106 - Can You Ever Be Too Authentic? - #GrowYourLife

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to the Grow youw Life podcast. My name is Jared Mike Grosky and if you haven't listened to me before, I've been helping people for over 18 years build businesses to seven and eight figures and I want to help you reach more results, be more successful in your health, your wealth, your relationships, all of that to live a bigger life and to grow your life. I believe that they are one thing. You have one life to live and that's not by accident that you're here. Now. If you haven't yet listened to this podcast, there's over a hundred episodes. So check out some more of the episodes that if this has impacted you, be sure to share it with somebody. There's a community as well for free on Facebook called the Grow youw Life Community. You can look up Grow youw Life on Facebook. There's over 1500 people just like yourself that are listening to this podcast, growing in their life. You can ask any question there. There's no stupid questions at all. You can always schedule a free 15 minute call. My website and, and I have courses on my website about selling, running ads, create building websites, growing a Business, blog posts, all of that. Lots of resources for you on the how to of building a business. Now today, what I want to talk about is authenticity. When to be authentic and when not to be. And that's a trick question because I believe you should be authentic a hundred percent of of the time, should always be who you are 100% of the time instead of being fake, having a facade. So. But there are times where you do not over share things. Over sharing is actually a sign of both insecurity because we are just trying to validate ourselves to other people. Case in point, if you're talking about somebody by name that people know and identify that has hurt you, that's probably coming out of a wound that is unhealed. And so filter it through this. Is there a benefit to the people that I'm talking with by me sharing this? You might say, well, I want them to understand context, yes, but you're the one that gets to decide how you frame the context, how you put it together. And when we learn framing, when we learn how to connect and how to communicate with our target customers in the way that works best for them, we can have the most impact. You see, it's important that people understand where we're coming from. It's important that we're authentic. But if you're anything like me, maybe you have over shared at one point in time and put your foot in your mouth. Can I get a hand raise? I do that myself. And so, yes, we should be totally authentic all the time. We should not try to pretend like we're better than we really are or worse than we really are. False humility. Those two are pride and false humility. False humility is also pride. We need to be ourselves. We need to not live a fake life. We need to not live a facade. We need to show up as ourselves, even if people don't like it, even if it offends people, but not to the point that it would hurt another person. And that's the key. Empathy, kindness and compassion. Now. Yes. Is there a time for sharing? Yeah, if you're talking to a therapist, if you're talking to even, you know, a pastor or priest or somebody. But you don't need to share with everybody that comes along how your wife abuses you, how your parents abused you, how your boss abused you, how your school, school director, clients abuse you, whatever your hurts, your pains. Listen, I get it. If I shared with you and over shared with you all the stories that I have that I've experienced in my life, it would make a lot of people look really bad, wouldn't benefit you, and it would just be for me to look good and for you to feel sorry for me. There's no need to share something if you're just trying to get people to feel sorry for you. There's a time and a place for that, and there's always a time and a place and a season for those things. And so that's why we need to really learn discernment of when to share things, what to say, how to say it, when to show up in that way. Listen, in sales and marketing, it's all about framing. It's all about how do we frame the conversation to be most effective. And that's what I want to share with you. Authenticity is a million times more effective than being fake every single time. But there comes a point where you cross a little over into the ineffective place. And I've done this myself, by the way. I've done this, put my foot in my mouth. We're trying to be so authentic that it's a detriment to us. And so. So that's where the line is drawn, really. I'm all about be your authentic self at all times, but not to the point that it makes you look silly. Other people changes somebody's opinion about somebody else to validate you. Well, you know that that's a huge area that I think A lot of us can relate with. Especially if you're listening to this podcast. Some of you are probably nodding yes, Jeremiah. Like you guys have probably. Some of you been cheering me on in some of these areas even because you noticed some of those ways that I over shared, you know, some of that. Some of you are like, whoa, like I never thought about this. I was on a coaching call yesterday with a client. He had asked me this question and I was just like, oh, this is a good one for me to share with my audience. And so if there serves no benefit for you, and if it can any way be damaging to somebody else without total context, change somebody's opinion about somebody else that doesn't need to have their opinion shape, like just keep it to yourself. We don't need to over share everything. It's kind of like we don't walk around naked all the time, you know? You know what I mean? Like I'm so authentic that I'm walking around in the nude. Like, you know what I mean? That's, that's, that's what I'm talking about. There's certain things that you reserve for certain people that have earned the trust to hear those parts of our lives. And that's the point of all this that I'm trying to share with you. Not everybody has earned that level of trust to hear every part of our lives. That's why boundaries are healthy. Boundaries are important. Boundaries of what we're sharing, boundaries of what we're willing to do, boundaries of what situations we're willing to put ourselves into, who we're willing to talk with, where we're willing to go. Boundaries are extremely healthy. They can also be damaging that. I understand that there's unhealthy boundaries that people have. They're used for manipulation, gaslighting, stonewalling, all that type of stuff. I'm not talking about narcissistic abuse. I've experienced a lot of that my, my life. And I've even, even been somebody that learned some bad behaviors and, and be super vulnerable with you. I've done some of the things that I'm like, I cringe now that I did years ago. There was learned behavior, right? I'm not blaming it on that. It was my choice to do that because I thought it was a success strategy. Boy, did I learn after hurting a lot of people, ruining a lot of relationships, burning a lot of bridges. And so compassion and empathy, again, I cannot stress this enough. And kindness. There serves no benefit to make another person look bad ever. There serves no benefit to over share. There serves no benefit to be vulnerable in the sense of sharing those secret parts of yourself. Right. Vulnerability, by the way, is a superpower. Authenticity is a superpower and so is empathy. I'm a huge fan of Brene Brown. I'm a huge fan of teaching people to be their authentic selves. I'm a huge fan of, you know, Gary Vaynerchuk, like amazing teachers that talk about this stuff. But they would also tell you, listen, there's a time and a place for, you know, I don't show everybody myself naked. It's my wife. And that's key, right? There's only certain people that have that level of access. That's why boundaries are so important. And it's the same thing with being authentic. You're the one that gets to develop the narrative that you put out there. You're the one that gets to design and frame that in a way to be most effective. We want to really prioritize our effectiveness at communication and connecting with people. And so if you're listening to this podcast right now, that's what I would say for you is filter it through. This is first off, like, is there a benefit to this? Has this person like built that trust? And some of us maybe have made mistakes of trust. Listen, I've trusted some people that I thought I had trust with and over shared things that they turned out not be very good situations. Learning to read red flags in relationships is important. I was seeking validation from some unhealed areas of myself, from those people. That's why I was over sharing, because I wanted their validation. And it was essentially just issues that had been undealt with mentally that I was struggling with. So that's why, you know, even working with a therapist, working with a counselor, there's a resource called seven cups.com that's really cool. I used it. I created kind of a fake alias on it and was able to talk with people candidly for free people to listen through some stuff for me. And it helped me process things. It was. It changed my life. It really did. That resource, seven cups.com changed my life. I still go back to it from time to time. I haven't used it in a while. It was life changing for me to process through some things, to process through what I was dealing with. Listen, at the end of the day you got to ask yourself, is this effective? Am I being effective at connecting with people? Is it creating connection or will it repel people? And listen, I talk about this. You want to attract the right clients and repel the ones that are not supposed to work with you. But sometimes your over sharing may be repelling the people that you're supposed to work with. I have done that. I have done this. Listen, I have, I am the worst at this. I have been the worst at this. Anybody who knows me really well will tell you that I've been really bad at this that I'm talking about. That's why I feel like on the other side of it. Like I'm fine. Like I'm finally on the other side of this. Oh, it's revolutionized my life. It's, it's, it's helped me not walk away from opportunities. I, I've walked away from close to half a million dollars probably in the last two years and repelled a lot of business from oversharing. And now it's, I'm attracting it because I learned the strategies of how to be effective. I learned, you know, I studied a little bit about stoicism, even some good resources. The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday the Daily Stoic things like that. Marcus Aurelius teachings incredible. Highly recommend Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor who basically his journals, he journaled out incredible teachings that we can apply today to be more powerful leaders, to be more powerful people. And so if you haven't checked those out, I would, I would recommend them. The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. You can find them anywhere. You can find them. There's the, the free Audible audio library app that has them totally free that you can listen to. Forget what it's called and realize that at the end of the day we need to figure out how can we be the most effective of what we're trying to do? How can we be the most effective people at the goals that we have in our relationships and our finances and our health and our wealth, having proper boundaries, learning to heal and grow and grow some thicker skin a little bit too from some of these areas. And so I truly believe be authentic, be your authentic self. Be as authentic as possible. But let's also use wisdom and prudence. The Bible talks about that using prudence. Prudence and wealth go together. The book of Proverbs talks about this prudence and wealth. I wisdom, dwell with prudence. I possess knowledge and discretion. I find out knowledge and witty inventions. Proverbs 8:12. It's huge. And so we have to be prudent. We have to be prudent with our language. We have to be prudent with how we talk, with how we connect, with how we communicate, but not to the point that we're afraid. See what I'm saying? I reject this whole idea of being afraid. I reject this whole thing that we need to fear saying the wrong thing and all of that. I think we need to just not be afraid of that while using prudence. And over time you'll develop this, you'll develop that confidence, you'll develop being able to do that, being authentic while being prudent, while not being afraid of saying the wrong thing, to be able to talk, to be able to communicate as a powerful person. When you're hearing me talk, like none of this is scripted, right? I'm just sharing this from my heart and it's taken me time to get to that place, but I think that you as well can get there to where you talk from that authentic place. You can. The way that we flow with content, the way that we flow in sales, in marketing and communication to close more deals is from this place of prudence and confidence and authenticity. Because we don't have to process through. We're not thinking in our brain. How are we going to frame this in a way to make people like us? I'm not talking about making people like you. People pleasing is another thing that we need to kill. Trying to just please everybody, just trying to make everybody happy. Prudence and wisdom means that we walk courageous, that we reject people pleasing while simultaneously guarding our tongue, knowing what to say, when to say it. And you will grow in that. You will grow in discernment, ultimately. Pray, ask God to help you with that. To know what to say, when to say it, how to connect, how to communicate on a deeper level with people, and how to be more prudent and wise with your language. Don't ever be afraid of being too authentic at all. There's not, it's not possible, it's not. You can't ever be too authentic. But you can over share and you can, you know, make other people look bad and hurt people and hurt your chances and situations. Absolutely. But don't ever do it just to please people. You either. Don't ever do it just to make people like you show up as your authentic self, even if people don't like it. And learn that balance of wisdom on how to connect and communicate. When you do that, you're going to close more deals, you're going to make more money, you're going to open up more doors of opportunity for yourself by doing this. Because people can tell, wow, he's really honest. She's really genuine, she's really authentic. But man, they're also really well spoken and they, they know, they know how to, how to handle the pressure that comes the pressure in situations, people want to know that they can trust you with their secrets. It's huge, right? If people can trust you with their secrets, they will trust you with other things. And so learning to be a trusted confidant is a very, very valuable position to be in and can transform your life. Be authentic in all things, but not to the point that you're oversharing can hurt anybody. That's my message for you today. And this is going to impact every single part of your life. It's going to impact every single part of your business by doing this. Listen, if you're somebody that wants to talk about this or any of the topics I talk about in my podcast, maybe this has helped you at all. Share this episode with somebody. Schedule a free 15 minute call with me on my website. Let's talk about where you're at and how to take things to the next level for you. I truly believe that it's possible for you to build a business to seven figures to six figures. But you have to believe in yourself. You have to trust the process and go after it and take action and show up every single day like a professional. Do that. I'd love to help you in that process. A lot of people grow their businesses over the years. Six to seven figures, eight figures, nine figures. Let's do it together. Schedule a free call with me. My website doesn't cost you anything. Not a sales pitch either. We can talk about where you're at and how to take you to the next level. We'll talk soon. Everybody have a good one.