350: The Simple Yet Powerful Three-Word Phrase that Shifts My Day

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If something is so full of obligation that it's actually draining you and dragging you down, and there's not a bone in your body that wants to do it, maybe you don't need to do it at all. That's where we come to the power of saying no. But if you know it's something you're going to do, then try to find the I get to like I'm so lucky I get to see these family members. I'm so lucky that they're still here and I get to spend this time and that might be a really powerful shift. Well, what would the I get to version be? What would be more you or more aligned? That isn't just about spending money, but that's finding meaning. What's next? This is a question we're all having to ask and answer more frequently. I'm Jenny Blake, your host of the Pivot podcast and author of the only move that matters is your next one.

For show notes from this episode, visit pivotmethod.com.

If change is the only constant, then let's get better at it. Here we go.

Welcome back Pivoters. Today I'm bringing you a short and sweet solo episode on three little words that change the way I think about my day. This is in the spirit of episodes 3:12. Are you future tripping 3:16, don't suffer twice and more recently, 348 with how to experience more everyday awe with Dacher Keltner. You might also enjoy free time. Episode 29 funded by Source with Ksenia Avdulova. Now what do all of these have in common? And yes, as always, I'll put them in the show notes. They're all small ways to make a big shift. So what is this little three word phrase? It's changing the day and tasks within the day from I have to to I get to. Let me tell you why that's so powerful. And if you already do this, kudos.

Really.

It's about shifting from obligation to gratitude and I have found that it helps me appreciate what I have in my life rather than Seeing my day as a set of burdensome responsibilities that I just have to get through. So, for example, when we first brought Ryder home, he was still a puppy and he had so much energy and we needed to take him out to the park for sometimes an hour and a half at a time. Twice a day I was taking him, and I remember thinking, this is interrupting my work. I have to take him out. I have to get him tired. I have to play with him so much during the day. I have to train him. And there was just all this sense of this is interrupting what I'm actually supposed to be doing. Over time, I realized I have it all wrong. I get to go outside with a Ryder often twice a day. I get to sit in the dirt on a grassy hill at the park near our house and take a break from my work. I get to sit on that hill and throw a big branch around and sometimes talk to friends or family on the phone and catch up or immerse in great music or listen to interesting podcasts that get me thinking, gets me away from the computer, away from my email inbox. It's actually quite a privilege that I get to be pulled to the park once or twice a day and take this break and be in nature and be outside, because let me tell you, if I did not have a dog that needed to get fresh air and long walks and play, I wouldn't be doing any of this. I can guarantee I wouldn't be sitting in the grass and the dirt on a hill for sometimes up to three hours a day. So this little phrase, changing something from I have to to I get to is a way of acknowledging tasks as opportunities and not as burdens. And it's essentially practicing gratitude. I don't have to tell you the many benefits of gratitude. In fact, sometimes during earlier pivot points of my life, I became very resentful of all this research. Like, I'm making the gratitude less. I'm meditating, I'm doing yoga, I'm getting outside, I'm getting vitamin D. And I'm still in a goo state, in a liminal state of the change process. So I remember sometimes wanting to just pull my hair out in frustration. Like, no amount of gratitude list is making this change process feel any easier. And yet shifting from I have to to I get to does help with stress reduction, because viewing tasks as opportunities and not burdens will lower anxiety. It might increase your motivation because when you feel lucky to do something, you're more energized to do it. And just overall happiness from seeing the good and seeing not only the glass half full, but as I like to say, that you made a glass in the first place, you're actually creating and making things. When I had a full time job, I remember that there were many times where I felt stuck or had a manager I didn't get along with very well or I didn't like the work that I had to do and it always helped me to shift to I get to go to work today. I am lucky to have a job. I am lucky to have a paycheck every two weeks. I get to work on these projects. I get to even work through these challenges at work. Now from the perspective of someone who's been self employed for 12 and a half years, I can definitely say looking back, I get to go to work and have a salary is really nice. When there's been several years in a row of economic contraction, it's not that I would change my current situation. I'm very happy being self employed. But it's then about recognizing what are the choices that you're making in that moment and how are they serving you in that moment. Even if it's not the end all be all. So now let's say from the context of self employment I have to record a podcast episode today. Oh, I'm behind on my deadline. Or oh, I don't know what to talk about. Or I have to write an essay for Rolling in dough. Oh, I'm behind. I don't know what to talk about. Or I have to send one of my newsletters. Okay, when I start feeling that way, when I notice myself using that language, I shift and I say I get to send a newsletter today. How lucky am I? I have X number of subscribers right now. It's maybe 20,000 across my three newsletters and you can find them all on substack. I get to curate interesting things and craft them in a way that I'm excited about and send it out to all of these beautiful people, including you who are here right now listening.

We'll be right back just after this.

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Same with recording a podcast. When I feel, oh, I have to do something or I have to get it in before the deadline and I start feeling way down and heavy about it, I actually switch and I say, I get to record a podcast episode. That means that I have a podcast. That means that I have podcast listeners. The fact that I'm on a deadline means that I have a podcast production team who's gently nudging me and waiting and helping hold me accountable to do the work that I say is important to me that I want to do. Let's say when it comes to exercise, some days I feel super energetic and I can't wait to move. And on other days I just feel like I'm completely dragging. Oh, I have to work out today. I'm a big fan of streaks as I share in free time. Sometimes I make exercise my main focus of the day. And this is the thing I get to do. So instead of saying, oh, I really should do some yoga today, it's I get to move my body in a way that really feels great. Afterward, I feel like a sponge wrung out all the twists and turns. I just, my body feels so much better. Afterward, I try to remind myself that I'm healthy, you know, knock on wood. And yes, there are certain parts that are creaky right now, or that maybe I've lost some of the flexibility I used to have. And yet I am so lucky that I have a healthy body that I get to do yoga. And maybe there will come a day where that won't be possible. So I'm trying to shift to that gratitude of I get to do this thing and be grateful for my body's ability to move if it's exercising outside to get fresh air, if it's in my office. And essentially, what basically fits little more than a yoga mat as far as the free space to move. But I have an office and I have the time to myself where I can listen to music and be guided through a class. Even with the holidays coming up, maybe you feel some micro guilt or macro, some obligation like, oh, I have to go here for the holidays or home, or I have to get everyone gifts or I have to send out our annual Christmas cards or holiday cards. Okay, well, if Something is so full of obligation that it's actually draining you and dragging you down. And there's not a bone in your body that wants to do it. Maybe you don't need to do it at all. That's where we come to the power of saying no. So I'll link to one of those episodes in the show notes, but if you know it's something you're going to do, then try to find the I get to, like, I'm so lucky I get to see these family members. I'm so lucky that they're still here. And I get to spend this time. And that might be a really powerful shift. And if it's something that feels like overly sort of caught up in the commercialism of the holidays, like I have to get everyone gifts, well, what would the I get to version be? What would be more you or more aligned? That isn't just about spending money, but that's finding meaning. Even things around the house. I remember we live not too far from Whole Foods. In fact, both apartments that I've lived in in New York City for the last 12 and a half years have been two tiny blocks from Whole Foods. And I grew up having to wait in the car while my mom would go grocery shopping. And sometimes she would bring us inside, but sometimes my brother and I would sit in the car. And I just remembered hating the grocery store. Hating it. I just associated it with, like, it's so big, it's so spread out. And I always needed to be so patient and it just felt like such a chore. So as an adult, I would get really triggered just needing to go get groceries. Like, I don't want to. Don't make me. And whenever I would have friends, let's say they're picking me up from the airport or wherever, public transportation, they'd say, let's just swing by the grocery store on the way home. That makes so much sense, right? Because I'm their guest. Let's figure out what we all want to eat for the weekend. And then on the inside, I would cringe like, no, please, please don't make me stop at the grocery store on the way home. Like, I just wish there was a way I could get out of it. Until something shifted in me in the last couple years and I realized, oh, I like going to the grocery store. This is my happy place. I get to put on a great podcast. It's air conditioned, which is especially helpful in the summer here in New York when it's just hot and humid and disgusting. I learned to go during the week in the mornings because there's hardly anybody there. So I definitely don't go midday on the weekend. And I would just start to have fun. I get to go to the grocery store, I get to explore, I get to get all the yummy food that we're privileged to be able to afford to buy, and I get to maybe bring home one or two fun things that I just encounter serendipitously in the aisles. Because maybe you're already thinking, oh, well, I could just get my groceries delivered. You know what? We did that. And it was not that joyful either. First of all, they never picked the right produce. The avocados are like hard as rocks. And I don't know, there was something missing when the groceries would get delivered. And that wasn't that fun either. And so shifting from I have to go get groceries to ooh, I get to go get groceries and see what foods are calling to me and what's new there and what's one little surprise thing I can bring home. And oh, I get to listen to a podcast that always kind of enriches my mind. And so I get to just wander the aisles and think that made it more fun. So I know I've given you a range of some examples that are more profound and meaningful in our life and some that are just small little things, but I do believe that they add up. And I do feel like for me there is a shift when I'm looking at my day and instead of complaining about what I have to do, I can focus on what I get to do. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day too.

Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Pivot podcast. Make sure you don't miss an episode or my insider tips and templates by signing up for Pivot List, a curated twice monthly newsletter where I share the inside scoop on what I'm reading, watching, listening to, and the latest tools I'm geeking out on. Sign up@pivotmethod.com pivotlist get show notes from this episode@pivotmethod.com podcast and connect with me on Twitter ennyblake.

Remember, build first, then your courage will follow. Hasn't it always.

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