Yeah, it can be so hard not to see that when you say step back, even that is like imagining some linear path. And I often feel like that Sometimes I go, what pace would I be operating at if I was still single? You know, I'll have these thoughts that I'm not saying it's good. It's just where my mind goes of like, it's of like not comparing and is it a step back or is it this big leap forward when you emerge or your priorities get clarified and. But I know what you mean. Like, and I really appreciate you sharing that, of being willing to take what feels like a step back in order to honor your values and trusting that good things will still emerge on the other side. Like, what's this phrase? Well, there's one. What you seek is seeking you that I always love. And then what's meant for you will never be lost. I love that idea. I think there was Hemingway wrote a letter to his son. I'll have to find it. Oh gosh, now I'm completely bungling it. But just that idea that like, what's meant for you can't be lost.

Exactly. And life is long.

That's right. Life is long.

The insight from the last year from Michael. Life is long. Like there will be many more decades, hopefully chapters where I can put more energy into work and projects on that front and serve and reap the benefits of that.

Well, so exciting that you have another kiddo coming. I don't even know if I knew that and I don't think I did. That's really exciting. I'm so happy for you. I. That's going to be a really big focus of the year. You asked about mine for 2023. I really love that you said do less because it is so simple and we hear that a lot in the personal development sphere. But oh my goodness, it's just a lesson that I think it becomes harder and harder because life gets more complex and the world seems to be accelerating in complexity and the Internet and everything. But do less. It's so true. And I'm trying to notice when my energy is really resisting, do I need to do it at all? And as I Look ahead to 2023, there's part of me that I want to go into old patterns of, I don't know, taking on work or doing work or doing launches or running my business in certain ways. And I have to go. Is it really necessary? And just continuing to build that muscle for myself as well, of do less and do more. That's joyful. And that's the theme I've been really trying to work toward the last decade. Yes. But certainly the last few years. But I feel like 2023. I don't know. As I always say to you when we talk, I'm kind of hoping that the doing less does pay off financially, because otherwise I'll be proving myself wrong in a way that I have this theory that if you do less, you can do what you do better, and therefore it resonates more and you can actually be more successful. But I kind of need it to work first.

I need my pivot in progress to kind of now prove itself out financially. Otherwise, I don't know.

Well, it sounds like something's shifting for you that you got this speaking gig. Like, the period of faith is starting to be met by the world with some evidence that you were not crazy to have that fake.

At least a few little signs. Yeah. Like sometimes you just need a few crumbs. Like, and these are great gigs, by all means. The gigs themselves are not crumbs. But as in you need a few new cookie crumbs on the trail of, like, just give me a sign and then. And then I'll get one and then the next and I'll go, okay. These things will sustain me to keeping the faith. And so thanks for saying that. And it's true. Like those little nods. And I always try to stay open to those signals as well. But I'm in the same boat as you. I want 2023 to just. You know, Jim Collins talks about the Flywheel, and he wrote a great book. I always talk about this one, too, the Flywheel monograph. But I'm at a point in my career where it's. A lot is built. It's just time to spin the flywheel and then get on and try to enjoy the ride and not freak out and not over Commit and like, but realize some momentum, not just keep building, which is kind of my safe place. How about you? What's a theme emerging for 2023?

Doing less is a good one. I like that. I don't know if I would have said that prior to this conversation, but it's resonating, it's feeling deeply true and relevant for me right now. And one of the ways I was thinking about doing less is that it's also focusing on what's most important. Like if you're doing less, you're focusing on what's most important. And I think that the focus on what's most important, what really deeply matters, is the ultimate productivity, success, tool or philosophy of all time. It's like if we're always focusing on the things that are most deeply important to us, then we are moving towards our deepest well being, greatest fulfillment, all those things. So I'm gonna go with taking, doing less. Not just as like, oh, I have to cut out things that I wish I could do. As much as it's an invitation to really focus on what's most important and give my all to those things and be fully present with all of that.

And then that is also how you live with no regrets because you're doing what's most important. You're going all in on those things. I do feel like, you know, I know you really live in integrity with yourself and your values as much as you can. And I love it. We could all adopt this. And then my friend MJC reminded me of what a coach told me last year of you all get a raise. Just how do we give ourselves a raise? Maybe you work at a company and you can't officially grant a raise, but there are other things that you can do to value your time and your energy.

Absolutely. And even just that reflective activity of appreciating oneself, like that's a boost, that's a lift, a raise of sorts. The appreciation of, you know, what do I appreciate about myself? What do I want to acknowledge? What am I proud of myself about or for?

So if you could leave listeners with one practice, one thing they could do, or one permission even, that's what I always ask on free time. But I don't know, maybe it's around doing less. But this week, as we turn the corner into this new year, what do you want people to do or not do?

I'm going to take that and go in the direction of trying to summarize on the fly here what we've been talking our way through as it relates to the new year. And so what I heard us first saying that I want to outline for everybody is take a breath before launching into a goal or a new declaration for this year. Take a breath, maybe rest, recharge if you feel like you need a little bit more time. And then come back to the question of what do I really want? And maybe a variation of that question. It's not just about want. It's like, what's most alive in me, what's most important to me, what's most exciting, what do I want to. What am I excited to give my energy to? Because it's there and it's real and it's true. Not because I think I should or I think it'll get me somewhere better, but what's like, genuinely, authentically alive that I want to give myself to? And then you were bringing up the question, like, why does that matter? Or, what's your hope for giving yourself to this thing? What do you hope it will transform you into? Where? I think your question was, who are you going to become as you do this?

So thinking about that, I stole it.

Okay. Thinking about not just the external that you're moving towards, which is important, but also the internal. Who are you becoming as you do this? And then maybe there is a goal that you want to set, and then whatever that is, crank it up, double it, triple it, quadruple it, whatever. But set and even challenge yourself to go even bigger. Not because you have to accomplish that bigger thing, but because that will inspire a bigger shift in your creativity and your growth when it comes to accomplishing that goal. And also, don't write it off as, like, an impossible goal. I mean, really double it or triple it. But really think about, okay, how am I going to do this? And I imagine and have seen this, doing that produces a more fulfilling, spontaneous, unexpected, you know, transformative and growthful ride along the way.

I love it. What a great summary. I would say, in the theme of do less. Don't worry about setting a gazillion goals for this year. Think about one personal project that's meaningful to you. I mean, if you run your own business. Okay, maybe it's a combo work personal. One of Adrian's projects this year is creating a human, you know, while raising another one. But what's one project that does align with your soul's path? I love how Adrian phrases it. What's alive in you? So good. And what's one project that pursuing the project is rewarding in and of itself? So there's telic and autotellic desires. This is like a Greek term, telic. It's something is meaningful because it gets you somewhere, but autotelic is rewarding in and of itself. So I would just encourage you to consider what's one thing for the year that aligns with your spirit. And it could be learning a language. It doesn't have to be so massive. And if you're tired right now and you don't want to do any of this, don't like this is an arbitrary turning of the page. I agree with what you said earlier, Adrian. Sometimes birthdays are much more meaningful and interesting to me because I'm the only one turning that corner at that time. But if now, if you need to just rest and revisit even these reflection questions in a month, do that. You have permission to go your own way, to do less, and to choose one really resonant project that's resonant no matter the outcome, or if it involves having faith that the outcome will be interesting even if it's not what you expect.

Yes, absolutely. Beautifully said.

All right, well that's a wrap on this jam session. Thank you so much Adrian. Where do you want to send people if they want to learn more and get in touch and maybe get into Career Pathfinder to kick off the new year?

Apathatfits.com pivot and Jenny and I have set up a special discount for all of her listeners.

Amazing. And if you want to learn more, Adrienne gives a special discount code for pivoters so you can go to a paththatfits.com pivot and you can learn more about that Career Pathfinder course if a change is on the horizon for you. Thank you so much Adrian. Always such a blast to hang and see where this is. Conversation takes us big. Thanks to everybody who's here listening too. And Happy New Year.

Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Pivot podcast. Make sure you don't miss an episode or my insider tips and templates by signing up for Pivot List, a curated twice monthly newsletter where I share the inside scoop on what I'm reading, watching, listening to and the latest tools I'm geeking out on. Sign up@pivotmethod.com pivotlist get show notes from this episode@pivotmethod.com podcast and connect with me on Twitter ennyblake.

Remember, build first, then your courage will follow. Hasn't it always.

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