127: Dealing With Judgment From Those Close To Us - #GrowYourLife

Hello, everyone. Thanks for listening to the Grow youw Life podcast. My name is Jeremiah Krakowski, and on this podcast we talk about ways for you to grow in your life and in your business, to get more results, to make more sales and to make more money. Now listen, if you're not in the GrowYourLife Facebook group, be sure to join that group. There are 1500 people just like yourself that are growing in their life and in their business as well. If you want to grow in your business, check out the courses that we have on my website. We have a new one all about creating and launching your profitable course business. It's 297 bucks on the website. It has all of my courses as a bundle for you and that's going to help you if you're somebody that wants to create courses and market them online. We've sold hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of courses over the last couple of months, sold tens of millions of dollars of courses over the last 18 years with the companies that we worked with. And I walk you through the framework of everything that you need to know to create and sell courses in that bundle, has everything you need from ads, funnels, marketing, course creation, website building, you name it, it's in there for you. Now, today on this episode, we're going to talk about judgment. The judgment that we receive from other people, the judgment that comes from other people. The judgment that comes in on a regular basis. And this is a topic that I found that a lot of people deal with. They're struggling with. They're wondering, how do I deal with judgment? How do I deal with it when it comes in from other people? How do I deal with it when it comes in from different angles, when it comes in from my loved ones, from friends, from family members? How do I put myself out there in business and deal with being judged? Okay, judgment is a huge thing. There's a great book that I read. It's called Judgment Detox. It's by Gabby Bernstein. She's a little more on the New Age side of things. I like to take in the portion, the kind of, the first half of the book I prefer. The rest of it's a little more New Age for my taste. So I kind of go back and re listen to the first half of the book myself because that's where I get the most benefit from in that book. And, and what she talks about is that when we fear judgment from other people, this is huge. I mean, I'm telling you, it's one of the greatest concepts that's ever helped me. When we fear judgment from others, it's how we would judge ourselves if we were seeing us as them. And we're holding them to a standard, basically we're holding ourselves to a standard of other people. And so whenever we fear judgment from others, it's based on how we would judge ourselves. And it's this whole judgment loop type of a thing. And so really it has to do with self criticism. When we fear judgment from other people has to deal with how we judge others and how we criticize ourselves. One of the number one things that as a business owner, as somebody that's going after your dreams, that's going after your goals, that's going to change, revolutionize your life is a not spending a whole lot of time around people that are judgmental and crazy criticizing of you. Now listen, I love spending time around people that raise me up and call me out when I'm making mistakes. That's a big difference. It's a huge difference, my friends. But unfortunately we have combined those two together that like wisdom and mentorship and judgment and criticism are the same thing. They're really not. And so that's why we fear judgment. But like if I have a mentor that's calling me out on something that can raise me up and help me go to the next level, like, please lay it on, give it like as much as I can get right. Like, like, like I'm sure you're that way too. The people that you have in your life that are wise counsel that you listen to, you love hearing from them when they call you out on something and that's wisdom. It's wise to, to, to take correction. But judgment and criticism, they're very different things. And so a, we have to learn to not spend our time listening and paying attention to judgment from other people. You're going to get it from your friends, from your family, from your co workers, from everybody. Especially if you go out there to make a difference in the world and to build a business and to become a business owner and to become an entrepreneur, somebody that makes a difference in the world by putting products and services out there that impact people, you are going to have judgment coming your way. Judgment is going to come after you. People are going to look at what you did, what you're doing and judge you by saying, well, if I was them, I wouldn't have done it that way. And they're going to try to knock you down and knock you out and criticize you and tell you all the stuff that you're doing. Wrong. The best thing that you got to do is a just accept the fact that they're going to do that and be. Not let it touch you, not let it affect you, not let it decide for you. This comes by having solid self confidence. This comes from having solid self image. Believing in yourself, believing in your vision, believing in where you're going so much that nobody can knock you off track to the left or to the right based on their opinions. And we no longer worry about the opinions of other people. As I said, if you were listening from the beginning of this podcast, I love being corrected by a mentor, by a coach. When somebody calls me out on something that I'm doing wrong that I could do right and save myself tons of headache from. It's not the same as judgment and criticism. And so what we have to do is really train ourselves. One of the best ways that I know to get rid of the fear of other people's judgment and this is going to be a little bit exposing for some people, this is what it was for me, is train yourself to stop judging and criticizing everybody else so much. If you live your life and all you're looking at is criticizing and critical of what everybody else is doing wrong and they're not doing right, and that's how you look at your life. Listen, that's not helping you, that's not helping them, that's not helping anybody. That type of way of living does no good or service of good to anybody, especially outside of the realm of relationship. It doesn't. And it can be a waste of energy, a waste of time. It sucks a lot of our energy, it sucks a lot of our ability that you could be spending building your business, creating funnels, creating courses, creating things that sell, creating things that serve the marketplace, recording podcasts, creating content, creating. It will suck the energy that you would need to spend on what's going to grow your business, on looking at what other people are doing wrong or fearing how other people are looking at you and judging and criticizing what they think you're doing wrong, that's tiresome, isn't it? That'll leave you with a headache and a half wanting to quit. By operating from that place of fearing judgment from other people and judging as many people as possible. So we have to cut that out. That's a big thing that's going to help you not fear the judgment from other people is when we stop having our own criticism and judgment. Because here's, because here's the thing. Let me break this down. The pain that you feel when you fear judgment from other people. That pain that you feel when you fear criticism is the pain that you yourself would want another person to feel from your own judgment. So when you're judging somebody else, you want them to feel the same level of excruciating pain that you're feeling by fearing their judgment. You're wanting other people to hurt for what they did wrong. Can I get an amen to that, to be honest? And I'm going to be super vulnerable here. That was exposing to me. I realized, yeah, you know what? The people that I judge and criticize, I want them to feel a level of pain so they change. And I had to check myself there and realize, you know what? That does them no good. That does me no good. And that's what's hurting me so much. When I fear criticism from other people, I'm expecting them to want me to experience the same level of pain that I'm wanting other people to experience from my judgment. And this creates this loop of judgment, this loop of criticism. You know, when we look at the Bible in Matthew, it talks about, in Matthew 7, about the plank in your own eye versus the speck in your brother's eye. We read that in the Bible and it's so true. It's absolutely true. And again, every time I share this message, people for some reason think that I'm knocking correction and I'm knocking wisdom and I'm knocking mentorship and I'm knocking taking correction. I'm not. You've heard me say that three times. Okay, critical nature, A critical nature, criticizing what everybody's doing wrong. All it does is serve self because it helps you feel self righteous and self justified that you're not doing what another person is doing. And then when we fear judgment from other people, we're fearing their own self righteousness over us. That's what it is. We're worried about the self righteousness that other people feel over our activities. And then we're trying to control. Now here's another deeper layer of it that some people may not be ready to hear. We're essentially trying to control and manage and maintain other people's reactions and responses to what we do. We're trying to be a control freak over other people when we fear judgment and criticism because then we're gonna do whatever we can. Pleasing other people, trying to do all the right things, quote unquote, to not receive judgment, trying to do all the right things, the people pleasing trap so that other people don't act in a certain way in our own attempt to try to have control over other people and in our situation. And so when you. When you become somebody who's confident in yourself, you're confident in your message, you're confident in your value, you're confident in what you bring to the table, that starts to disappear as well. A lot of this can be tied to childhood trauma as well. Traumatic experiences or an experience with a church, with a pastor, with a mentor, with a teacher, with a. Whatever you name, it could be a bad experience that you had in the past that you're then projecting into your situation. And that's where the fear of judgment can also come from. And so when we heal, when we grow in those areas, and you can find ways to do that, to heal from the trauma of our past, our past experiences, we both grow in confidence, we grow in wisdom, and we no longer fear and worry how other people judge us. You see, that's a little bit of a dangerous thing initially, because imagine, if you will, if somebody, I'm just going to use the extreme example of a serial killer, didn't fear the judgment of other people for their actions. And to be honest, psychopathic serial killers usually don't fear the judgment of other people for their actions. Let's just be real here, right? Because they go out there and do whatever they do, horrible stuff. And so we have this feeling that for our society to run safely, we must always fear judgment from other people. And people should always fear our judgment. And that's what keeps us safe. That's what keeps us safe and secure and alive and not getting killed by somebody. I'm telling you, this is. This is what our brain subconsciously does in the depths back here is it tells us that if we didn't fear judgment, we could possibly go off the deep end and do something terrible. And if other people didn't fear judgment, they could possibly go off the deep end and do something terrible. And so that's why we maintain, for some reason, this. This sense of being worried about the judgment from other people. That's where you. We need to grow in our level of consciousness. Yes, if you're somebody that is ruled and controlled by your feelings, by your emotions, and you don't have control over your decisions and actions, that is a framework for our society. But when you grow personally, when you grow as somebody that's growing to make their own decisions. Listen, the reason I don't go out and kill somebody today is not because I'm afraid of going to jail. It's because I choose to not do that horrible thing. It has nothing to do with fear of punishment. And that's the level of consciousness that we can grow to, to where we don't fear judgment, to where we don't fear punishment, to where we don't fear what might happen if we do something. Because we're choosing what we're going to do in those situations. Now, most people can't operate that way. If you look at society as a whole, very few people can operate that way. And the ones that do are, they kind of scare people because they're either going to do a whole lot of good in the world and they're not afraid of who thinks bad of them, or they're gonna go do a whole lot of bad in the world. But for you to grow as the person that I believe that God's called you to be, we have to not operate just from a place of fear and worry and fear of judgment and fear of consequences and fear of criticism and fear of punishment, but because we're choosing and deciding. This is what I'm going to do. When it comes to building your business, you choose and decide to operate from a place of morals and ethics. You choose to operate from a place of doing the right thing. And there will be people that are going to judge you as bad for doing that. Your friends, your family members. When you go out there, they're going to, they're going to laugh at you. They're going to say, you know, who do you think you are with your little business, right? Who do you think you are with, you know, big businessman out there thinking he's all that. They laugh at us. People will laugh at you. You will be judged by people because that is how our society is. When you can train yourself that part of your brain that you're not afraid of criticism and judgment from other people, and then you get a mentor, you get a coach, you find somebody that can keep you on track. We don't operate within the boundaries of fear of consequences, fear of criticism, fear of judgment, fear of punishment. We operate and make the right choices for our business because we have confidence in our vision. We have confidence of where we're going, and we have confidence of what the end goal is. And so that's why you developing that personal self confidence and you minimizing how much you criticize and judge other people and then you minimizing how much you fear and worry and then working through where that fear and worry of judgment came in. Listen, I'm sure if you're like me, you've made mistakes in your life. I'VE made mistakes. I made mistakes that got me in trouble. I went to, Went to jail, drunk driving, things like that. Like I, that I deserved that right in the past. I don't do those things anymore. But I made mistakes and I had to grow as somebody that didn't fear the judgment of other people and trusted myself. You have to grow and develop to learn to trust yourself, to trust your actions, to trust your choices, to trust the decisions that you make because you believe in yourself. Not because you're trying to stay within the boundaries of right and wrong, but because. Or the. Or what other people think is right or wrong. That's the other thing. Not just because you're trying to please other people and do what other people think is right. I promise you this. When you go after your dreams as a business owner, as an entrepreneur, there is going to be a handful of people that think it's the most wrong thing that you could possibly do. Happens to everybody. And so you have to train yourself that, you know what? I accept that they think that, but I know and I trust myself that this is the best thing for me to do right now, as this is the best path for me to follow right now is to go build my business and to go create the life that I want to. For my family, to take care of my family, regardless of how you, Sally, or you, Jimmy, judge me. Okay? And so, like, there's so many layers to this. I'm not encouraging you to go out and do anything illegal. Please hear me on that, okay? I'm not encouraging you to go out there and do anything that hurts other people. Please hear me on that. I am encouraging you to take risks, to put yourself out there, to not be afraid of what other people think about you, to not be afraid of. I mean, it's a big one. But to not be afraid of things not working out, possibly failing, possibly losing. To learn from them, to learn and grow and to operate in that way, stepping just a little bit outside of your comfort zone each day to do what scares you, when it's aligned with your vision, when it's aligned with what God's called you to. When it's aligned with what you know that you should do, to when you're. When you know that's aligned with the right things for you to do, the healthy things for you to do. And then when you find yourself, here's the other thing, too. This is the next level of this. Create a community around you of people that are going after the same stuff. Find a community of people that are working through the same stuff. That's why I created the Grow youw Life community. People that are going after the same stuff that are listening to this podcast. It's a free Facebook group. On Facebook, grow your life. You can find it. People that are working through this stuff in their business and their life to get their message out there. Listen, everybody deals with that imposter syndrome. They deal with that fear of judgment and criticism. The difference between those that succeed or they didn't let it break them. They didn't let it stop them because they decided that it was the best thing for them and their family to go after that dream. All right, so that's what I want to encourage you guys in today. Hopefully, I broke down a little bit of the psychology of why we fear judgment so much. I mean, there's a lot of. The societal reasons are huge. Right? We don't want everybody walking around being. Being serial killers and murderers and thieves and stuff like that, obviously. Right? Because otherwise, like. But. But at the same time, there's a healthy level of, okay, you know what? I'm not gonna worry what other people think. I'm gonna take risks. I'm gonna step outside of the norm of my comfort zone and even the community and family that I grew up in to take a risk and to do something, because I know that God's called me to it, and that's a healthy thing. Okay? Now listen, if you're somebody that is building a business, again, I mentioned I got a bundle on my website called the launch your profitable course business. If you want to create online courses and sell them online, you have any digital products that you're wanting to sell, I walk you through, step by step, how to do that on my website in that bundle. It's $297 on my website. It's truly going to impact you and help you take things to the next level. If you're somebody that just wants to maybe talk about some of these things. Right? Absolutely. Shawna. Heart posture is so important. I think it is. It's. It's really is important. I've had this conversation with so many people for so long, and, you know, yes, there are definitely things like we don't want to do. You don't want to do. You don't want to do anything illegal. You want to make sure that you operate with wisdom. But when it comes to not being afraid of judgment from other people, when you know that your heart is in the right place, when you know that what you're doing is not criminal activity, when you know that you're operating from a place of total integrity. You don't need to fear consequences or judgment or criticism from others. You can operate with confidence in knowing that that's what God's called you to. As I mentioned, the GrowYourLife community is a great place to talk with some people that are going through these things. We got over 124 podcast episodes on the Grow youw Life podcast where I work through all these topics, got courses on my website. If you're somebody that just wants to talk on the phone with me, you can actually schedule a free 15 minute call with me on my website, Jeremiah Krakowski.com youm can schedule a phone call for free where we can talk about your business, what your goals are, what it's going to take to get you from where you are to where you want to be. So I'd love to talk with some of you. If you're listening to this, if you're watching this live, about to help you get to the next level. All right, everybody, grow your life and we'll talk soon.