57: What's a Silent Meditation Retreat Like? Sweet Sound of Silence (Part 2)

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Hello beloved Pivot Podcast listeners. This is my first solo show of the new year. So officially welcome to 2017. I hope you're all having a fantastic start to the year. Before we rang out 2016, I recorded part one of this series, the Sweet Sound of Silence and I mentioned that I was going to ring in the new year by going to a five day silent meditation retreat at and then I would report back on the podcast. So here we are, it's post retreat and I wanted to give you a rundown of what it's like. Some of you may have done a silent retreat before, but if you're anything like me, I was always a little curious and somewhat terrified by the idea of doing one. It really intimidated me. Even though I have been meditating for about five years now, I still felt like I don't know if I can do it. And I have to say on the other side, I took to that thing like a fish dropped into the ocean for the first time. I could not believe the feeling of being cocooned in silence, no pressure to talk to anyone or make conversation. My phone was in airplane mode for five days, so there were no inputs, no texts, phone calls, voicemails, emails to respond to, nothing to distract myself. And while I know that can sound very intimidating, I have to say that more than anything, it was incredibly freeing for so many of us. We don't even realize how tethered we are to our devices until they are gone or we put them in airplane mode. And I don't know about you, but that's rare these days. Even flights have wi fi, so even those are just these tiny pockets of time. But what I really loved was the space and stillness to cultivate the inner garden of my mind. And of course with meditation in general, there is no goal. But I found that this was such a rich and amazing opportunity to check in with myself and process whatever was coming up. More than anything, let my creativity flourish because without all the inputs and shoulds, I really felt a sense of gratitude and awe and inspiration. So a little more on the retreat. What is it actually like? What do you do all day? I know some people would ask me before I went, if you just sit and meditate, meditate all day and what that's like. And I will say that we did do up to five hours of meditation a day, but it was in 25 minute segments. And then they would set a timer for 25 minutes and then people could walk around the room for seven and do that for 90 minute blocks at a time. So even though we did meditate up to five hours, it never felt intimidating, at least to me. The schedule for the day. So there would be a wake up bell at 5:30. The first time sitting was 6 to 7:30. Then everybody would eat breakfast. Then there was an hour of work study. And so mine was in the kitchen chopping vegetables, which I'm not really. I don't identify as a good cook or a cook really at all. But it was really fun to do something with my hands. And there's a fun sense of cooperation with other people when you can't talk. But we would still be standing side by side in the kitchen working together, which was really nice, doing something tactile. Then from 9 to 10 there was a break, 10 to 11 there were more timed sittings. Then there would usually be a talk in the morning, followed by lunch and a break and then optional I didn't attend. There was a thing called group dialogue from 2 to 3:15 every day where people could talk to each other. And I was loving the silence so much that I didn't do it on any of the days. But I think it was a great way for people to express what was coming up for them. After the afternoon group dialogue, there would be an open sit at 4:30, dinner at 5, another break, and then timed sittings again from 7 to 9:30. Now some of you who know me well know I go to bed really early. So for me I was usually going to bed by 7 or 8. I was staying in a cabin up the hill by myself. That was kind of funny. Just not to talk to anyone or do anything at the end of the day. I think I went to bed literally at 7pm on New Year's Eve. And I remember I wasn't even talking out loud to myself, but just thinking, okay, happy New Year. What a way to ring this in. And a lot of people asked if we could read, write, and listen to music. What I loved about this retreat center, it's called Spring Water in upstate New York, was that they presented the schedule and they said, everything is optional. Make this retreat your own. This is a center for meditative inquiry. They weren't dogmatic about how you needed to meditate or what the day needed to look like. So they asked that we don't read or journal in public spaces. But there was a library downstairs, and then I could go to my cabin and read and journal. So I did get in trouble once for reading and journaling in public because I was in my favorite chair looking out at the snowy mountains and trees. And I couldn't help myself, of course. And I was reading a book on meditation, too, that I really enjoyed. One is called after the the Laundry by Jack Kornfield. And that's about what about when you have really powerful experiences, how do you re. Enter the real world? And then I also started reading I Am that by Sri Niskara Datta Maharaj. And then on my way home, I started reading Seed of the Soul by Gary Zukov, which I had serendipitously seen Oprah talking on the back of a TV screen on a flight that I was on. And I saw this on the TV for someone sitting a couple rows ahead and across from me. I thought, what's that? I want to see that. And I found the channel on the back of my tv, and she happened to be talking about this book, Seed of the Soul, that she read in 1987 and was a complete game changer for her. And she ended up having the author Gary on her show something like 30 times. His book is, of course, an, ooh, uber bestseller now. And I loved it. I have proceeded since finishing that one to order everything he's ever written. So he's now one of these authors that I am just digging my way through everything that he's done. And it's just so powerful to think about how do we really listen to our soul and live from our soul?

One of the practices that I tried during this week of being silent and meditating so often was softening the muscles of my face. And that sounds sort of str. But I've really noticed for myself over the years that when I move into thinking instead of just being my face muscles tighten up sometimes a lot. And sometimes it's very subtle. So even as you're listening to this now, you can notice, are you holding any tension in your forehead, around the eyes, in your jaw? And some of you may be driving or doing something else where you can't close your eyes. But if you can, I encourage you to close your eyes and imagine softening the muscles of your face, finding a sweetness in your expression. And for me, I can usually do a few layers of this letting go. The haiku came to me during the retreat. Melt, soften, release your grip. Open hand allows space for everything. And so I started to say to myself every time I was in meditation, melt, soften, release your grip. If you have your eyes closed, notice how can you melt? How can you soften even further? How can you release any tightness or tension that you're feeling in your body? There's a breath called tonglen, breathing or meditation, where you breathe in pain or stress or suffering, and you breathe out love. And so you just imagine yourself and your body as an air filter, breathe in stress and tension, breathe out peace and love and ease. And you can just go that way, cleansing the breath, cleansing your body all the while, while you melt and soften and release your grip on all those muscles in your face that indicate that you might be holding tension and thinking. And this applies to life as well. So think about, where in life do you tend to tense up? Where are you currently holding tension? Where are you currently resisting or feeling fearful? And what is that fear trying to protect you from? Really, the more I've sat with this, the more I come to believe that fear we don't even the language around inner critic, saboteur is this part of ourselves that's out to get us. Down with the ego, down with the inner critic. And that's one way to look at it. But I find that my fear is really trying to be helpful. And so when I can inquire, what are you trying to help me with? What are you trying to protect me from? I can make friends with it and let the battle subside, let the fears dissolve, because I can replace those fears with what I know to be more true. Whatever you believe in, whatever you have faith in, even if it's just your higher self, higher wisdom, ask for guidance from that part of you to respond to those fears. And that was something that I practiced. I really took areas of myself that felt closed and sat with them. How can I release? How can I melt? How can I soften and release my grip in these areas? Another big feeling that came to me through this Silent retreat was one of gratitude. To be able to take time out unplugged and just be still is such a gift. And I really wanted to come home with the intention of growing through joy and gratitude, grace and ease. So yes, of course, sometimes growth is painful and scary and stressful. And I've learned so much from those times of my life. And there's a sense that it's okay to slow down too. And the more grateful and the more we can cultivate grace and ease and joy and flow, maybe all the same things can get done and maybe even more easily, or maybe we drop the things that don't need to get done or that detract from us, feeling that really connected sense of flow. So I'm exploring now, coming home, ways to create more space and silence. And it sort of occurred to me that our soul doesn't really know the word slow, at least as in you're going too slowly or what if you're not productive enough? That's not a term our soul thinks about. In terms of the soul, the timing is just right and if anything, it would want us to slow down. That's one of my big themes for 2017. I have my word of the year is harmony, which is all about harmony within myself, with others, with my work, feeling a sense of flow and, and ease and soul forward. How can I live really from my place of innermost truth? What does that look like? It was kind of cool being on the silent retreat. I felt so relieved not to really have to try and talk to anyone or make impressions or of course you're making impressions even in silence. And it was quite fun to make friends even without words. We could write notes to each other. But it was such a relief to be able to just be in my day and not think about conversations. So I encourage you to try. You could even do a 24 hour silent day where you are, or just a 24 hour phone and airplane mode day, which would be really freeing just in itself. As I mentioned on a previous podcast, I've been doing soul letters to Self. And that's another way that I've really been cultivating this practice of listening to my innermost self and soul and guidance. And it's been a game changer. It's really early for me in the process of doing this, but I'm blown away every. Every time I go back and read something that I had written in a soul letter to self. And I thought it would be nice and appropriate to read you the one that I wrote to myself on New Year's Day. Because I really believe that even though these are soul letters to self that I've written to myself, that they somehow apply to all of you listening as well. And maybe be listening for how the messages might resonate with you and be true for you. And by all means, try this. Try writing your own soul letter to self, either after sitting quietly or having some stillness or being out in nature even so, here's the letter for New Year's. Happy New Year. Celebrate all the progress you've made and honor who you are on the inside. Know that you can grow, learn and expand from grace, joy and ease. You can create from this clear, calm place. It does not have to stem from suffering or struggle. And yet you can recognize the beautiful and priceless gifts those times have brought you. Make silence your best friend. Remember this inner tranquility is always available to you, always present, waiting to wrap you up with open arms. Live this year's soul forward. Aim for all actions to express the truest part of you. Soul goals facilitate your greatest expansion, growth and expression. Follow them even when you do not yet know where they will lead. Meet me halfway and I will move mountains for you, because you're worth it and I love you. Love soul. I really believe now, on the other side of this silent retreat, that our soul loves to speak to us in stillness. And that in that place we can find freedom. We can find freedom from the fears that have us in their grip. And we do that by inquiring into them, looking at them, and resolving. As Gary Zuckoff would say in Seat of the Soul. What are your intentions? Is your intention to live through fear or through love? I share one of my favorite stories in Pivot about the Native American grandfather and his son. And the grandfather says, we have two wolves inside of us, fear and love and hate and joy. So either way that you want to phrase it. And the grandson says, well, which wolf lives? The grandfather replies, the one you feed. So I encourage all of you to moment by moment. It's sometimes what I find for me, easier to do this with the big things in my life. Yeah, in general, I'm a joyful, loving person. But when I really get down to it, it's in the smaller moments, the more subtle moments where I can catch myself acting or responding from a fearful place. And when I can identify it as fear, I'm much more empowered to start to dissolve those fearful thoughts and replace them with ones that are more helpful. One of the other haikus that came to me in the retreat about stillness and silence was everything. Everything, everything follows from this bliss. So even if you don't have a meditation practice or you worry you're not doing it right, I encourage you just find 10 minutes of silence in your day. The last thing I wanted to talk about is re entry because it is a little bit shocking to go from not speaking at all for 5 days would like I said I was reading a few books on meditation. I let myself listen to some songs from Kundalini Yoga, but I really wasn't engaging in a ton of entertainment. And so coming back I gave myself a couple extra days to go very slowly and I have to say it's taken at least an additional week to really get back into the flow of things. And so I always like to when I'm planning either a huge launch like the book launch or even a retreat or time out of the country on a trip, really almost at least half the time that I was gone or working on this thing to leave room on the other side for that release and rest and recharging and re entry. And sometimes we forget that I don't know what it would be like. There were some people who left the silent retreat and the next day had to go into work at the office. And so that's a big sharp transition. So although we can't always make the time for a winding back in to in society, I have found that it's really helpful and it was challenging for me just to I didn't even want to answer the phone. I didn't even want to talk to Alexa and give voice commands for the first few days after I was back. A couple people have asked if I would do this again and my answer is 100% absolutely. I feel like if you are at all a creative person or somebody who enjoys exploring their inner world, 100% yes. In fact, I would do this every three months if I can. And I'm going to look at ways to do that because it's just such a rich time of inner exploration. And so I found I have so many notes in my journal that could last me the entire year of thinking and creating content. And so it was just really, really valuable for that reason alone. So if you have more questions about this, I would love to hear them. And I encourage you, any of you, if you're looking for more accountability and support. I share a lot of my own personal experiences and lessons learned and things like this in my private momentum community. And that's just this incredible group of warm hearted, generous side hustlers and solopreneurs and we all come together and share resources. I do Q and A calls every two weeks and you have access to every course I've ever created. So if you want to join us there for the New Year, please do. That's@pivotmethod.com momentum and after you enroll, mention that you heard it on the podcast and we'll give you a $15 refund. So it's $97 a quarter, which I work very hard to make sure that everyone feels like they get their money back and then some, and then some every quarter. So if it feels like a fit, I would absolutely love to have you. And if any of you have questions about doing a silent retreat or you plan to do one coming up, please let me know. It'd be really fun to compare notes and happy to keep sharing what I learned on mine. So with that, wishing you all a very, very Happy start to 2017 and thank you again for being here. Listening.

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Remember, build first, then your courage will follow. Hasn't it always.